Do you spoil him?

[Sofiyya 1,687]

You have been shown many times, but you are in denial, Sarah. That is a mental state beyond my power to fix.

[sarah and hicham 3]

No I have not been shown where I have been hostile to old people. Why won't you show me?

[Ban Hammer 13,334]

No I have not been shown where I have been hostile to old people. Why won't you show me?

as i recall, shon is older than you. hmmm

[jordanianprincess 0]

I just wanted to add one thing I have noticed. I have already seen 3 out of the 4 people who claimed to put Sarah of sarahandhicham on ignore just the other day and now are responding to her again. Make up your mind. If you want to put someone on ignore because you simply can't handle their comments and then you are gonna state it publicly, then don't go back on what you said.

I noticed in a thread where a few people ganged up on Sarah and I guess that was ok in your opinions because it was Sarah however if it was another member it would not be ok. Then again they turn around again and start that line of communication, very mature.

Is it really a surprise that people gang up on Sarah? She can be abrasive, and it is intentional, just for the purpose of needling people. So why is that a surprise since it is her intention? She speaks her opinion, knowing full well it will upset people. That is her right. Then people defend themselves to her (although I don't see why we bother), and it appears she is picked on? It is also their right to voice their opinion. Sarah is no ones victim.

Did I ever say Sarah was a victim? But practice what you preach! I don't think she is abrasive at all, her style of posting is just different than others. She has a dry sense of humor and some people just don't get it. Just because someone doesn't understand something doesnt make it offensive or abrasive. Morocco, I think many people here would have the same opinion about you and me. If people are going to constantly tell her to be nicer then why make it a point to ambush her with ignore button and then proceed to communicate with her? Thats a bit hypocritacal in my POV.

In regards to the age thing. Why does everyone try to justify their age differences here? Who cares? If Sarah feels that a large age difference is inappropriate then so be it, thats her opinion. If you feel its fine, then thats your choice. I don't think Sarah is the only one that has this opinion regarding the large age gap, there are many others here that have expressed the same thing.

No I have not been shown where I have been hostile to old people. Why won't you show me?

as i recall, shon is older than you. hmmm

I'm older than Sarah too, she isn't hostile towards me.

[sarah and hicham 3]

No I have not been shown where I have been hostile to old people. Why won't you show me?

as i recall, shon is older than you. hmmm

don't get me started

I think the problem here is that szsz knows that I think these relationships are weird for me, and she has taken that along with her sensitivity of the subject and imposed my views on old people as an entire group. You can't judge an entire age group based on that I think older women shoudln't marry young men. That just doesn't work.

[Bosco 1]

You have got to be kidding to compare the context in which I said "you'll see" to Sarah to a claim about ####### sex. I was talking about how she will see that society views older women differently, and as she ages, she will see how what she says about older people now will be said about her then. Thats a fact and has not a thing to do with personal prefernces.

I have not seen Sarah say anything about older people. I don't read every message though, so if someone wants to point out where she has said bad things about old people, I would be grateful. My point overall is that not everyone is going to grow, change or be affected by life or age the way we have personally or the way we think they might. There are older women know who would dispute how they feel society views them.

People saying the same things about mixed race couples would set better and be as easily shrugged off? Try substituting her crass words as those toward a class to whom you are more sensitive. Some of us are more sensitive about age, that doesn't make us wrong to disagree with her or even to consider her to be sexist or ageist.

If Sarah also didn't want to marry an African American, I would consider it her choice. I may be reading her words differently, I didn't think she was calling anyone else gross, but saying "I think it is gross" as in "I think it is gross for me". I have never gotten the impression that Sarah cares much about what other people do but is very bold about expressing what she feels for herself. I often don't have much of an issue with people expressing opinions, only when they try to legislate them. So, if someone wants to say "marrying a Muslim means you hate your country, I will debate them for sure and most likely think them stupid. But if they try to make it illegal, that is another issue altogether. However, in this case, I do not think it is clear that Sarah's feelings come from ageism or sexism (until I have seen her ageist statements). If you think her views are stupid/idiotic/etc. that is different than labeling her as something she may very well not be.

I have also not seen where anyone here has said the older women are being used for visas. The possibility has been discussed. It has also been acknowledged ad nauseum that it is a possibility that exists for every single one of us.

Where have you been!

Again, I have never seen someone come out and say to one of the older women "you are being used". The possibility of being used has been discussed over and over, and yes, some people believe the older women are at higher risk because such age differences are "unconventional" so the thought is that they guy may be going against convention to get a green card. However, everyone has also said over and over that anyone in any relationship may be being used.

Edited October 31, 2006 by Bosco

[Ban Hammer 13,334]

I'm older than Sarah too, she isn't hostile towards me.

by how significant a gap?

No I have not been shown where I have been hostile to old people. Why won't you show me?

as i recall, shon is older than you. hmmm

don't get me started

I think the problem here is that szsz knows that I think these relationships are weird for me, and she has taken that along with her sensitivity of the subject and imposed my views on old people as an entire group. You can't judge an entire age group based on that I think older women shoudln't marry young men. That just doesn't work.

it sounded like in an earlier post of yours you didn't think too much of the older man/younger woman deal either

[peezey 0]

It's not just me, Sarah. Your clueless remarks have been addressed each time you have make them. How do you think this whole thing started and why several treads have disintegrated into debates about it? Several of us have admonished you several times. If you don't see it, then I can't help you. Besides, peezy said she wanted to show you the correct way kindly. I'll let her take over from here. Or maybe Rebecca will, but I'm done trying to make you "get it".

Wow, you jump to bizarre conclusions. I never said I'd show anyone anything. I suggested it might be the responsibility of those of us who are older than some to help inform the way rather than make denegrating comments about their youth. I agree with Sarah. I think these kind of relationships are gross. But I don't think people of any particular age are gross. I do not disrespect people of any age simply because of their age. Personally, the idea of marrying someone young enough to be my son or grandson is gross to me. Marrying someone old enough to be my father or grandfather is gross to me. It most certainly does not logically follow, then, that I abhor, detest, hate, judge, or otherwise mistreate any people in those categories, which is what ageism is.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Ok, then it's ok if someone repeatedly says it's gross and abnormal for Muslims and non-Muslims to marry, or it's gross and abnormal for white women to marry non-white men. Are those ok, or justifiable as my style of posting? Is it ok that I express my personal preference in such a manner ove rand over? That is whatt she does, but I guess as long as your target is people who aren't in your situation, it's OK.

So, everyone, if you think someone's relationship is gross and abnormal, feel free to say so because we are getitng feedback that there is not a thing wrong with it.

Have at it. We will have a blunt and happy board from here on.

[jordanianprincess 0]

Ok, then it's ok if someone repeatedly says it's gross and abnormal for Muslims and non-Muslims to marry, or it's gross and abnormal for white women to marry non-white men.

What does any of that have to do with older women? By the way, she is a non-muslim married to a muslim. She is also a white woman married to a non- white man.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

It's not just me, Sarah. Your clueless remarks have been addressed each time you have make them. How do you think this whole thing started and why several treads have disintegrated into debates about it? Several of us have admonished you several times. If you don't see it, then I can't help you. Besides, peezy said she wanted to show you the correct way kindly. I'll let her take over from here. Or maybe Rebecca will, but I'm done trying to make you "get it".

Wow, you jump to bizarre conclusions. I never said I'd show anyone anything. I suggested it might be the responsibility of those of us who are older than some to help inform the way rather than make denegrating comments about their youth. I agree with Sarah. I think these kind of relationships are gross. But I don't think people of any particular age are gross. I do not disrespect people of any age simply because of their age. Personally, the idea of marrying someone young enough to be my son or grandson is gross to me. Marrying someone old enough to be my father or grandfather is gross to me. It most certainly does not logically follow, then, that I abhor, detest, hate, judge, or otherwise mistreate any people in those categories, which is what ageism is.

And I promptly told you that if that what YOU want to do, then practice what you preach, but leave me out of it. It was YOUR idea, peezy, don't back away from it now.

[sarah and hicham 3]

I'm older than Sarah too, she isn't hostile towards me.

by how significant a gap?

No I have not been shown where I have been hostile to old people. Why won't you show me?

as i recall, shon is older than you. hmmm

don't get me started

I think the problem here is that szsz knows that I think these relationships are weird for me, and she has taken that along with her sensitivity of the subject and imposed my views on old people as an entire group. You can't judge an entire age group based on that I think older women shoudln't marry young men. That just doesn't work.

it sounded like in an earlier post of yours you didn't think too much of the older man/younger woman deal either

I said I wouldn't date a man 20 years older than myself. I don't think I'm the only person who wouldn't. Many others have shared that they have limits with age gaps.

[jordanianprincess 0]

I'm older than Sarah too, she isn't hostile towards me.

by how significant a gap?

No I have not been shown where I have been hostile to old people. Why won't you show me?

as i recall, shon is older than you. hmmm

don't get me started

I think the problem here is that szsz knows that I think these relationships are weird for me, and she has taken that along with her sensitivity of the subject and imposed my views on old people as an entire group. You can't judge an entire age group based on that I think older women shoudln't marry young men. That just doesn't work.

it sounded like in an earlier post of yours you didn't think too much of the older man/younger woman deal either

I said I wouldn't date a man 20 years older than myself. I don't think I'm the only person who wouldn't. Many others have shared that they have limits with age gaps.

I wouldn't either but I really don't care what anyone else does.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Ok, then it's ok if someone repeatedly says it's gross and abnormal for Muslims and non-Muslims to marry, or it's gross and abnormal for white women to marry non-white men.

What does any of that have to do with older women? By the way, she is a non-muslim married to a muslim. She is also a white woman married to a non- white man.

And your point is?

Why do you defend crass comments about older/younger relationships? Don't get offended about crass comments about other kinds of relationships. You're opening the door in their defense too.

[Ban Hammer 13,334]

I said I wouldn't date a man 20 years older than myself. I don't think I'm the only person who wouldn't. Many others have shared that they have limits with age gaps.