Do you spoil him?

[Sofiyya 1,687]

nope. She is barely older than her. That's how old my Mom is. What gives? I don't need you to point out every post I make to try to make it clear that you thinkI am "needling" people. SZSZ is the one spreading false information that I am hostile towards old people, that's not true.

Your words are out for all to see, Sarah. Spreading rumors is not my style anyway.

[sarah and hicham 3]

Once again, I have not expressed any hostility towards older people. I expressed that I find older woman younger man relationships to be different. Where does that say that I am hostile towards old people? I already told you how much I love my Mom and she is even older than you, barely.

I wish that "different" was the only descriptive term you'd used regarding age gap relationships.

Keep on wishin!

[Sofiyya 1,687]

And you're wishin that I was lyin.

[sarah and hicham 3]

nope. She is barely older than her. That's how old my Mom is. What gives? I don't need you to point out every post I make to try to make it clear that you thinkI am "needling" people. SZSZ is the one spreading false information that I am hostile towards old people, that's not true.

Your words are out for all to see, Sarah. Spreading rumors is not my style anyway.

I am very aware that this is a public message board, thanks

You did say that I am hostile towards old people. That is not true. You can go back and read it if you want. That's what you said.

[Bosco 1]

I was amazed at how easily people were insulted by the word "ghetto" in a single sentence, but not so much by the ageism repeatedly expressed on this board.

The most obvious ageism I have seen on this board is against the "young" women, as if their opinions and thoughts come from only from lack of experience. Feeling an older woman/younger man relationship is "gross" may be rooted in ageism but it doesn't have to be.

Interesting. I didn't see anyone saying anything negative about the younger members of this group, other than the lack of experience, which is true. What I have seen here is that it is constantly pointed out that those of us in a younger man/older woman relationship is constantly put on the defensive. Frankly it's getting old. I don't care if someone thinks I am being used for a visa. No one here really knows me or my husband. In turn, I don't really know anyone here's situation, and I would never go so far as to say I think their relationship is fraud basing it on a physical aspect. Its not my place.

I have seen older women with younger men. I have seen extremely large women with thin men, and I have seen unattractive women with handsome men. Should I base that on fraud as well? Has anyone ever thought that possibly, just possibly these men have matured past the physical end of things and have come to understand that true beauty comes from inside. Do we not give these men enough credit?

Inexperienced is a judgement in itself. There are younger people who have far more substantial life experience than people twice their age, it all depends on their paths. Also, lack of experience doesn't necessarily mean lack of knowledge or that a person's feelings on things will change. I have seen comments like "you will see" (when you get older) and such. I remember when I was 19, going to college and working, a 33 year old woman always telling me about ####### sex. It got tired of and eventually told her I was sick of hearing it and my feelings about it. Her response was "you'll see when you are my age and you will like it then". Well, I am older than that now and my opinion has not changed.

My point is, Sarah and others could just as well think it is gross 20 years from now. Not everyone feels that age gaps are meant to be crossed. It doesn't mean they devalue people of different generations, only that they value them differently. I love older people in their 70's, 80's who share with me all the history they have lived through, but I would never consider marrying them. Part of my valuing them is an appreciation for them as people who have lived more/experienced more and someone I can learn from but not necessarily start a life with. Part of it is just personal preference. For Sarah, the thought is gross and for now, it would be illegal, immoral and reprehensible for her to do. Maybe as Sarah ages, she will continue to consider people that much younger off limits sexually and consider it gross. The marriage market doesn't open up for all people because a person becomes "legal". It doesn't mean they are judging your choice but expressing their opinion of what they are comfortable for them.

I have never seen Sarah say a single untoward thing about older women.

I have also not seen where anyone here has said the older women are being used for visas. The possibility has been discussed. It has also been acknowledged ad nauseum that it is a possibility that exists for every single one of us.

[sarah and hicham 3]

And you're wishin that I was lyin.

not one bit. I think they're abnormal and gross, still.

[Veiled Princess 1]

I was amazed at how easily people were insulted by the word "ghetto" in a single sentence, but not so much by the ageism repeatedly expressed on this board.

The most obvious ageism I have seen on this board is against the "young" women, as if their opinions and thoughts come from only from lack of experience. Feeling an older woman/younger man relationship is "gross" may be rooted in ageism but it doesn't have to be.

If there is any ageism against the young women, it's because of hostility expressed against older people. I haven't seen any older people throwing out negative comments toward younger people as a matter of course.

Maybe no one is an ageist () but they have Getting Old Phobia

[Sofiyya 1,687]

I have never seen Sarah say a single untoward thing about older women.

Look around, Sis. You must be missing alot.

[sarah and hicham 3]

I have never seen Sarah say a single untoward thing about older women.

Look around, Sis. You must be missing alot.

Can you please show me where I have said I don't respect old people and that I am hostile towards them? I am really curious to see where I said that.

[Ban Hammer 13,334]

Oh Charles...what would we do without you to add some spice and humor to our group?

just adding levity where i can

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Inexperienced is a judgement in itself. There are younger people who have far more substantial life experience than people twice their age, it all depends on their paths. Also, lack of experience doesn't necessarily mean lack of knowledge or that a person's feelings on things will change. I have seen comments like "you will see" (when you get older) and such. I remember when I was 19, going to college and working, a 33 year old woman always telling me about ####### sex. It got tired of and eventually told her I was sick of hearing it and my feelings about it. Her response was "you'll see when you are my age and you will like it then". Well, I am older than that now and my opinion has not changed.

You have got to be kidding to compare the context in which I said "you'll see" to Sarah to a claim about ####### sex. I was talking about how she will see that society views older women differently, and as she ages, she will see how what she says about older people now will be said about her then. Thats a fact and has not a thing to do with personal prefernces.

My point is, Sarah and others could just as well think it is gross 20 years from now. Not everyone feels that age gaps are meant to be crossed. It doesn't mean they devalue people of different generations, only that they value them differently. I love older people in their 70's, 80's who share with me all the history they have lived through, but I would never consider marrying them. Part of my valuing them is an appreciation for them as people who have lived more/experienced more and someone I can learn from but not necessarily start a life with. Part of it is just personal preference. For Sarah, the thought is gross and for now, it would be illegal, immoral and reprehensible for her to do. Maybe as Sarah ages, she will continue to consider people that much younger off limits sexually and consider it gross. The marriage market doesn't open up for all people because a person becomes "legal". It doesn't mean they are judging your choice but expressing their opinion of what they are comfortable for them.

People saying the same things about mixed race couples would set better and be as easily shrugged off? Try substituting her crass words as those toward a class to whom you are more sensitive. Some of us are more sensitive about age, that doesn't make us wrong to disagree with her or even to consider her to be sexist or ageist.

I have also not seen where anyone here has said the older women are being used for visas. The possibility has been discussed. It has also been acknowledged ad nauseum that it is a possibility that exists for every single one of us.

Where have you been!

Edited October 31, 2006 by szsz

[sarah and hicham 3]

szsz seriously can you please show me where I have been hostile towards old people? I would like to see that.

also, I'm glad you admitted you are sensitive finally that explains why you flew off the handle.

One cannot subsitute my words to make them against someone they are not. What would be the point of that? Convincing yourself of something I never said so that you think you have a reason to not like me? It doesn't work like that.

I'm still waiting to see when I was hostile towards old people.

[Ban Hammer 13,334]

You have got to be kidding to compare the context in which I said "you'll see" to Sarah to a claim about ####### sex. I was talking about how she will see that society views older women differently, and as she ages, she will see how what she says about older people now will be said about her then. Thats a fact and has not a thing to do with personal prefernces.

whoa how did i miss that topic?

[Sofiyya 1,687]

It's not just me, Sarah. Your clueless remarks have been addressed each time you have make them. How do you think this whole thing started and why several treads have disintegrated into debates about it? Several of us have admonished you several times. If you don't see it, then I can't help you. Besides, peezy said she wanted to show you the correct way kindly. I'll let her take over from here. Or maybe Rebecca will, but I'm done trying to make you "get it".

Edited October 31, 2006 by szsz

[sarah and hicham 3]

There is nothing to get here. I am not hostile towards old people. Do I think that relationships between a woman and a man where the woman is 20 years older is gross? Yep! I'm surprised you are unwilling to show me the proof of when I was disrespectful and hostile towards the elderly. I guess you can't find something you're looking for if it doesn't exist. Thank you for stepping down in such an eloquent manner.

What remarks of mine are clueless? How so?