J1 overstay (no 2 year rule), married, fly to Europe and back?

[newlyweds2010 208]

I don't want to sound insensitive or cynical, but I'm not sure that your concern toward his lack of pain for being apart has anything to do with the scope of this forum. One week has almost passed since he left, 2 more to go and then he'll be back. The large majority of us has been apart from their significant one for several months, not just 3 weeks. We went through highs and lows, but we all survived. Hang in there, count down the days, stay put and wait for him to return to file AOS. That's all you can do right now. Good luck.

[Little_My 464]

If my spouse was pining over me after one week apart and complaining to me about how I don't miss him enough or feel "pain" for not being with him for a few days/couple of weeks, I would feel extremely smothered and anxious. One week really is not that bad. I think you should give the poor guy a break and let him enjoy seeing his family. When I go home to see my family, who I see usually maximum twice a year, I often go the first days without even calling my husband because I'm excited to see my fam. It doesn't mean I don't miss him, or wish he was with me - it just means I am busy with my family, and in the grand scheme of things, I live with my husband and see him almost every day throughout the year - I get to see my family for a few weeks a year. They deserve all my time and attention during those few weeks.

[redflower7 0]

A little update from me: Sorry I didn’t write earlier.

As you know he left Tuesday and I heard from him on wedn, thur, frid (when writing here). But then nothing on Saturday! But today on Sunday he left a message on my phone. First I was reluctant to listen as he was, as you know, really very sober and unemotional when I talked to him before, saying he has no pain inside, like I had because I missed him a lot. And i was surprised (+ worried) as he is usually a very emotional men. (For me especially the first 2 days were very bad, then I got much better.)

But then I listened to the message he left, he said exactly this: "Anyway I miss you so much my darling. I love you and sorry I didn’t call you yesterday, I was busy, we went to my niece wedding, it was small. Anyway, I miss you every day and I miss you more and more every day, to be honest with you. So anyway, right now I am calling from outside so I didn’t have the simcard and I went to get it because they were asking my passport, I didn’t have it with me. Anyway, so now im taking a card, calling card, im calling you from there.

So everything is ok. So don’t worry about me, I hope you are doing well. So I love you, I miss you. Take care of yourself.

And so I have to call you tomorrow. Everybody is loving you, I am showing your pictures, talk about you. So take care of yourself, I love you again.

Ok my darling? x x x x x (kissing noises). A lot of love. So try to not forget about me, otherwise im gonna get maaaaaaad (joking)."

Now probably everybody understands what I meant when I said he is usually very emotional.

So maybe it took him a bit longer to miss me? For me it seems exactly the opposite. First I thought I was dying.

[Newbie608 103]

A little update from me: Sorry I didn’t write earlier.

As you know he left Tuesday and I heard from him on wedn, thur, frid (when writing here). But then nothing on Saturday! But today on Sunday he left a message on my phone. First I was reluctant to listen as he was, as you know, really very sober and unemotional when I talked to him before, saying he has no pain inside, like I had because I missed him a lot. And i was surprised (+ worried) as he is usually a very emotional men. (For me especially the first 2 days were very bad, then I got much better.)

But then I listened to the message he left, he said exactly this: "Anyway I miss you so much my darling. I love you and sorry I didn’t call you yesterday, I was busy, we went to my niece wedding, it was small. Anyway, I miss you every day and I miss you more and more every day, to be honest with you. So anyway, right now I am calling from outside so I didn’t have the simcard and I went to get it because they were asking my passport, I didn’t have it with me. Anyway, so now im taking a card, calling card, im calling you from there.

So everything is ok. So don’t worry about me, I hope you are doing well. So I love you, I miss you. Take care of yourself.

And so I have to call you tomorrow. Everybody is loving you, I am showing your pictures, talk about you. So take care of yourself, I love you again.

Ok my darling? x x x x x (kissing noises). A lot of love. So try to not forget about me, otherwise im gonna get maaaaaaad (joking)."

Now probably everybody understands what I meant when I said he is usually very emotional.

So maybe it took him a bit longer to miss me? For me it seems exactly the opposite. First I thought I was dying.

IMHO, you have a lot of growing up to do. Men needs their space to breathe at times. They are not always gonna be "lovey dovey" and that doesn't mean they don't love and care about us. Just relax and enjoy your husband and cherish every moment together so in times like this when he's away, you'll have those good memories to think about.

[redflower7 0]

I dont know. Now he is in his village in Turkey. He called me today, for 5 mins. I have many things to tell him. But he was very strange and said right away that he cant talk freely and cannot even say that he loves me or that he misses me as there are other people there!

I asked him if his mother knows and is ok with the marriage. He was hesitating to say yes (his family didnt know we got married). The last 7 days he spend in the city with his sisters and brother and nieces and they all know now as he told them that he is married, they were all ok with it and happy for him as i talked with 2 sisters on the phone. (His 2 growns kids here in the US did not like it at all when he told them that he got married again and they dont want to meet me).

So now since today he is in his village. He always told me that the people there are very affectionate. I dont understand why he cant be normal to me on the phone in the village. Even if people are there, so what??? I am his wife and shouldnt he stand up for me??? He said something like that he is not sure if all know about it, and: in the village its different... But i didnt understand what he meant.

Edited September 25, 2012 by redflower7

[Little_My 464]

Okay. No one on this forum can tell you what is going on in your husband's head. No one can tell you why he is acting the way he is, saying or not saying things, or being distant - we are not married to him.. You are. To me, based on the little bits of information that we have access to on this forum, it really seems like you are over reacting. Like I said in my previous post, if my spouse wouldn't leave me alone and kept pestering me when I was visiting my family, and accused me of not missing him enough or being in enough "pain", I would get very annoyed and angry at him.

To me, it seems like you wanted to go with him, maybe to go on a nice trip, to spend time with him, and to make sure everyone in his family would know about you two being married - and now you're upset and sad you couldn't go, and it's making you go a bit over the edge with the suspicions and doubts. Maybe he is busy seeing his family and doesn't have that much time or energy to devote to phone calls across the world; maybe his home village is conservative, and it might be difficult for him to tell everyone about you; maybe he didn't tell all of his family members about the marriage, because he thinks they won't approve, and that's why he acts differently on the phone. We can't tell.

One thing I can tell though - the only one who knows why he does or doesn't do XYZ is him. Have you thought of asking him about these things, in stead of strangers on an immigration forum..? I would still suggest waiting until he is back. Just let the guy see his family.

[Boiler 45,558]

Aint that the truth.