Divorce, Hindsight, and Doing the Immigration Dance Again...

[Fandango 1,440]

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

Benjamin Franklin

bah, couldn't add to my old post

Edited November 5, 2006 by LisaD

[rebeccajo 14]

During Wes' first visit, I took time from work. 3 weeks. And he took his time off with pay. We said we were going to file but still there must have been something in both of us wanting to 'make sure'.....

So he took 5 weeks without pay (ended up being 9) and came back over. This time we did the 'normal life' thing. I worked, etc. And like Larry's saying, yeah we had a disagreement or two. He openly told people this was a sort of 'test' to make see if he would be comfortable in America. He was adult enough to realize that 'coupleness' couldn't sustain us if he was going to be miserable here....

It DEFINITELY would be better to have more time than LDR's give us.

Becca forgive my curiosity-but

-on your time line it says Wes came back on 14th May for 5 weeks for ..."normal life..test...etc etc" yet you filed on the 23 May....like 9 days......

Valid question Shele.

Filing doesn't mean going through with the marriage. If you get what I mean.

[kisschick1976 0]

I don't think your situation is similar to mine at all.

Did he really lie to you, or is that just your version of the events? I say this because I was to find out later, only after returning with the visa, that the USC didn't really want to marry me after all. Then began the process of fabricating lies and deception, to create excuses and reasons for "sending that foreigner back home." Those lies still exist today: "He lied to me, used me and took advantage of me." I guess some people will try to rationalise their own behaviour with irrational thoughts.

I've forgiven her, but the experience has been such a burning one that I will keep my wits about me next time.

No no no, of course our whole stories aren't similar, I just meant the short version you had posted in this thread only: My ex-wife and I met online. I'll be much more cautious in future though. This has certainly taught me a lesson that I'll never forget.

Would I go through the immigration process again? Yes, but reluctantly.

My marriage happened and was over rather quickly. I've had to forgive her. And I'm in a much better place now.

I met Anton online, I am being more cautious now and I have learned a very valuable lesson. Would I go through the immigration process again? Yes, but I am hesitant. My marriage was over pretty much the day he got here it seems. (story starts to differ here) Then he one day broke down and told me the truth about everything. He just wanted to marry anyone to get here, he had no intention of staying married to me and I was even to fat to have sex with, the abuse followed shortly.

I still have not forgiven him for this BUT, I am in a much better place right now.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

Benjamin Franklin

Who said anyone is doing exactly the same thing again over and over again? Using a pot holder after you have burned your hand once isn't doing the same thing. Besides:

1. Ben Franklin didn't have the internet
   
2. He not only killed a man, but in the same night, laid in "feigned passion" with a sea turtle!
   

(yeah, I know you all missed the old Kissy, had to throw that one in there )

I am not insane. (just silly) I am so very freakin happy with my babe, but believe me, after I got burned the first time, I put on my silicone oven mitts loooooong before I even started talking with Jonny.

[Fandango 1,440]

I don't think your situation is similar to mine at all.

Did he really lie to you, or is that just your version of the events? I say this because I was to find out later, only after returning with the visa, that the USC didn't really want to marry me after all. Then began the process of fabricating lies and deception, to create excuses and reasons for "sending that foreigner back home." Those lies still exist today: "He lied to me, used me and took advantage of me." I guess some people will try to rationalise their own behaviour with irrational thoughts.

I've forgiven her, but the experience has been such a burning one that I will keep my wits about me next time.

No no no, of course our whole stories aren't similar, I just meant the short version you had posted in this thread only: My ex-wife and I met online. I'll be much more cautious in future though. This has certainly taught me a lesson that I'll never forget.

Would I go through the immigration process again? Yes, but reluctantly.

My marriage happened and was over rather quickly. I've had to forgive her. And I'm in a much better place now.

I met Anton online, I am being more cautious now and I have learned a very valuable lesson. Would I go through the immigration process again? Yes, but I am hesitant. My marriage was over pretty much the day he got here it seems. (story starts to differ here) Then he one day broke down and told me the truth about everything. He just wanted to marry anyone to get here, he had no intention of staying married to me and I was even to fat to have sex with, the abuse followed shortly.

I still have not forgiven him for this BUT, I am in a much better place right now.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

Benjamin Franklin

Who said anyone is doing exactly the same thing again over and over again? Using a pot holder after you have burned your hand once isn't doing the same thing. Besides:

1. Ben Franklin didn't have the internet
   
2. He not only killed a man, but in the same night, laid in "feigned passion" with a sea turtle!
   

(yeah, I know you all missed the old Kissy, had to throw that one in there )

I am not insane. (just silly) I am so very freakin happy with my babe, but believe me, after I got burned the first time, I put on my silicone oven mitts loooooong before I even started talking with Jonny.

I never called you insane If you're taking precautions with your new relationship, then obviously I'm not referring to you!

[sakurasama 0]

Which illustrates my basic premise that some people aren't aware of what they're getting into. Whether it's by 'rose' glasses, or distance, or whatever.

Is it that some people aren't aware of what they are getting into or that some people don't expect reality? I feel suprised and saddened by posters who have fiance/es come over and find it just "isn't working out" and want a divorce. I imagine any new marriage, any new move, any new anything has some pretty rough edges that eventually smooth out with time.

I expect living in America to be different from the time I lived in my fiance's country with him. I expect him to be possibly confused, shellshocked and even depressed after leaving home and moving here. Adjustment is hard.

I don't think people who have had a lot of face to face time together have so much of a natural advantage over people who have had only holiday romance time with their fiance/es. It is most likely the couples who have the most realistic expectations of marriage and patience that have the best survival and happiness rates.

Edited November 5, 2006 by sakurasama

[rebeccajo 14]

It is most likely the couples who have the most realistic expectations of marriage and patience that have the best survival and happiness rates.

Oooo, this is the most intelligent thing any of us has said this whole thread! LOL

And I think this applies to all couples - those who have had lots of time physically together, and those who haven't!

[Marilyn. 340]

I plan on being with my hubby forever but if god-forbid anything happened I wouldn't intentionally go and look for another LDR....

I wasn't looking for a LDR when I met my hubby.... it just happened....

[Lou Lou 1]

Would I do it again? Probably. At least another time around I would have better knowledge of how the USCIS works and what to expect. I wasn't looking for a LDR or any relationship for that matter, and if single again probably wouldn't be looking either, but no one can predict what will happen in the future.

We spent 5 years traveling back and forth before making the leap to file a K1. One of those years we lived together as OH had a paid sabbatical. During the 5 years we really did experience the rough and the smooth. Looking back, I'm very glad we didn't just file after one or two visits. There is no way either of us would have been ready to make a committment that early.

[Fandango 1,440]

It is most likely the couples who have the most realistic expectations of marriage and patience that have the best survival and happiness rates.

Oooo, this is the most intelligent thing any of us has said this whole thread! LOL

And I think this applies to all couples - those who have had lots of time physically together, and those who haven't!

Yes, wise words, but doesn't really help if one's fooling another

[Identity 0]

I don't think your situation is similar to mine at all.

No no no, of course our whole stories aren't similar, I just meant the short version you had posted in this thread only: My ex-wife and I met online. I'll be much more cautious in future though. This has certainly taught me a lesson that I'll never forget.

Would I go through the immigration process again? Yes, but reluctantly.

My marriage happened and was over rather quickly. I've had to forgive her. And I'm in a much better place now.

He just wanted to marry anyone to get here, he had no intention of staying married to me and I was even to fat to have sex with, the abuse followed shortly.

Who said anyone is doing exactly the same thing again over and over again? Using a pot holder after you have burned your hand once isn't doing the same thing. Besides:

1. Ben Franklin didn't have the internet
   
2. He not only killed a man, but in the same night, laid in "feigned passion" with a sea turtle!
   

(yeah, I know you all missed the old Kissy, had to throw that one in there )

I am not insane. (just silly) I am so very freakin happy with my babe, but believe me, after I got burned the first time, I put on my silicone oven mitts loooooong before I even started talking with Jonny.

Sorry you had to go through that. That's pretty mean of the guy.

[sakurasama 0]

It is most likely the couples who have the most realistic expectations of marriage and patience that have the best survival and happiness rates.

Oooo, this is the most intelligent thing any of us has said this whole thread! LOL

And I think this applies to all couples - those who have had lots of time physically together, and those who haven't!

Yes, wise words, but doesn't really help if one's fooling another

Realism helps in every case! If you can't attract a 5'10" 22 year old blonde in America you can probably assume the 5'10" 22 year old blonde Russian who wants to marry you just wants a greencard!

[Fandango 1,440]

It is most likely the couples who have the most realistic expectations of marriage and patience that have the best survival and happiness rates.

Oooo, this is the most intelligent thing any of us has said this whole thread! LOL

And I think this applies to all couples - those who have had lots of time physically together, and those who haven't!

Yes, wise words, but doesn't really help if one's fooling another

Realism helps in every case! If you can't attract a 5'10" 22 year old blonde in America you can probably assume the 5'10" 22 year old blonde Russian who wants to marry you just wants a greencard!

Now I think these are the smartest words in this thread

[mawilson 2,133]

Realism helps in every case! If you can't attract a 5'10" 22 year old blonde in America you can probably assume the 5'10" 22 year old blonde Russian who wants to marry you just wants a greencard!

Unless there are more attractive 5'10" 22 year olds in Russia than there are in America.

Which is true according to a Russian co-worker of mine.

[Identity 0]

Realism helps in every case! If you can't attract a 5'10" 22 year old blonde in America you can probably assume the 5'10" 22 year old blonde Russian who wants to marry you just wants a greencard!

In many cases that will be a false assumption. When you consider the alcoholism, suicide rates, etc among Russian males, the assumption could be made that many Russian women are just looking for a husband that can provide them with stability, love, affection, etc. There are also cultural differences between American and Russian females. I'd say the average Russian female has more maturity than the average American girl.

[sakurasama 0]

In my mind that 5'10" 22 year old blonde was a strapping lad.

Edited November 7, 2006 by sakurasama