Do relationships survive this?

[lilQueenP 15]

Statistically 50% will end up in divorce court.

So that's GOOD! We're on the level with the rest of America! hehe

[sarsorti 36]

You forget all about the wait and get on with life, which is far more challenging

looking forward to forgetting and getting on with the challenge!

[david'sgirl 134]

Statistically 50% will end up in divorce court.

Well aren't you just a ray of sunshine. I'm pretty sure we all know the stats on marriage.

I think the OP is looking for some support from other couples who made it through the process.

To the OP it is tough but no more difficult than any other rough patches your marriage will undoubtedly endure through the years.

I think it actually made us closer. The whole process has been something we tackled together.

We on VJ are not the only couples who spend significant amounts of time apart. My parents were apart for months at a time during dad's Navy career and that was before we had technology like email, text and Skype! They survived on snail mail. My mom stalked the mailman looking for letters. lol

It does not need to negatively impact your relationship. It might even make you appreciate it a little more.

Best of luck.

Edited September 18, 2012 by david'sgirl

[MangoAve 25]

You forget all about the wait and get on with life, which is far more challenging

Idk if you were saying this or not: The wait and the uncertainty with long distance is really challenging. Even tho the culture shock is a big thing once a person is here, you get that interaction where you can be able to realize fear is meerly just fear. The obstacles of any relationship are less stress than the doubts and possibility of having the love fade by being appart.

[bahisgirl 11]

The first several months to a year were the hardest for my husband (and myself). First homesickness and the wait to get his greencard, followed by the even harder tasks of job searching and getting a drivers license; made things difficult at first. But compromise and understanding get us through. Neither he nor I were quite prepared for how long it would take for the pieces to fit together, but we are certainly happy to have gone through the effort to make it work. Nearly two years later it is not always easy, but that definitely makes the rewards of marriage that much sweeter. Good luck to you.

Jackie

[bigdog 376]

I agree with many of the others, not only do you start a new life in a new country you are building a relationship. This is no different than any other new relationship with its ups and downs. Think of it as an advantage, more time to generally chat, dream and get to know one another.

[JohnR! 5,495]

Well aren't you just a ray of sunshine. I'm pretty sure we all know the stats on marriage.

I think the OP is looking for some support from other couples who made it through the process.

To the OP it is tough but no more difficult than any other rough patches your marriage will undoubtedly endure through the years.

I think it actually made us closer. The whole process has been something we tackled together.

We on VJ are not the only couples who spend significant amounts of time apart. My parents were apart for months at a time during dad's Navy career and that was before we had technology like email, text and Skype! They survived on snail mail. My mom stalked the mailman looking for letters. lol

It does not need to negatively impact your relationship. It might even make you appreciate it a little more.

Best of luck.

Touche!

However, I meant it very tongue in cheek and your post captured the essence of what I did not say.

I think that many relationships break up - divorce or otherwise - because people are hooked on self-gratification and the moment something does not go their way, they are only too quickly to throw it all away and seek the next best thing.

I oftentimes ask others how did the entire population of the world manage to survive before there were cell phones and answering machines? These days, most people can't even manage to sit through a civilized dinner without absolutely having to answer a phone call or reply to a text message. It is as though there is a general feeling, that no matter how enjoyable what you are currently doing, there is something even better out there, out on which you are missing. Technology has managed to eliminate all the ailments of yesteryear of all those who are engaged longtime relationships. Mail used to be too slow, phone calls prohibitively expensive and transatlantic trips enterprises demanding of years of planning.

I think the same goes to relationships. I think many rush into them and want immediate results. You need not go further than these fori to see many complaining about the wait times for their visas. It seems many are desperate to exchange vows promising a lifetime together all the while doubting if their relationship can survive a few months apart.

So back to my comment, I am sure that out of those 50% there are many who are just too immature to endure the process. I meant is as an eye opener so that you know what lies ahead and be prepared to keep your eyes on the destination, undisturbed by the rocks and ditches in the way.

Edited September 18, 2012 by Gegel

[Steve & Rema 4]

The wait was actually really hard for me, I got depressed a lot and I was always very moody and snappy, my husband can note that clearly lol. But I always made sure I explained to him when I could, how I'm feeling the way I am because I was dealing with a lot of stress, and I was away from him and stuck somewhere I really didn't want to be anymore (I just wanted to be with him!). We argued sometimes while talking on Skype/phone over really silly things because we were feeling stressed. It's hard to wait to be with the one you love. What helped me a little in the end, was the fact that I realized that I need to stop taking the time I had left with my family/friends for granted, and make the best of what time I have left! I went out a lot with my close friends, with my mother and younger sister. I tried to spend quality time with everyone so that I wouldn't regret not doing so in the end. It was still hard to deal with waiting, especially when I'd hear his voice or go to bed.

You need to stay strong, and realize that you will eventually be with the one you love, and believe sincerely that it is worth the wait. Once you finally make it home, you will realize how worth it all that time really was. It is an amazing feeling to have accomplished making it home to your loved one. But this doesn't mean that everything after POE will be 100% smooth. We have had a few rough moments, but a lot of it is due to home sickness on my part. Also just getting used to living with each other can be difficult if you haven't really lived together before. Despite this, you need to make sure you always work hard at making things work, don't let breaking up be the first solution to silly arguments. You will have tough times, but you will have good times too. If both of you work hard to make each other happy, it'll get a lot easier.

Sometimes when we argue or when I'm in a bad mood, I just look at him and remember how I felt when we were apart, how all I wanted to do was just feel his arms around me. That thought itself, is enough to snap me back and realize how precious every moment I have with him is..

Edited September 18, 2012 by Steve & Rema

[Karee 4,190]

It's tough to be sure. I was fortunate to visit my wife 8 times in the last two years so we spent a lot of time together. During the last two visits we spent a lot of time talking about the transition from her country to the U.S. and that the U.S. is not what a lot of people perceive it to be. Before she got here I scouted the local markets (Vitnamese) that carried Thai food. I bought her the cooking utensils that she would need to make her Thai dishes and a big rice cooker. She's been here two weeks now and all is good but, I work all day and she doesn't have a license to drive nor any friends near by so it can get boring at times. I've brought her to the office with a couple of times and she seemed to enjoy seeing what I do. I got her an iPad so she can chat with her friends and be on facebook. She's mastered the washing machine, dryer and dish washer and enjoys taking care of the house. I've had some killer Thai meals too! She misses home, her dog and her family and I know that. She calls them about every other day to just to check in. So far so good, I am very in love with her and she is very loving and affectionate to me. We might still be in the "honeymoon" phase but we are both committed to making it work and enjoy our life together. Good luck to you!

My wife saw the dishwasher when she got here and said, "What do you think you're hiso or something?" She's never used it in the 3.5 years she's been here. She might pull out the top rack and use it to dry dishes, but that's about it.

[USA-ALG 63]

Hang in there!

When my man moved to USA, we had a VERY rough transition for the first 4 months. It was nothing but BUMPS and DIPS between a rock and a hard place.

We LOVED each other. I did not want to "throw the baby out with dirty bathwater".... He is NOT someone that I perceive as a "disposable" diaper. He is human...

I was willing to take the risk and gamble. Marriage means WORK! Our honeymoon practically ended just 5 days after his POE. But, that's ok. I do not want to be with anyone else and cannot imagine starting with someone new. He feels the same.

Right now, our relationship is "ONWARD and UPWARD".... yes, it still requires work.

Give it a try, you never know!

Winners never quit and quitters never win.

E

[sammdt 4]

Don't get me wrong, my guy & I are doing great, but we haven't had the wait or the obstacles of some of the couples I've seen on here. Do things get easier when the fiance gets here? Can people talk about their post-entry experiences?

Hi there! I'm so amused with the timeline of your application...compared to most of us here who are waiting for ages...Anyways, based on my experience and observing other's experiences...Life is really a gamble and You'll never know unless you try...It's not on how long or short your time of knowing or dating or the period of waiting...it's on how the two of you will deal with each other and live together with the commitments and new Life...the culture, lifestyle, and lots more will be some of the factors that will somehow be considered but it's always difficult at first...it will take loads of patients and understanding...just give your best shot to make things work better for both of you...and everything will be okay!don't think much, there's no assurance on our decisions, but at least you're on the track that will make you happy...goodluck on your journey...

[indiana_sweetie 120]

I have enjoyed reading everyone's input on this subject. For me, the wait is hard but in a way it's like a really long honeymoon. I've had my share of lonely tears when yet another holiday passed and he wasn't here yet. But for the most part I'm just really happy. I'm sure this will become complicated after he actually gets here, but he's good about sharing thoughts and feelings with me, so I'm thinking we will work through all the adjustments.

[Zdavidson 1]

I have a bit of experience here and i can tell you that this endevour is not for the weak. It is very difficult and also very rewarding. I asked my fiancee for marriage 11 months ago and haven't seen her since march. We have skype and email and mail each other gifts and cards but it's not like being together in person and as the months drag on little things crop up that might be a simple misunderstanding but turn into huge arguments. As painful as this has been I am thankful for everything because after all we have been through i have never been more sure of any decision in my life. There are many things that come up and because of the distance and different time zones end up being real problems. sometimes talking on the phone with a little bit of a language barrier can cause huge problems. The only thing I can say is that if you two truly love each other then you will trust and honor one another. You will decide that when when problems come up you will walk through them together. By the time you finally get married and live together you will have proven to each other a level of commitment that most people will never get to experience. While it may be true that divorce in the USA is around 50%, the little known fact is that internationl marriages are under 10% and I believe that is partially because of the level of commitment and work it takes to get together. People here can get married one day and divorced the next but to bring someone across the world takes a bit more than a fleeting moment or fading emotion. My advice would be to welcome this hardship as a testament to your commitment and don't run from an argument or a problem because this is where you guys teach each other that you actually can go through hard times together. this will also take away the fear of divorce when you realize that you are allowed to have disagreements without losing everything. For the guys I would say love your fiancee unconditionaly and do everything you can to lift her up and make her feel safe and secure about the future. be Kind. To the girls I would say be understanding and caring because we guys are not mind readers and many times think we are doing really great while missing the boat if you have each others backs and love and trust each other then after this waiting you will have the strength to acheive anything. Best of luck to us all and God blessing.

[TnJ 131]

I can't say what it is like when my SO gets here as she hasn't gotten to that point yet. However, we have a very strong bond. We are best friends, and it is understood. We both agree to striving to be the best partners we can be for each other. I know without a doubt that she is the one I want to spend my life with, and the feeling is mutual. We have endured a great deal in our individual lives already throughout the course of a 3 years long distance relationship. We are not being unrealistic of the challenges that await us. Rather, we anticipate them and are ready to face them head on and hand in hand. All of this immigration waiting is nothing to us. Sure, we want to be together as soon as possible, but we understand the reality and deal with it. Being far from each other only makes us miss each other more, but it doesn't damage us in any way. I think we are both more mature and patient people than we were before we met because of all that we have had to deal with (inside and outside of our relationship). I can't wait for her to get here, and she is just as equally excited. Yes, there is culture shock, but there is so much more to explore and have fun with once the dust settles. We can't wait to begin our adventure together!

[And_Sam 44]

I think that it has alot to do with what the SO also THINKS of the US. I mean, my husband came from a very small village out in the west bank of Luxor Egypt so not only he thought Cairo was a BIG city but he also bellieved in all the fantasys of moving to America. We are talking never even saw a microwave let alone how to use it kind of sense.

After alot of bumps and obstacles along the way, he has grown and learned to not only appreciate but enjoy his life here in the US. It took alot of patience on both sides to get through it, and I agree, you can't throw the baby out with the bath water. Patience Patience Patience~~~ I've learned to slow down my breathing and not jump so quickly when trying to explain something.