Divorcing my wife

[OnMyWayID 1,489]

The I-864 contract is actually about reimbursing the government should the OP wife claim mean tested benefits, and not about financial supporting her directly.

In some cases it has been used by the courts when setting spousal support (with the spousal support being set at 125% of the poverty rate for one person). This makes no sense really but it has happened.

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

So you're wife's been here for all of three months and she doesn't have a job yet? Divorce that slacker.

Seriously, when I was a new and very young bride, trying to make my way in a foreign country, with no friends and no immediate family but my husband, I freaked out. A lot. I often thought, "I left all that behind for this -- to live in a country where people make fun of my accent, where I am always the last one to get the joke, the one who had to and has to compromise all the time?" And I'd get angry and say spiteful things like, "I wish I'd never come here" and "I want to go home." I'd pack my bags and call my parents and say that was it.

But I didn't leave. Why? I had a husband whom I loved, and who loved me, and who listened to why I felt so desperate. It was never about him, it was about feeling powerless in a situation that I willingly entered because I loved him. I remembered I had vowed to stay with him and support him in good times and in bad. Ours was no great love story, a pretty average transnational romance that ended after ten mostly happy years due to us just growing up and wanting different things in life. But what we were very good at doing was listening to each other and really trying to understand what was going on underneath frustration. It was part of our vows. Did you not make similar vows?

It's one thing if someone is being abusive -- emotionally, physically or otherwise -- and another if that person feels lost, powerless, confused. In the former case, leaving is obviously the right thing to do. In the latter, the relationship can often be saved. This goes for either sex, lest someone accuse me of naturally siding with a woman here. The immigrant spouse is going to take a while to get accustomed to his or her new environment. It isn't plug and play. I would encourage you to seek counselling if things "just aren't working out" before you walk away from a marriage.

While writing this, my boyfriend asked me what I was posting about and I told him. He's Korean-American, and he suggested (as did Mr Smiley above) that your wife reach out to the Korean community in your town. Do you live anywhere near LA by any chance? There's gigantic Korean community here if you live within driving distance. He was also shocked that anyone could complain about an immigrant spouse (whose first language is almost certainly not English) not having a job after three months when there are so many native speakers who have been unemployed for many months in this environment.

In any event, he and I both wish the OP and his wife the best and hope they at least work a little harder to try to make this relationship work. Better to put the work in now and realise it can't be saved than to regret not doing so.

Edited September 16, 2012 by Honey Crumpet

[Wobbafut 6]

So you're wife's been here for all of three months and she doesn't have a job yet? Divorce that slacker.

Seriously, when I was a new and very young bride, trying to make my way in a foreign country, with no friends and no immediate family but my husband, I freaked out. A lot. I often thought, "I left all that behind for this -- to live in a country where people make fun of my accent, where I am always the last one to get the joke, the one who had to and has to compromise all the time?" And I'd get angry and say spiteful things like, "I wish I'd never come here" and "I want to go home." I'd pack my bags and call my parents and say that was it.

But I didn't leave. Why? I had a husband whom I loved, and who loved me, and who listened to why I felt so desperate. It was never about him, it was about feeling powerless in a situation that I willingly entered because I loved him. I remembered I had vowed to stay with him and support him in good times and in bad. Ours was no great love story, a pretty average transnational romance that ended after ten mostly happy years due to us just growing up and wanting different things in life. But what we were very good at doing was listening to each other and really trying to understand what was going on underneath frustration. It was part of our vows. Did you not make similar vows?

It's one thing if someone is being abusive -- emotionally, physically or otherwise -- and another if that person feels lost, powerless, confused. In the former case, leaving is obviously the right thing to do. In the latter, the relationship can often be saved. This goes for either sex, lest someone accuse me of naturally siding with a woman here. The immigrant spouse is going to take a while to get accustomed to his or her new environment. It isn't plug and play. I would encourage you to seek counselling if things "just aren't working out" before you walk away from a marriage.

While writing this, my boyfriend asked me what I was posting about and I told him. He's Korean-American, and he suggested (as did Mr Smiley above) that your wife reach out to the Korean community in your town. Do you live anywhere near LA by any chance? There's gigantic Korean community here if you live within driving distance. He was also shocked that anyone could complain about an immigrant spouse (whose first language is almost certainly not English) not having a job after three months when there are so many native speakers who have been unemployed for many months in this environment.

In any event, he and I both wish the OP and his wife the best and hope they at least work a little harder to try to make this relationship work. Better to put the work in now and realise it can't be saved than to regret not doing so.

After reading the whole thread, shocked too by the fact that ppl were complaining bcs she doesnt have a work. She's been here for 3 MONTHS guys. Seriously?

Anyways, Im glad I found one answer that REALLY makes sense

[Jason and Shifa 4]

she's only been in the US for 3 months..she needs adjustment..be patient and be a good husband..it's not easy to leave her home country and start a new life in a new country..give her a chance..you don't know what it's like to leave everything behind and live with someone you love..if she wants to go home, maybe she is homesick..

Edited September 17, 2012 by Jason and Shifa

[Moomin 292]

You've been married for 3 months, and the petition/application is pending?, or you have been living together as husband and wife for 3 months and your wife came to the US on the CR1 visa? The replies depends on the facts you provide.

I'm asking because first option would imply that she was already in the US and you theoretically could've lived together for months and not just the short amount of time after marriage.

Anyways, a pending petition/application can be denied if you withdraw the affidavit of support. In which case, your wife is deportable. If she already has a greencard then no, you cannot withdraw the affidavit of support.

---

Even though the replies depend on the facts provide VJ members I would like to add that even US citizens with a neat resume are having difficulties finding work. My husband and I discussed job opportunities before I permanently moved here - he didn't know if I wanted to work or be a stay at home housewife, and even though he would've accepted either, I reckon it saves at least a few arguments later down the road when already knowing where each other stand. You seem more or less surprised that your wife is threatening to leave after you're telling you're finally fed up after 3 months - that implies you have been a bit fed up here and there, for a total of... 3 whole months.

[Removed-02242014 19]

Isn't it ironic that a reason they are divorcing (and he said it 3 times) is that she won't work? I don't know what the real problem is but I certainly would not want my wife to come to the United States and expect her to get a job in that short amount of time. She has too much adjusting to do.

The irony of it all is that once she goes out that door ... not only will she have to work but she will need to support herself. Well, If Obama gets reelected, then she can just go down and file for government assistance.

[jameugiekaxavilon 25]

Sorry to hear this happen. Maybe your wife is still adjusting. Since its just 3 months; it is so early to make a decision (divorce). Hope you two can talk things over and settle it all.

[verysadguy 170]

I will give you more details here,

as far as I-864 (supporting her), you are required to support her finanically in case she became a public charge. This commitment will be cancelled only if she became US or worked for sometimes (almost 10 years )

Most likely she has a green card for two years if you divorced her, she can stay as long as the green card is valid, then she will need to remove conditions to get the 10 years green card, and YES she can do that on her own as long as she can prove she did not marry you for just immigration.

In my opinion, 3 months is not enough time to search for a job in this bad economy, it took me 4 months, and knew some that took them from 6 months to a year, you can not punish her for that.

As far as your marriege, try to work things out if you can unless you are pretty sure it wont work.

Hard to find a job? Are you kidding? My ex found a job within seconds of getting her EAD, heck she was even working illegally before she got her EAD.

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

Hard to find a job? Are you kidding? My ex found a job within seconds of getting her EAD, heck she was even working illegally before she got her EAD.

That's great for her. It took me six months last year to find a job after I was downsized. I have several friends who have been unemployed for months, one for well over a year. We are still coming out of a recession, you know. If your ex found work quickly, she's one of the lucky ones.

[Moomin 292]

Hard to find a job? Are you kidding? My ex found a job within seconds of getting her EAD, heck she was even working illegally before she got her EAD.

While your ex is one out of a milion immigrants who did manage to find a job soon after receiving EAD(well, before EAD; possible why there are fewer jobs available, go figure), I'm fairly sure the statistics show a more black/white/grey portrait of the job situation right now, especially in some parts of the country.

I can't be offended since I had a job within 24 hours of having EAD in hand however, none of us know OP's wife, her English skills, her location, how long she's been in the country, if she has any transportation to work or if she even tried to search. Too little information to start comparing to your ex and her situation.

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

My wife and i have been married for 3 months but it is just not working out. Sshe doesnt work and i need ro know what would happen to her if i divorce her while she still has a cr1 status. Will she be deported? There is no domestic ciolence or anything like that. She just isnt the same woman i married. Any help would be appreciated

OP please clarify this for me as it seems that Iam the only one one here that is getting your message right.

You are only concerned about her not working if you should divorce. You are not divorcing her because she is not working at a job.

On the other hand, your relationship is not working out, she threatens to leave every time.

Please clarify because folks are taking this on a different tangent.

Edited September 17, 2012 by Gowon

[bigdog 376]

See a good divorce attorney. Good luck.

[Lalo & Susana 50]

OP please clarify this for me as it seems that Iam the only one one here that is getting your message right.

You are only concerned about her not working if you should divorce. You are not divorcing her because she is not working at a job.

On the other hand, your relationship is not working out, she threatens to leave every time.

Please clarify because folks are taking this on a different tangent.

Agreed! I understood it as their relationship isn't working and he was mentioning that she doesn't work and wondering if that would result in her being deported or not. Of course its going to take someone some time to adjust and the US citizen needs to be patient but someone threatening to leave is not the way to deal with an argument. Apparently if she is threatening to leave its bc she in fact wants to leave and has been thinking about it. If its to late to repair the relationship then it might be best to just part ways rather than trying to force something to work bc then things might take a turn for the worst.

Good luck OP it seems that you have a very difficult decision to make.

[lenagelu 0]

My wife and i have been married for 3 months but it is just not working out. Sshe doesnt work and i need ro know what would happen to her if i divorce her while she still has a cr1 status. Will she be deported? There is no domestic ciolence or anything like that. She just isnt the same woman i married. Any help would be appreciated

[InHisTime 110]

My wife and i have been married for 3 months but it is just not working out. Sshe doesnt work and i need ro know what would happen to her if i divorce her while she still has a cr1 status. Will she be deported? There is no domestic ciolence or anything like that. She just isnt the same woman i married. Any help would be appreciated

Hi Sir! I just think that you need to give more patience in dealing with your wife. As this point, I guess your wife is very homesick since it is now more than 3 months she is away from her family. Know the reason/s why your relationship is not working. Listen to what she is saying and try to create a positive environment where she could feel ease and at home. I know it is difficult, but, if only you try to listen and make things easier for her adjustment, I am sure she will be sweet like before.

Not all foreigners could adjust life in America very fast especially those ones who have good, happier, and easier life in their home country, and who normally has the freedom to do things on her own. Trust me it is not easy, as I've been there. It takes a lot of love for her to get to the USA, so please give a little more time. To divorce her at this time, for me, I guess is not proper, unless she is dishonest or have betrayed you. Things will get better in time if you show true love, understanding, respect, and compassion.

Marriage is a commitment. If something goes wrong, don't resort to divorce quickly. If possible, never ever use the word "divorce" in any of your arguments. Try to seek God's guidance and wisdom. Hopefully, what you are going through right now is just part of trials or adjustments in life that we all need to overcome so we could become better persons. Don't give up too soon, continue to work it out. Good luck and may God bless you and your wife.