why wont He listen?

[Jayfibre1 7]

I have expressed how important it is for my fiance to see my parents but time and time again he gives me tons of excuses and insists that he has promised so he will. Now its been a year now and still nothing has changed . How am i supposed to take this being that I do everything he asks me to do and I go out of my way to fly 5000+ miles to see him despite the fact that I work. sacrificed soo much and the one thing i ask he just doesnt do it . what does it mean? I need to know what is going on. Because i have made a tremendous effort with his family n yet he just wont do the same for me keeps telling me he will and to be honest as of now im really tired of it.

[canadian_wife 1,829]

You are asking us to interpret the inner workings of a man we don't know

Have you sat him down and calmly explained to him that it has hurt your feelings that he hasn't met your family? Have YOU asked him what it means?

This is a conversation you need to have with him, not us

Good luck

[riss 12]

Hi Jayfibre, sorry to hear that you are struggling over this. Relationships can be frustrating and especially so when they are long distance. I feel for you.

Perhaps you would like to tell us a bit more of the context - if you are comfortable to that is? If you have a strong relationship apart from this issue, then I would tend to want to assume that he has a good reason (or at least, an understandable fear or reluctance) for what he has been doing. Sometimes these things take a lot of patience and gentle perseverance to get to the bottom of the problem. Talk it through some more if it helps.

Riss

[Penguin_ie 5,997]

** Moving from AOS, as OP has not had interview yet, to K1 Progress Report ****

Op- are you saying you offered to fly your family to see him and he denied you? Or did you ask him to apply for a tourist visa and come to see you and your family? If the second, he may just be realistic- it is extremely unlikely he'd get A tourist visa.

[Henry&Rebecca 39]

I have expressed how important it is for my fiance to see my parents but time and time again he gives me tons of excuses and insists that he has promised so he will. Now its been a year now and still nothing has changed . How am i supposed to take this being that I do everything he asks me to do and I go out of my way to fly 5000+ miles to see him despite the fact that I work. sacrificed soo much and the one thing i ask he just doesnt do it . what does it mean? I need to know what is going on. Because i have made a tremendous effort with his family n yet he just wont do the same for me keeps telling me he will and to be honest as of now im really tired of it.

I'll be a bit of a negative Nancy and tell you to be very cautious in your willingness to continue any further with this man. He is showing you his true nature, and it is up to you to be observant at this time. I've always looked at issues within a relationship as such: If there's a valid enough reason on their part to do/not do something, even if I don't agree with the reason itself, it's worth trying to talk it out and possibly work through... I'll try and make an effort to see their point of view, and try to work out a compromise of sorts if I don't agree with it.

However, if there's absolutely no reason behind them doing/not doing something (particularly when someone gives you their word and then backs out on it) then there's generally another problem lying underneath the surface (and often a much bigger one than you could have anticipated).

Another thing to keep in mind is that whatever issues you have with him at this point, will increase tenfold after you're married. Think long and hard about that. Now you have to deal with your issues with him on the off chance that they make their appearance. When married, you will have to deal with it on a regular and everyday basis. Think about that before you continue.

And last but not least, I have never been an advocate of continuing a relationship just because the couple has been together for however long, and they think themselves too invested in it to back out. It is NEVER too late to back out of a relationship that is simply not right, regardless of what you've been through. Whether the relationship is right for you or not, nobody other than yourself will know. However, once again... If you find yourself thinking that the major (or only, even) reason that you're with your significant other is that you've been together for so long (or your clock is ticking to find a man, or whatever) then it's time to re-evaluate whether you want to be in that relationship for the rest of your life.

Best of luck to you.

[khwaidee1 196]

I don't know anything about culture in Ghana but, in other parts of the world family inclusion is extremely important. My fiancee was anxious for me to meet her parents and she was anxious to meet mine but this is an east/west thing. In asian culture once I was accepted I really enjoyed spending time in the villlage with all the extended family. My fiance was here less than a week before my parents came to visit and she was excited. I would ask him straight up what the issue is and stress how important it is to you. Good luck.

[TracyTN 237]

Would he even be able to get a visa to come visit you and your parents - or were they offering to travel there ?

[elyhim 41]

You never get a chance at another first impression. Maybe he wants to be set and realize opportunity and build before he meets people he might think will judge him as they are REALLY important to you.

[Jayfibre1 7]

Thanks to you all for your advice . Im waiting to see if there is a change and i have talked to him about it several times but i really dont know why he's not doing it being that ive done all that im supposed to . Ive been embarrased when my siblings ask me about him . Like whats going on n i dont really have a response . Anyway im soo frustrated with this and im just tired of talking i want to see actions now cuz i feel like i've done all i need to n been patient through this whole process n the one thing i have asked repeatedly i havent got it or even a reason why its not being done . Not fair .

[X Factor 1,112]

How will he see your parents? Are they living in Ghana?

[winnie george 67]

The question is where is your family located?

If they are in the states, then it will be difficult for him to visit cos the chances of him getting a tourist visa is slim

But if they are located in Ghana, then he should have no reason of delaying to meet with them, you will become a family soon, and its mandatory for him to meet your parents. You have to find out the reason why he delaying on meeting them.

[Jayfibre1 7]

My parents are in Ghana , and i spend timewith his family when im there but it takes soo much effort to get him to even go to their church so he can spend sometime to

Get to know them . I dont like it when my parents ask me about him and i have to be "selling" him so to speak . I dont feel im

Being treated fairly and i love this man thats why im filing for him to be here with me . But i want my family's blessing when we get married .

[Lalo & Susana 50]

My parents are in Ghana , and i spend timewith his family when im there but it takes soo much effort to get him to even go to their church so he can spend sometime to

Get to know them . I dont like it when my parents ask me about him and i have to be "selling" him so to speak . I dont feel im

Being treated fairly and i love this man thats why im filing for him to be here with me . But i want my family's blessing when we get married .

Well in his defense it might be very awkward the first time he meets them if u aren't with him. Maybe he's just waiting to be with u so u guys can go together so he can meet ur parents. First impressions are very important to some people. When Lalo and I first started dating my mother was in Chile but I was in NY and I told him to stop by and say hi since it was her birthday and he asked if he could wait to see her when we were together and I agreed. He has met my entire family and I've met his entire family. But remember first impressions are really scary for some ppl. When I first met Lalo's sister I was really nervous.

But if this isn't the only thing he promises to do or if it's almost impossible to get him to do anything then you need to reevaluate what is going on. A relationship is full of compromises from both parties. You shouldn't be making all the sacrifices and he doesn't do anything for u. If that's the case then it's good ur seeing his true colors now. Ppl do not change and if this is the real him u have to decide if ur willing to live with it or not.

I hope it's the first. Good luck.

Edited September 14, 2012 by Lalo & Susana

[DeeDee&Sam 68]

my then fiance (now husband) was sooooooooo not wanting to meet my dad. in the end i brought him home and him and my dad exchanged 3 words COUNTED!!!! they can't stand eachother LOL. seriously, talk to him, explain him over and over again how important is to you and remember not to use emotional blackmail like "if you dont dont you dont love me" because it's gonna scar your relationship. dont be afraid to talk and tell him everything you feel. in the end he'll give up and listen to you because you are sacrificing the life you knew for a new one with him. good luck!

[TBoneTX 46,189]

*** Thread transferred from K-1 Progress to Off Topic, because no specific immigration issue is being discussed. ***