Kinda Messy Situation

[Loueikun 5]

Well I guess I am back in the forum after my spouse entered the US in March,

It seems from Day 1 she still cant cope living daily with my disability and feels to go back to China and I go divorce in 30 minutes etc.

I think a Fiancee visa should have been a better idea (things can go totally different vs just visiting and living together, its two different things)

The issue is she may return to the US after divorce and she wants me to give her the small car in her name and a few items prior to divorce, I have not even paid the car off yet, so its a PITA

to just transfer it to her.

honestly its pretty silly, I am trying to work it out and see if she can accept me for who I am, but too many red flags of lack of feelings. she now has her own bank account and she refuse

to share our account. she also do not feel comfortable having me near her in public as well. she feels she would lose face. She also from day 1 never accepted to have my family name.

I guess I have to move on, I am not trying to seek revenge or anything, but I am concerned about the I-864, it becomes invalid if she loses status, but only way it would make sense now is to either

not divorce and just refuse signing the 10 year green card app and explain the truth at the interview while still married, that she had no feelings for me once arrival to US and she still desired to be here. or divorce now but in China and tell INS not to permit her back in the US?

She is well off in China though and has family and a home vs me having to support her 100% and get nothing in return.

But I doubt you can just easily tell INS or ICE to actually prevent a person from entering US if they divorce in China and still remain a little longer in China until returning to US?

she is on conditional 2 year green card though

But either way I want the best for her and us though, but I do not see any glimpse of that so far.

[Que Saudade 284]

The issue is she may return to the US after divorce and she wants me to give her the small car in her name and a few items prior to divorce, I have not even paid the car off yet, so its a PITA

to just transfer it to her.

Sorry for your situation. My advice would be not to transfer anything until you have consulted with a family lawyer.

If there is no evidence to be provided of her entering the marriage fraudulently (just to obtain green card), then this is a family court matter only.

Best of luck..

[fting 0]

First, sorry to hear this man.

I tell you, many Chinese women would marry a US man just for the visa, and later once they come to US, they start to show their real color and turn their back on you.

In your case, no mercy, just protect yourself. Don't give up anything that is supposed to belong to you, and yes, get a family lawyer. Don't transfer or grant her anything without consulting a lawyer.

And to my understanding, if you divorce her right now, since she is CR1 and less than 2 years, she will lose her resident status and should not be able to re-enter US without a new/different visa.

If I were you, I would divorce her and move on. And let a family lawyer protect your assets. And if she can not re-enter US any more, the I-864 voids anyway. Just my understanding. But this I-864 subject has been brought up here before, so I think you should dig further on this subject.

I hope the best for you man.

[hawkeyez 45]

Two words for you "Lawyer up"

All of a sudden when she arrives here she has no feeling for you? Come on!

Back out and let a lawyer handle it and protect you. She scammed you and you best walk away with as little damage to you as possible. You owe her nothing.If anything she owes you for spending all kinds of money in good faith bringing her here. Send her back where she came from and move on.

[unlockingsky 94]

And to my understanding, if you divorce her right now, since she is CR1 and less than 2 years, she will lose her resident status and should not be able to re-enter US without a new/different visa.

If I were you, I would divorce her and move on. And let a family lawyer protect your assets. And if she can not re-enter US any more, the I-864 voids anyway. Just my understanding. But this I-864 subject has been brought up here before, so I think you should dig further on this subject.

I hope the best for you man.

ditto. divorce, forward the papers to uscis&cpb&consulate, protect your assets. this is just disgusting that she is taking advantage of you.

also call uscis and ask to speak to a immigration services officer. he/she might be able to give you more advice how to null the green crad and i864.

Edited September 7, 2012 by unlockingsky

[hawkeyez 45]

A clue for all you VJers. If a Chinese woman is 20 - 30 years younger than you. Your chances of having a life partner are not good, no matter what they tell you.

Like the old song says: If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, get an ugly girl to marry you.

Edited September 7, 2012 by hawkeyez

[Loueikun 5]

Well she is only 3 years younger than me and 30 years old though

[gzbabi 2]

This is just one of the reasons, why the rest of us has to wait so long. Wish you all the best. Move on and find a better person. Trust me the good people are out there.

[bigdog 376]

Sorry to hear, seems like there were red flags before this, get a good attorney.

[hawkeyez 45]

Well she is only 3 years younger than me and 30 years old though

Sorry man. It happens to us all at some time in life. Take care of yourself first and her second.

[Pitaya 2,577]

Sorry to read about your sad situation.

Protect yourself, seek competent legal counsel.

[Operator 1,927]

I feel for you, It's never fun when you realize a relationship is headed south.

Do you feel she married you for a green card or do you think the marriage just didn't work out (putting all blame aside for a moment)?

Her wanting the car in her name doesn't surprise me, it's value provides some security to her. I wouldn't be surprised if she asked you for an apartment.

I agree it's time to protect yourself and prepare to stand firm. If you've decided it's over then let it be over and look after you before anyone else.

Good luck, chin up.

[Darnell 8,478]

any updates?

[cuttinbone 0]

I'm sorry to hear about this situation but it's one that plays out often and I wish the OP the best.

Several years ago I was engaged to girl in the FSU. We talked often and I went as often as possible and also developed a close dad-daughter relationship with her young daughter whom did not even know her bio dad. She also developed a close relationship with my two grown daughters and we thought all is well, but, I had a gut feeling that kept me from pulling the trigger on the K1 with her.

I made up my mind to make one more trip over and let my gut feeling either go away or start making plans to end the relationship. I was not worried about ending things with her but the hurt that would take place with her young daughter. When I got off the plane in Moscow they were their waiting on me as usual. For a reason I can't explain the long over night flight over seemed different from the others. "gut feeling"

Once I was there and we were together again for a few days the gut feeling turned into a hurt feeling. I would look at her and for some reason I could not see us together married. I would look at her daughter and the hurt would go much deeper because I knew I was going to have to end this relationship and this was going to really effect her.

We had been in their city for a few days and as usual I would take the kid shopping for a few new clothes and other things she thought she wanted. I was basically supporting them, especially the daughter, because of her mom's low income and not being able to afford some things. The kid and I was sitting on a park bench eating an ice cream. She looked at me and said to me...you're not going to marry my mum are you? I could see the hurt in her eyes and I'm sure she could see the hurt in my eyes. I more or less avoided the question and told her, in my heart you are my own daughter and I will never leave you alone and will always take care of your needs as a dad should do for his daughter and she looked at me and said I know that.

The gut feeling was telling me this lady is using you for what you can buy for her in material things. The daughter was wanting a dad to love and care for her. She knew she had that and would always have that from me. She knew I had a been adopted with caring and loving parents and knew we had something special between us..we were both "chosen" as so many kids aren't.

I returned home and sent her mom a very nice letter explaining everything to her. I waited on a reply hoping I was wrong and she would correct my gut and hurt feelings. It didn't come. I called her daughter on the phone and we had a long discussion and made some promises to each other and she understood why I couldn't marry her mom.

The story does have a happy ending though, especially with her now college age daughter and our dad-daughter relationship. I'll just leave it as...we see each other often.

I've found out over the years that my gut feeling has kept me out of a lot of not good situations and to let "my mind and heart" make decisions for me...not other things make those decisions for me.

Edited November 6, 2012 by cuttinbone

[Loueikun 5]

This took a whole different turn....

We agreed to do a summary dissolution, but two days short of planning to go, she attacked me (not first time though) for silly things and she called police for first time, I guess thinking she could fabricate a story and pretend to be the victim, the police came and of course they saw all the evidence in the home and my physical damage on my body cause I only defend myself and they took her to jail. they asked if I should press charges, I said yes cause it would happen again and she has threatened me enough.

I am planning to get a restraining order as soon as I can.

But now here is the interesting situation. I am now being contacted by bail group, they contacted my whole family. the bail is set at 50K!! this tells me she must have had an altercation at the arrangement that caused the judge to raise it to a felony, 50K in my state falls under more serious felony bail arrangements cause domestic violence is only 5K.

they called me to try to get her parents number, she has no access to her phone , I assume its in a locker at the jail. I tried to see what I could give them, but the bail person was threatening me on the phone that if I dont pay her bail tonight.... they are placing an immigration hold on her tomorrow..... ummm are you all really sure immigration has time for this?

I wonder if the bail person would really be telling the truth that she is gonna be on immigration hold only the second day she has been in jail? how do they get all that info? she only has her drivers license with her, no passport.

I thought immigration has more important things to do?