NVC is ruining my relationship...I might just cancel everything.

[brett and alma 12]

No I'm not the only one with problems and if you were in front of me I'd punch you right in the face you stupid F. Don't come of at me like that because you don't know me. Just because I have siblings doesn't mean I have a family. I live with just my parents and brother. Everyone else walked out on my dad once he started getting really ill. The difference? Shut up I didn't take my problems out on others. If your a man I suggest you find your nuts because you sure are acting like a ####### arguing with a girl. Don't know what to say looking ####

bhahahhahahahhaha,Go girl...

[alebella 3]

I hear you. The fact is, he married you and everything that comes with the package. I honestly don't believe anything would be too much to handle. He married you and as the traditional vows go, "for better or for worse." It doesn't matter what you're going through. As long as he meant it (which only time will tell if he did) he will not leave you for anything whatsoever.

What's funny is I am just like you (there are probably a lot of people like us). Scared that my wife won't love me if she really knew who I was, what I'm dealing with, the damage that's been done to me, etc.. I feel so unstable at times, and that's one of the worst feelings a man can have. It plays on your feelings of inadequecies. Anyways, I especially understand the feeling of watching a parent go through illness and worrying if it will affect your spouse (it did affect my spouse). After over a decade of battling diabetes, I had to let my own mother pass away 2 years ago. My wife was there for me, though, even later when I would be rude just because I was grieving (I still am). It doesn't excuse my behaviour; but it's amazing what people will go through for someone they love. And the more I open up to her, I'm beginning to realize that she actually appreciates my attitude and all the damage I feel can't even be fixed. It's just a process. As you open up, I think you'll find that the man who loves you will be more accepting of you than you think.

There's nothing wrong with feeling scared that the other person will leave if they really knew all of the things that give you grief. I think it's natural when you love someone to, in the beginning, not know how much of themselves they've really given you and whether or not you can trust them completely to stay during the hard times. But as you begin to open up, and they mirror your good example, you'll begin to see how much they love you, and you'll begin to realize what real love is. I had an idea of love before I was married; but it didn't look the way it does now. Trials bring people closer if they really love each other. It's tough, but it's the only way to have a love that is not superficial, that can change at the instance of hardship.

So, I hope that you're feeling better, and I pray that you and your husband grow closer everyday, especially during the hard times. You will always have hard times (at least you will in this life). Anyone who tells you differently is delusional.

Here's to hoping there will be lots of good times sprinkled in there, though.

PS - I read this post and I sound like a jerk to my wife; trust me, she is the same way. I know, though, that we can only overcome the bad times with good attitudes. It's the only way people get through things together.

Thanks so much. Only caring people like you take time out there day to respond to people like me with great advice. I love how my husband always hugged me when I would cry at night because when my dad was first admitted to the hospital because he had a seizure at work, I didn't know what to do. He just hasn't been there in person to see all my problems. I am just going to wait and see what happens because the last time my husband and I spoke, he told me he was done trying to fix things and just logged off and you can't play with things like that. We're married now and if he's telling me that, I'm going to take it seriously. I'm not going to beg him or try contacting him because I didn't end it, he did. I always have to make the extra step in every situation so for now I'm concentrating on my homework, dad and now I'm going to get ready and go out to eat with an old friend because he always makes me laugh and forget everything although I haven't seen him in a year! lol. Your awesome and your wife is lucky to have you. Not like the jerk below insulting me.

[alebella 3]

bhahahhahahahhaha,Go girl...

uh huh..he started it. shows the kind of man he is, if even that

[beck26 1]

I love this! I'm going to talk to my husband and work things out. I don't want to loose him. He's always been supportive and although he's so stubborn, I should be more compassionate because that's what wife's do

muchas gracias! I am sitting here reading everyone's say and advice and I really am taking them into consideration. I need this kind of advice and support to help me work my relationship out. thanks again and I'm glad that you are now happier then ever.

thank you ever so much.

thanks I'm going to email them everyday now

thanks! will do so.

i really dont like making our problems public but for the advice that i can give, ill say this...my fiance is stubborn, impulsive and she got a bad temper....i am full of pride, sarcastic and egoistic....our attitudes our total opposites, she likes hanging out with friends (and he is close with boys) and im always getting jealous of it, and i like to be alone with her most of the time while she is really friendly...im am very showy with my feelings while she is so aloof and sometimes cold that you would sometimes think if she really loves me.

you know what we did? we just talked about it, our expectations, what can we compromise by meeting halfway, what we cannot change and just understand each other....we both admitted our mistakes and our bad attitudes and promised to make-up each time we fight, give a time to cool and make-up....and NEVER EVER talk about break-ups, argue and fight, but never bring up any thing that would lead to break-ups.

we try to look at the bigger picture, is this enough reason for us to part ways? we both admitted we cannot live without each other and we still love each other even after we fight...

fighting is temporary, love is forever....so dont say things you dont mean and when you are mad, think that at the end of the day, its still him you would hug at night...and 10 years later.

try to find common grounds instead of looking at negative aspects of your relationship, on our part, we realized that although we argue and whatnots, we share almost exactly the same interests and we think alike, the only opposite we have are our attitude towards other people and on showing affections, plus trust each other 100%, thats how love goes, its blind faith but worth it in the end.

i could list many other things but im running out of time, all i can say is if you really love one another : NEVER EVER GIVE UP. TRUE LOVE ONLY COMES ONCE IN YOUR LIFE AND IF YOU FEEL THAT PERSON IS THE ONE; ENDURE: THATS WHAT BRAVE PEOPLE DO.

again, ill stress this: "happy things come your way when you dont give up, EVERYTHING stops when yo quit"

everybody will hurt you and make you mad, its just a matter who will be worth all that.

[alebella 3]

i really dont like making our problems public but for the advice that i can give, ill say this...my fiance is stubborn, impulsive and she got a bad temper....i am full of pride, sarcastic and egoistic....our attitudes our total opposites, she likes hanging out with friends (and he is close with boys) and im always getting jealous of it, and i like to be alone with her most of the time while she is really friendly...im am very showy with my feelings while she is so aloof and sometimes cold that you would sometimes think if she really loves me.

you know what we did? we just talked about it, our expectations, what can we compromise by meeting halfway, what we cannot change and just understand each other....we both admitted our mistakes and our bad attitudes and promised to make-up each time we fight, give a time to cool and make-up....and NEVER EVER talk about break-ups, argue and fight, but never bring up any thing that would lead to break-ups.

we try to look at the bigger picture, is this enough reason for us to part ways? we both admitted we cannot live without each other and we still love each other even after we fight...

fighting is temporary, love is forever....so dont say things you dont mean and when you are mad, think that at the end of the day, its still him you would hug at night...and 10 years later.

try to find common grounds instead of looking at negative aspects of your relationship, on our part, we realized that although we argue and whatnots, we share almost exactly the same interests and we think alike, the only opposite we have are our attitude towards other people and on showing affections, plus trust each other 100%, thats how love goes, its blind faith but worth it in the end.

i could list many other things but im running out of time, all i can say is if you really love one another : NEVER EVER GIVE UP. TRUE LOVE ONLY COMES ONCE IN YOUR LIFE AND IF YOU FEEL THAT PERSON IS THE ONE; ENDURE: THATS WHAT BRAVE PEOPLE DO.

again, ill stress this: "happy things come your way when you dont give up, EVERYTHING stops when yo quit"

everybody will hurt you and make you mad, its just a matter who will be worth all that.

Thanks so much for telling me this. I talked to my husband on Saturday night. I just couldn't sleep and I just kept crying because neither of us were talking to each other and I didn't bother getting on any of my social networks but around midnight I got a message through my blackberry and it was him. He sent me an essay! lol. He wrote how a week without us communicating made him realize that none of the fights we've had matter, none of them because he loves me and he always will no matter how much we fight. I grabbed my cell phone and called him home (my phone bill won't be exciting to look at lol) but we talked for hours and fixed our relationship. Talking to him made me realize how much I love him and why I married him in the first place. I remember everything everyone on here told me all the advice and yours too. Everyone is right, I can't just call it quits, I can't give up. Not now not ever. I will remain positive and keep busy with all this homework because I know that 5 years from now. It's him who I still want to wake up in the morning kissing goodbye while I go to work. Thanks so much for your piece of advice. It really means alot to me

[Jasontnyc 9]

I can sense you are going to have a long and fulfilling marriage! Best of Luck.

Edited September 10, 2012 by Jasontnyc

[beck26 1]

Thanks so much for telling me this. I talked to my husband on Saturday night. I just couldn't sleep and I just kept crying because neither of us were talking to each other and I didn't bother getting on any of my social networks but around midnight I got a message through my blackberry and it was him. He sent me an essay! lol. He wrote how a week without us communicating made him realize that none of the fights we've had matter, none of them because he loves me and he always will no matter how much we fight. I grabbed my cell phone and called him home (my phone bill won't be exciting to look at lol) but we talked for hours and fixed our relationship. Talking to him made me realize how much I love him and why I married him in the first place. I remember everything everyone on here told me all the advice and yours too. Everyone is right, I can't just call it quits, I can't give up. Not now not ever. I will remain positive and keep busy with all this homework because I know that 5 years from now. It's him who I still want to wake up in the morning kissing goodbye while I go to work. Thanks so much for your piece of advice. It really means alot to me

im glad you guys were able to fix it i experienced that myself, we are almost on the verge of breaking up because everything is going wrong...and we thought our attitudes are total opposites, but in the end, what matters is how you love that person...no matter how much we fight now, we talk about it calmly, she is still a little bit stubborn and impulsive and im still a little bit jealous....but the most important lesson all couples should remember is : TO NEVER GIVE UP.

[alebella 3]

I can sense you are going to have a long and fulfilling marriage! Best of Luck.

thank you ever so much