does racism go away after moving to the US?

[madison925 2]

Hi I am an Asian as well and was able to leave int he US for a year for a J1 Visa and got engaged to an American. There will be a culture barrier but you can go ahead and be open to each other about how you inter-acted with each other in your own country. My fiance and I were bringing this on a conversation and I was very open how I want to be treated and agreed on it. You should tell him to be open minded as well. I haven't experienced racism approach in front of me because I was telling them straight forwardly that I am an Asian but I talked the English language clearly and acted like an American while around them. This should help if you are around bunch of American because it's their country and I was just a foreigner.

[bob.sansmal 14]

Honestly, it doesn't sound to me as if he's really making racist statements. It sounds like he does say things that, in our culture, would signal someone as being a racist.

To have ideas about what physical characteristics are appealing is one thing, if he were to express the innate superiority of one racial or ethnic group over another, THAT would be a racist statement.

If he's going to be living in the U.S. culture, then he does need to understand that certain words and certain ways of expressing ideas will indicate to others that he is a racist - even is the words and ideas (technically) are not. We have a lot of cultural taboos over here, and it would be to his advantage to be aware of them. If his heart is in the right place, then I am sure he can learn to do this.

Definitely gradual exposure to real people in "alternative lifestyles" will increase his comfort level with them, and maybe a social setting where there is a socially conservative committed gay couple might be a better introduction than say, attending a pride parade.

[papabull 5]

To my disappointment, I didn't know racism exists, until I came here.

That's interesting. You must have come from a really isolated and utterly homogeneous culture because racism exists in every culture where two or more cultures or races exist in close proximity.

To answer the original question, racism doesn't go away from moving anywhere. Racism can only go away when ignorance goes away. One person can shed racism by shedding ignorance and a culture, likewise, can shed racism by shedding their ignorance. The latter, however, is probably too much to ask in a world with such a diversity of individuals.

I think it is prudent to accept the existence of racism but to reject its acceptability. Accepting its existence is accepting reality. Rejecting it's value and validity is eschewing ignorance. We should actually embrace our cultural differences and our diversity. There is much to learn from people who are not like ourselves and little to learn from people that are. Understanding and acknowledging differences isn't racism. Thinking others who are different are automatically inferior to oneself merely because of those racial differences is racism. "Different" isn't in and of itself better OR worse. It's just different.

Edited September 2, 2012 by papabull

[Peter_Pan 661]

Then color me racist, cause I don't find black people sexually attractive either. Or Asians. Or, I've found, Indians. What's with the political correctness #######?

Of course he is going to stare at a black chick with boobies hanging out, hell, I DO IT.

[HelenBradley 28]

Definitely gradual exposure to real people in "alternative lifestyles" will increase his comfort level

I found use of the term 'alternative lifestyles' interesting in the original post.

Alternative to what? The 'norm'? What is normal? We are all different. To someone who never left their hometown and married their high school girlfriend/boyfriend, we all live an "alternative lifestyle".

I agree with the posts about making your husband aware that certain things are not apporpriate to discuss in public and he will broaden his horizons when he comes to the US. It may be a culture shock, which makes us all infinitely more culturally aware.

[chikings 27]

Greetings,

I didn't read any of the responses,so I hope this is not a repeat.. Anywho.. Negro is not offense it's just outdated so people will probably look at him like "wth is your problem".. The N word is used to referr to more than black folks, and sorry he shouldn't use it if he values his safety(lol). No racsim will not change once you come to the usa, think about its foundation. The threads of America's fabric is woven by racisim.. but you can find places and regions in USA that show a thriving , diverse culture like the MLKJR speech , don't care who moves in their neighboorhood as long as you can afford to keep it up and are participants in making it a peacful place to live..As for as his view of color,, it is the same across the board for every ethnic background. There is alway a preference of a certain shade, hair type, place of birth, which side of town your family comes from, family names, economic status , proffession and etc. However color is the one that stands out the most,because for me people link darker shades to suffering, not having enough, poor, uneduacted.. and etc. Sooo I would worry about after he is exposed if he continues to say inappropriate things, because it beacuse a personal choice at that moment and if you decied to have children what will he teach them??

Peace,

Chi

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

Are you serious OP? Add this to your other posts and this relationship is one huge disaster.

[rkk1 34]

To answer the original question, racism doesn't go away from moving anywhere. Racism can only go away when ignorance goes away. One person can shed racism by shedding ignorance and a culture, likewise, can shed racism by shedding their ignorance. The latter, however, is probably too much to ask in a world with such a diversity of individuals.

I think it is prudent to accept the existence of racism but to reject its acceptability. Accepting its existence is accepting reality. Rejecting it's value and validity is eschewing ignorance. We should actually embrace our cultural differences and our diversity. There is much to learn from people who are not like ourselves and little to learn from people that are. Understanding and acknowledging differences isn't racism. Thinking others who are different are automatically inferior to oneself merely because of those racial differences is racism. "Different" isn't in and of itself better OR worse. It's just different.

This is beautifully written. I really liked this.

[rkk1 34]

I found use of the term 'alternative lifestyles' interesting in the original post.

Alternative to what? The 'norm'? What is normal? We are all different. To someone who never left their hometown and married their high school girlfriend/boyfriend, we all live an "alternative lifestyle".

I agree with the posts about making your husband aware that certain things are not apporpriate to discuss in public and he will broaden his horizons when he comes to the US. It may be a culture shock, which makes us all infinitely more culturally aware.

Agreed. I wasn't really using the term with any precision. I can't really say different from the 'norm' as that is a pretty ambiguous term. I wonder if different from the 'majority' would be a tad more accurate, though that is still a confusing term. For my husband, even seeing what is the majority here (probably the 'white heterosexual middle-class sports-loving Christian person') will be something new for him, having lived in a smaller fairly conservative city in India all his life. But I think he will be exposed through the majority group enough on his own when he takes college classes or when he works. So I will take it upon myself to have him meet other people who differ a bit from that 'majority' group. I'm not sure how well I'm expressing what I'm trying to say, but maybe you can understand what I mean.

[rkk1 34]

Greetings,

I didn't read any of the responses,so I hope this is not a repeat.. Anywho.. Negro is not offense it's just outdated so people will probably look at him like "wth is your problem".. The N word is used to referr to more than black folks, and sorry he shouldn't use it if he values his safety(lol). No racsim will not change once you come to the usa, think about its foundation. The threads of America's fabric is woven by racisim.. but you can find places and regions in USA that show a thriving , diverse culture like the MLKJR speech , don't care who moves in their neighboorhood as long as you can afford to keep it up and are participants in making it a peacful place to live..As for as his view of color,, it is the same across the board for every ethnic background. There is alway a preference of a certain shade, hair type, place of birth, which side of town your family comes from, family names, economic status , proffession and etc. However color is the one that stands out the most,because for me people link darker shades to suffering, not having enough, poor, uneduacted.. and etc. Sooo I would worry about after he is exposed if he continues to say inappropriate things, because it beacuse a personal choice at that moment and if you decied to have children what will he teach them??

Peace,

Chi

Thank you for explaining this. I didn't know that Negro wasn't a non-offensive word. So I guess I will tell my husband that it's not offensive, but that he still shouldn't say it as it is outdated and people will look at him odd if he does. I agree with you that there are shade preferences in a lot of societies. I've heard that even in many African nations, people still have a preference for lighter black skin versus darker black skin. I did not really think about darker shades being associated with poverty, as I wonder why people randomly prefer lighter shades in most societies.

If we have kids, I will teach them to love everyone for who they are as people, and not just for what they look like. Maybe my husband won't be too thrilled if one of our kids wants to marry an African-American partner, but I'll try to be a balancing voice.

[rkk1 34]

Are you serious OP? Add this to your other posts and this relationship is one huge disaster.

Do realize that I usually post here when I'm frustrated, not when things are going well. 95% of the time, he and I are happy... it is just 5% of the time, I have some major issues with him. Still you are right that these issues have been enough to where I have thought about divorce, even very recently. I still cannot say with any certainty that our marriage will work out, due to our different ideologies on important issues. He does not want to come to the US as he's been dragging his feet on taking care of visa paperwork, yet he is still proceeding forwards for me. He says he wants our marriage to work. I think calling the relationship a "huge disaster" may be premature, as couples usually have a lot of adjustment issues their first year or so, as we definitely do. We made the mistake of marrying too fast, and now we are trying to work out our differences. Although things may end up not working, I still think my marriage deserves some effort right now... so I can at least know I tried everything I could. My husband is really not a bad guy at all, he has a lot of great qualities which I love about him and would be hard-pressed to find in another person, but our ways of thinking is just vastly different.

Edited September 2, 2012 by rkk1

[hnubno 9]

my husband is from laos and there people think that lighter skin is more beautiful (most people have same features but dark or light skin). so i guess he can be considered having some prejudice. since he's been in america he's still thinks the same but he does see that there are darker skin people who are beautiful too but it's usually their facial features or body for him. since he is getting lighter as he's here longer he thinks he's more handsome. he's learning to look beyond the skin but it's still a large part of beauty for him still.

with words, since he doesn't speak much english we didn't have any trouble with it.

i think he will change a little after coming here but will probably still hold some of his beliefs

[Darnell 8,478]

back in India, skin hue is closely related to caste.

Racist Tendencies are easily transformed into caste-ist (my word) tendencies, with the same issues and results.

Expand hiw universe a bit, and I can see that he could EASILY transfer his 'tendencies' to those around him in the USA, as he learns of 'other folk' in his new milieu.

So, since you've been collecting these 'items' about yer spouse - IMO, here's another 'item' that might just break the camel's back (so to speak).

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Are you serious OP? Add this to your other posts and this relationship is one huge disaster.

I thought she was familiar and even searched her old posts but maybe it didn't go back far enough.

[Darnell 8,478]

My husband is really not a bad guy at all, he has a lot of great qualities which I love about him and would be hard-pressed to find in another person, but our ways of thinking is just vastly different.

I had this issue with an ex, and am SO glad we filed for divorce. It was exactly as you've described - in that one sentence above, just the genders reversed. Dealing with this 'vastly different ways of thinking' is a huge timewaster, when trying to get through the day-to-day things that married life entails. One might think that love conquers all, or can conquer all, but for this one bit? Not at all.

After that divorce, I felt free, not burdened by the need for 'translation' between our two modes of thinking , not need to worry about 'energy' to handle her sh|t. It's been great, these past 16 years, to not worry about her sh|t on any level.

Good Luck !

I thought she was familiar and even searched her old posts but maybe it didn't go back far enough.

Perhaps.

If you get stuck with 'advanced search' date block, use the google custom search, instead, as it goes back YEARS.

Edited September 2, 2012 by Darnell