Lies and deception. Be aware, please!

[John and Ann 10]

I've got a lot of friends and relatives here in the USA that this has happened to; I also scrapped by for years paying CS and Alimonies....At LEAST one out of two marriages in the USA end up in DIV; FACT. For at least one fact I hope is dear to my Marriage here, and like a lot of people in the PH, we're both very devout Catholics, and I only learned that "they do not have laws for DIV in the PH"...told to me by Mayor Carmen Cari.....but I'd read about it.

And yes, I know of PH who are separated, and cheating stories of some. Not all PH are practicing Catholics, just like here in USA, many are not practicing either....And as mentioned above, there are no Guarantees in life or marriages, except when two people do enter into marriage, you each "make the choice to keep your vows or not".

My sis has been married for 27 years after only knowing her husband for 3 weeks...and 7 children later to!

You are not alone in that. And it takes time to move through it all.......As for Ex's who decided they wanted to remarry after we divoced....NEVER go back....keep moving along!! Once she finds out her other one isn't go great, all of a suddened you'll look good to her again....Thats my best advice...don't take her back ever. Burn that bridge now!

[InHisTime 110]

Thank you for sharing your story. However, as others have pointed out, if you could state specific warning/s or circumtance/s (act of deception) it could be helpful to everyone.

However, I DISAGREE that all beneficiaries are the same and only have same agenda of getting the GC. NOT ALL ARE THE SAME. While the US is a nice country to live in, but there are still beneficiaries who have good faith and intention to come to the USA, especially those who have sacrificed leaving a good life / stable job, loving family and good friends in their countries. There are also USCs (petitioners) who haven't treated well the beneficiaries while in the states. So it could be vice-versa --

It is best everyone or both parties, petitioners and beneficiaries should be careful enough. As mentioned by one poster that in life there is no guarantee. NOTHING IS CERTAIN. I guess, next time, we just have to get to know more better -- allow enough time to nurture love and deeply know each other before getting to commitment.

Because love is blind, we tend to not see or ignore some red flags in our relationships. Hopefully, in time we all could learn to trust our instincts very well.

OP, hope you would never lose hope....look up to God always. God may have a better plan for you. Just move on and take time to heal your heart. I'm sure you will be fine and God bless !

[saiqa 0]

EXACTLY TRUE......

For last few days, I am find a serial of posts about broken marriages. Things are really painful I can understand. I also find them many of the victims of such cases run to USCIS about their failed marriage. I have something to say about that. Yaa, please choose your partner carefully and also observe him/her thoroughly even after marriage, after he/she get conditional immigration. You have almost 3 years after marriage to identify if your partner is fraud or not, if you find something wrong you can cancel the immigration. After 3 years, when s/he get 10 yrs green card, you have a little to do. If you take more than 5 years to understand that your partner is fraud, and start to run after USCIS-----you will gain nothing or a bit. But we, who are in processing or the people in future will be in processing under USCIS will suffer for your fault. USCIS will increase giving REF and make it lengthy as they find a lot of fraud cases.

So all of you, please please please try figure out your partner within initial 3 years and not make others sufferer for your faulty marriage

[InHisTime 110]

For last few days, I am find a serial of posts about broken marriages. Things are really painful I can understand. I also find them many of the victims of such cases run to USCIS about their failed marriage. I have something to say about that. Yaa, please choose your partner carefully and also observe him/her thoroughly even after marriage, after he/she get conditional immigration. You have almost 3 years after marriage to identify if your partner is fraud or not, if you find something wrong you can cancel the immigration. After 3 years, when s/he get 10 yrs green card, you have a little to do. If you take more than 5 years to understand that your partner is fraud, and start to run after USCIS-----you will gain nothing or a bit. But we, who are in processing or the people in future will be in processing under USCIS will suffer for your fault. USCIS will increase giving REF and make it lengthy as they find a lot of fraud cases.

So all of you, please please please try figure out your partner within initial 3 years and not make others sufferer for your faulty marriage

While these comments maybe helpful, but this could also post possible danger in the relationship. If you aren't sure of your partner, please don't ever start the paperwork. Usually there are always red flags coming out even at the early stage, but as we know love is blind, we tend to keep it out of our minds.

IMHO, trust is also important to make the relationship work. If you cannot trust your partners while living together before getting 10 GC, then, you think the outcome would be good? for sure, it would also result to disaster for having no trust at all. It could result to unhealthy relationship and still possibly end with separation.

When you love, please give your best of love. Love + Love = Love

Don't ever think of failure -- because there is no failure in life. There is nothing certain life -- all comes temporarily. The only certain in life is the love of God for all of us. God bless everyone !

[missphilly 1]

http://www.visajourney.com/timeline/profile.php?id=137380 my time line

[Marlon&Fallon 13]

I would say this is the wrong site to come to and try and convince people that all relationships with foreigners are most likely to be fraudulent when most here are involved in long distance relationships or have reached the end of their journey and are now together. You should only speak for yourself and not make a general statement based on your experience. It is unfortunate what happened to you, but that doesn't mean that everyone from a foreign country is only out to get a green card by any means necessary.

As for myself, being the foreign spouse, I did not enter my marriage for immigration purpose; and I have no hidden agenda. I'm not one who is motivated by selfishness and greed and will stop at anything get what I want. I'm only motivated by love and the desire to start our lives together and raise our son who is on the way.

Don't use your experience to paint other people. Not everyone is the same.

[LSnBigBear 61]

I have said many many times. If it were not for kissing, cuddling and sex I would marry my best buddy lol. He understands me and never questions my feelings or gives me guff me Seriously Sorry to the OP. Life is not fair at all and no one truely knows another persons intentions. I am sure you look back now at the many signs she gave you that she was a fraud. However sharing these with any of us will not help as when it is matters of the heart few will think their fiancee is guilty of a fraudulant marriage for Visa. I have tried to give a lot of advice while living in the Philippines as an American. I learned quickly to shut my mouth and let my friends get taken advantage of as all me speaking up did was get my pals angry with me. So I let them learn the hard way. School of hard knocks.

I believe more enter into foreign relationships for a good spouse that is loving and true. I would hang my hat on a foreign woman that is 20 years younger than me versus a bitter old scared American woman. Good luck on your future and sorry you went through this..

Cheers

Shawn

[DandT14 272]

So meeting someone online doesn't mean the marriage won't work out or that person is out to scam you. Being a female, I made sure I was very sure before agreeing to marry because it would be me who'd be moving countries to be with my husband. I also made sure my family and friends were ok with my husband (then boyfriend), because if they were not (bad feelings etc), I wouldn't marry him.

I never meant to imply that meeting someone online means the relationship is doomed. I actually met my husband online, and we were a "couple" for 3 years before meeting in person. My marriage to him is far better than my first marriage, to a USC I met through more traditional means. Of course it's possible to do what you, I, and some others did and make it work. But I think we are the exception, not the rule.

What I was talking about was people getting caught up in the romance of the thing. Not spending years working on a relationship, but spending only the required time working on a visa. In those cases, I don't think people really get to know each other. They just believe their relationship is special and unique and "love conquers all." Too caught up in the fantasy to pause for a moment and consider the possibility that their long distance partner isn't who they want them to be.

[Holly2234 66]

OP, im really sorry it turned out this way. I hope you are able to move on soon.

Now another question.. I petitioned for my husband to come to the UK. Now we want to live in the US, so he is now petitioning for me. Which one has the agenda?

[verysadguy 170]

I'm living the same nightmare right now. Tons of evidence sent in and USCIS still gave her an EAD. And now she is sleeping with her Cathilic sponsor. Disgusting. Shame on USCIS for have no guts. And shame on the religious non-profits that believe every lie without corroborating the stories.

[SmilesAbroad 27]

I never meant to imply that meeting someone online means the relationship is doomed. I actually met my husband online, and we were a "couple" for 3 years before meeting in person. My marriage to him is far better than my first marriage, to a USC I met through more traditional means. Of course it's possible to do what you, I, and some others did and make it work. But I think we are the exception, not the rule.

What I was talking about was people getting caught up in the romance of the thing. Not spending years working on a relationship, but spending only the required time working on a visa. In those cases, I don't think people really get to know each other. They just believe their relationship is special and unique and "love conquers all." Too caught up in the fantasy to pause for a moment and consider the possibility that their long distance partner isn't who they want them to be.

I agree with you that people get caught up in the romance of things and do think love conquers all. I watched my brother-in-law try to copy his older brother by starting an online relationship, but he ignored so many bad things about the situation and ended up getting hurt many months later. He always said that they are in love, love will solve all those problems. It was sad to watch him go through that, but he was young and inexperienced. No one could tell him about how that kind of relationship should work before he was already caught up in it. I'm not sure if we are the exception or not, but I do think online (and international combined) relationships are so new, that many people have no one to ask for advice on what to do, what is normal/not normal. Obviously people like you and I can give recommendations now to any one else who tries to go down the same path we have been down and people may start to think of starting a relationship online more seriously.

[OnMyWayID 1,489]

I'm living the same nightmare right now. Tons of evidence sent in and USCIS still gave her an EAD. And now she is sleeping with her Catholic sponsor. Disgusting. Shame on USCIS for have no guts. And shame on the religious non-profits that believe every lie without corroborating the stories.

well.. remember you also sent in tons of evidence originally proving your relationship was valid. I wonder what your reaction would have been had USCIS said "Sorry denied - we think this will end badly".

When someone goes through the process of getting a GC it is a long, painful, and for some a humiliating experience. Once they have a GC the burden of proof goes the other way (and rightfully so) - it should take overwhelming evidence that the person intentionally committed fraud.

Also.. when someone joins you in the U.S. and then leaves you for another person they meet later on that is not fraud.. They may be a rotten person (or just a person that did something rotten or did not realize their mistake until after they arrived) but if he/she had every intention of staying with you it is not fraud no matter how it turns out in the end.

Edited September 1, 2012 by OnMyWayID

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Hi All.

I wish I could send this letter to all of the people who are planning to marry a foreign citizen. I believe, it should be mandatory to read stories about fraudulent marriages at each Embassy, before anything could be approved! I wish I knew all the information I know today! So, do your research and read, read, read! Don't spend a dime until you know the dark side of the marriage with a foreign woman/man.

Briefly; a year long relationship, several trips, 'unconditional love', both single parents, tremendous amount of money spent, happy arrival, more money spent, application for I-485, change, arguments over nothing, tension, frustration, confusion, hopelessness, perhaps divorce and return?, last argument, police called, report, but no arrest, disappears, VAWA suspected, new boyfriends! court filings for OP and RO, dismissed but RO stands, Annulment?, Divorce, temp. spousal support! stress and sadness, settlement offer, divorce.....

Learn from me. Lost everything, money, love, dreams, my daughter, my house. Read, read, read. Find info about fraudulent immigrant marriages and the characteristics of people like this. Find out the tactics of a person like this, how they destroy your marriage and all your dreams with it. Heartless, loveless, emotionless, with only one goal, to get the GC. She was a master of deception and I was very naive. I know I am not the only and there will be others, who will make the same mistake. I wish I could talk to all of them first, before they sign the marriage certificate!

Be informed, that is your best defense!

Sounds just like what can happen when you marry an American woman (or man) How does nationality make any difference? The person was insincere and not interested in a genuine relationship but something else of value you had. It happens.

How can you make sure it doesn't happen again? You can't.

[SingleDad2usc 71]

There was a very talented writer, who almost a 100 years ago said: you know, you're both right!

OP story is awful. Yes, it could happen to many foreign marriages. One thing is missed by all of the similar posters: we're all adults. There was another 20th century writer I admired, who said: everyone gets out of life WHAT THEY WANT. If you didn't want to marry a foreigner, you wouldn't. It's not like you go to school together, or commute with them. You SEEK them out. You make too much effort in precisely their direction. Please, even if it didn't work out - enjoy life! Don't become a worse person just because someone did something bad too you. Again, we are all adults.

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

I've got a lot of friends and relatives here in the USA that this has happened to; I also scrapped by for years paying CS and Alimonies....At LEAST one out of two marriages in the USA end up in DIV; FACT. For at least one fact I hope is dear to my Marriage here, and like a lot of people in the PH, we're both very devout Catholics, and I only learned that "they do not have laws for DIV in the PH"...told to me by Mayor Carmen Cari.....but I'd read about it.

And yes, I know of PH who are separated, and cheating stories of some. Not all PH are practicing Catholics, just like here in USA, many are not practicing either....And as mentioned above, there are no Guarantees in life or marriages, except when two people do enter into marriage, you each "make the choice to keep your vows or not".

My sis has been married for 27 years after only knowing her husband for 3 weeks...and 7 children later to!

You are not alone in that. And it takes time to move through it all.......As for Ex's who decided they wanted to remarry after we divoced....NEVER go back....keep moving along!! Once she finds out her other one isn't go great, all of a suddened you'll look good to her again....Thats my best advice...don't take her back ever. Burn that bridge now!

Yep.

My first Ex is completely devastated that I would go and petition someone from Nigeria instead of remarrying her here

Thank you for sharing your story. However, as others have pointed out, if you could state specific warning/s or circumtance/s (act of deception) it could be helpful to everyone.

However, I DISAGREE that all beneficiaries are the same and only have same agenda of getting the GC. NOT ALL ARE THE SAME. While the US is a nice country to live in, but there are still beneficiaries who have good faith and intention to come to the USA, especially those who have sacrificed leaving a good life / stable job, loving family and good friends in their countries. There are also USCs (petitioners) who haven't treated well the beneficiaries while in the states. So it could be vice-versa --

It is best everyone or both parties, petitioners and beneficiaries should be careful enough. As mentioned by one poster that in life there is no guarantee. NOTHING IS CERTAIN. I guess, next time, we just have to get to know more better -- allow enough time to nurture love and deeply know each other before getting to commitment.

Because love is blind, we tend to not see or ignore some red flags in our relationships. Hopefully, in time we all could learn to trust our instincts very well.

OP, hope you would never lose hope....look up to God always. God may have a better plan for you. Just move on and take time to heal your heart. I'm sure you will be fine and God bless !

OP never said all. That yours is in the exception group is great and wonderful.

I have said many many times. If it were not for kissing, cuddling and sex I would marry my best buddy lol. He understands me and never questions my feelings or gives me guff me Seriously Sorry to the OP. Life is not fair at all and no one truely knows another persons intentions. I am sure you look back now at the many signs she gave you that she was a fraud. However sharing these with any of us will not help as when it is matters of the heart few will think their fiancee is guilty of a fraudulant marriage for Visa. I have tried to give a lot of advice while living in the Philippines as an American. I learned quickly to shut my mouth and let my friends get taken advantage of as all me speaking up did was get my pals angry with me. So I let them learn the hard way. School of hard knocks.

I believe more enter into foreign relationships for a good spouse that is loving and true. I would hang my hat on a foreign woman that is 20 years younger than me versus a bitter old scared American woman. Good luck on your future and sorry you went through this..

Cheers

Shawn

Bless your heart Guvnor.

I never meant to imply that meeting someone online means the relationship is doomed. I actually met my husband online, and we were a "couple" for 3 years before meeting in person. My marriage to him is far better than my first marriage, to a USC I met through more traditional means. Of course it's possible to do what you, I, and some others did and make it work. But I think we are the exception, not the rule.

What I was talking about was people getting caught up in the romance of the thing. Not spending years working on a relationship, but spending only the required time working on a visa. In those cases, I don't think people really get to know each other. They just believe their relationship is special and unique and "love conquers all." Too caught up in the fantasy to pause for a moment and consider the possibility that their long distance partner isn't who they want them to be.

You never did that.

OP, im really sorry it turned out this way. I hope you are able to move on soon.

Now another question.. I petitioned for my husband to come to the UK. Now we want to live in the US, so he is now petitioning for me. Which one has the agenda?

Both of you did.