Lies and deception. Be aware, please!

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

Really.....1.1 million people immigrated to the US last year.

They ALL had an agenda other than what their visa was inteded for??? And I know my wife does not have an agenda....I had to beg her to come here, and occasionally still have to ensure her about coming here.

Eventually we will end up living in her country, because she wants to be with her family.

So, what is her agenda?

For you to eventually end up in her country? Having an agenda doesn't necessarily mean a bad thing.

I just didn't get the part that you "lost your daughter"...how come?

Have you gone though a contentious divorce in the US? I am assuming not. Be thankful. I lost four kids, albeit temporarily, until they turn 18.

[Enigma11561 336]

Even when one takes their time ( many months, years even, multiple visits, etc..)there is not guarantee that everything will work out over the long haul. Those that communicate over the internet, take a one week whirlwind trip, get engaged and go for it have a stronger chance of failure if no other reason than lack of true familiarity.Moral? Taking your time will never hurt you.

[SmilesAbroad 27]

I think any time you marry someone you don't really know, there's a high potential for problems.

The system as it is now isn't conducive to getting to know a person, or to really spending time with them. You meet someone (often online, these days) and think you're in love. Of course, you can only know part of a person online, the part they want you to see. Then you get caught up in the romance of it all. It's a perfect love story - you're destined to be together, but the bad guys (the government) are in the way. You have to overcome it all to be together! The problem is that you're so caught up in the romance of it, you don't stop to actually look truthfully at your "relationship" for all its flaws. When the fight is over, so's the romance, so's the fantasy, and reality can be very disappointing.

Well, that's the way I see it, anyway...

I agree with most of what you said but someone can show only “the part they want you to see” whether that relationship started online or offline. It's not true that “of course” you only know part of a person that you meet online. There are often relationships that were founded offline where the couple didn’t really know each other but thought they did and entered into a marriage. Just like a relationship with a foreigner needs more effort and work than a domestic relationship, so does an online relationship needs more work and attention [i'm talking specifically about the ones started online] than an offline one. But it doesn't mean you can't know the person you are spending time with. Skype, wireless internet, mobile phone internet, computer screen sharing and all this new technology allow people to "practically" be with a person met online. It does require a lot of time with a computer to make this kind of relationship work and be successful, so it is not for everyone.

My husband and I dated online for an entire year before we met in real life and later we got married and we are now living together. I didn't find out any "surprises" about him once we could ditch the computers, nor did I find out any surprises since I've been living with him fulltime. He's the same man, through and through, because I gave lotsssssss of time to our online relationship and so did he. We used to sleep on Skype at night, cook/study/watch tv (everything!) in front of Skype in the daytime, and shared all computer/internet info with each other. We made videos of our life when we couldn't spend it on the computer so we could see how the other lived daily. People think it's weird but that's what we needed to do to make it work. This all was despite random/sometimes scheduled rolling blackouts. I can only imagine the time you can spend with someone online if you have no rolling blackouts to deal with and/or live closer in time zones. Relationships all need different strategies based on the type (domestic, international, online, offline, etc). International relationships have their differences from domestic ones, just like online relationships have their differences from offline ones. Family and friends have been teaching, sharing, and warning about "normal" domestic relationships, so when any of us are entering into a international relationship we are experiencing something we may never have been told or warned about. The same is true for online relationships and more so for online AND international ones. The bottom line is that all relationships need time, attention, and care in order to be successful (and sometimes still don't work out!) but the things you need to pay attention to are different depending on the type of relationship you have. Starting a relationship online doesn't mean you are automatically limited in knowing the other person and that success is more difficult for you to obtain. In ANY relationship, if you don't give it the quality time and attention it requires, success is going to be more difficult for you. A successful relationship is not about where that person is from or where you developed your relationship or how MUCH time you spent together, but about how WELL you got to know that other person.

The number of weeks, months, years you spend with someone (whether offline or online) doesn’t matter if both of you were not working on and developing your relationship in that time.

[MayRon 1]

Its not the place where they came from,its the person itself!

But sorry for that,I know somebody who feels d same way.

[Darnell 8,479]

majority of foreign marriages are fraud.

disagree.

[Shiobhan 235]

Most of these marriages R not fraud, however there R many scammers & some countries thats all the ppl get online for, a lonely

USC then pore on the honey; I could never understand how ppl meet online or after a 2 wk vacation is madly in love with someone; that can only be in lust....some goes on to become real life partner IF scamming was not the original intention. I am sorry that U had to go thru this but chalk it up as experience & move on, right now its painful but yrs to come U will look back & see that was a mistake...dont go hating foreigners because of one woman, just be cautious in the future..good luck buddy

[JP and Tee 13]

my husband and I met online. We spent years writing to each other, chatting on line and also met in person. We've visited each other, met each other's family and friends, and were very much involved and in the know of what goes on in each other's life, despite living in different countries. We were together for five years before we decided to get married (getting sick of the distance, you see).

So meeting someone online doesn't mean the marriage won't work out or that person is out to scam you. Being a female, I made sure I was very sure before agreeing to marry because it would be me who'd be moving countries to be with my husband. I also made sure my family and friends were ok with my husband (then boyfriend), because if they were not (bad feelings etc), I wouldn't marry him.

Granted we just got married, but hopefully we will be together until death do us part.

I'm terribly sorry over what happened to you but in life, there is no guarantee that whatever we do will be a success. Our attempts at finding happiness might end up with us in tears, but it doesn't mean we should stop trying. Perhaps there is a better person for you and at least you have had a bad experience so you know next time, you won't want the same thing to happen. I wish you luck!

[Ihavequestions 419]

I think any time you marry someone you don't really know, there's a high potential for problems.

The system as it is now isn't conducive to getting to know a person, or to really spending time with them. You meet someone (often online, these days) and think you're in love. Of course, you can only know part of a person online, the part they want you to see. Then you get caught up in the romance of it all. It's a perfect love story - you're destined to be together, but the bad guys (the government) are in the way. You have to overcome it all to be together! The problem is that you're so caught up in the romance of it, you don't stop to actually look truthfully at your "relationship" for all its flaws. When the fight is over, so's the romance, so's the fantasy, and reality can be very disappointing.

Well, that's the way I see it, anyway...

I mostly agree with your assessment. The other part of the equation is that Americans generally can be a bit naive about the way large parts of the rest of the world work.

Really, how many Americans have any of us met who would consider their own personal circumstances so hopeless that they would plot to use a foreigner to immigrate to another country for a chance at a better life or the elevated social status that comes with holding a foreign passport?

[Enigma11561 336]

Anybody realize that it is the government, in their infinite wisdom in doing thousands of interviews, ( ) that SOMETIMES can SAVE your butt?

[InHisTime 110]

Sorry that this happened to you.

In life there are no guarantees.

My Ex is a pathological liar, caniver, deceptioon artist, child/parent alienator and also an American. I say this to show that these things happen also with USC to USC marriages.

One thing I will also add is that you did not loose a Daughter. She will turn 18 one day and you can then reignite your relationship without any distraction.

You can make more money, buy more huses, properties, etc .

I know this is a clique but do not get hung up on her or the system that enables people like her. Move on. Success is the best revenge.

I feel for you Brother.

Very good thoughts and advices I hope the OP would still find peace and true love... things happened for a reason. God bless!

[QueenE 174]

But from what you said it sounds like your marriage ended like any other marriage, your wife just happened to be an international. Your message is a good one, but its bothersome to me how when something goes wrong with a relationship with an international the USC all of a sudden starts acting almost racist( for a lack of a better word) and blaming things on the person being a foreigner out to get them for their citizenship. Hope you find peace.

[Jon&Clau 1]

Laci, I am sorry this has happened to you. Having dated internationally for many years prior to actually getting married, I would say there are almost always warning signs that men choose to ignore when they are in these types of relationships. I wish there was a process where each of us could do a self-assessment of our relationship before going throught the immigration process to save people like you this kind of pain. I could list so many things that I ran into dating different women from different countries, but I chose to end the relationship even through it was painful for me at that time.

I will say one more thing to those of you who are about to go though the immigration process...if you met your fiancee at an agency, and I met my wife thought an agency, beware of these agencies. Did you know that many of them pay the women to chat with men or meet men? I have a friend who lives in the Ukranine who showed me an ad that agency puts in the local magazines and papers...basically every time you do a chat session, the woman gets a cut of the money you spend chatting...pretty sick. That's why I would encourage anyone who does this to spend as much time in her home county getting to know her, getting to know her family and friends before you do anything with immigration. Having that time together will expose "most" of the issues, but of course, as others have said, no guarantees of anything no matter where a person is from.

Jon & Clau

Edited September 1, 2012 by Jon&Clau

[habibi11 16]

I agree with most of what you said but someone can show only “the part they want you to see” whether that relationship started online or offline. It's not true that “of course” you only know part of a person that you meet online. There are often relationships that were founded offline where the couple didn’t really know each other but thought they did and entered into a marriage. Just like a relationship with a foreigner needs more effort and work than a domestic relationship, so does an online relationship needs more work and attention [i'm talking specifically about the ones started online] than an offline one. But it doesn't mean you can't know the person you are spending time with. Skype, wireless internet, mobile phone internet, computer screen sharing and all this new technology allow people to "practically" be with a person met online. It does require a lot of time with a computer to make this kind of relationship work and be successful, so it is not for everyone.

My husband and I dated online for an entire year before we met in real life and later we got married and we are now living together. I didn't find out any "surprises" about him once we could ditch the computers, nor did I find out any surprises since I've been living with him fulltime. He's the same man, through and through, because I gave lotsssssss of time to our online relationship and so did he. We used to sleep on Skype at night, cook/study/watch tv (everything!) in front of Skype in the daytime, and shared all computer/internet info with each other. We made videos of our life when we couldn't spend it on the computer so we could see how the other lived daily. People think it's weird but that's what we needed to do to make it work. This all was despite random/sometimes scheduled rolling blackouts. I can only imagine the time you can spend with someone online if you have no rolling blackouts to deal with and/or live closer in time zones. Relationships all need different strategies based on the type (domestic, international, online, offline, etc). International relationships have their differences from domestic ones, just like online relationships have their differences from offline ones. Family and friends have been teaching, sharing, and warning about "normal" domestic relationships, so when any of us are entering into a international relationship we are experiencing something we may never have been told or warned about. The same is true for online relationships and more so for online AND international ones. The bottom line is that all relationships need time, attention, and care in order to be successful (and sometimes still don't work out!) but the things you need to pay attention to are different depending on the type of relationship you have. Starting a relationship online doesn't mean you are automatically limited in knowing the other person and that success is more difficult for you to obtain. In ANY relationship, if you don't give it the quality time and attention it requires, success is going to be more difficult for you. A successful relationship is not about where that person is from or where you developed your relationship or how MUCH time you spent together, but about how WELL you got to know that other person.

The number of weeks, months, years you spend with someone (whether offline or online) doesn’t matter if both of you were not working on and developing your relationship in that time.

I AGREE..... MY FIANCE AND I TOO SPEND ALOT OF TIME ON SKYPE... EVEN AT WORK WHEN I CAN...WE HAVE IT ON OUR PHONES SO WHEN WE ARE OUT WE CAN BE TOGETHER... WE TOO SLEEP WITH SKYPE... WE DO ALMOST EVERYTHING WE CAN TOGETHER...IT DOES SOUND WEIRD BUT THIS IS THE ONLY TIME WE HAVE TOGETHER AT THIS MOMENT UNITL HE IS ABLE TO COME....

[Operator 1,927]

yea very true. majority of foreign marriages are fraud. doesnt mean you cant have a real marriage but you have to be aware of situations. too many ppl fall in love in 2 days time and get married. then are shocked to find out they have been scammed.....

Is this opinion or fact? Do you have any evidence that backs up this statement?

Either way I feel pretty lucky to be in the minority.

[bigdog 376]

My American EX was a complete fraud, my foreign wife is wonderful. Their are scammers everywhere, just pay attention to your gut.