fighting VAWA

[Ning 619]

People sometimes do things when under the influence of love that seem unwise to the average person. It seems to happen to women swooning over the endless love spell from men living in hot places and also to saggy old men that fall under the spell of some young thing making big over their little wrinkled pink willies. BS seems to be an immigration lubricant and the person that has been greased doesn't know it until too late. That doesn't mean that they would normally toss their money into a doomed relationship it just means they were out of their normal minds fro a bit.

This is one of your best and I know what you mean.

[belinda63 3,022]

I am sorry to hear about this. VAWA certainly needs to be revamped but as said before, it would also prevent the honest ones from getting accepted. If you are abused it is difficult to obtain the evidence needed because the abuser usually controls everything and allows you little access to the important things in the relationship and even tries to deny you friends. They will cut you off from everyone so you have only them to rely on and you have no one on the outside to give advise. When you finally decide to flee you usually grab your things and go as far and fast as you can with little thought to the future because the abuser has made you believe you have no future without them.

As to the scam artist, I have read posts over the years from a variety of countries and even heard of websites that coach people in how to scam VAWA. Try as you might it is impossible to weed them all out. Just like an abuser can carry the act, for at least a while, in public, so can the scam artist carry the act for a while to get what they want.

I know you are angry for him misusing you and your good name to obtain what he wanted but I really don't see there is anything positive to be gained by continuing with this. Some times we just have to let go and carry on with our lives.

Ask yourself, what do I have to gain by continuing to pursue this and weigh it with the emotional turmoil you will suffer by not letting go. Good Luck with everything and I'm glad you found someone true.

[USA-ALG 63]

Girl,

I am appalled with what you had to go through. Seriously, I am awed by your inner strength to press on forward day to day. I'm even more impressed you've even managed to "Live and tell the tale".

I don't know if it is of any consolation... but, there's a place in H.E.double L for people like him.

I hope you continue to carry one and perseverate through all this. Write to the USCIS and all those Alphabetical Government Agencies about the flaws in this immigration system as you'll be able to provide your first hand experience.

More power to you sister!

E

[Sandra G. 5,038]

Que saudade you asked if in the history of VAWA has someone been proven to have lied and the status was rejected?? Ever??? In 2011 the 11.000 petitions submitted USCIS approved 9.000 petitions, but I am working with Vawa cases over 10 years and I never heard one single case they revoked a GC received based in Vawa.

Once Vawa Unit approved a form I-360 the USCIS adjudicators will just confirm just bonafide marriage, but they CANNOT question the abuse anymore.

Edited August 26, 2012 by sandranj

[Que Saudade 284]

but I am working with Vawa cases over 10 years and I never heard one single case they revoked a GC received based in Vawa.

Well that is very frightening. There never is such a thing as 100%

[S_R 148]

There is ALWAYS another angle to any given story. It's been 5years... Let's move along people.

Galatian 6 vs 7 Be Not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man sows, that shall he also reap.

[Sandra G. 5,038]

S_R? Really?

Of course there is always another angle to any give story...the angle of the abusers and sympathizers. She is the victim here.

Edited August 26, 2012 by sandranj

[InHisTime 110]

S_R? Really?

Of course there is always another angle to any give story...the angle of the abusers and sympathizers. She is the victim here.

At this point, I guess the best thing to do is to MOVE ON...she got her loving man now, and just focus on the new relationship. Sometimes, we just get to learn our hard lessons and be careful next time. It is best to trust God for what happen, this guy would definitely face his own karma, if he really lied to get his GC. And, as I've been saying, to have a GC is not really absolute that he would have a great life in America. Let him go......and be happy for what you got now.... Life is too short to stress out more. Let the Lord handle this case. God bless you and your new love....

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

It's extremely difficult for a guy to get approved for vawa without concrete evidence. I'm sure he must have presented "damaging" stuff about you to get his case approved despite whatever was in his file. I hope you never sent him texts messages threatening not to adjust his status or even have him deported when you guys had arguments...

Agree.

Not saying that OP abused the alleged cretin. I still don't beleive that VAWA is in play here. I cannot be convinced unless I see actually USCIS validation. Definitely not from hearsay regardless of the source.

ok, let me clarify........when he first left (for the last time) and I saw that he was really gone for good...I cried on the shoulders of some friends, several of which were Nigerians themselves. They suggested that the only way this guy could attempt to stay WITHOUT having gone thru any AOS with me after our marriage and ALSO based on things they know about the 'doings' of some of their countryment..they told me he PROBABLY wsa going to try the VAWA escape. NOW, years later....I have found out CERTAINLY that that is what he did. I found out because he friended someone on facebook that he did not know knew me and after 2 days of talking to her and professing his undying love for her, she felt she could press everything out of him and she found out EVERYTHING! HE has a greencard, he accused me of kicking him out, putting him on the streets, etc. He told her that is GC is good for like 10 years, but that he can apply for citizenship in 3.

Have you seen this alleged green card?

Still speculative at best. You, nor she, have physically seen a green card. And, he could be staying here illegally. Many do.

I doubt very seriously that if he were trying to "court" this female he would have said, "Hi, nice to meet you and I am here illegally".

Don't you think???

Agree.

People like him? You played a major role in this disaster as well. Wasnt it you that went to Nigeria ect? Took him back? Fraud written all over it? You wrote it and then couldnt read it?

Take responcibility for what you have done and move on. You provided another chance for one of these guys to run loose in the USA. All that while you reside in Ghana.

I wanted to write this but thought better. Didn't want to invoke the wrath of Charles. We, certain circle of Nigerians in the USA that I associate with, blame certain USC for getting involve in these shams. USC are sometimes culpable in the whole deal. In our opinion.

Lick your wounds and move on. This is EXACTLY why Nigeria is considered a high fraud country.

Unfortunately, if USC don't petition they can't come here and perpetrate the crime.

Foolish? Me?

I just copied one of the many aspects of your O P. Read this and then see a real fool at work. " This time for 3 weeks. He comes back, I let him back again". Again? Didnt know you were being scammed? It doesnt suprise me after I read all of this.

Here is another excerpt that shines a light on the parade of fools. " i spent all my savings on supporting him for 2 years by sending money to NIgeria thru western union weekly, going to Nigeria, filing the petition, paying for his visa, medical exams and to top it off, his plane ticket to come to the USA!! So yeah, i was kind of broke. And that's not to mention that he LEFT every other month too"!

I am sorry this happened but dont blame this all on " people like him".

On point.

If a Doctor/Lawyer wants to spend their wealth doing this then fine but why is it always folks that end up being broke that falls for this scams?

All i can say is sorry and forgive him and move on with life and i bet you nature and his sins will caugth him,these are people that destroy not only the countries image but on others,his change in atitude was never until the marriage it was before he came to the state,this is who he is...am a nigerian living in qatar and my wife is usc unlike your case i paid and sponsored my wife to qatar then we got married,all finacial issue was on me and looking at US economy i personaly dont want to live there but my wife wants to be close to her family during our first child birth but i convinced her to stay here and i will take care of her,i have a good job here and she have offers here already i mean if a nigerian guy wants to marry a nigerian girl 'it is him spending and not the lady and thats how it is.my advice is if you ever fall for nigerian or any guy the red light is when you spend on him,ask any nigerian if woman marry man in their village? the answer is NO!.like i said,sorry and forgive him and let God do the rest. peace

Thank you Sir and I throw way salute for una.

It is not customary for any tribe in Nigeria, especially Ibos (which seems to be the primary actors in these scams) that Women take care of their Men.

Like you, I am fronting almost 100% of the expense for this journey. As a Yoruba Man that is my complete duty and natural in our culture. When ever I read about this situation where the USC females are spending all these monies, wiring Western Union, striping their home in the USC and shipping the contents to Nigeria, I get saddened. If flies wrongly in the face of anything Nigerian. No real Nigerian Man of any substance will do this. Are there exceptions? Yes, like in everything in life.

I've been very careful not to directly engage the OP since what's done is done but my postings are as more of a research to future petitioners. Guess what, there are Nigerians in Nigeria making more than USC.

Anyways, Brother, thank you for sharing. I wish you and Madam the best of happiness and thanks for demonstrating that we Nigerian Men are not all scumbags and we take care of our family and we don't all need hand outs from USC.

Edited August 26, 2012 by Gowon

[livindadream 156]

I am sorry to hear about this. VAWA certainly needs to be revamped but as said before, it would also prevent the honest ones from getting accepted. If you are abused it is difficult to obtain the evidence needed because the abuser usually controls everything and allows you little access to the important things in the relationship and even tries to deny you friends. They will cut you off from everyone so you have only them to rely on and you have no one on the outside to give advise. When you finally decide to flee you usually grab your things and go as far and fast as you can with little thought to the future because the abuser has made you believe you have no future without them.

As to the scam artist, I have read posts over the years from a variety of countries and even heard of websites that coach people in how to scam VAWA. Try as you might it is impossible to weed them all out. Just like an abuser can carry the act, for at least a while, in public, so can the scam artist carry the act for a while to get what they want.

I know you are angry for him misusing you and your good name to obtain what he wanted but I really don't see there is anything positive to be gained by continuing with this. Some times we just have to let go and carry on with our lives.

Ask yourself, what do I have to gain by continuing to pursue this and weigh it with the emotional turmoil you will suffer by not letting go. Good Luck with everything and I'm glad you found someone true.

thank you! Good advice

[livindadream 156]

First of all to all the Nigerians that felt they had to doubt my 'story' just to save their name...as I stated before, this is not a NIGERIAN thing. THis is my story as it happened, it just so happened that the player here is a Nigerian. And correction..neither my ex or my current husband are IBO's, they are both Yoruba. I dont know what the need to point out that some men living in Nigeria make more than any USC. OBVIOSLY!! Ive been in west AFrica longer than I care to be and I am surrounded by them. (plenty of Nigerians living in Ghana). In fact my husband and I take walks around our estate area every night and admire the gorgeous mansions people have that spell money all over them. My current husband never asked for anything, and while I do have my own business back home, I am mainly supported by him here. To Ching, Ming, or whatever his name is...yeah i was a fool for letting him back 3 times, giving him so much money, and I acknowledged that so what is wrong with you emotionally that you felt the need to throw that in my face? Did it make your day better or what? NObody here is USCIS< INS, or any other goverment agency, official or anything so you all should remember that there is no reason for someone to come on here and start telling a story that is false; or that 'there MUST be another side to it. Ive stated the facts. Im not trying to sell anyone a story here that would assist in getting him in trouble, cuz nobody here has that power. So maybe you should take people's experiences at face value instead of trying to read more into it. I read one remark that women get easily swooned by 'men in hot places'...and ching tao said he 'knew wat she meant by that"...yeah, i guess I did too. and let me just give a little insight on that as well...the EX had something the size of my thumb and it barely got up. sooooo.....any theories of me taking him back cuz I was blinded by SEX should seriously be put to rest. ITs a shame that so many people here are so aggressive and negative. I just dont know why. Thanks to all who gave words of encouragement and advice. I guess I got my answer in one of the posts that said that never has a GC been revoked after given based on VAWA. And that is pretty darn sad.

Edited August 26, 2012 by AYOsGirl

[BethandBilly 86]

Stay strong, ignore the comments by people that BLAME you, they have not walked a step in your shoes and do not know YOUR story.

My ex husband was a charmer and I fell for it hook line and sinker, he left me in thousands of dollars worth of debt and it took me to work two jobs to pay it off. My husbands ex wife is a pathological liar and had him so convinced she had been abused by her father my husband married her just to get her away from the environment she was in, guess what it was all a lie, just one of many. Neither my husband nor I were brought up to mistrust people, we were brought up to see the good in others, we've learned our lessons however and now see the world in a different light. You may judge my husband and I for being suckered in, but if you have never dealt with scammers and liars you will never know it is happening until its too late. I guess what I am saying is, until a person has walked a mile, a step etc in your shoes they are in no position to judge you or how you acted in certain situations.

One other point, others have said its Nigeria you should know better than to trust Nigerians, well I think that is wrong, not all Nigerians have ulterior motives when they meet people from other countries, not all are corrupt, but from what posters have said we should avoid Nigerians at all cost, that is wrong and unfair.

AYOsGirl stay strong you do not deserve to be attacked his way.

First of all to all the Nigerians that felt they had to doubt my 'story' just to save their name...as I stated before, this is not a NIGERIAN thing. THis is my story as it happened, it just so happened that the player here is a Nigerian. And correction..neither my ex or my current husband are IBO's, they are both Yoruba. I dont know what the need to point out that some men living in Nigeria make more than any USC. OBVIOSLY!! Ive been in west AFrica longer than I care to be and I am surrounded by them. (plenty of Nigerians living in Ghana). In fact my husband and I take walks around our estate area every night and admire the gorgeous mansions people have that spell money all over them. My current husband never asked for anything, and while I do have my own business back home, I am mainly supported by him here. To Ching, Ming, or whatever his name is...yeah i was a fool for letting him back 3 times, giving him so much money, and I acknowledged that so what is wrong with you emotionally that you felt the need to throw that in my face? Did it make your day better or what? NObody here is USCIS< INS, or any other goverment agency, official or anything so you all should remember that there is no reason for someone to come on here and start telling a story that is false; or that 'there MUST be another side to it. Ive stated the facts. Im not trying to sell anyone a story here that would assist in getting him in trouble, cuz nobody here has that power. So maybe you should take people's experiences at face value instead of trying to read more into it. I read one remark that women get easily swooned by 'men in hot places'...and ching tao said he 'knew wat she meant by that"...yeah, i guess I did too. and let me just give a little insight on that as well...the EX had something the size of my thumb and it barely got up. sooooo.....any theories of me taking him back cuz I was blinded by SEX should seriously be put to rest. ITs a shame that so many people here are so aggressive and negative. I just dont know why. Thanks to all who gave words of encouragement and advice. I guess I got my answer in one of the posts that said that never has a GC been revoked after given based on VAWA. And that is pretty darn sad.

Edited August 26, 2012 by BethandBilly

[Ning 619]

First of all to all the Nigerians that felt they had to doubt my 'story' just to save their name...as I stated before, this is not a NIGERIAN thing. THis is my story as it happened, it just so happened that the player here is a Nigerian. And correction..neither my ex or my current husband are IBO's, they are both Yoruba. I dont know what the need to point out that some men living in Nigeria make more than any USC. OBVIOSLY!! Ive been in west AFrica longer than I care to be and I am surrounded by them. (plenty of Nigerians living in Ghana). In fact my husband and I take walks around our estate area every night and admire the gorgeous mansions people have that spell money all over them. My current husband never asked for anything, and while I do have my own business back home, I am mainly supported by him here. To Ching, Ming, or whatever his name is...yeah i was a fool for letting him back 3 times, giving him so much money, and I acknowledged that so what is wrong with you emotionally that you felt the need to throw that in my face? Did it make your day better or what? NObody here is USCIS< INS, or any other goverment agency, official or anything so you all should remember that there is no reason for someone to come on here and start telling a story that is false; or that 'there MUST be another side to it. Ive stated the facts. Im not trying to sell anyone a story here that would assist in getting him in trouble, cuz nobody here has that power. So maybe you should take people's experiences at face value instead of trying to read more into it. I read one remark that women get easily swooned by 'men in hot places'...and ching tao said he 'knew wat she meant by that"...yeah, i guess I did too. and let me just give a little insight on that as well...the EX had something the size of my thumb and it barely got up. sooooo.....any theories of me taking him back cuz I was blinded by SEX should seriously be put to rest. ITs a shame that so many people here are so aggressive and negative. I just dont know why. Thanks to all who gave words of encouragement and advice. I guess I got my answer in one of the posts that said that never has a GC been revoked after given based on VAWA. And that is pretty darn sad.

My emotional state? I am fine, you are questionable at best. I copied quotes from what YOU said so fail to see how that is throwing anything in your face.

Make my day? Nothing that has to do with you will affect that. I simply asked you to take responcibility for your part in this sad tale that you want to blame on others. " i spent all my savings on supporting him for 2 years by sending money to NIgeria thru western union weekly, going to Nigeria, filing the petition, paying for his visa, medical exams and to top it off, his plane ticket to come to the USA!! So yeah, i was kind of broke. And that's not to mention that he LEFT every other month too"!

I for one do not think you are lying in what you have said. I believe you are exactly as described.

He isnt in trouble as you would like to think. You are the troubled one as we see here over and over. You are looking for revenge and vengence rather than recovering from your mistake in judgement. That flaw remains part of you even now.

I doubt sex played a part in any of this if I have gotten to know you at all by what I read. That in fact could be why he left.

[livindadream 156]

My emotional state? I am fine, you are questionable at best. I copied quotes from what YOU said so fail to see how that is throwing anything in your face.

Make my day? Nothing that has to do with you will affect that. I simply asked you to take responcibility for your part in this sad tale that you want to blame on others. " i spent all my savings on supporting him for 2 years by sending money to NIgeria thru western union weekly, going to Nigeria, filing the petition, paying for his visa, medical exams and to top it off, his plane ticket to come to the USA!! So yeah, i was kind of broke. And that's not to mention that he LEFT every other month too"!

I for one do not think you are lying in what you have said. I believe you are exactly as described.

He isnt in trouble as you would like to think. You are the troubled one as we see here over and over. You are looking for revenge and vengence rather than recovering from your mistake in judgement. That flaw remains part of you even now.

I doubt sex played a part in any of this if I have gotten to know you at all by what I read. That in fact could be why he left.

[/quot

[livindadream 156]

LMAO...I REST MY CASE !! some people really need to GET OVER THEMSELVES!