K2 18 YO UK step-son ran off w/17 YO US girl . . . .

[Shari 6]

Its not okay to lie.. how can it be ok? By lying to your kids you teach them its ok to lie.. no wonder he wasn't honest in the first place if his parents aren't honest with him!

You know what de_sjiem? You are wrong! We are honest people. We do not go around telling lies to our kids, so he has not learned to tell lies because we do. We have been through HELL the last 9 days!!! You haven't lived it!!! You haven't let it consume you when you were trying to sleep at night, or when you were driving in your car on the way to work, or when you were in the shower thinking of what was going on, when will we hear from him, when will he come home. Scaring the ####### out of them made them THINK and more than likely put a halt to the possiblity of pulling this ####### again. No sane and calm conversation in the past 9 days Keith had with Daryl did any good. No reasoning or making him feel guilty for putting us through HELL made a bit of difference to him. The girls did not know all the facts on Daryl. The were shocked to realize he wasn't over here free and clear, that immigration paperwork is in the process, that any legal trouble he might have gotten in would result in deportation, etc. So de_sjiem, I just hope when you have kids you don't have to go through anything like this and then you won't have to worry about telling a white lie that was only told to protect their well-being in the future.

For everyone else - - here is a brief update of this afternoon: Keith called and said he and Daryl had almost two hours of a good conversation in which no voices were raised and lots of issues were brought up. It seems that since last night Daryl has had an "awakening", realizing that he has one chance left. He apologized to my daughter when she came home from classes today and said he was going to apologize and talk to me tonight. Keith said we will all have a family conference. I hope he is sincere but I have my guard up. I have always been a very easy person to get along with and not one to stay PO'd, but there is something inside me that can't give him my complete trust yet, not saying he won't earn it back, but right now my feelings are stlil raw and hurting. Thanks again for those of you not pointing fingers at how we have or are handling things. It has helped!!!

[Peggy 1]

Glad to see that Daryl is back home.

[Jaylen Brit 0]

cool news Shari on the dad/son talk - maybe Daryl really HAS learned a lesson from this - god I hope so..

And btw as a parent to a parent I think your hubby did a bang up (means great,lol) job on the white lie issue - and who knows..maybe HLS ARE watching...

And yes indeed whoever mentioned Santa, Then there's the Easter Bunny, tooth fairies and the Boogeyman

[MaryandMian 1]

Shari, I am glad that things seem to have calmed down and that Daryl and Keith are talking. Communication is such an important part in all our lives and if you all can sit down and come to terms with a solution then it will benefit all. Hope Daryl has realized that you and Keith only love him and were concerned over his whereabouts and health than your going to punish him and cop an attitude. Hope to hear that things keep improving and will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers yet.

Mary

[sukie175 0]

You know what de_sjiem? You are wrong! We are honest people. We do not go around telling lies to our kids, so he has not learned to tell lies because we do. We have been through HELL the last 9 days!!! You haven't lived it!!! You haven't let it consume you when you were trying to sleep at night, or when you were driving in your car on the way to work, or when you were in the shower thinking of what was going on, when will we hear from him, when will he come home. Scaring the ####### out of them made them THINK and more than likely put a halt to the possiblity of pulling this ####### again. No sane and calm conversation in the past 9 days Keith had with Daryl did any good. No reasoning or making him feel guilty for putting us through HELL made a bit of difference to him. The girls did not know all the facts on Daryl. The were shocked to realize he wasn't over here free and clear, that immigration paperwork is in the process, that any legal trouble he might have gotten in would result in deportation, etc. So de_sjiem, I just hope when you have kids you don't have to go through anything like this and then you won't have to worry about telling a white lie that was only told to protect their well-being in the future.

Well said Shari & alot more politely then I would have done it!

I am so happy he is home and hope that the family pow-wow goes ahead and is successful. I understand your wariness but I hope it is uncalled for in the end.

I wish you & Keith the best in sorting this out and finding the best solution.

Sarah

[ChristinaM 0]

In all fairness, it really wasn't that much of a "white lie" anyway, because with no return date he could have been deemed to have moved out and should then have reported his new address to the USCIS.

I'm so glad he's home and this ordeal is over, Shari. I still think that a Family Constitution would do you all the world of good, because once those boundaries are set they can be administered, and the kids will feel it to be something of a democratic process. I also think that insisting on a job or college is a necessary step - you might find that he's got the wanderlust out of his system now, has seen that what he has at home is pretty good and will settle down.... We can only hope so.

Please let us know how the pow-wow goes, and how Daryl progresses in his adjustment.

*hugs*

[atothelkini 0]

changed his password on the computer. He is not even aware of this yet.

I've been following your tale from the start and do feel genuine sympathy for your predicament, and while understanding the stress he has put you through, I still feel I need to ask...

why would you do the above? its just another example to him of his parents snooping behind his back and getting into his private stuff...

OF COURSE he gave you a reason too, and of course you had little other option, but I kind of think its going to be difficult to build a trustworthy relationship between parents and child, when the parents give off the air that they don't trust the child (again, with GOOD REASON), and the child has evidence that they don't (his changed password) - its another thing to rebel against, no?

hopefully though, after the long talks, all these issues can be gradually brushed under the carpet, and a good relationship between everyone can develop...

[Shari 6]

changed his password on the computer. He is not even aware of this yet.

I've been following your tale from the start and do feel genuine sympathy for your predicament, and while understanding the stress he has put you through, I still feel I need to ask...

why would you do the above? its just another example to him of his parents snooping behind his back and getting into his private stuff...

OF COURSE he gave you a reason too, and of course you had little other option . . .

(bolding added by me in quote above) Hmmm? You asked the questions but also answered it: (1) "he gave you a reason to"; and (2) "you had little other option". Keith told Daryl this yesterday and Daryl said he understood and was not upset about it.

Actually you quoted where he had changed his log in. We did not have to go into his email to do that. That is the log in each of the kids have to get into their settings of the computer. You can change the log in in the Administrator screen which we did and not even go into his actual log in. We changed his log in so he could not sneak on the computer while he was "grounded" from it. The computer is the one thing he values, and in order to learn his lesson, he is grounded off it for as many days as he was gone. I also just grounded my youngest daughter from her cell phone for a week because of disobeying me and this is the one thing she values the most. Taking something away they don't care about is not a deterrent.

Anyhow, the update is that when I got home from work last night Daryl was in his room. Keith had dinner ready and everyone else came to the table except for Daryl. He told my son he wasn't hungry and would eat later. He never came out of his room. Neither me nor my daughters ever saw him last night. My son and him share a room though and my son said the two of them played cards and watched t.v., so he is not actually sulking alone. He just knows how me and my girls felt about what he did. Keith said was still embarassed, and though he wanted to talk to me, he is very introverted and shy and kept putting off. Because he is embarrassed and "hiding" from me, I think he is realizing again he did wrong. I will break the ice with him tonight, give him a hug, and then start a conversation, just the two of us. He will get a second chance and I believe he is sorry and regrets what he has done.

[Hilarious Clinton 452]

UPDATE: He is home, doesn't think he did anything wrong, doesn't care anyone worried or stressed, doesn't care we drove 4 hours, used a whole tank of gas, and I had to lose a night's worth of typing (I type at night for extra money). He doesn't care at all!

I get home from work and he calls and says the driver/friend didn't get back from the doctor until late so they won't be brining him halfway last night. I say we will go all the way then and get him. Keith talks to the redneck that doesn't even know where he lives compared to the highway. We ask can they take him to somewhere off the highway (an exit) so we can get him so we don't have to go to their town/house. The guy actually agrees to bring him to a town in Alabama, about an hour's drive for them, two hours for us. We exchange cell numbers so when we get closer we can know what exit to meet at.

We drive and drive and I call and he says he is about an hour away (meaning they haven't left) but we are only 30 minutes away. I tell them to call us back in 30 minutes. I tell Keith just to keep driving so we don't have to sit idle and wait. We get past another big town and I call. The guy says, well, just go to the Tennesse state line, about 10 more miles from where we were. We get there, wait 10-15 minutes. They drive up, but the guy wasn't in the car. I'm confused. I had asked him on my last call had they passed a certain town yet. He said no and that is all. They didn't pass it because they had NEVER left their house. They lived 10 minutes from where they told us to meet in Tenneessee, so they strung us along the whole time telling us they were going to meet us in one town. UGH!

Anyhow, Keith gets out of the car, hugs Daryl, the girls looked shocked he is actually hugging Daryl. Maybe Daryl told the girls his dad was a monster, who knows. But then Keith gets stern telling them they did this the whole wrong way, he did not have permission to go, he was an immigrant that did not have paperwork completed yet. Tthey looked wide-eyed and Daryl was trying to get his dad to stop talking. Keith said that Daryl was under the watch of Homeland Security until his paperwork went through (their eyes got bigger), and that they all could have gotten in trouble for taking him out of the state (a little white lie), etc. All the time Daryl was trying to get his dad to be quiet. Hmmm, guess the girls didn't know the whole story. Now we really wonder what he had told them.

Anyhow, we get home, Keith again tells Daryl how much he has put not only his own mother and sister through, but himself, me, my kids, my mom and sister that call everyday wondering, etc. It went in one ear and out the other. He still thinks he did nothing wrong BECAUSE HE IS 18. He called him mom and went to bed (by this time its nearly midnight). So today Keith and Daryl will hopefully have more converation, though we know Daryl will NOT open up. We took the phones out of the room and changed his password on the computer. He is not even aware of this yet.

The strange thing was, when he got in the car last night, I just broke down without meaning to. Tears just streamed down my face and I couldn't even look his direction. I felt sick to my stomach so much I had to open the window and drive with 30 degree wind on me. I guess the 9 day's worth of stress, frustration, anger, etc. all came to a head when he got in the car. Keith held my hand the whole way home, but I never spoke a word to Daryl. Keith had to even tell Daryl he owed me an apology which under his breath he said he was sorry, but I couldn't even acknowledge him I was so distressed.

So, he's back and I'm on edge. Don't know what the day will bring, but will keep you informed. We have a suspicion they might have had something else planned, but I really think the girls were shocked into what Keith told them. We'll see. Thanks again for all the support.

1. That family sounds like a bunch of losers. Your son shouldn't keep company like that.

2. That "I'm 18 I can do what I want" attitude sucks. Send him Back to the UK. He should start acting 18. I was operating a naval nuclear reactor by the time I was 20 (school from 18-20). The kid needs a wake-up call.

[Welshcookie 17]

I will break the ice with him tonight, give him a hug, and then start a conversation, just the two of us. He will get a second chance and I believe he is sorry and regrets what he has done.

Good for you Shari....you have a good heart....

[MaryandMian 1]

Thanks for the update Shari and sounds like he is thinking of his actions. Good luck.

Mary

[Girona40 0]

1. That family sounds like a bunch of losers. Your son shouldn't keep company like that.

2. That "I'm 18 I can do what I want" attitude sucks. Send him Back to the UK. He should start acting 18. I was operating a naval nuclear reactor by the time I was 20 (school from 18-20). The kid needs a wake-up call.

Well the family does sound like the kind of people one wouldn't like their son to associate with, but we can't always choose our sons/daughters friends. Shari and her husband did the right thing in "encouraging" him to come home and he will learn from them that these people did him no real favours.

The fact that you operated a naval nuclear reactor only proves that you are capable of producing a lot of steam! I am certain, at the age of 20, you were protected and educated by your Chief, Senior Chiefs, and Master Chief. Shari and her husband are just giving their son the same protection and education and I don't think sending him back for one mistake would be the answer. Same as it isn't usual for a service person to be thrown out of the service for one little mistake!

Grow Up!

[pedroh 21]

1. That family sounds like a bunch of losers. Your son shouldn't keep company like that.

2. That "I'm 18 I can do what I want" attitude sucks. Send him Back to the UK. He should start acting 18. I was operating a naval nuclear reactor by the time I was 20 (school from 18-20). The kid needs a wake-up call.

U are the man, man!! lolol.. My dad educated me the same way.. at 18 I wasn't expected to behave like a fool.. If I tried ever to leave the house he'd say 'sure, leave, but please don't come back, if you wanna be like a man, act like one and get a job'

[Hilarious Clinton 452]

1. That family sounds like a bunch of losers. Your son shouldn't keep company like that.

2. That "I'm 18 I can do what I want" attitude sucks. Send him Back to the UK. He should start acting 18. I was operating a naval nuclear reactor by the time I was 20 (school from 18-20). The kid needs a wake-up call.

Well the family does sound like the kind of people one wouldn't like their son to associate with, but we can't always choose our sons/daughters friends. Shari and her husband did the right thing in "encouraging" him to come home and he will learn from them that these people did him no real favours.

The fact that you operated a naval nuclear reactor only proves that you are capable of producing a lot of steam! I am certain, at the age of 20, you were protected and educated by your Chief, Senior Chiefs, and Master Chief. Shari and her husband are just giving their son the same protection and education and I don't think sending him back for one mistake would be the answer. Same as it isn't usual for a service person to be thrown out of the service for one little mistake!

Grow Up!

The nuclear navy is unlike the regular navy. In every way. Yes there is a chain of command but you are required to know your job and everyone's job around you. Do a google search for the naval nuclear power program. I was making steam not making excuses.

My point is that at 18 you shouldn't be acting 12 years old.

[pedroh 21]

1. That family sounds like a bunch of losers. Your son shouldn't keep company like that.

2. That "I'm 18 I can do what I want" attitude sucks. Send him Back to the UK. He should start acting 18. I was operating a naval nuclear reactor by the time I was 20 (school from 18-20). The kid needs a wake-up call.

Well the family does sound like the kind of people one wouldn't like their son to associate with, but we can't always choose our sons/daughters friends. Shari and her husband did the right thing in "encouraging" him to come home and he will learn from them that these people did him no real favours.

The fact that you operated a naval nuclear reactor only proves that you are capable of producing a lot of steam! I am certain, at the age of 20, you were protected and educated by your Chief, Senior Chiefs, and Master Chief. Shari and her husband are just giving their son the same protection and education and I don't think sending him back for one mistake would be the answer. Same as it isn't usual for a service person to be thrown out of the service for one little mistake!

Grow Up!

The nuclear navy is unlike the regular navy. In every way. Yes there is a chain of command but you are required to know your job and everyone's job around you. Do a google search for the naval nuclear power program. I was making steam not making excuses.

My point is that at 18 you shouldn't be acting 12 years old.

PWNED

I agree.. in America I dunno why they treat the 18year olds like toddlers.. its ridiculous..