K2 18 YO UK step-son ran off w/17 YO US girl . . . .

[Girona40 0]

Did you come to a foreign country at the age of 18?

This is not an American 18 year old, he is British.

Some parents actually care about their kids for their entire lives. I sincerely hope that Shari and her husband help Daryl realise that he is loved and wanted and that they do care about his future here. Good parents do worry about their children, not just kick them to the kerb when they reach the age of 18.

Edited February 8, 2006 by Girona40

[Jaylen Brit 0]

Being a parent is a really hard job - you dont get a manual - you have to tailor everything to the child involved and play things by ear.

We don't eject babies into the wold knowing exactly what to do with them in any given situation.

What we DO do is try and keep them as safe as we can, and teach them values, one of which is respect.

You can't keep them kids forever but you can damn well make sure they know about respecting others when they start to spread their wings.

All we can do is teach and hope it sticks.

I think Shari and her hubby are being really cool after the horible week + they had and very restrained in their reactions. The restrained (yet still disapointed but forgiving) part will teach Daryl more about respect than any lecture Im sure. And of course there are consequences he has to bear - thats all part of being an adult, growing up and becoming a decent person.

Good on ya Shari

[Peggy 1]

Did you come to a foreign country at the age of 18?

This is not an American 18 year old, he is British.

Some parents actually care about their kids for their entire lives. I sincerely hope that Shari and her husband help Daryl realise that he is loved and wanted and that they do care about his future here. Good parents do worry about their children, not just kick them to the kerb when they reach the age of 18.

I agree

[Shari 6]

UPDATE: When I got home last night, Daryl was waiting for me outside near the back door in the 40 degree temperatures. As soon as he saw me he asked "can I talk to you?". I could tell he was very nervous. I said "Just a second" and put my purse down on the outdoor table and then gave him a big hug to which he reciprocated nicely. He said he was very sorry for putting us through what he did last night, that he didn't "think", and that he promised it wouldn't happen again. I told him I was a teenager too at one time, but that we were worried. I told him that the night in the car when we picked him up I didn't speak to him because all the past week's events hit me as soon as he got into the car and I just got very upset and couldn't even speak. I told him I didn't want him to think that I wasn't going to ever speak or that I hold grudges, because that is one thing I do not do. I told him I had already talked to his dad yesterday and told Keith I was going to break the ice with him and talk because I didn't want Daryl to think I was avoiding him. So everything is fine in that regard.

But around 12:15 a.m. the phone rang three times. I was obvoiusly sound asleep. So by the time I jumped up and got it, the caller hung up. But quess who it was . . . the girlfriend from Tennessee. They haven't spoken since as Daryl was only allowed to call his family since he's been back. But because I put "annonymous call block" on the phone (didn't know I had it last week), she couldn't get through with blocking her number any more and now we have the name (her mom's) and number she was calling from for future reference (if we need it). Anyhow. I don't know if it was a "hint" call for Daryl to call her or not. We'll see if she tries any during the day today.

Thanks everyone. Maybe I won't have to post any more on this thread. Maybe we will have smooth sailing from this point on. We can hope!

[Girona40 0]

UPDATE: When I got home last night, Daryl was waiting for me outside near the back door in the 40 degree temperatures. As soon as he saw me he asked "can I talk to you?". I could tell he was very nervous. I said "Just a second" and put my purse down on the outdoor table and then gave him a big hug to which he reciprocated nicely. He said he was very sorry for putting us through what he did last night, that he didn't "think", and that he promised it wouldn't happen again. I told him I was a teenager too at one time, but that we were worried. I told him that the night in the car when we picked him up I didn't speak to him because all the past week's events hit me as soon as he got into the car and I just got very upset and couldn't even speak. I told him I didn't want him to think that I wasn't going to ever speak or that I hold grudges, because that is one thing I do not do. I told him I had already talked to his dad yesterday and told Keith I was going to break the ice with him and talk because I didn't want Daryl to think I was avoiding him. So everything is fine in that regard.

But around 12:15 a.m. the phone rang three times. I was obvoiusly sound asleep. So by the time I jumped up and got it, the caller hung up. But quess who it was . . . the girlfriend from Tennessee. They haven't spoken since as Daryl was only allowed to call his family since he's been back. But because I put "annonymous call block" on the phone (didn't know I had it last week), she couldn't get through with blocking her number any more and now we have the name (her mom's) and number she was calling from for future reference (if we need it). Anyhow. I don't know if it was a "hint" call for Daryl to call her or not. We'll see if she tries any during the day today.

Thanks everyone. Maybe I won't have to post any more on this thread. Maybe we will have smooth sailing from this point on. We can hope!

Thanks Shari for the update - a tear came to my eye as I read it. I know teenagers are hard at times, but he has to be given some credit for asking to talk. I am so glad that you put your bag down and hugged him - he will remember that in times to come and he will learn from the whole experience.

Does Daryl have a phone in his room? Was he aware that she called last night? She may just be concerned that he is alright - not knowing what good people you are - and how it all went when he got home. Put it this way, if they weren't prepared to drive him home I doubt they will come and pick him up again in a hurry. Maybe Daryl should speak to her and ask her to stop calling late at night. She will get bored with it all soon..............they usually do, and everything will get back to normal.

He knows now how upset you were by what happened and obviously appreciates the way you guys have been so nice about everything. Boys that age think deeper than we realise at times. I have been through it and am going through it now with my youngest boy. When I hear my kids talk about me and my husband to their friends they say "My parents are so cool". They even agree now that the way we handled things was totally right - they just couldn't see it at the time, being teenagers!

You did a good job Shari - oh the joys of teenagers!

[MaryandMian 1]

Thanks for the update Shari and hope things continue smoothly. It sounds like everyone is taking the time to talk and get to understand each others feelings. Teens are never easy to deal with and wanted to say that I think you did a great job.

Mary

[Dixie_Peach 1]

PWNED!!

what does that mean????? haha

I am praying for you... it is tough being a parent... handle him with love and consistency... and understanding of how it is to be a teenager in today's society... it is quite different from when I was a teen... so I tend to talk to my son a lot about things... even when he doesn't feel like talking, i just let him know that I am here. Of course, my son is 14... not 18. Wishing that it all works out for the best for both of you!

Lynne

[rebeccajo 14]

Sounds like he realizes what he has done. That's a very good start.

And yeah, you can't hold grudges. Especially with kids. Could actually, if things continue to improve, be the start of real communication, you know?

Keep us posted and we'll keep up the positive mothering reinforcement!

[Dixie_Peach 1]

What a mess. I'm beginning to wonder if you might find the services of an investigator to be useful. Do you have any lawyer friends? Lawyers usually know the local process servers and investigators, and you might be surprised that they don't always charge as much as you think. This would be one way to have him 'picked up' without having the authorities involved. I would only take this tactic though if the investigator had a good reputation. We have one in our town who used to be a state trooper - he does everything by the book, breaks no laws.

Daryl may be a legal adult, but as an applicant to adjust status, he may be under under the auspices of the US government at the moment (where are our 'legal expert posters' when we need them).

And what I don't like about this, most of all, is the girl. I doubt she is 'good' for him. She's a sneak. As the mother of a son, I have to say that when I finally laid eyes on her, I'd be asking her if she enjoyed her 18th birthday - because if she pulled that again she might not live to see her 19th. *steams*

hear hear rebecca!!!

My son is 14... and i tell him that if he lies to me, then that leaves me no area to trust him. geesh, having teens is havoc on ya!

[Girona40 0]

Just curious, Shari, how things are going. I hope that life is slowly getting back to normal and that you haven't had too many problems since.

Thinking of you.

G

[Peggy 1]

Glad to see things are getting back to normal for you Shari..........

[Fandango 1,439]

This topic was linked at the bottom of another thread...which made me think....how's it all going???

[almaty 19]

???? i hope well !

[munchkins 0]

I hope so too