K2 18 YO UK step-son ran off w/17 YO US girl . . . .

[Shari 6]

Just when things start going smoothly on the immigration front . . . . my 18-year-old step-son, Daryl, met a girl online just this month from Tennessee (we live in Alabama). He is 18. She is 17. We don't know much else except for the town she lives in - Pulaski. Anyhow, long story shortened, she had her friend drive her down on Saturday which we thought was just to "meet". After they had left Tennessee he said he "forgot" to tell us he was going back with her. His father, Keith, put his foot down and said no and gave him all the reasons. Daryl got mad and went into his room. He refused to call her and tell her he was not going with her (because he could have been embarassed). They got to the outskirts of B'ham and Daryl still wanted us to take him. His dad said no. Daryl then asked my 19 YO daughter and she said no, she was not getting involved. He ended up talkng the girls through to our area, though we did not know. When we realized they were that close Keith went looking for Daryl but he had already packed a bag and ran up to the main road 1/2 mile away, got in their car and left. He has NO money. He doesn't have his SS card yet as he just got his EAD last week which his dad has. He can't work. When he thought we would let him go earlier, he said he would be gone 4-5 days.

We are both furious but I'm getting madder as the days go on because I am responsible for him (as his father told him). Daryl kept saying nothing would happen, trust him, don't worry, etc. We don't have the girl's name or home phone number. We only had the cell phone of the friend. We called right after we realized he was gone and he told his dad he was going and didn't care. He did call for less than a minute Sunday morning to tell his dad everything was okay and he would be back in 4-5 days. Then his dad told him when he got back he was sending him back to England (his mom is there), and Daryl hung up.

Now, my questions. He has AP and EAD. No word on AOS interview date yet, but more than likely the move back to England will be permanent. My questions are:

1. If he goes back but wants to come back to England, how long can he be gone on AP?

2. If he goes back but wants to come back but misses his AOS appointment can he reschedule that or if he doesn't show up does he give up that right to get an AOS?

3. What if he gets back to town and refuses to go back to England? Can we make him in any way? Cancel his paperwork?

4. What if he doesn't come back to town period. How can we get him back here? He is 18, of age in the U.S. I wouldn't think he would stay up there though as I said he has no $ or job, but if he knows his father is sending him back to England and he doesn't want to go (because of the gir) he might try to stay up there.

Any more advice would be appreciated. He has told my 19-year-old daughter he didn't care if he went back to England (I think he would prefer it as his friends and mom are back there). He has lived here since September and has had nothing to do while he and his dad were awaiting EAD, but he isn't very ambitious either. ARG! Drama!

[Sharon 1]

Wow...do you have your hands full!

My guess is that he will return and not want to go back to England and everything will even out. Has he ever done anything like this before?

As for how long he can be gone on AP I think a few months anyway before USCIS begins to question whether or not the AOS application has been abandoned, but you might want to look into that.

If he mises his AOS interview I'm not sure how well that would go over. But you get the interview letter for AOS pretty well in advance most of the time (like a month in advance) so that should give him enough time to get back, if need be. When you get the interview letter, if he's still in England and won't be able to get here in time, I suppose you could always infor USCIS that he is in England "visiting" and that you need to postpone your interview for a later date. I've heard that USCIS frowns upon that tho unless you have an emergency.

I'm not sure that you can actually MAKE him return, because as you've said, he is of legal age. One thing's for sure...if he doesn't return before the interview, he will then be illegal and have MANY problems afterward!

Good Luck....wish I could be of more help.

[Shari 6]

Sharon - he has never done anything like this before, but in England everything/everyone was within walking or bus distance and he never had friends far away. He knows a few kids here through my daughter, but only goes with them when my daughter invites him - in other words he has no friends on his own because he doesn't go to college (doesn't want to) and has not been able to get a job yet (just got EAD card 2 weeks ago). He has no $ at all and we have no $ for him to buy a car because Keith still doesn't have a job. We will have to take Daryl to and from work when he does get a job and he will have to save for a car.

Anyhow, what makes me the maddest is he hid their plans, then lied about them ("oh, I forgot to tell you I was going back with them"), told his dad he was going anyhow after his dad told him no, and then he snuck out of the house and left leaving us no numbers or address of where he was going or who he was staying with (supposedly the friend, not the girl, because the friend has her own place).

Thanks for responding Sharon.

[Fandango 1,439]

I would say that if he likes this girl that much & he thinks you're going to ship him off, he might not come home as planned. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, and I hope I'm wrong, but that is my opinion.

Unless he just thinks it's an idle threat.

At the end of the day, he's an adult so he doesn't have to go home if he doesn't want to.

[rebeccajo 14]

I'm more worried about the girl being a minor than anything else.

[Shari 6]

Rebecca - yea, that is what I'm worried about too. Daryl says the girl's mother knows he was coming, but now I don't beleive it because he is supposedy staying with the friend because she has her own place. If we had the phone number we would call the mother and let her know what is going on. I'm also worried that her home situation is not good (mother with cancer, father out of the picture, girl quit school to take care of her mother, brother who is retarded - not sure how old or the extent) and she may be looking for an out (in more ways than one). What might she do to trick him into "things"?

[slim 1,519]

I wouldn't worry too much about this.

He's 18, met a girl, she said she liked him, and since he hasn't had anything really going on since he's been here he jumped at the chance to get out and do something.

He figures, "Hey, I'm 18, they can't tell me what to do. I can do whatever I want." And, he's right! But, what he fails to realize now, and what you all realize, is that without money and a job or a car, going to see a girl that you don't know is a stupid thing to do.

So, after a couple of days, when he calls you and says "Hey, um... dad... uh... shari....uh... things aren't really working up here.... can I come home?" You can go ahead and say yes.

The important thing though is not to say "We told you so!" but to encourage him that if he wants to meet girls and have fun with friends, etc., it's going to take hard work, and even a little ambition on his part. Help him through that. But, like he's doing: "He's 18 now...... so maybe he can deal with it himself!"

Oh, and one other thing.... 17 is a minor, but we're talking Tennessee here!

Some girls have GRANDkids by 17 in the Volunteer State.

[Shari 6]

Slim - I'm told Pulaski is real "back woods". Kinda scary, in more ways than one. Anyone reading this from Tennessee that can shed any light on Pulaski?

[rebeccajo 14]

I wouldn't worry too much about this.

He's 18, met a girl, she said she liked him, and since he hasn't had anything really going on since he's been here he jumped at the chance to get out and do something.

He figures, "Hey, I'm 18, they can't tell me what to do. I can do whatever I want." And, he's right! But, what he fails to realize now, and what you all realize, is that without money and a job or a car, going to see a girl that you don't know is a stupid thing to do.

So, after a couple of days, when he calls you and says "Hey, um... dad... uh... shari....uh... things aren't really working up here.... can I come home?" You can go ahead and say yes.

The important thing though is not to say "We told you so!" but to encourage him that if he wants to meet girls and have fun with friends, etc., it's going to take hard work, and even a little ambition on his part. Help him through that. But, like he's doing: "He's 18 now...... so maybe he can deal with it himself!"

Oh, and one other thing.... 17 is a minor, but we're talking Tennessee here!

Some girls have GRANDkids by 17 in the Volunteer State.

*shakes my head*

Slim do you have kids?

If the answer is no, please keep it that way.

[pax 0]

Oh, and one other thing.... 17 is a minor, but we're talking Tennessee here!

Some girls have GRANDkids by 17 in the Volunteer State.

Let's hope the gal's parents feel the same way.

Somehow, I doubt they will have much of a sense of humor about it.

[slim 1,519]

I believe all of you are forgetting that you were once 17 or 18, and the excitement of being carefree. However, the sad truth about being 17 or 18 is that once that excitement wears off, you're back in the "grown up" world, and love doesn't pay the bills.

(No kids, and maybe I should keep it that way. I'm just trying to show both sides of the story here. I had a buddy that MARRIED a 17 y/o from Tennessee. So, yeah, I have a little insight here. But he, like this guy, will realize that while everything is great when you're young... a short time later, things are real again.)

[KarenCee 3]

I wouldn't worry too much about this.

He's 18, met a girl, she said she liked him, and since he hasn't had anything really going on since he's been here he jumped at the chance to get out and do something.

He figures, "Hey, I'm 18, they can't tell me what to do. I can do whatever I want." And, he's right! But, what he fails to realize now, and what you all realize, is that without money and a job or a car, going to see a girl that you don't know is a stupid thing to do.

So, after a couple of days, when he calls you and says "Hey, um... dad... uh... shari....uh... things aren't really working up here.... can I come home?" You can go ahead and say yes.

The important thing though is not to say "We told you so!" but to encourage him that if he wants to meet girls and have fun with friends, etc., it's going to take hard work, and even a little ambition on his part. Help him through that. But, like he's doing: "He's 18 now...... so maybe he can deal with it himself!"

Oh, and one other thing.... 17 is a minor, but we're talking Tennessee here!

Some girls have GRANDkids by 17 in the Volunteer State.

*shakes my head*

Slim do you have kids?

If the answer is no, please keep it that way.

I have to totally agree here....this is more than just a kid who's found a girl he likes....didn't you read what the OP said? She is legally responsible for him....I'd be worried and upset too.

[Shari 6]

Thanks for all the comments. Big worries: (1) she is underage; (2) where is he/what kind of people is he with; (3) he has NO money, not a red cent ; (4) is he coming back/when?

[Kajikit 65]

To be honest, I'd say that if the girl really IS 17, then she's not really a 'minor' especially if she's taken on as much adult responsibility as it sounds like she has. 17 and 18 isn't a big difference in age... he's not committing any crime in being with her because AFAIK 16 is the legal age of consent. So little as you may approve of his behaviour, he's not breaking the law.

If you ship him off back to England now, he's going to be p'ed at you to say the least, and I don't think he'll be running back to do his AOS interview... so he won't be able to come back to the US to live. And you won't be able to be much of a positive influence on his life from ten thousand miles away.

It sounds to me like he's attempting to assert his adulthood 'I'm 18, I can do what I like'... and you might be best off to leave him be for awhile. Let him try out adult life - maybe he'll find that he likes it and he's ready to grow up, or maybe he'll realise that he's still got a heck of a lot of growing up to do and come back. In Australia, 18 is still a kid, but in the US it seems to be when a lot of young people leave home to go to college and they never come back again... on those grounds, you're not responsible for him - HE'S responsible for him.

[Shari 6]

Thanks for your wisdom Kajikit. Ok, to be perfectly blunt here is by biggest concern: Daryl has not had any other girlfriends but maybe one in England. He is shy. He is naive possibly. What is she wants out of her family life so bad she intentially gets pregnant or something so he will "rescue" her and take her back with him one day? She lives 3 hours away. He has no job and no car. She might think when he gets back to Birmingham she won't see him again or for a long time because of those factors and she might not like that. I hope I am wrong. I hope they are having fun together (*safely*), and she is a good person. Its just too that he tried to be so sneaky about it, like it wasn't planned. Running off to another state when he has only been in the U.S. since September is not a good decision.