Calling it Quits

[kennym 275]

face it, there are many people that get married to a US citizen to have a better life here in the USA.

I would guess 50% of the time this is the main reason.

Just like many women marry men for there money, etc...............

Ha ha.. just gotta laugh...

How many american couples get married because of security or a better life?

I gaurantee you your "50 %" number is an unfair generlaization and has NOTHING to do with the reason marriages fail..

Most women i've known from other countrues would much rather stay in thier country.. It's not to say that they those relationships dont exists.. they do.. but that is the primary reason people marry thier partners whether from the same neighborhood or opposite side of the globe.. This particular reason for choosing a partner goes back zillions of years... and I am willing to bet, those are the strongest couples

Nope, you're wrong.. but...

Here is why they fail;

I would also be willing to say this.. the reason any couples (forreign or not) have struggles is because they marry because of physical attraction as the primary factor.. then realize there is nothing else in common to keep the flame burning or enduring hardships together, that's why relationships fail..

That's why when I hear "it was love and first site" or "instant chemistry" I roll up my eyes and say, oh #######.. here we go.. You're rational is soo common though, as if, it's a bad reason..

However "women seeking security" is soo common regardless of where they're from that they see the man as the provider as the strength as the foundation to keep the relationship strong and ensure the needs of the family are met.. That's been happening since caveman days.. But, that has always been the role of the man..

So when women of many other countries see thier men who rather live vicariously or selfish and abusive and see an American Man who they believe from the movies or where ever, that American (UK and English) men are more chivlarous, more affectionate more concerned with thier families welfare and and so forth, they beleive they will have a better life..

Absolutely normal rational for women who will eventually want to have children with someone they can feel confident with.. I am not saying their right in believing this about American men, but it seems to be a belief shared in many underdeveloped countries...

Never-the-less, Couples who marry based purely on physical attraction fail more often then couples who marry for security...

On the other hand, once the new happy bride learns the man she married is a looser, unreliable, can't keep a job, cheats, lies, and is a drunk, then those women who thought they had security won't be happy and will lead to a separation.. They will feel they were lied to, decieved and led to beleive something that wasnt true and thier security for thier future is at risk..

Women wanting a secure life is not a bad thing, it's not gold digging, it's not anything new.. it has been ther reason women seek men for zillions of years...

Edited August 23, 2012 by kennym

[kennym 275]

Thanks for the response guys.

Kennym....I have tried to work it out, it doesnt work. My wife refuses to work and I can't make her look for work. I sometimes pick up a second job just to make sure we are doing alright.

She threatens to report me as a verbal abuser ( even though I feel like it . Even amazon.com doesn't have a single decent book for abused guys ).

I am going to talk to a lawyer to look at various options. Divorce is a horrible horrible thing and now I know what people go through.

sjames4

Here is the thing..

None of us know your situation, we cant possibly recommend a specific path.. But you have those choices..

1. Stay toghether - which means you likely need to keep tolerating her treatment..
   
2. Try to work it out - You may have already attempted to do this.. You're the only one that knows.. I will agree with others, life is too short to be unhappy...
   
3. Divorce - If the other options wont work for you, this is the only other possibility.. At your stage in immigration, you can divorce with no impact on your status.. you should be eligible to apply for citizenship.. Do it.. Find another person who treats you like you deserve and live a happy life..
   

You have decide which of thoe options is best for you...

Kenny