Calling it Quits

[jimos 6]

She would need hard evidence.

I am sure they get many many reports from spoilt USC's who want them to remove their dirty linen.

yes i'm sure of that, heard of a lot of cases of people that just got into an argue and one of the sides threatened to call USCIS and get the person in trouble for nothing.

pure ridiculous.

[DeniseFrance 14]

face it, there are many people that get married to a US citizen to have a better life here in the USA.

I would guess 50% of the time this is the main reason.

Just like many women marry men for there money, etc...............

[JennyLee 0]

Hi,

Could you somehow document the evidence that she is abusing you so you will have some kind of proof (if she ever calls the police for instance) like a tape recording of her verbally threatening you? It sounds like control from what the other members said. I doubt she can do anything but some people are mean so it's better to get out now. If you want to stay, maybe she needs counseling and was perhaps abused herself growing up? She could just be spoiled I don't know. It's not right to threaten you like that.

[Pinoylover 6]

I have been on GC for last 5 years. I am not planning on applying for citizenship for personal reason. I got my GC thru my wife. Our relationship has been going on and off. We live in a rented house and own a car. We have joint accounts, have been on a few vacations. However, lately, things are not working out for us. She has been threatening me that she is going to call USCIS and report that I married her only for GC. We have had fights from 2nd year ( before my GC was approved )on and off. We did have intimacy issues between us. We also have a few financial issues that are causing a toll on the marriage. Now she is threatening me every time we fight that she is going to call USCIS and report that the marriage was fake.

Not sure if anyone has been in this situation, but I feel pretty disgusted right now. I just want to pay off the loan and finish my schooling. What do you guys suggest I do ?

you have a green card for 5 years no worries...My ex was only married to me for a year and half and had the green card for only the half of the year when she left. i tried reporting her and well she's somewhere in Florida. Nothing has happen nor will.

[Rob & Monika 87]

Your story is very one sided, and you said these verbal attacks are more of a recent event, what has changed? If she's not working, and you are working (sometimes two jobs) and taking classes, then my guess is your marital problems stem from you not being around enough to spend time with her. That would be tough on any relationship. Your problems are likely circumstantial and may eventually pass when you are done with school.

[aayitrun 66]

also do take care because sometimes spiteful people like these will lie to damage your reputation and may claim domestic violence. you will probably win that in the end but its a headache. if u have a 10 year gc which it sounds like you do, file for divorce and move on.

[HuklerYenny 21]

Thanks for the response guys.

Kennym....I have tried to work it out, it doesnt work. My wife refuses to work and I can't make her look for work. I sometimes pick up a second job just to make sure we are doing alright.

She threatens to report me as a verbal abuser ( even though I feel like it . Even amazon.com doesn't have a single decent book for abused guys ).

Newbie608/Xanax... like your name. Yes, we have our finances co-mingled, but we do have our own personal accounts. Most of our money / stocks etc are in joint accounts.

Anh... she is banking on the fact that we did not have intimacy for an extended period of time to accuse me.

Karee... Yes, I have a 10 year GC. I still regret getting it from her. I've never heard the end of it.

I am going to talk to a lawyer to look at various options. Divorce is a horrible horrible thing and now I know what people go through.

OP, just a precaution for you, but in case she's a nutcase (as in mentally sick), you should be careful when starting the divorce process. She "might" get violent and cause you harm. It sounds to me she's one of those people who think the "beneficiaries" owe them favors (for bringing them here in the US and getting better life). She still thinks that debt is owed by you and not yet paid in full (the reason why she refuses to work).

I'm not a psychologist. And my above opinion should not be used for any legal purpose(s)!!!!!! Just a thought.

[Boiler 46,086]

You could mention the Affidavit of Support she signed.

[BKMatthew 8]

Calling the USCIS and saying the marriage was a sham is either confessing she committed perjury when she supported your original application for a green card, or she's filing a false complaint now. Both of these are serious issues that could bite her in the ####.

You may want to try relationship counselling, or contact one of the many men's support groups online. There may not be many books on amazon about abused men, but there are a number of support groups. If your marriage is in fact over, you may also want to consider separation and divorce.

You have your green card, they're not going to revoke it unless you commit a crime or there is evidence that either you or your wife lied on your application.

Life is to short to tolerate bullying.

Edited August 23, 2012 by BKMatthew

[JorJoe 33]

you got your 10 years GC, you can live on your own if you cant take it anymore. had a friend with same problem and they got divorced, same issue with threats.

not saying you shouldnt try to revive your marriage but living like you do isnt really much a living.

wish you goodluck with your coming days.

[Alejandra LaBonte 0]

I have been on GC for last 5 years. I am not planning on applying for citizenship for personal reason. I got my GC thru my wife. Our relationship has been going on and off. We live in a rented house and own a car. We have joint accounts, have been on a few vacations. However, lately, things are not working out for us. She has been threatening me that she is going to call USCIS and report that I married her only for GC. We have had fights from 2nd year ( before my GC was approved )on and off. We did have intimacy issues between us. We also have a few financial issues that are causing a toll on the marriage. Now she is threatening me every time we fight that she is going to call USCIS and report that the marriage was fake.

Not sure if anyone has been in this situation, but I feel pretty disgusted right now. I just want to pay off the loan and finish my schooling. What do you guys suggest I do ?

Don't worry about it, next time she tell you that, let her know that if she say that the worst thing that could happen to you is to be deported, but for her it will represents up to 15 yrs in jail for lie to the federal government.

[Fight for Love 98]

to be honest maybe your doing something that making her think that...do you?

i assumed your not giving her security. your probably giving her a reason to have a doubt. nothing personal...just saying!!!

[Connie and Me 1]

If you can get her to sign a post-nuptial agreement that includes 29 sessions of coitus per week, I sense your problems with your wife will dissipate.

Just got home from work, and that just made my day!

[Confused 2 94]

Calling the USCIS and saying the marriage was a sham is either confessing she committed perjury when she supported your original application for a green card, or she's filing a false complaint now. Both of these are serious issues that could bite her in the ####.

You may want to try relationship counselling, or contact one of the many men's support groups online. There may not be many books on amazon about abused men, but there are a number of support groups. If your marriage is in fact over, you may also want to consider separation and divorce.

You have your green card, they're not going to revoke it unless you commit a crime or there is evidence that either you or your wife lied on your application.

Life is to short to tolerate bullying.

Completely agree with everything, especially the bold part.

OP, you need to figure out the pros and cons of your marriage and decide. As far as immigration is concerned, treat this marriage as any normal marriage with no immigration issues.

[sjames4 4]

Thanks for the response guys. I don't think I am doing anything that can make her feel that I did this all for immigration. Fortunately for me, last night, her sisters stopped over and saw her throw tantrums and tried to calm her down. The reason I have been with her for 6 years is because I love her and I hate to say this but it seems to be fading away.

I don't think she is a bully, but surely a brat. She worked for first 2 years of our marriage but then got laid off and has refused to go back. Also, just for some skeptics, I am a Phd and was working in a firm in Denver on a work visa before my marriage. I have been in US for last 9 years. I just made a dumb mistake of applying GC through her and not through the company I was working with. I wanted to throw this out there because some people assume us as fraudsters by default. Fortunately we have a forums like these.