over protective parents

[Donal78 0]

Hi,

How does one deal with over protective parents. My wifes parents treat my wife like a child. They try and infuence every decision we make, be it jobwise, looking for a place to rent etc. It drives me nuts as my wife lived in ireland for close to 3 years and it did her the world for her personal and professional life. I know they mean well but we are adults in our late twenties.

How does one deal with parents like that without hurting their feelings. Myself and my wife have already had countless arguments over them.

[Arazia 0]

Parents...

I've now been in this situation in two different ways.

My own parents treated me like a child well into my twenties. It took them a long time to let go of that parental need to control everything. My mother still gets bossy if things aren't cleaned to her specifications, but for the most part what helped with that situation was getting distance, real distance from them. Not talking to them every day, and not clearing every decision with them is also good. Making sure that when you make a decision, you sound firm and sure about it. If you sound unsure, it opens up the door for them to come in and give their unneeded advice. (Unless of course you're looking for it, but that's a different issue, I think...)

Of course, now I'm dealing with parents on the other end of the pond. My fiancee', who I will freely admit is younger than most would expect, has parents who pretty much try to control everything. They have multiple times, subtlely, tried to get him to see the 'light' when it comes to me. About how having this kind of relationship is bad and such.

I really wish I had all the answers. Dealing with my fiancee's parents isn't like dealing with my own. While things did go away eventually with my parents, or at least dull down to the point where it's tolerable... I don't know what it is exactly that you have to 'click' in a parent's head to get them to accept their children are adults.

Merf.

[Kez/JWolf 6]

Dont disscuss anything with them and then they can comment... if they ask what you are doing about something thell them you are dealing with it... be firm and stand your ground...

Kezzie

[Canuck Carrie 1]

Simple, stop telling them about everything. They can't interfere with it if they don't know about it.

[Donal78 0]

Simple, stop telling them about everything. They can't interfere with it if they don't know about it.

Thats excellent advice. We will try that idea. Sometimes been irish aint good when you can talk and talk till the cows come home. On a positive note They have been awesome over the last 6 months when they dont intefere.

[LovinLiberia 0]

I have one of the most overbearing, negative, and controlling mothers ever. She has always felt the need to tell me what I should do instead of giving me advice on what I should do. We have had several arguments and I she actually was a big reason why my first marriage didn't work. She would call me at least 3-4 times a day and if we didn't speak at those times then she would become very angry and demanding to know where I was and what I was doing.

It drove me insane! Finally, I had to learn to cut her out of most things in my life. I simply wouldn't answer her phone calls except maybe 1 a day or every other day (even then that is too much). I moved halfway across the country. I learned to not tell her everything that was going on in my life. I definately don't discuss my fiance with her other than typical things like "he's fine, he's in school now, etc." We have a much better relationship and she is finally learning that I can make my own decisions. She still does offer her "advice" and I kindly tell her that I've heard it and will make my own decision regarding the matter. It's tough to stand up to a parent like that, especially when that parent has treated you that way your whole life. For me, it was just as the previous posters stated...they can't comment on what they don't know.

[john_and_marlene 162]

I left home at 17 and joined the military. I have always made my own decisions, but I have an overbearing mother that has tried to give me advice on how to live every aspect of my life. I have always let her know that I am capable of living my own life and making my own decisions/mistakes and surviving the consequences. That being said, she continued in her attempts to influence me for years. She slightly reduced her advice giving sometime after my 40th birthday but still feels the need to interject from time to time. I'm wearing her down though and fully expect to be trusted to make my own decisions by the time I collect social security. You cannot change your parents.

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

Just because someone offers an opinion, however strongly worded, does not mean you need to accept the opinion or even react to it. Parents will offer opinions, you're an adult so stop reacting to their advice like a child and take it like an adult. Do what adults do.. ignore them. LOL.

[Donal78 0]

Just because someone offers an opinion, however strongly worded, does not mean you need to accept the opinion or even react to it. Parents will offer opinions, you're an adult so stop reacting to their advice like a child and take it like an adult. Do what adults do.. ignore them. LOL.

Thanx for that

[almaty 19]

Just because someone offers an opinion, however strongly worded, does not mean you need to accept the opinion or even react to it. Parents will offer opinions, you're an adult so stop reacting to their advice like a child and take it like an adult. Do what adults do.. ignore them. LOL.

Thanx for that

it was excellent advice

[Mags 112]

Myself and my wife have already had countless arguments over them.

I'd just like to add don't let them come between you and your wife. Remember, your wife probably feels stuck in the middle. She may be torn between doing what her parents think best (because, despite how much people may find their parents annoying, most of us crave parental approval) and what you feel. Bear that in mind when discussing them between yourselves.

If you don't make a decision to start telling them less things and to stop letting them interfere, it may become a real bone of contention between the two of you in the future.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Simple, stop telling them about everything. They can't interfere with it if they don't know about it.

That's what I had to do with my parents. They went ballistic when I told them that I was dating someone from another country. They both sent me typed letters (it was classic) expressing their dismay and that I should "forget about her" and focus on my children. We went through a few months of no communication after that - I was so pissed and hurt. But it's all water under the bridge and even though this 'emotional separation' from them finally took place after I was nearly 40, my relationship with my parents is much better for it.