Wedding Plans Thread

[sara80 17]

For me all this bridesmaids stuff is still kind of a mystery to me! haha we dont' have such thing in Italy, only best man/maid of honour who could be up to two per bride/groom. Since one of my sisters in law to be is helping us with the actual ceremony/reception as we are having our wedding in California, where neither of us live (!) it would be super difficult to arrange bridesmaids dresses etc... A friend of mine will be travelling from Sweden to California for my wedding and I am kind of torn whether to ask her to be my maid of honor or my uncle, who is gonna be the only relative who is coming... Is the maid of honor usually a woman? In Italy could be either. hmm

[Ben and Jill 37]

'afoyoswa'

Also, I've decided to forgo the "maid of honor" designation and call all of my attendants bridesmaids: that's not weird, is it?

It's your wedding...do what you want, and no...it's not weird at all and if anyone thinks it is...you know right where they can go right?? lol

Edited August 29, 2012 by Ben and Jill

[afoyoswa 178]

It's your wedding...do what you want, and no...it's not weird at all and if anyone thinks it is...you know right where they can go right?? lol

Thanks, Jill: you're so right! So I will not even ask if it's weird to invite everyone I like at work, and not the immediate supervisor whom I can't stand (but who thinks we're BFFs), even though the people I *am* inviting pretty much completely surround her office on all sides? Even though it will not be a politically expedient choice at all? But darnit, I don't want her there. And that's that. Strange how I can skip the MOH title for political reasons, but I can't invite Evil Boss even though there are ample political reasons to do so. I have a line I will not cross, and there it is, apparently.

[kate&javi 26]

No "maid of honor" for me either. My sisters are my bridesmaids and they are EQUAL to me so I can't bring myself to call one of them the maid of honor or anything. To me that would seem really choosy. Javier's groomsmen are my sister's husband (he's never met him but the guy is one of my good friends) and his friend who lives in the US (thank goodness!).

I also agree that since it's our wedding, we can do what we want! You don't have to follow the "traditions," for example I don't want a bouquet or a garter toss (I think it's kind of weird) and since we are holding our reception in my parent's backyard (complete with a huge tent, etc.), I'm thinking of putting Bocce Ball courts, corn hole/bags, and horse shoes out for everyone to play (my family really likes that stuff). I also saw an idea about people "choosing a seat, not a side" at the ceremony and I absolutely LOVE that idea so we are going to do that. Plus it would be weird if my "side" was full and Javier's "side" had like 10 people. Better to choose a seat

My dad is printing our Save the Dates next week that we designed, and I think I've decided on the flowers that we want (I really love flowers and can't see my wedding without it). Already thinking about all our DIY projects that we have to do like our invites, all the signs for food/tables/menus, ribbon wands for the ceremony, our favors and the labels for them, etc. Javier will have a busy couple of months when he first arrives to the US. But I'm totally in LOVE with our wedding ideas!

[KTandTommy 31]

I don't want a bouquet/garter toss either. LOL... I just feel so *on display* and it's just not me (Especially the garter toss - I'm going to be wearing a tea-length dress, so he'd basically have to expose me to the crowd to get at a garter! LOL)

I think we're going to do the pick a seat not a side thing too. And oddly, even though I'm the foreign one, I think it'll be mostly my family at the wedding, and a few of our scattered friends (ie locals and travellers). Tom doesn't have a big family, and doesn't anticipate many people coming to the wedding, so it'll make things look more even if we just scrap the seating traditions.

I can't remember who mentioned pink vs. red on the last page of this thread - but Tom's very first thing that he said when we started planning was "absolutely no pink" (which sucks because turquoise and pink are my two favourite colours) - so we ended up compromising and our scheme is turquoise and red

I'm in love with our wedding plans too!

[Ben and Jill 37]

Thanks, Jill: you're so right! So I will not even ask if it's weird to invite everyone I like at work, and not the immediate supervisor whom I can't stand (but who thinks we're BFFs), even though the people I *am* inviting pretty much completely surround her office on all sides? Even though it will not be a politically expedient choice at all? But darnit, I don't want her there. And that's that. Strange how I can skip the MOH title for political reasons, but I can't invite Evil Boss even though there are ample political reasons to do so. I have a line I will not cross, and there it is, apparently.

Yes, it can get very complicated. I only invited two people from work because they were/are two of my dear friends. I invited no one else from work and didn't think twice about it. I had a really, really small gathering. It was only 14 people and that included me and Ben! I refused to do something big because I just didn't want to for so many reasons. I'm glad we did what we did...I wouldn't change a thing. Each of us has our own style and the way in which we do things. Never second guess yourself. You're a strong, independent woman who knows what she wants and doesn't want. If I listened to everybody else, I wouldn't be married to Ben, nor would I be one of the happiest women alive. Don't let anyone make you stop and think for even a second about your decisions, well...except Aaron, but it stops there, lol.

Edited August 30, 2012 by Ben and Jill

[Givn2fly 2]

I just saw this thread! It's good to read everyone's ideas and plans I never wanted to have a big fancy wedding thing with me being dressed in some puffy big dress and hairdo, so I am kind of happy that we cannot plan anything like that due to the schedule of the visa process But the more we got involved with the visa process, and the more real me moving to him became, the more fun it was to talk about what we would like to do. Due to the costs of our adventure, we decided that we will have a budget wedding. But we wanted it to be special anyway. We have our wedding bands already. We made them when he was visiting me. A friend of mine is a jeweller and we went to her and made models in wax, he made mine and I made his. She then made those wax models in silver. They have parts of our fingerprints on them and look simply gorgeous! The only thing that still needs to be done on them is an engraving on the inside. My dress I had made by a friend who is a tailor/designer. I met up with her a couple of times to talk about ideas and then she made a simple dress for me that fits perfectly and looks awesome. And a little fascinator with a tiny veil. It's bridal, but not overdressed, I love it! The final step for that was the shoes, and I found them a couple of days ago. I'm set As for the wedding, we haven't decided yet if we will elope or have a small thing with his family and closer friends. Either way, we are thinking about having a bigger party next spring to allow my friends and family to come over as well at a reasonable cost. Oh my gosh, I'm getting married! And soooon (well, if the interview goes well ... Fingers crossed!)

Edited August 31, 2012 by Givn2fly

[Pinkrlion 2,716]

I am excited, I have 1st dress fitting tomorrow.

[Galla 1]

When it comes to bridesmaids and maid of honor, here its a bit different tradition, at least in my city. We dont choose family members as maids of honor, because it is considered they are already a part of your ~special circle~, so by naming one of your friends a maid of honor you are making her a part of the family, making her more connected to your life. same goes for godparents.

Although, a lot of women from here choose their maids of honor and godparents by how wealthy that person is, which is not something I personally approve. That way they secure a hefty amount of money as a wedding present and a ringing name to add to their ~friends~ list.

Im still beading the bodice of my dress And Im still in search for the perfect bridal sash, veil supplies, cause I want to DIY them.

And still in search for the perfect high heel shoe I love Steve Madden Angels or Sam Edelman Marina.

My link

My link

[Pinkrlion 2,716]

I am excited, I have 1st dress fitting tomorrow.

Upset, she ordered the wrong dress, now it will not be here until the end of November.

[KTandTommy 31]

Upset, she ordered the wrong dress, now it will not be here until the end of November.

Oh nooo! That's awful!

It's good that she can get it that fast though... I put my dress order in, back in July, and she had to put a super rush on it to get it in by December. I will freak out if anything is wrong with the dress at that point! LOL.

[EminTX 131]

I am not doing it this way. It may be hard and stressful to sort a wedding in just a few months but its totally doable. And that way, my family and his will get to see our real marriage which is important to me. Them being able to see the moment when we first say our vows to each other. The very first time we hear each others, they get to hear it too. Thats far more special IMO.

I agree completely.

For us, we had to do everything immediately because my husband had to return to his country to finish college (not something we planned when we first filed!). I prepared formal invitations to add the date onto as soon as we got his visa and then printed them up and sent them out. Because of the short notice (about 3 weeks), we knew we would not have gobs to people to prepare for. We also had the wedding in another city 3 hours away. In my family, one of my sisters and my son came. Other than that were a few friends. The day was special and we made sure to STAY WITHIN BUDGET CONSTRAINTS. Honestly, folks, going into debt (using credit) for a party is pretty stupid. Special, unique, and creative trumps expensive every day and people will better remember the one that wasn't a copycat. All the prior plans we had dreamed about had to be modified, but we decided what was really important--family and friends in the chapel to witness our promises to each other and God. Everything else was just "extra".

A courthouse ceremony was not an option. I have been to two of those and, to me, it is not much different than going in to pay for my auto tags or pay a ticket (and you are surrounded by folks doing just that). The location where you declare your unending love and commitment to your spouse deserves a better place than where people deal with fines and punishments. I went to a courthouse ceremony on Thursday. It was delayed because the judge was busy with some criminal case so we waited around for that to be over and watched the interesting individuals associated with that and other people there to pay fines and such. It was, to me, a very discouraging way to celebrate one of the most important events in life. The way that you celebrate committing to your lifepartner demonstrates exactly how special it and your partner are to you.

I do understand that in many countries, a civil declaration is required before a formal ceremony but that is not required in the United States and is certainly outside the norm. I know only one person who is doing that with her spouse. People who do the courthouse thing talk about it, but it never seems to materialize for the majority. (People are asking her, "What is the point? You are already married. Is this just to get gifts and money?" BTW, she married on a student visa to stay here.)

Here are some of the things I learned in our situation but had never seen suggested anywhere:

If you live in a city, go outside the city/county to get your marriage license. A big city is a bureaucracy that may take FORever to get your marriage certificate back to you. Federal law states that you are required to submit your documents for payroll insurance changes within 30 days. My city (Houston) told me that they don't have to give it up for 90 days. (Yeah-I had to FIGHT to get Carlos on my insurance.) Absolutely unacceptable. This delay also caused us a great deal of stress because our filing for AOS (and that all important travel authorization) was delayed by several weeks. Small towns are much faster at getting things done.

Each time you see romantic/wedding photos online that you like the poses/arrangements/background/whatever, save a copy in a file in your downloads folder so that when you are preparing for photos, you have lots of great ideas.

To find the pastor, I called every church in that town with bilingual services. This was very affordable and he was the perfect choice. Our pastor translated our vows for us during the ceremony. (There were videos on Youtube of his church services so we were able to see how well we could each understand him.)

Don't knock Craigslist. We didn't use anything from there, but we got some great ideas.

I made my own bouquet. It was like stress-therapy the morning of the ceremony and helped me to relax and enjoy my morning. I had read of families doing this together the night before or that morning and thought it was a lovely idea for sisterly bonding. When the ceremony was over, I gave each of the females a flower from that bouquet. We had some great pictures and it was one less thing for me to have to take care of the rest of the day.

If you will be outdoors at all (even to walk in to the place) and wearing a veil, pin that sucker down. Mine was blowing all over the place. It wasn't so bad, but there was a fountain between us and my veil kept spraying droplets of water on my family behind me. Veils are super easy to make and another fun thing to do. Make some mini-ones for the girls who will be there to practice before making your real one. I called each of the kids while I was in the fabric store to ask them their favorite colors and it added to the excitement for them to come and gave them something to play with during the ceremony. (My veil cost around 20$ if your include the practice ones, too.)

Expect a bad hair day. Have a back up style.

Ask your parents and grandparents about their weddings--the things they liked and the problems, too. Since they are part of your family and history, you'll probably get some great insight and pointers from them.

Consider the costs to your guests for attending. Don't punish them by making them spend a small fortune to see you showing off. (There was one resort wedding in my family and it cost us thousands to attend. Sigh.)

Most actual ceremonies take around 20 minutes.

Don't forget to budget for AOS, too. Unlike domestic couples, this is a financial burden that we are privileged to bear.

If you are in Southern Texas or Louisiana, this is where we had our ceremony and it was perfect. It is also free!!!!!!!

Chapel Dulcinea, Austin Texas http://www.chapeldulcinea.org/photos-of-the-chapel/

(I had always dreamed of going into the Alamo with my pastor and fiance to marry there, but Carlos doesn't understand our love for our history here. hahaha)

Good luck and blessings to each of you who are still yet to marry.

[MissK 5]

I agree completely.

For us, we had to do everything immediately because my husband had to return to his country to finish college (not something we planned when we first filed!). I prepared formal invitations to add the date onto as soon as we got his visa and then printed them up and sent them out. Because of the short notice (about 3 weeks), we knew we would not have gobs to people to prepare for. We also had the wedding in another city 3 hours away. In my family, one of my sisters and my son came. Other than that were a few friends. The day was special and we made sure to STAY WITHIN BUDGET CONSTRAINTS. Honestly, folks, going into debt (using credit) for a party is pretty stupid. Special, unique, and creative trumps expensive every day and people will better remember the one that wasn't a copycat. All the prior plans we had dreamed about had to be modified, but we decided what was really important--family and friends in the chapel to witness our promises to each other and God. Everything else was just "extra".

A courthouse ceremony was not an option. I have been to two of those and, to me, it is not much different than going in to pay for my auto tags or pay a ticket (and you are surrounded by folks doing just that). The location where you declare your unending love and commitment to your spouse deserves a better place than where people deal with fines and punishments. I went to a courthouse ceremony on Thursday. It was delayed because the judge was busy with some criminal case so we waited around for that to be over and watched the interesting individuals associated with that and other people there to pay fines and such. It was, to me, a very discouraging way to celebrate one of the most important events in life. The way that you celebrate committing to your lifepartner demonstrates exactly how special it and your partner are to you.

I do understand that in many countries, a civil declaration is required before a formal ceremony but that is not required in the United States and is certainly outside the norm. I know only one person who is doing that with her spouse. People who do the courthouse thing talk about it, but it never seems to materialize for the majority. (People are asking her, "What is the point? You are already married. Is this just to get gifts and money?" BTW, she married on a student visa to stay here.)

Here are some of the things I learned in our situation but had never seen suggested anywhere:

If you live in a city, go outside the city/county to get your marriage license. A big city is a bureaucracy that may take FORever to get your marriage certificate back to you. Federal law states that you are required to submit your documents for payroll insurance changes within 30 days. My city (Houston) told me that they don't have to give it up for 90 days. (Yeah-I had to FIGHT to get Carlos on my insurance.) Absolutely unacceptable. This delay also caused us a great deal of stress because our filing for AOS (and that all important travel authorization) was delayed by several weeks. Small towns are much faster at getting things done.

Each time you see romantic/wedding photos online that you like the poses/arrangements/background/whatever, save a copy in a file in your downloads folder so that when you are preparing for photos, you have lots of great ideas.

To find the pastor, I called every church in that town with bilingual services. This was very affordable and he was the perfect choice. Our pastor translated our vows for us during the ceremony. (There were videos on Youtube of his church services so we were able to see how well we could each understand him.)

Don't knock Craigslist. We didn't use anything from there, but we got some great ideas.

I made my own bouquet. It was like stress-therapy the morning of the ceremony and helped me to relax and enjoy my morning. I had read of families doing this together the night before or that morning and thought it was a lovely idea for sisterly bonding. When the ceremony was over, I gave each of the females a flower from that bouquet. We had some great pictures and it was one less thing for me to have to take care of the rest of the day.

If you will be outdoors at all (even to walk in to the place) and wearing a veil, pin that sucker down. Mine was blowing all over the place. It wasn't so bad, but there was a fountain between us and my veil kept spraying droplets of water on my family behind me. Veils are super easy to make and another fun thing to do. Make some mini-ones for the girls who will be there to practice before making your real one. I called each of the kids while I was in the fabric store to ask them their favorite colors and it added to the excitement for them to come and gave them something to play with during the ceremony. (My veil cost around 20$ if your include the practice ones, too.)

Expect a bad hair day. Have a back up style.

Ask your parents and grandparents about their weddings--the things they liked and the problems, too. Since they are part of your family and history, you'll probably get some great insight and pointers from them.

Consider the costs to your guests for attending. Don't punish them by making them spend a small fortune to see you showing off. (There was one resort wedding in my family and it cost us thousands to attend. Sigh.)

Most actual ceremonies take around 20 minutes.

Don't forget to budget for AOS, too. Unlike domestic couples, this is a financial burden that we are privileged to bear.

If you are in Southern Texas or Louisiana, this is where we had our ceremony and it was perfect. It is also free!!!!!!!

Chapel Dulcinea, Austin Texas http://www.chapeldulcinea.org/photos-of-the-chapel/

(I had always dreamed of going into the Alamo with my pastor and fiance to marry there, but Carlos doesn't understand our love for our history here. hahaha)

Good luck and blessings to each of you who are still yet to marry.

Well I have to comment. Not everybody want to get married in a church or in front of a lot of people. That doesn't mean they don't love each other or value the relationship. For me a church wedding is not an option. I'm not religious and I would not want it. Even though we choose to do a court house wedding or a civil cermony somewhere else we still love each other, those vows still have the same meaning and impact. The day is still a celebration of our love and past, present and future together and I can't wait!

We are also keeping it just the two of us (and our son). If we invite my family and friends we will burden them with a high cost. Plane tickets from Norway and hotel rooms are not something we can afford to pay for them now and not something we can expect people to pay or at least not on a short notice. So it's not for everybody to plan a wedding and only have one in a short time.

There's only one thing i believe in when it comes to a wedding: ultimately it's about the man and the woman getting married and they should celebrate the beauty just the way they WANT it!

Now, back to the PLANNING!

Wedding rings anyone (or bands you call it?)?

I want a white gold wedding band, maybe an eternity band or a band with a few small diamonds on it. I have to try to see what I like more. I would like something thin, but still be able to engrave it. I have always worn white gold, I don't think yellow gold goes well with my skin tone. Here in Norway a lot of people still choose yellow gold bands, I see the trend is a bit different in the US. Or at least that's what I think.

To my suprise my fiance also said he wanted white gold, I was thinking for some reason he might want yellow gold.He wants something simple but maybe a bit more than just a plain white gold band. Any good web sites to look for rings at?

Yes, it can get very complicated. I only invited two people from work because they were/are two of my dear friends. I invited no one else from work and didn't think twice about it. I had a really, really small gathering. It was only 14 people and that included me and Ben! I refused to do something big because I just didn't want to for so many reasons. I'm glad we did what we did...I wouldn't change a thing. Each of us has our own style and the way in which we do things. Never second guess yourself. You're a strong, independent woman who knows what she wants and doesn't want. If I listened to everybody else, I wouldn't be married to Ben, nor would I be one of the happiest women alive. Don't let anyone make you stop and think for even a second about your decisions, well...except Aaron, but it stops there, lol.

[afoyoswa 178]

Now, back to the PLANNING!

Wedding rings anyone (or bands you call it?)?

I want a white gold wedding band, maybe an eternity band or a band with a few small diamonds on it. I have to try to see what I like more. I would like something thin, but still be able to engrave it. I have always worn white gold, I don't think yellow gold goes well with my skin tone. Here in Norway a lot of people still choose yellow gold bands, I see the trend is a bit different in the US. Or at least that's what I think.

To my suprise my fiance also said he wanted white gold, I was thinking for some reason he might want yellow gold.He wants something simple but maybe a bit more than just a plain white gold band. Any good web sites to look for rings at?

I really like a lot of the designs on Gemvara.com, and I think mine will come from there (not sure about his: we haven't discussed it yet). You can customize everything, and it's really fun to play with all of the different options!

Having a bit of drama with the potential photography company: the representative just kind of mentioned as a random aside at the end of my long meeting with her that another difference between the 2 packages they offer is that with the less expensive one (the one I wanted), it takes 4-6 months to get the photos afterward, and with the more expensive one, it's 4-6 weeks. This wasn't mentioned in any of the promotional materials: website, brochures, etc. Even the contract she gave me (which I haven't signed) says 4-6 weeks: when I questioned it, she replied that the 4-6 weeks is only for the other package. Um, yes, but where does it say that? This is a contract, right? Shouldn't it accurately state what it is that I'm agreeing to? I really love the photographer we picked and in general I'm fine with this company, but this whole thing has left a bad taste in my mouth. Ugh. Of course, I'm generally just funneling all of my angst about things I *can't* control into my response to this, and it's not such a big deal, but annoying.

On the plus side, the music director at the church agreed to play the historic pipe organ for the ceremony, and she's really excited about it! She's an amazing musician, and one of the nicest people in the world, so I'm thrilled to pieces. Also, we seem to have settled on an invitation design that we both like! Although, of course, he says he wants his Ugandan name listed after his surname, for some reason, which will confuse the heck out of everyone, but I guess they (and I) will deal with it.

[Galla 1]

We already picked our wedding bands. White gold, simple and classical, his is without any extras, mine has beautiful little emerald for me in the middle Its leveled with the ring, because I didnt want it to stick out. Just a personal preference.

They will be done in my home country, hand made, by one of the oldest craftsman in the country. I will post a picture when we get them.