husband not adjusting well..

[M&Pooh 12]

Now imagine that your milk tastes wrong, your bread is weird, you can't find your favourite foods, you aren't earning as much money, you don't understand the health care (and even if you have a health insurance plan there's a risk of crazy medical bills that doesn't exist at home), you don't have the same tax system, you don't have a drivers licence (or you're not sure how to get one and you have to learn all new road rules), you can understand what people are saying but they don't understand you and every now and then people will imitate your accent to mock you, or laugh at you for messing up... that's a small insight into what his every day life is like

I thought, we are at immigfrant forum. Those issues are basically the case for EVERYONE ( no exceptions! ) here. Why we don't have multiple posts with such compaints every single day?.. this thread surprizes me: looks like several Aussies sincerely believe that the adjustments and culture shock for them are harder than for everybody else. I don't think it's the case.

[Peter_Pan 661]

Really? He is an Aussie and has a language barrier to overcome? Whiny, whiny.

[Xanax 349]

Peterpan-If you're not an Aussie it's hard to understand what we mean by language barrier. Yes it is different than for people who have never spoken English or have limited english skills and sometimes that's even more frustrating! It's like "yes is said tom-ah-to" not "tom-ar-to" but you know what I meant so why correct me or act like you didn't understand? It's amazingly frustrating for me trying to order take out on the phone (my husband always has to order, i end up repeating myself 3-4 times then give up) or going to the grocery store and asking for something then being corrected and or my accent laughed at.

M&Pooh- I don't think any Aussie is saying they have a harder time but it is very different, somethings may be easier to adjust to but somethings may be harder. Coming from another first world country- you expect more and I guess are easily dissapointed. The same as coming from any other culture and transplanting in the US.

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

Vanessa - I think that's a beautiful post. And I agree. It applies to every USC bringing over a foreign spouse. Wherever they may be from.

[M&Pooh 12]

Peterpan-If you're not an Aussie it's hard to understand what we mean by language barrier. Yes it is different than for people who have never spoken English or have limited english skills and sometimes that's even more frustrating! It's like "yes is said tom-ah-to" not "tom-ar-to" but you know what I meant so why correct me or act like you didn't understand?

Because the proverb says "When in Rome, do as the Romans do".

Why evrybody else coming to US just accepting the way people call things there, and only Aussies seem to intentionally refuse that approach and take it as a personal insult when people around them dare to still prefer American way to Australian way?

You are in America - you ARE EXPECTED to speak "American", that's quite natural. When I was in Australia, I tried to pronounce words as Aussies do ( and I was just a tourist, not an immigrant! ), and it's natural. My wife here says "restroom" and writes "theater" and "color", despite deep inside her she considers that bad spelling... so why Aussies in this thread instead of adopting "the American way" ( something every immigrant does while not complaining about necessity to do this ) think their way should be accepted in the U.S.?

M&Pooh- I don't think any Aussie is saying they have a harder time but it is very different, somethings may be easier to adjust to but somethings may be harder. Coming from another first world country- you expect more and I guess are easily dissapointed. The same as coming from any other culture and transplanting in the US.

The posts in this thread leave exactly that impression: The Great Conspiracy against Australians. The issues that EVERY IMMIGRANT from EVERY COUNTRY is faced with are presented as "Americans don't like us Australians, our accent, our education, etc."

somethings may be easier to adjust to but somethings may be harder. Coming from another first world country- you expect more and I guess are easily dissapointed. The same as coming from any other culture and transplanting in the US.

I think, this one has already been answered somewhere earlier in the thread. And I agree, immigrating from a first-world English-speaking country isn't harder than coming from a third-world state. If one is coming here with a feeling of their country's supremacy and exceeding inadequate expectations - they're heading to guaranteed adjustment issues.

[Peter_Pan 661]

Peterpan-If you're not an Aussie it's hard to understand what we mean by language barrier. Yes it is different than for people who have never spoken English or have limited english skills and sometimes that's even more frustrating! It's like "yes is said tom-ah-to" not "tom-ar-to" but you know what I meant so why correct me or act like you didn't understand? It's amazingly frustrating for me trying to order take out on the phone (my husband always has to order, i end up repeating myself 3-4 times then give up) or going to the grocery store and asking for something then being corrected and or my accent laughed at.

M&Pooh- I don't think any Aussie is saying they have a harder time but it is very different, somethings may be easier to adjust to but somethings may be harder. Coming from another first world country- you expect more and I guess are easily dissapointed. The same as coming from any other culture and transplanting in the US.

I suggest you move to rural Mongolia if you want to experience linguistic frustration. I don't believe anyone seriously think it is more frustrating to have an accent and speak your native language than to have limited English skills.

Btw, when my fiance moved to the north, they made him repeat things in the stores, because they wanted to hear the Southern drawl.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Your post is excellent, and applies to all who bring their love here!

Thank you! I was not being Australia specific (and I'm sorry to those that thought I was). Immigration isn't easy and some people seem to think that just because we also speak a form of English that it should be easy and it's not necessarily the case.

Vanessa - I think that's a beautiful post. And I agree. It applies to every USC bringing over a foreign spouse. Wherever they may be from.

Thank you and yes I agree, it applies to all immigrants.

Edited August 26, 2012 by Vanessa&Tony

[VanessaTony 3,567]

I thought, we are at immigfrant forum. Those issues are basically the case for EVERYONE ( no exceptions! ) here. Why we don't have multiple posts with such compaints every single day?.. this thread surprizes me: looks like several Aussies sincerely believe that the adjustments and culture shock for them are harder than for everybody else. I don't think it's the case.

EXACTLY!! Your post is exactly my point these issues ARE the case for everyone immigrating (and there are many posts about people having trouble adjusting). There are no exceptions to who can suffer homesickness and culture shock but you'll see a lot of replies are that as an Aussie he shouldn't be having issues. THIS is the problem. Just because we speak a form of English we aren't allowed to miss home and have a hard time of it? Why do people keep implying that?

[Andie 147]

Really? He is an Aussie and has a language barrier to overcome? Whiny, whiny.

Hmm.. I think you missed the point.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Because the proverb says "When in Rome, do as the Romans do".

Why evrybody else coming to US just accepting the way people call things there, and only Aussies seem to intentionally refuse that approach and take it as a personal insult when people around them dare to still prefer American way to Australian way?

You are in America - you ARE EXPECTED to speak "American", that's quite natural. When I was in Australia, I tried to pronounce words as Aussies do ( and I was just a tourist, not an immigrant! ), and it's natural. My wife here says "restroom" and writes "theater" and "color", despite deep inside her she considers that bad spelling... so why Aussies in this thread instead of adopting "the American way" ( something every immigrant does while not complaining about necessity to do this ) think their way should be accepted in the U.S.?

No they really don't. I can't believe you think that. A friend of mine is Canadian and she says things Canadian all the time. You are stereotyping. I slip from time to time. Mum is here visiting at the moment and she's of course noticed that I say American words instead of their Australian equivalent. To my husband I sometimes alternate. It IS another language and I think the OP's husband should try (and she hasn't said he isn't trying but has said he was upset that his customers didn't understand him.. most likely they mocked and teased him), but after only SIX months he's still going to slip. And after only SIX months he's still going to be upset at being laughed at and mocked for saying it "wrong" and yes he's going to baulk a little (like you said your wife hates it but does it anyway) but as I've been emphasising... he's only been here SIX months and he's been experiencing discrimination (the OP's wife stated it herself due to "the language barrier") so of course he's angry and indignant at the moment.

For the record, I don't think there SHOULD be a language barrier but there are words we say, the Brit's say, Canadians and people from other countries, and even other American's say that are region/country/town specific. I'm sure no-one likes being laughed at but add an accent (I'm not being specific to Australians here) and people seem to forget it's rude to point and laugh.

Edited August 26, 2012 by Vanessa&Tony

[Andie 147]

EXACTLY!! Your post is exactly my point these issues ARE the case for everyone immigrating (and there are many posts about people having trouble adjusting). There are no exceptions to who can suffer homesickness and culture shock but you'll see a lot of replies are that as an Aussie he shouldn't be having issues. THIS is the problem. Just because we speak a form of English we aren't allowed to miss home and have a hard time of it? Why do people keep implying that?

Extremely well explained Vanessa.. as you have pointed out, language is not the only challenge, and as we can accept, that doesn't mean it is an insurmountable problem, but it isn't simple either.

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

I don't see anyone discounting the fact that adjusting is real and difficult.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

I don't see anyone discounting the fact that adjusting is real and difficult.

Only in the last page (posts 61, 62, 65 and 66). But I suspect they may be because of a controversial post by another member.

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

English-first language isn't the problem. It's the perceptions about it. On everyone's part, including the immigrant.

If I go to England as a tourist, I am not going to have any problems reading signs, getting news or ordering food. If I go to Italy, as I know no Italian, I'm going to be a lot more challenged. So really, it isn't brain surgery to understand that someone coming here with limited English skills has a hurdle to jump that native English speakers won't experience. I do personally think that Aussies, Brits, and Canadians who choose to move here should take a deep breath and remember this whenever they choose to start complaining about their adjustment. As in a grateful sort of way, like "jeez at least I can read the traffic signs".

The problem is that just because the languages are the same, the cultures aren't. And both the migrant and the natives around him aren't always aware of the differences until faced with them. I remember telling a friend of mine (who was married to a Romanian man) about a disagreement my husband and I had. She said our problem was that we both spoke to much English! What that silly story illustrates - at least to me - is that sometimes we get into these relationships and don't really THINK about what will be different. And we do this because one crucial component - the language - is the same.

Yeah, it's the same. Despite the nuance-y accented dialect thing, it's the same language.

I think anybody who makes fun of it, or doesn't appreciate it, or pokes fun at it should be told straight up to #### off. That goes down the same path as racism or intolerance to me, and I don't think an accented person should have to put up with linguistic abuse from the native population. My husband has told me that if I were living abroad in his country, I would be able to use my American accent to my advantage. I know that works for him with his Irish, lilting sing-song. Even the female CEO of my company will stop dead in her tracks to hear my husband just say a simple sentence.

The sooner you learn to work your differences to your advantage, the happier you will be.

[Justine+David 218]

I suggest you move to rural Mongolia if you want to experience linguistic frustration. I don't believe anyone seriously think it is more frustrating to have an accent and speak your native language than to have limited English skills.

Btw, when my fiance moved to the north, they made him repeat things in the stores, because they wanted to hear the Southern drawl.

No one would argue that not being able to speak the language versus the same language/different culture is the same, but it's not exactly a walk in the park.

I've been to the UK many times while dating David, but the experience was completely different when I went by myself in March for a few weeks (was getting my nursing license). You still feel like an idiot, not knowing how everything works and having to ask for help and risk getting the "look" and the slight mocking that comes from being the typical "stupid American" when all you want to do is not cause trouble and go to the damn grocery store and get a band-aid for your bleeding finger! ("plasters" they're apparently called).

When you go to a foreign country in which the primary language is not your own, you expect to not know anything and everyone over there expects you to not know anything too. I would almost prefer that than feel so stupid while being inside a country that has the same language. Certainly I received much more advice/help when in Italy and was never mocked for it. Well...maybe they did so in Italian? I guess ignorance is bliss.

Edited August 26, 2012 by Justine+David