husband not adjusting well..

[JohnR! 5,495]

So, my now husband moved here from Australia in Feb.. we got married within a couple of days, and are currently still waiting on a K-1 AOS. The 180 days should hopefully be coming to an end within the month..

He's been here 6 months and is just very frustrated with the US and I think he regrets moving here...

Just needed to vent a little.. anyone else having any adjustment issues?

Jennifer, give him time and he will adjust. I believe everyone goes through a phase of settling down and getting used to the American way. I trust it is as hard for a foreigner to adjust to America as it is for us to adjust somewhere else, so just make sure he knows that his frustration has not gone unnoticed by you. For better or worse, right?

I am willing to bet good money he does not regret moving here. We still have it far better than everyone else.

He just needs to be patient.

Good luck!

[ClaireGio 35]

I bash Americans all the time, it's fun cause most of the time they don't know you're doing it

settle down now...

[Fandango 1,439]

For the OP, it seems like you are doing everything you need to do for him...but he needs to do some of the 'heavy lifting' so to speak. When I first moved, I was so busy doing the compare-and-contrast to what I knew, that I didn't fully embrace my acclimation. It was only when I decided 'yes, this is totally different' that I was able to see it for the benefits the experience had to offer.

[lynJer 7]

You seriously need to relax as it seems you are incapable of having a rational conversation, or to even comprehend what I said. It's clear you misunderstood quite a bit of my post.

And you also need to re-read your posts if you can claim you didn't bash Americans.

No....this is a forum to help others...not bash others...

Which is what you are doing....NOT ONCE have I read how you have assisted or considered the person requesting advice.

How about you re-read your posts!

[Ban Hammer 13,342]

please avoid

-stereotyping

-negative comments about a country or it's inhabitants

-personal insults.

-bickering

failure to avoid the above will result in admin action.

Edited August 22, 2012 by charles!

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

Are you for real?

You sound like a real ####### the way you are forever picking up on what us australians are saying as we try to assist an american dealing with an australian cultural problem....sure there is the adjustment issue...but only us aussies actually know there is something else...so how about you but out and either deal with the issue of what is at hand by helping the topic from your perspective and try to obtain an answer for JenniferS, or go 'lurk' on someother countries portal so you can go start a fight there.....!!!

I dont mean to be harsh...but obviously you do

Sorry lynJer, but that's just silly. Australia is a first world country, just like the US, Canada and most of the countries in Europe. You speak English over there (I know not a single American who thinks you speak something else) so there is no language barrier. I find it really hard to fathom that an Australian adjusting to the US has some sort of different experience than someone from any other first world country, especially a migrant from Canada or the United Kingdom.

You're being kind of rude to people, also.

[Fandango 1,439]

No....this is a forum to help others...not bash others...

Which is what you are doing....NOT ONCE have I read how you have assisted or considered the person requesting advice.

How about you re-read your posts!

'Americans are dishonest, unhappy, etc...I can't get a job because I'm too educated, my daughter can't get one cos she's prettier than all her minger American friends.' is not helpful.

You may not believe me, but pointing this out to you, suggesting you look within, suggesting an attitude change might help...is actually my helpful words to you. Trust me, you say I'm attacking you...you have no clue what that's like.

Take a deep breath hon, you'll get there eventually.

[lynJer 7]

You seriously need to relax as it seems you are incapable of having a rational conversation, or to even comprehend what I said. It's clear you misunderstood quite a bit of my post.

And you also need to re-read your posts if you can claim you didn't bash Americans.

You need to stop thinking you can indirectly attack others then cover, or re-edit your words, in an attempt to disguise your attitude....

And as for your suggestion to 'relax' and of not being able to have a 'rational conversation' .

Its clear you have some BIG TICKETS ON YOURSELF....Knowing how others think when you havnt even met them...then accusing them of being racist??? - Who exactly do you think you are?

Im so very blessed I do not have to deal with you personally.....

[lynJer 7]

'Americans are dishonest, unhappy, etc...I can't get a job because I'm too educated, my daughter can't get one cos she's prettier than all her minger American friends.' is not helpful.

You may not believe me, but pointing this out to you, suggesting you look within, suggesting an attitude change might help...is actually my helpful words to you. Trust me, you say I'm attacking you...you have no clue what that's like.

Take a deep breath hon, you'll get there eventually.

Again...an indirect attack on me....you have taken my words out of context...

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

Sorry, who accused you of being racist?

[Fandango 1,439]

You need to stop thinking you can indirectly attack others then cover, or re-edit your words, in an attempt to disguise your attitude....

And as for your suggestion to 'relax' and of not being able to have a 'rational conversation' .

Its clear you have some BIG TICKETS ON YOURSELF....Knowing how others think when you havnt even met them...then accusing them of being racist??? - Who exactly do you think you are?

Im so very blessed I do not have to deal with you personally.....

I edit to add stuff, not take away. Trust me, I have no problem standing by what I say.

You are getting yourself confused again. I never called you a racist. I only claim to know how you think wrt what you actually wrote here, which should be an indication. I didn't jump to any conclusions, like say you did about your adjustment and us 'unhappy dishonest Americans' who are out to get you because you're overly educated and Australian.

I really do think you've completely missed the whole point to my posts to you. But whatevs.

[Ban Hammer 13,342]

admin action has been taken.

Edited August 22, 2012 by charles!

[SweetDelish 38]

I'm not really from Australia. I'm actually from NZ, but I've lived there for 12 years. I'm stunned reading through this thread, however, here is a possibly helpful unbiased suggestion;

There is quite possibly a similar online community for Australians, but I found an NZ one that connects professional Kiwi's living overseas. for an idea of what I'm talking about, this is the site: http://www.keanewzealand.com/

there are regional portals, there is a register of New Zealander's living in various places and positions in companies that Kiwis have around the world. which equals professional networking opportunities. you register on there so you can network.

there must be something similar for Australians globally too.

another suggestion, a very real conversation with him, perhaps telling him some of what you have said here, might open up some unsaid frustrations.

[Xanax 349]

Nearly everyone who posted in this thread is from a western or westernized developed nation.

You are complaining that people think Australia is poor or undeveloped, yet you are assuming the same things about other people. Shame on you.

Hello Harpa,

I feel I need to clear something up with you because of of your responses in a thread directly quoting me insulted and upset me.

You accused me of implying that American's think Australia is the 3rd world country or underdeveloped- " Nearly everyone who posted in this thread is from a western or westernized developed nation. You are complaining that people think Australia is poor or undeveloped, yet you are assuming the same things about other people. Shame on you. " . You also then said "shame on me" which I could not believe.

I never said anything of the sort! AT ALL! Now maybe the Aussie flag confused you between myself and another Aussie poster and her strong opinions but they were not mine!

I have no idea how " am not trying to be harsh and I hope I do not come across as such, but coming as an educated person from another first world country may even be a harder adjustment than from a third world or lesser developed country. You expect more and are more disappointing with the reality of your American situation when it hits." implies I think Australia is underdeveloped. It was meant (and I thought did) say that coming from another first world country is sometimes an even harder adjustment because you expect more and can be disappointed with what you actually get in the US.

Maybe my post was unclear, I did ask 4 other members and my husband what they took from my statements and none took it as you did (yes I know, that is somewhat inane but I needed to be thorough). Now again, maybe you confused me with another Aussie member, maybe you quoted the wrong person, or maybe you misconstrued what I said and that is fine but I pride myself on being level headed, fair and kind to everyone on this board even those with views I find offensive so to me, your response seems unwarranted, unfair and unjustified.

I hope I have cleared that up with you and anyone else who misconstrued or misunderstood my comment as I was only trying to be helpful!

I feel you are generally someone who gives great advice, Harpa, but today going on the attack, that didn't seem fair.

---

OP, I wish you the best of luck working or your relationship with your husband.

My husband and I are in your situation I know how he feels and my husband knows how you feel, so in a sense our roles have been reversed.

Please read my posts (the last one has a little star on it) and hopefully there is something useful you can take from them.

OR feel free to PM me any time.

(F)

[Xanax 349]

Double post:

Just to everyone here, I really wish we could all be more civil.

If you don't like what someone says, you don't have to attack them or to be condescending! Just ignore them or their comments because by biting back, you become just as bad if not worse than them! AND OR if you HAVE to have a retort, try to be diplomatic in your responses, no need to ever get nasty, this forum is meant to help, not hurt, insult or condescend.