what to do about wife who abandons

[PurrSuede 0]

First of all I'm so very sorry that you have to go through this.

Second of all though, why on earth, after your new wife has left for only three weeks, would you even consider going through this process again with someone else who lives outside of the US? I only ask because for me, if my relationship does not for whatever reason work out, there ain't no way in heck I'm going to even talk to anyone outside of the US since it's just too darn difficult!!!

I love the russian people, fascinated with the culture, and started learning the language long before this last lady ever contacted me (wasn't even looking when she contacted me). I was a little too eager, little unwise (I'm 35, she's 25 ... 10 years is a huge difference). The next time around I'd be more discerning.

I have no intentions of considering pursuing another girl now with the potential of her returning, but I certainly don't want to do anything right now that would jeopardize my possibilities in the future.

I don't associate this with being a typical scenario, I think I've read less than 50% of american marriages remain married, and its more than 70% when it comes to a foreign marriage, so my chances are still better at looking abroad.

A classic tale, many similar ones on this board.

Men could substitute Phillipines for Russia, depends on your taste.

Women would substitute Morrocco.

Once bitten twice shy?

Count yourself very lucky she had not had the brains to wait a bit for adjustment and you to be on the hook for the I-864.

well my RW ex- didn't wait for LPR, still had a year to go on Conditional... but regarding "on the hook" for the I-864, there's a thread about this in the "Pre-Nup" discussion in the "Life in America" forum...

here: http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=37850

My divorce attorney felt that specifying an amount of "non-modifiable support" in our divorce decree would make it very difficult for her to bring a subsequent action seeking additional support under the I-864.

-- Dan

[KevinH 0]

Based on what you said, you should not reconcile with her. She will leave you again. She is not even grateful to you that she is in the USA because of you. You should not let her come to your house again, as she can call the police and claim that you threatened her or something. If that happens, you will be in problem, even if she tells a lie to the police. So becareful. You should not even keep in touch with her. Start the divorce process immediately, notify USCIS everything including her failure to fill our AR-11 to change her address. It will be uptp the USCIS what they will do. You may not like what I am suggesting, but this kind of things happen when someone enters into a marriage solely to come to USA. I hope, she is not pregnant. You should see immigration and divorce lawyers.

She believes its entirely arbitrary that I was born in the US and she was born in Belarus. Any reference made that she should be appreciative because citizenship would be available because of me ... that I've provided for her ... that I went through alot of work to bring her here, just seems to push her hot button. To her, I could have been born there and she could have been born in the US and ... see how I like it. Something I wish I would have known before going through all the effort. Entirely self centered, slightly cute until it rears its ugly head against you.

This is her. Basically asking how far the marriage certificate she has from me will allow her to operate in the US as she's living with another man. I don't know if I'll try for another foreign bride, seems next time around I'll be overly cautious and it'll be interpreted as no trust whatsoever. Blah.

[russ 1]

I'm curious, if during our divorce, if I were to notify the USC of whats going on and they knew where she was located at, if she would be in danger of being deported. Also curious whether if she stays hidden until divorced, then marries the same day, if she's able to stay indefinitely ... perhaps not legally but then again not under risk of being deported.

I've spoken to many lawyers about exactly this. It is not possible to adjust status based upon marriage to anyone other than the petitioner for a K-1 visa. If she gets married, she would need to leave the US and file for a K-3. Based on the time out-of-status, she will face either a 3 or 10 year ban from entry to the States.

Staying here illegally, there is always the risk of deportation. It is a matter of time, but probably a while.

Getting married the same week as a divorce, after a short marriage to a US citizen, is a red flag for COs at embassies. The K-3 probably wouldn't work anyway.

My wife got engaged the week of her AOS interview (she met him the week before). She got engaged again two weeks after I filed for divorce. She has collected quite a few rings this year.

[sercontigo 1]

I am sorry this has happened to you. My advice? Listen to simple male...

[KevinH 0]

Have a question if anyone knows. I read a little bit about a waiver ... "Good Faith Marriage Waiver.", basically if she says she entered our marriage under good faith, but it disolved, does she qualify to pursue a greencard if a waiver is awarded to her?

***The petition must be accompanied by evidence that demonstrates they entered the marriage in good faith. Examples of such evidence include proof of joint ownership of property, commingling of finances (e.g. tax forms, bank statements, insurance policies), birth certificates of children, photos of the couple taken during the marriage, declarations of persons having knowledge of their marriage and other documentation establishing a bona fide marital relationship. If the USCIS determines that the qualifying marriage was entered into in good faith, it will approve the joint petition, remove the conditional status, and grant the non-citizen permanent resident status.***

So basically is she entitled to say ... "when I got married I meant it to last forever. But we're divorced now, things just didn't work out. Please give me a waiver that allows me to get my greencard."?

[diadromous mermaid 36]

Have a question if anyone knows. I read a little bit about a waiver ... "Good Faith Marriage Waiver.", basically if she says she entered our marriage under good faith, but it disolved, does she qualify to pursue a greencard if a waiver is awarded to her?

***The petition must be accompanied by evidence that demonstrates they entered the marriage in good faith. Examples of such evidence include proof of joint ownership of property, commingling of finances (e.g. tax forms, bank statements, insurance policies), birth certificates of children, photos of the couple taken during the marriage, declarations of persons having knowledge of their marriage and other documentation establishing a bona fide marital relationship. If the USCIS determines that the qualifying marriage was entered into in good faith, it will approve the joint petition, remove the conditional status, and grant the non-citizen permanent resident status.***

So basically is she entitled to say ... "when I got married I meant it to last forever. But we're divorced now, things just didn't work out. Please give me a waiver that allows me to get my greencard."?

Essentially, she files the form I-751, just as you would normally do together, accompanied by the evidence to show you mingled your lives. If the evidence is sufficient, she would be approved, if not, then there would likely be an interview...or an RFE for more corroborating evidence. You need to evaluate what it is she has, to get an idea of if she would prevail.

[KevinH 0]

Essentially, she files the form I-751, just as you would normally do together, accompanied by the evidence to show you mingled your lives. If the evidence is sufficient, she would be approved, if not, then there would likely be an interview...or an RFE for more corroborating evidence. You need to evaluate what it is she has, to get an idea of if she would prevail.

Tax forms

- no

bank statements

- no

insurance policies

- maybe 2 months of being on insurance, purchased in her maiden name

birth certificates of children

- no

photos of the couple taken during the marriage

- not many and I don't think she bothered to take any

declarations of persons having knowledge of their marriage

- all our friends know that she left without good reason after a short time, I can't think of any who would say that we had a long lasting serious marriage

other documentation establishing a bona fide marital relationship

- can't think of any

There's also the time factor, married 5 months before she left (2 of which she was conducting an affair)

Essentially, she files the form I-751, just as you would normally do together, accompanied by the evidence to show you mingled your lives. If the evidence is sufficient, she would be approved, if not, then there would likely be an interview...or an RFE for more corroborating evidence. You need to evaluate what it is she has, to get an idea of if she would prevail.

Also there is the fact that, because its only been 5 months since being married, that she would have to wait one year and seven months before she could even get this adjustment of status hearing? Assuming we're divorced within a few months, she would be conducting this meeting for adjustment of status after a year and a half of being out of status and legally having to go home? Or there is no time limit for her to file this kind of waiver?

[Boiler 45,575]

Have a question if anyone knows. I read a little bit about a waiver ... "Good Faith Marriage Waiver.", basically if she says she entered our marriage under good faith, but it disolved, does she qualify to pursue a greencard if a waiver is awarded to her?

***The petition must be accompanied by evidence that demonstrates they entered the marriage in good faith. Examples of such evidence include proof of joint ownership of property, commingling of finances (e.g. tax forms, bank statements, insurance policies), birth certificates of children, photos of the couple taken during the marriage, declarations of persons having knowledge of their marriage and other documentation establishing a bona fide marital relationship. If the USCIS determines that the qualifying marriage was entered into in good faith, it will approve the joint petition, remove the conditional status, and grant the non-citizen permanent resident status.***

So basically is she entitled to say ... "when I got married I meant it to last forever. But we're divorced now, things just didn't work out. Please give me a waiver that allows me to get my greencard."?

Essentially, she files the form I-751, just as you would normally do together, accompanied by the evidence to show you mingled your lives. If the evidence is sufficient, she would be approved, if not, then there would likely be an interview...or an RFE for more corroborating evidence. You need to evaluate what it is she has, to get an idea of if she would prevail.

I though only through VAWA? This sounds more like removing conditions?

I'm curious, if during our divorce, if I were to notify the USC of whats going on and they knew where she was located at, if she would be in danger of being deported. Also curious whether if she stays hidden until divorced, then marries the same day, if she's able to stay indefinitely ... perhaps not legally but then again not under risk of being deported.

I've spoken to many lawyers about exactly this. It is not possible to adjust status based upon marriage to anyone other than the petitioner for a K-1 visa. If she gets married, she would need to leave the US and file for a K-3. Based on the time out-of-status, she will face either a 3 or 10 year ban from entry to the States.

Staying here illegally, there is always the risk of deportation. It is a matter of time, but probably a while.

Getting married the same week as a divorce, after a short marriage to a US citizen, is a red flag for COs at embassies. The K-3 probably wouldn't work anyway.

My wife got engaged the week of her AOS interview (she met him the week before). She got engaged again two weeks after I filed for divorce. She has collected quite a few rings this year.

Yet again VAWA would be the obvious route:

The self-petitioning spouse,

* Must be legally married to the U.S. citizen or lawful permanent resident batterer. A self-petition may be filed if the marriage was terminated by the abusive spouse’s death within the two years prior to filing. A self-petition may also be filed if the marriage to the abusive spouse was terminated, within the two years prior to filing, by divorce related to the abuse.

* Must have been battered in the United States unless the abusive spouse is an employee of the United States government or a member of the uniformed services of the United States.

* Must have been battered or subjected to extreme cruelty during the marriage, or must be the parent of a child who was battered or subjected to extreme cruelty by the U.S. citizen or lawful permanent resident spouse during the marriage.

* Is required to be a person of good moral character.

* Must have entered into the marriage in good faith, not solely for the purpose of obtaining immigration benefits.

[diadromous mermaid 36]

Have a question if anyone knows. I read a little bit about a waiver ... "Good Faith Marriage Waiver.", basically if she says she entered our marriage under good faith, but it disolved, does she qualify to pursue a greencard if a waiver is awarded to her?

***The petition must be accompanied by evidence that demonstrates they entered the marriage in good faith. Examples of such evidence include proof of joint ownership of property, commingling of finances (e.g. tax forms, bank statements, insurance policies), birth certificates of children, photos of the couple taken during the marriage, declarations of persons having knowledge of their marriage and other documentation establishing a bona fide marital relationship. If the USCIS determines that the qualifying marriage was entered into in good faith, it will approve the joint petition, remove the conditional status, and grant the non-citizen permanent resident status.***

So basically is she entitled to say ... "when I got married I meant it to last forever. But we're divorced now, things just didn't work out. Please give me a waiver that allows me to get my greencard."?

Essentially, she files the form I-751, just as you would normally do together, accompanied by the evidence to show you mingled your lives. If the evidence is sufficient, she would be approved, if not, then there would likely be an interview...or an RFE for more corroborating evidence. You need to evaluate what it is she has, to get an idea of if she would prevail.

I though only through VAWA? This sounds more like removing conditions?

I'm curious, if during our divorce, if I were to notify the USC of whats going on and they knew where she was located at, if she would be in danger of being deported. Also curious whether if she stays hidden until divorced, then marries the same day, if she's able to stay indefinitely ... perhaps not legally but then again not under risk of being deported.

I've spoken to many lawyers about exactly this. It is not possible to adjust status based upon marriage to anyone other than the petitioner for a K-1 visa. If she gets married, she would need to leave the US and file for a K-3. Based on the time out-of-status, she will face either a 3 or 10 year ban from entry to the States.

Staying here illegally, there is always the risk of deportation. It is a matter of time, but probably a while.

Getting married the same week as a divorce, after a short marriage to a US citizen, is a red flag for COs at embassies. The K-3 probably wouldn't work anyway.

My wife got engaged the week of her AOS interview (she met him the week before). She got engaged again two weeks after I filed for divorce. She has collected quite a few rings this year.

Yet again VAWA would be the obvious route:

The self-petitioning spouse,

* Must be legally married to the U.S. citizen or lawful permanent resident batterer. A self-petition may be filed if the marriage was terminated by the abusive spouse’s death within the two years prior to filing. A self-petition may also be filed if the marriage to the abusive spouse was terminated, within the two years prior to filing, by divorce related to the abuse.

* Must have been battered in the United States unless the abusive spouse is an employee of the United States government or a member of the uniformed services of the United States.

* Must have been battered or subjected to extreme cruelty during the marriage, or must be the parent of a child who was battered or subjected to extreme cruelty by the U.S. citizen or lawful permanent resident spouse during the marriage.

* Is required to be a person of good moral character.

* Must have entered into the marriage in good faith, not solely for the purpose of obtaining immigration benefits.

Yes, that is true as it applies to the OPs case...his wife would have to qualify for VAWA. He asked about Good Faith Marriage Waiver in general, but I should have been more specific to state that my answer was a general one, and not necessarily related to the matter his wife would be facing. Thanks for the clarification.

[KevinH 0]

Yes, that is true as it applies to the OPs case...his wife would have to qualify for VAWA. He asked about Good Faith Marriage Waiver in general, but I should have been more specific to state that my answer was a general one, and not necessarily related to the matter his wife would be facing. Thanks for the clarification.

So the only way she gets to stay is if she says she was battered by me? That worries me, her entire future, her entire life ... whether she stays in America with a man she thinks she loves, or whether she returns to Belarus which is not a fun place ... is all wound up on whether or not she would say that I beat her. Honestly I wouldn't give her the benefit of the doubt that she would lie with all she has to gain from it.

[Boiler 45,575]

Yes, that is true as it applies to the OPs case...his wife would have to qualify for VAWA. He asked about Good Faith Marriage Waiver in general, but I should have been more specific to state that my answer was a general one, and not necessarily related to the matter his wife would be facing. Thanks for the clarification.

So the only way she gets to stay is if she says she was battered by me? That worries me, her entire future, her entire life ... whether she stays in America with a man she thinks she loves, or whether she returns to Belarus which is not a fun place ... is all wound up on whether or not she would say that I beat her. Honestly I wouldn't give her the benefit of the doubt that she would lie with all she has to gain from it.

Read again, does not have to be physical.

Just need to be aware and protect yourself.

[meauxna 15]

That worries me, her entire future, her entire life ... whether she stays in America with a man she thinks she loves, or whether she returns to Belarus which is not a fun place ... is all wound up on whether or not she would say that I beat her. Honestly I wouldn't give her the benefit of the doubt that she would lie with all she has to gain from it.

It should. It would not be the first time, nor the last.

Do like Boiler says, keep your antenna up. Don't meet in private. do some websurfing; your eyes will be opened.

[missy_antha 0]

Hi Kevin,

I just want to let you know that my heart goes out to you and I'm very sorry this has happened. However purely from a womans point of view I would get out of this relationship as soon as possible. She has no respect for you and does not appear to ever have had.

You sound like a really nice guy who will put up with an awful lot rather than rock the boat. She has been able to see what an affable chap you are and has taken full advantage of this. My guess is that she doesn't believe that you will go through with a divorce as you still hold out the hope that she will come back and also because of the promise you made to her parents. However I bet if you got in touch with her telling her you are divorcing her on the grounds of her unreasonable behavior, she would be very shocked at your assertive actions -and would find that asertiveness extremely attractive - but also would be on your door step crying and wailing that she made a mistake and please forgive her and you can make another go of it.

Do not fall for it. No one would be cruising the internet weeks after their wedding if they had even a shred of love and respect for theirspouse.

This lady sounds awful and you should cut all ties with her ASAP so that you are free to pursue a true loving relationship, which by how lovely you sound should not be difficult. I've never used the internet as a dating device but how about trying to meet a lady who lives in the USA but also has a deep interest in Russia like yourself?

I wish you all the best for the future and don't let this experience put you off women as please remember that 99% of women would never dream of behaving in this way

[KevinH 0]

I've never used the internet as a dating device but how about trying to meet a lady who lives in the USA but also has a deep interest in Russia like yourself?

I wish you all the best for the future and don't let this experience put you off women as please remember that 99% of women would never dream of behaving in this way

Thanks for your concern and advice.

I haven't had alot of luck with American women, my first wife was actually alot more horrible than this situation if you can believe it. Basically this same deal, then throw in emptying my bank account and bouncing 25 grand worth of checks in my name, destroying my business, she even put my pets to sleep.

Next time around I'll be alot more picky, expecting and assertive ... I agree that being a push-over is quite undesireable to gals.

[Ken_Maria 0]

Kevin, You are going about this all worng and need to start thinking of yourself instead of the woman that obviously used you and her family. Since she is your wife (legally) you can be held financially responsible for any debts she runs up from the point of your marriage until you file for divorce. I highly suggest you at least file separation/divorce papers as this will protect you financially form any debts she may run up using your name.

From everything I have read here and in my 20+ years of invesitgative experience, this women has used you for your money and to get to the U.S. You should not be concerned with her welfare and be more concerened about what she can do to you legally and financially. You are emotionally hurt and in denial thinking she will come back. She has presented herself to you in a fraudulent way and you more than likely do not really know this woman not her "real" reason for leaving you.

I can not stress this enough, you need to protect yourself legally and financially. If her name is on your checking, banking, lease, mortgage..anything, get it removed at once. Good Luck, Payato