Pregnant... Should I Continue K1 Process

[Deina 8]

I think the word..."leave him"is used too easily! What is wrong with saying: a woman needs to know her role????? A man has his role too in this world. Men go to war, in case of emergency rescue, children and women are saved first, men work in mine, or as fireman etc...

Why some women want to be equal to men? When one hand washes the other and we are different creations and together form a union. Why not have the patience to listen, why raise your voice at him? I'd hang up too if husband would scream at me on phone!

I think you should give him credit he refused to leave the conversation than let to generate more outrageous....

Any way this how I see it! Is your man and your life... But control your emotions first and listen too!! That's why so many marriages are collapsing nowadays, for a woman not knowing her role in the relationship and want to be men. Let man be man and woman woman! Don't anger quickly...

Each person needs to be appreciated loved and respected and know their role.

[Deina 8]

Here, maybe this is what he mean with you knowing your role..

Role of the Wife in the Bible

"encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored." Titus 2:4-5

I'm sure if you would talk kind he will call you more often!! Don't act angry quick!! If you love him and he loves you and you are bless with a baby than maybe you can try work things out...

[kennym 275]

Here, maybe this is what he mean with you knowing your role..

Role of the Wife in the Bible

"encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored." Titus 2:4-5

I'm sure if you would talk kind he will call you more often!! Don't act angry quick!! If you love him and he loves you and you are bless with a baby than maybe you can try work things out...

You like scripture? Me too...

"But if any man does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. " 1 Timothy 5:8

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, " Ephesians 5:25

"Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them. " Col 3:19

Ephesians 4:32 teaches, "forbear one another". This means to be gentle toward her. Control of temper, abstaining from physical violence and restraining a sharp tongue that makes one feel so inferior - are ways by which you can exhibit forbearance.

Not that the OP was thinking about scripture when they were making babies..

For those who need it;

Definition: embittered (Verb)

1.Cause (someone) to feel bitter or resentful.

2.Give a sharp or pungent taste or smell to.

Using scripture for only your benefit isn't fair.. You gotta apply all of it..

Marriage is a partnership... Not a slave/master relationship... I have never met any "credible" paster, priest or any clergy that feels that women are to be at the mans feet or that's it's ok to be demeaning to a woman..

But thats for those who use scripture to say women is to be subordinate to the "man" - that's simply horse doo doo..

[Deina 8]

And do you know her husband temper? And if he is a good loving husband and provider? OP wrote that her husband doesen't like that she is loud...

I don't use scripture for the reason you mention. She didn't ask for the role of the man! So, if she had ask for it. I would had told her.

I will never support a slavery relationship....So don't attack me on something I am not saying!! I give my opinion for the OP not for you! I wish people the best, to be happy...and I will never say to someone to broke up or run from the relationship. I don't know the OP, I don't know her man, he is not here posting his version...

So, dear OP.. is your life do what is best for you! I'm a woman that likes to take care of her man, talk nice, be sweet and loving, etc.. and what I give is what I receive. And if your husband point out some things we doesen't like at you than if you love him change that. You find disrespectful that he hangs the phone on you but is disrespectful to scream at him as well!! I see that wrong..

You wrote the argument you guys fight are petty and little...so I don't know your limit, or how much he hurt you or what bad words he said to you but from what I read he hangs the phone when you get loud so he is not engaging in this type of conversation. Maybe the reason he said he wants the baby after is born is because you are so loud and maybe easy to lose control...

Is also very easy for a woman to assume my man is controlling just because he will rather pass on something and would like for you to accept it. For example, first time I came here I went out with a friend of mine (that I meet thru my husband) and her friends, had a lovely time but they decide to go party in the club after we had dinner and I said no, I will go home. They all made fun of me going to my man home, and they give me advices how to run my marriage, you must make your man jealous, we go party take the marriage rings of etc. But I said I will not join and they start with this control think...

I know my man cares about me and loves me and if I know he doesen't like me go party alone than I don't go..I don't find that controlling. Any way, I just wish for you to have a clear mind and understanding and communicate nice.

You ask for advice, so I felt free to give mine. Nor you or others have to understand my way of thinking...

[Penny Lane 8,159]

Here, maybe this is what he mean with you knowing your role..

Role of the Wife in the Bible

"encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored." Titus 2:4-5

I'm sure if you would talk kind he will call you more often!! Don't act angry quick!! If you love him and he loves you and you are bless with a baby than maybe you can try work things out...

Sorry, the Bible isn't an excuse to treat people with disrespect. It also does not dictate how everyone should live their lives. If you'd like to follow it, good for you. Not everyone does.

[decocker 7,198]

Sorry, the Bible isn't an excuse to treat people with disrespect. It also does not dictate how everyone should live their lives. If you'd like to follow it, good for you. Not everyone does.

honestly, i wish vj would make a special forum for the bible quoting blah. you know like, english only unless you're in a regional forum..this type of religious muck shouldn't be considered in reasonable conversation.

[kennym 275]

honestly, i wish vj would make a special forum for the bible quoting blah. you know like, english only unless you're in a regional forum..this type of religious muck shouldn't be considered in reasonable conversation.

Well, the point isnt that really, when someone start picking scriptures to suit their point of view and leaving the rest out, "THATS THE POINT"

Everyone, christian or not can quote the bible, or moby #######, or bugs bunny if it helps make a point... Simply because it's the bible you want to exclude it.. you're joking right?

but I am happy you aint the boss, because the rest of us are free to decide if the bible is for us or not...

not "muck" as you say.. it's a book, and a fairly credible one, you can choose to live however makes you happy..

for the some of us, it is reasonable conversation.. and your - "O P I N I O N" - isn't a bearing on whether or not it's reasonable.

Just happy to clear that up for you.. :rofl:

Edited August 16, 2012 by kennym

[decocker 7,198]

Just happy to clear that up for you.. :rofl:

a woman posted an immigration related question, and the "advice" certain people start spewing is related to poor behavior being acceptable because of 1. culture and 2. a woman's place in a relationship according to the bible.

i think BOTH of these excuses are rather disgusting and i have every right to say it.

of course people are free to subject themselves to whatever religion they want, i was saying - we insist upon english only in the main forums and i think that koran quoting (which i never see on vj) or bible quoting (which i ALWAYS see on vj) or any other religious muck - should be kept to religious based forums. there is nothing unreasonable about that.

[Deina 8]

Oh my.. In God we trust is what you carry in your wallet! So,go make a complain about that too! Any way soon there will be no cash so maybe you can you endure until then! Can you do ignore the fact that it is a verse from the Bible, and do not offend my lifestyle for what I see to be a healty relationship fundamental.

Whom I treated with disrespect?

I paste the verse as advice, is my principle how a woman should be (and of course a man as you well said) I have not forced anyone how to live their lives, we are on a public forum and OP asked for advice.

What is wrong with what I said about woman role? Ah...sorry, is from bible! Ok, I get it!

Should marriage be based on love and respect?..Ok, OP..is not married but she carries a baby with this man..

Good for me what?? To be in a happy marriage.. Falling in love is the easy part, it's making it work and being committed that take effort!! Maybe I missed something in her post but I didn't read that she is taking emotional or physical abuse, due to his work he is not even around her, if I understood corect. The problem they have is over the phone by she yelling at him and she finds disrespectful that he hangs the phone, and starting a month ago they start argue more over little things and is a misunderstanding on who controls whom. So, just because of this, my advice should be to leave this man??And ban this man from the life of his unborn child?? Just because she is pregnant, her husband must tolerate her? I'm not saying that he should be more understanding!! But how can you keep a conversation if someone is yelling at you? Is not better to let that person calm down?! Due to her pregnancy she should be more calm and relaxing... ! Or that baby will come out all shook up and thankful for a tension hell of a ride in this world?If you advise someone to be calm, loving, understanding, etc. .. is wrong then I will keep my advice to me and I will not participate in this discussion.

How Elvis well said: “Don’t criticize what you don’t understand, son. You never walked in that man’s shoes.” maybe you can digest Elvis better..I don't know more about of her life than she has only posted. So if you walk in her shoes and her husband shoes than please excuse me!

[kennym 275]

a woman posted an immigration related question, and the "advice" certain people start spewing is related to poor behavior being acceptable because of 1. culture and 2. a woman's place in a relationship according to the bible.

[i think BOTH of these excuses are rather disgusting and i have every right to say it.[/color]

of course people are free to subject themselves to whatever religion they want, i was saying - we insist upon english only in the main forums and i think that koran quoting (which i never see on vj) or bible quoting (which i ALWAYS see on vj) or any other religious muck - should be kept to religious based forums. there is nothing unreasonable about that.

i think BOTH of these excuses are rather disgusting and i have every right to say it.

What???

should be kept to religious based forums. there is nothing unreasonable about that.

As long as you realize, you're wrong, you can say anything you want, and so can I... I Still love that... even though you think I can't say things that I beleive are appropriate (and you don't) that the USA allows me to say it.. Don't you? Cool huh?

But "val erie" you missed the whole darn point,, I dont claim to be religious.. the point was, you can find biblical scripture to support any point you want, if you only choose the ones you want, and leave out the ones you don't like, then those scripture are out of context.. I was not trying to edumacate you on bible stuff or trying to sell anyone on anything.. just making a point about how people mis-use it..

Anyhow, it appears you hate religion enough to only pick up on the use of the scriptures and ignoring the point.. I feel bad for you... Thankfully, nobody can keep anyone from believing and saying anything they feel appropriate..

I still love you, I hope you figure out the point and stop arguing about senseless stuff...

[kennym 275]

a woman posted an immigration related question, and the "advice" certain people start spewing is related to poor behavior being acceptable because of 1. culture and 2. a woman's place in a relationship according to the bible.

i think BOTH of these excuses are rather disgusting and i have every right to say it.

of course people are free to subject themselves to whatever religion they want, i was saying - we insist upon english only in the main forums and i think that koran quoting (which i never see on vj) or bible quoting (which i ALWAYS see on vj) or any other religious muck - should be kept to religious based forums. there is nothing unreasonable about that.

How was her post Immigration related.. Yea sure, she's doing the K1, but that wasn't the point of the question.. The point was, does she tolerate his behaivior..

My opinion is, it's her BF, she should decide if that behaivior works for her,, Why does it matter to the VJ'rs... Her descision has to be based on her experience with the guy.. I don't know him, I don't know her, I don't have a stake in whether it works out or not, and it's likely nobody at VJ has any direct insight either.. I don't understand why people come on VJ asking about relationship advise..

Now, how is this Immigration related? Please, enlighten me...

[Deina 8]

My opinion is, it's her BF, she should decide if that behaivior works for her,, Why does it matter to the VJ'rs... Her descision has to be based on her experience with the guy.. I don't know him, I don't know her, I don't have a stake in whether it works out or not, and it's likely nobody at VJ has any direct insight either.. I don't understand why people come on VJ asking about relationship advise..

Now, how is this Immigration related? Please, enlighten me...

I agree with you on this!! I don't know if there is way of deleting the bible verse..but I will look into! So that this bible verse will not upset more people here on VJ.

You guys make me feel like is wrong a relationship to be based on love and respect! And instead of that screaming should rule...

Any way...

[decocker 7,198]

Now, how is this Immigration related? Please, enlighten me...

please refer to the title of her post: "pregnant...should i continue K1 Process

[kennym 275]

please refer to the title of her post: "pregnant...should i continue K1 Process

No kidding, Really?

That doesn't make it immigration related.. You can put anything in title... For your benefit, I've also included the body of the Original Post...

he he,, you're like that other person posting bible passages, leaving out the stuff that doesn't support your arguement...

Search hard, find anything in the posts that suggest she is seeking immigration advise.. Also notice how smart she is.. She points it out at least once or twice..

Ironic how smart she claims to be and yet, wonders what she should do... and... comes to a web forum for advise, at the same time pointing how educated she is several times in this thread....

Here's a little bit of background on my situation. I met my fiance on a cruieship here in the U.S. He's from Jamaica. We fell in love and got engaged. A few months after the engagement I found out I was pregnant. Everything was going great until about a month ago. For the past months we have been arguing and fighting all the time, my fiance claims that I'm too loud and controlling. He has also made the statement that he is a MAN and that I need to learn to stay in a WOMAN's place and I should know my role. I have been trying to get him to explain to me what a woman's place is, but I have yet to get a real answer. I have also yet to get an answer to how I'm too controlling. He lives and works on a ship, how can I possibly conntrol anything in his life? Also, in regards to me being too loud, he apparently thinks that I am not supposed to ever raise my voice when talking to him. Everytime we get in an argue and my voice raises he hangs up the phone me. I find that so disrepectful, however he continues to do it, and totally disregards anything that I say.

So let me get to the point of this post, yesterday we got into another argument over something petty and little. In the mist of the argument, he demands that I just give him the baby when he's born and he'll take the child to Jamaica and raise him there. He totally skips over the whole breakup part that typically takes place. And he doesn't ask for his ring back, but instead he proceeds to demand that I give him my baby and that he just wants his son when he's born. At this point I think he's crazy. Who in there right mind tells a pregnant woman to hand over there baby. Especially when it came out of left field. So I was already having serious doubts about this relationship, because his behavior is beginning to show signs of a controlling and possibly abusive person but now I'm also afraid for my child's safety once he is born. If I let this man around my child, will he try to kidnap him and take him to Jamaica?

Do you all think I'm thinking a little too much into this? Is it one of those I'm just stressed out over this process and you're just stressed out moments? Or do you think my concerns are rationale and valid? Sometimes it's hard to tell, especially with the preganncy hormones. But I'm starting to have a gut feeling that it's best to get out of this situation before it gets worst. However, another part of me wants my child to have and know his father. Any advice would be appreciated.

(Also I don't need legal advice, I know my rights, I'm a 3 year law student and I work at a law firm. I'm just looking for advice from a rational person, relationship persepctive. It would also be nice to here from some women who have dealt with Jamaican/Carriean men before.)

Thanks!

[decocker 7,198]

No kidding, Really?

look, i don't know why you're trying to argue with me. her question was posed as if she should carry on with her current immigration process. when i stated my opinion a few posts back, i wasn't even referring to your particular bible quoting, but the quotes before yours.

Ironic how smart she claims to be and yet, wonders what she should do... and... comes to a web forum for advise, at the same time pointing how educated she is several times in this thread....

you sure are mighty full of yourself...