Pregnant... Should I Continue K1 Process

[JorJoe 33]

....

Edited August 14, 2012 by JorJoe

[hawkeyez 45]

Good luck. Anything I would say would not be good.

[djricky4 67]

this is a very complicated situation considering the fact that a baby is included. Im a jamaican man and i dont know what to say. Just dont give the baby to the father for him to take care of it, thats all

[LIFE'SJOURNEY 970]

this is a very complicated situation considering the fact that a baby is included. Im a jamaican man and i dont know what to say. Just dont give the baby to the father for him to take care of it, thats all

Why say anything when you dont know the whole story.

Edited August 14, 2012 by LIFE'SJOURNEY

[Vicomi 31]

The most important thing for a baby is to have a loving and stable home. Of course you want your baby to have his father. And even more so, you want him to grow up happy and secure.

It sounds like you are in a situation where having the baby's father with you will lead to a less stable and supportive environment for your baby.

That totally sucks. But remind yourself, if you feel you are denying the baby his father, that having at least one parent at her best and totally capable of providing love and support to him without the distraction and drain of a difficult relationship is even more important.

If he drains you, he takes you away from your baby. You can't have that, mom. You know your priorities.

And yes, I'd be concerned that he'd take the baby away.

Only you can decide if you're ready to walk away or just take a step back and reassess. But yes, you definitely have indicators that it's a good idea to at least do the latter.

I have a year old baby. I've raised him this first year on my own. And part of me is glad that it was just me and him, as hard as it's been, because there are no other demands on me and nobody else's needs to consider but his and my own. He's unbelievably happy and secure, and I think having me at my best rather than distracted by relationship issues has contributed to that.

Best of luck,

M

I wholeheartedly agree with the above post. I would also add that the writing on the wall as to what you can expect in this relationship. Do what's right for you and your baby. Good luck and be safe

[Julie y Pat 67]

For those of you questioning the OP's worthiness as a mom to be, how do you think her future ex will be able to raise a child by himself on a cruise ship?

[islandgal 74]

.............. raise a child by himself on a cruise ship?

Edited August 15, 2012 by islandgal

[CantWait2012 11]

I know that some of you say where you are from and what culture has a lot to do with how the OP's fiance is acting. HOWEVER, I am American, my ex-husband was American....and he acted just like this before we got married... and YES I married him. It was 8 long years of being secluded from family, friends, and like someone else said, they get WORSE. Mental abust turned into physical abuse. Eventually my ex-husband moved me away to another state where noone was around, and tried to poison me. Long story short, after getting out of the hospital, I FINALLY after a LONG battle got a divorce, and OP, my thoughts to you is you are NOT crazy or hormonal, I was also pregnant when I got married to a man JUST like that and I should have listened to my gut and instinct. Some of you can say all you want about which culture they come from plays a factor, and some of that is true...HOWEVER if a man has a good heart and truly loves you and RESPECTS you, the cultural stuff is easily worked out. OP - from what you wrote, I would say GET OUT. GET OUT NOW. DON'T WAIT. DON'T LET HIM EVEN SEE YOUR SON. Dont answer his calls, dont talk to him ever again, and cancel the process. If he is the kind of guy he sounds like, and he truly is making you feel uncomfortable or scared or worried for any reason, CHANGE YOUR PHONE number. Yes, the baby will need a father, but do you really want your son to grow up thinking that they are better than woman and woman have their place? I think finding someone loving and understanding and willing to bend a little would be a better choice. If you gut is "scared" there is a reason for that and from what you say there are a few good reasons.

[djricky4 67]

Why say anything when you dont know the whole story.

one thing i know for sure, he cant take care of the child properly while working on a cruise ship. I have frens here who work on ships and they are only home for 3 months or so for the entire year. thats not healthy for the child

[InHisTime 110]

First I am not spoiled or needy. As I have told him I don't need him for anything. When I began a relationship with him it was because I loved the person he was and wanted to be with him.Second in regards to time, actually I'm pretty busy as I work go to school full time, work part time, and participate in several professional organizations which require me to travel frequently and get involved in the community on a constant basis. So in actuality I really don't have that much time, if I were to show you my calendar it would probably make you blush that you even dared question me. Lastly, due to the fact that I don't have a lot of time on my hands to sit around and do nothing. I value the time that I do have and I prioritize the things that are important to me. And if you think I'm spoiled, needy, and unappreciative for asking the man that I supposed to spend the rest of my life with and who is the father of my unborn child for more than 15-20 minutes every 48 hours than you have life real messed up, not me. Lastly, I never said anything in regards to him not working hard on his ship. I simply stated that he has 12 hours on and 12 hours off. How he chooses to spend the 12 hours off of work, let's me know where his priorities lie.

[font="Arial Black"][b]As far as my "attitude"... You can call it what you want, but at least I know my self worth and I won't settle for anything less than what I deserve. Nor will I tolerate any form of abuse whether it's physical, verbal, or emotional. [/b][/font]

Also to address those who have made statements about being loud. I don't know too many people who get into an argument or heated discussion with someone ad their tone or voice doesn't raise.

Girl, please be strong and follow your instinct / gut. You definitely a woman with self worth -- I just think you need to slow down and not continue with your K-1 petition. Based on your story, it's not worth it....don't wait things to become more complicated. Thank God at least you have known this thing earlier -- it would be more costly and painful if you get married to him....then would end up getting divorce. Don't worry - your baby would be well even without his father -- I'm sure you could raise him / her well. Trust God always

[akim10 1]

If I let this man around my child, will he try to kidnap him and take him to Jamaica?

you know your rights nd any legal action you cn do but you said on the last statement that you dont need any legal advice but then you're asking a question hehe.. hmm no one will ever know whats on your fiance's mind.. but i think you are smart enough to realize that continuing the k1 process is just a waste of money and time.. he don't deserve you, i think , your fiance is not interested to you anymore because he open the topic about giving him the baby.. your situation is very sad nd hard to face but God will never give us problems that we can't solve.. be strong girl!! don't let this guy be the boss and tell you what you have to do..both of you should be the boss..

[habibi11 16]

Madtown,

At first I was going to ignore your response because I found it ignorant, but as someone else has stated this is an internet forum and you only have as much information as that which is posted. With that said, I am a 26 year old (I'll be 27 next month) black woman, who has two college degree's (a B.A. & M.S.) and who is currently working on her third degree (J.D.). I will complete my last degree in May. I've worked since I was 16 years old various jobs to support myself and to ensure that I was able to live the life that I wanted to live. I have worked as a manager in a fortune 500 company making over $50,000 a year, before I decided to pursue a career in law. I have traveled and studied in several different countries around the world, including France, Italy, Great Britain, Switzlerland, Mexico, and the Bahamas to name a few. So when it comes to parenting my baby, I think I'll be ok. I am not some poor, uneducated, nontax paying citizen, who does nothing but sits on her butt all day. So please keep your ignorant thoughts and hate speech to yourself.

Thanks!

Good for you stay strong and do what is best for yourself and your child and you and only you will know what is best..... god luck with everything hope everything works out for you.

Edited August 15, 2012 by habibi11

[Nicole-N-Nattoy 24]

Hi I wanted to post because we are the same age ect. Honestly from your post the words young and inexpeirenced came 2 mind. Not anything that is unfixable. My husband hates shut up or name calling. To me it wasn't that big of a deal because I done it all my life when arguing. I had to change that behavior though because I saw his point and want to make the best of our relationship. It's not easy to change something you've done your whole life. I think compromise is so important. I think you're feelings are hurt because he's not calling you, but maybe it's just becuase he doesn't associate calling you with a good experience since you guys have been arguing so much. Things are very stressful in this process plus adding the other factors of being pregnat ect. I really think you guys can work it out. Sometimes we can sabatoge our happiness out of fear. Maybe the fear he will leave you or the fear that you made a mistake. Really listen to each other. I really just think he said that about a women's place and him takin the baby out of heated arguing. Not out of anything rational or real. If you want to message me and just chat plz do. It's always good to have a friend who's been thru the process Sending happiness and good vybz your way

[Moomin 292]

OP, you already advised yourself. I don't know the whole story however when you're being confronted with something that's either untrue or has a bit of truth to it, you start to confront yourself. Read some of your own posts, they'll tell you more about your feelings in your situation than any other person can tell you.

As I stated, I don't know both sides, or Jamacian culture well enough. 2 things worth taking into consideration though,

1 - don't blame negative behaviour on the culture but take the culture into consideration. You have to work together as a couple and it won't help when both of you know little about how you want to be treated and how you want to treat each other. You could be neighbors and still not get along because of the same reasons. That's where culture has very little to do with it.

2 - I walk away from my mother-in-law when she starts to be loud. And I'll do the same to my husband, relatives and anybody who raises their voice drastically. The one who speaks the loudest isn't the one who's right or sits with the the most facts or the upper hand in an argument. And by the ime someone raises their voice it seems more aggressive to me, and it might have that effect on your fiance as well.

Have you talked about the future - does he want to continue working on the ship, do you need him around more than that, esp. after the kiddo is born? Whether or not you should stay with him is not my call(or anyone else's) but hopefully the input you get will get your mind cleared up about your situation.

Good luck.

[Thomas and Kristi 17]

I believe this situation would be best handled by a conversation with the man. Speak calmly, without getting angered. Anger never solves anything. Discuss how you feel and try to find ways the two of you can communicate in an effective manner. Communication is key to all healthy relationships. I wish you the best on your journey and hope that you are able to find the answers you seek directly from the person to whom it pertains.