Pregnant... Should I Continue K1 Process

[C-ma'am 684]

As far as my "attitude"... You can call it what you want, but at least I know my self worth and I won't settle for anything less than what I deserve. Nor will I tolerate any form of abuse whether it's physical, verbal, or emotional.

As someone else pointed out, you have just answered your own question with this statement.

[Jamaicancricket 38]

As someone else pointed out, you have just answered your own question with this statement.

Agree!

I've dealt with good men and bad men....Jamaican or American...it doesnt matter where they are from. I dont think culture has too to do with it. Follow your heart and gut! The rest will fall into place.

[Knope2012 10]

The minute someone told me to know my place as a woman, I'd be done. You can do so much better than some guy who would tell you this. Just have respect for yourself and your child and make the best decision for you. Personally, I would leave him.

[velrich 50]

I don't really have a response on following thru with your k1 process but here is my point of view. Jamaican man are very possesive and like to be in control. I can tell you he won't hurt your child they love children, but he will want the child especially a boy child. I don't think you are over reacting but maybe you need to do a little more fact finding on this man. It seems to me that you are a head strong woman like myself and it is not easy to deal with someone like me if you want to be in control. I am speaking from experience only I love my Jamaican man but we commincate well and if there is something I don't like we address it. This may not happen right away because I'm mad but it will and it works better for us. They really don't like screaming and yelling and once you think about it there is really no need for that. Make a list good and bad and see which one is the longest and make a decision marriage is a serious bond. Be blessed Kitkat

I like your response. you are on the ball.

[decocker 7,198]

one thing i've learned from reading vj for a few years now: there is no particular culture or nationality that has the market on a specific sort of behavior.

it's frustrating to see people so quick to wear these negative behavior traits as a cultural badge. for one poster to project to the op that this man is from jamaica and therefore loves children and poses no threat - is completely ignorant.

[Fight for Love 98]

first of all gf chillax take a deep breath remember your pregnant if your stress and your stressing your baby more..you don't want your baby will look like a stress when he/she comes out right? i'm kidding...i'm just trying to make you smile...i really hope i did

Okay here's the thing. Let say his complaining of you being so loud and moody!!! HALLER Mr. Jamaica man did you forget that your wife soon to be is no doubt pregnant that's why she acted this way....maybe he didn't realized that?? Lol making me think is he the ONLY child? Because he sounded like he is and he doesn't have that patience lol

Hey to be honest maybe I am worse than you girly lol even if Im not pregnant sometimes I act moody...yah esp. If Im about to get my period lol nobody want to mess w/me just joking lol

But thank god my future husband has this patience for me. (God bless his heart and soul)

anyways my advice don't jump in a conclusion....your pregnant...you guys will have baby soon....right now just try to relax and talked to him when you guys are both calm...talked things out...breaking up is not the answer for relationship problem.

goodluck

Edited August 14, 2012 by takis

[amyandjorge 76]

I am so sorry you are going through all of this! (and that you are getting some of the unusually negative responses)

First of all, understandably you are having some doubts about your relationship. Sit down and think about what you NEED from your partner, want, and your dealbreakers. It doesn't hurt to think about what he needs either. For me personally, I have to communicate with my husband a little differently than I am used to. I have also had to learn to hear the difference between what he is trying to say vs the words that are coming out of his mouth. I decided it was worth the extra effort, it isn't always worth it though.

I also know (not first hand) that cruise ship relationships are a whole different can of worms...

Good luck!

[Diana and Chris 25]

When someone post a difficult situation here most of the responses assume that there is not another side to the story. Well folks, I hate to break this to you but usually there is two sides to a story so when you dole out your advice so freely you may be doing someone a disservice.

Maybe just a pat on the back and a word of encouragement would be nice but to give advice based on a unilateral tale of woe does not seem very wise. How many of us have been in a situation where our actions and character were relayed in an inacrurate manner or a way that lacked true perspective?

Why do you even take the time to read the threads then, if they are all only half lies to you?

Reply and keep it just to what has been said, because in a Forum, that is the only version you are going to get. Go have a conversation with people you can get more context to if you are yet to only belittle members and what they write.

[tfairyqueen 3]

Leave him before it's too late...You're doing right by imagining your life togheter... And also considering the possibility of a kidnapping.Just have in mind how many cases there are of fathers taking children away from their moms,and how winding is the road to bring them back...

What a ####### one is so sensitive and emotional when pregnant... Poor you.GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[GatorShae 36]

Madtown,

At first I was going to ignore your response because I found it ignorant, but as someone else has stated this is an internet forum and you only have as much information as that which is posted. With that said, I am a 26 year old (I'll be 27 next month) black woman, who has two college degree's (a B.A. & M.S.) and who is currently working on her third degree (J.D.). I will complete my last degree in May. I've worked since I was 16 years old various jobs to support myself and to ensure that I was able to live the life that I wanted to live. I have worked as a manager in a fortune 500 company making over $50,000 a year, before I decided to pursue a career in law. I have traveled and studied in several different countries around the world, including France, Italy, Great Britain, Switzlerland, Mexico, and the Bahamas to name a few. So when it comes to parenting my baby, I think I'll be ok. I am not some poor, uneducated, nontax paying citizen, who does nothing but sits on her butt all day. So please keep your ignorant thoughts and hate speech to yourself.

Thanks!

[mugumogu 18]

No, you should not continue with the K-1 process. This would mean that you have to get married and this relationship you describe sounds horrible. You may as well end it now or just plan on getting divorced if you go through with it.

[Calicolom 266]

Good Question Gowon. I think you should take your time to understand your man and also get to know more about African culture.. Never mind these people giving you a wrong advice, none of them is from Africa and should not give such advice. I believe once you get to understand your man better and he too will... it could just be a matter of time.

LOL

[dukeandduchess 141]

If you're unsure about the viability of your relationship, you should not continue with the K1 visa process.

[Lilyena 10]

Madtown,

At first I was going to ignore your response because I found it ignorant, but as someone else has stated this is an internet forum and you only have as much information as that which is posted. With that said, I am a 26 year old (I'll be 27 next month) black woman, who has two college degree's (a B.A. & M.S.) and who is currently working on her third degree (J.D.). I will complete my last degree in May. I've worked since I was 16 years old various jobs to support myself and to ensure that I was able to live the life that I wanted to live. I have worked as a manager in a fortune 500 company making over $50,000 a year, before I decided to pursue a career in law. I have traveled and studied in several different countries around the world, including France, Italy, Great Britain, Switzlerland, Mexico, and the Bahamas to name a few. So when it comes to parenting my baby, I think I'll be ok. I am not some poor, uneducated, nontax paying citizen, who does nothing but sits on her butt all day. So please keep your ignorant thoughts and hate speech to yourself.

Thanks!

Wow that's an impressive path!

As far as the relationship advice goes I don't know what to tell you. I don't think its a cultural problem, even if it can influence the relationship and understanding in some way. But one thing is for sure, whatever culture you're from, telling your fiancé she should know her place as a woman is something I could personnally not tolerate.

Problem is: you are having this child and you need to make decisions, and fast.

I would advice you to spend time face to face with him before taking any kind of definitive decisions.Its never good to decide when hormones/distance etc..are overwhelming you.

I can relate to your story and frustation of not beeing able to talk to the man as much as you wanted. My ex used to work on a ship and i had the same problem. One time I called he had nothing to say and was super mean saying he had other things to do than talking to me on the phone....I wouldnt hear from him in days and I was always sad and insecure about our relationship, feeling not loved. I don't think you are "needy" for wanting a little emotionnal support. I am sure you 're not asking for ten text/phone calls a day, but just the normal communication a loving couple has together, especillay during the pregnancy.

I agree to say if he has 12 hrs off, that he could take the time to call you and ask how you feel. Of course you're super tired (i've been working on a cruise ship myself) and when you have time off you go to sleep most of the time; but if you love your fiancé and miss him/her you always find time to give the phone call or to text something sweet. Its not like it was exhausting to do that. I remember working 12 hrs a day, and when I had time off I would desperately looking at my phone to communicate with my ex, but he would be like your fiancé, using his time off i don't know how. The whole situation made me very sad. During our 4 yrs together I just remember going more and more sad... and I must say luckily there was no child involved.

These cruise ship people live a very different life, almost out of reality. They party a lot, live on a different schedule..(I don't even wanna think about the promiscuity and sex scandals on the ships ). Its very hard to understand them, but again I'm speaking about my experience.

I don't know you personnal background, his personal backround. Maybe he has deeper issues to adress. It seems clear to me that there is a communication problem and until you two have a deep conversation face to face heart to heart its gonna be impossible for you to take the right decision.

its a a too difficult decision to take to take it without seeing him. Just take the time to think about, but in general you should always privilege your own well being, which in your case includes doing what is the best in the child interest. And that you will only know by seeing him and discuss everything in detail.

Good Luck,

[dwheels76 5,468]

First and foremost you must think of the safety of you and your child. You are on US soil there's no kidnaoing he can do. You gut (inner you) is speaking to you. There's pregnancy hormones and theres common sense listen to it. Looks like you have time let things be. Don't most a muscle on your petition or anything . But know men coming from a culture where men are boss and are bossy isn;t going to change and you giving him a son could very much push you to the back.

So you have some thinking to do. But first is you and your childs wants and needs than see how he fits in the equation. Just be careful. Like Maya Angelou says "when people show you who they are believe them". This is him.