Mrs. T-B. & the Citizenship Test

[TBoneTX 45,273]

Congrats brother. This is all behind you guys now. Go call the rubias! Hahaha.

Thank you, Brother F-Bone. Remaining are the status updates with the state DMV and with Social Security, and to apply for passports for Mrs. T-B. and Mini-Bone, and to write the blistering after-visa complaint to the Bureau of Consular Affairs. On a happier note, the rubias are on speed-dial, si man!

[oohpartiv 484]

T-B.: What are you doing?

Mrs. T-B. [wielding high-tech Ecuadorian broom (rag on a stick)]: I'm cleaning up.

i love that! my husband and i bought an actual mop (like, that has a mop head) for my mother in law and it has since gathered dust in the corner while she continues to use her broom and rag (usually an old t-shirt, since the arm holes fit so nicely on the broom head). whatever works, i guess.

[TBoneTX 45,273]

[...] my mother in law [...] continues to use her broom and rag

Some old towels that had been in my mother's closet since approximately 1971 don't know what hit them, no man!

You might want to check the RUB regional forum for the thread "RUBbettes & Housework, Si Man: What Does Yours (Not) Do?" A lot more of Mrs. T-B.'s exploits are revealed there, see man, in comparison with the actions of the Russian-Ukrainian-Belarussian wives.

Edited September 7, 2014 by TBoneTX

[katraska78 6]

Having met both TBone and Mrs TB in person I can attest to that. She is a beautiful, charming woman, very self-assured and with a very good sense of humour. She and Mr. TBone are actually a great match and I know she often gives him a 'run for his money' so to speak. You do notice, of course, in these re-countings, that Mrs. TBone almost always ends up with the upper hand?

Being Ecuadorian myself and a woman, I can really appreciate Mrs T-B's sense of humour. She's being silly , and after reading this posts, all I see is a loving couple sharing their journey with a much needed entertainment, after being what they've been through! I think both of them are really cool, the jokes are hillarious, and the love between them is inspiring. It's just sad to see that some people like to make an opera about everything! That they take themselves too seriously, and that are ready to judge what they don't know.

I'm really grateful to Mr and Mrs T, 'cause even though I do not have the pleasure of having met them personally, they've been nothing but helpful to a whole bunch of people throughout the entire VJ community.

Edited January 29, 2013 by KataandFreddy

[katraska78 6]

[brood piled in car, heading for interview. Mrs. T-B. studies dog-eared citizenship book furiously.]

T-B. [jovially singing from Barney the Dinosaur]: "Colors make me happy, everywhere I go..."

Mrs. T-B.: Silencio, Cariño [shut up, Sweetheart] -- I'm trying to study.

T-B. [jovial & intentionally oblivious]: "...The world is like a rainbow, puttin' on a beautiful show, OH! Puttin' on a beautiful show."

Mrs. T-B.: I'm trying to study!

T-B.: I know, Cariño, but colors are making me happy! "Eyes come in different colors; so do the birds that fly..."

Mrs. T-B.: Cariñoooooo! I'm studying!

Mini-Bone [22.5 months old, in back, in car seat]: Uh-oh.

T-B.: "...The forest comes in many greens, and look at all the colors in the sky (si, man); Colors make me happy..."

[Mrs. T-B. slugs T-B. with citizenship book]

Mini-B.: Uh-oh.

T-B.: Do you want us to have an accident, Cariño? You always complain about my driving.

Mrs. T-B.: Shaddap!

T-B. [jovially]: You shaddap.

Mini-B.: Uh-oh.

T-B.: Uh-oh.

Mini-B.: Uh-oh.

Mrs. T-B.: Ask me some questions. The hard ones.

T-B.: "Name one of your state's U.S. Senators now."

Mrs. T-B.: Corn. John Corn. John Cornyn. I can remember that because Mini-B. and I eat corn in KFC.

T-B.: Remember that KFC in the big mall in Cuenca [Ecuador], when they told us that they didn't have any pollo [chicken]?

Mrs. T-B.: If that's not a question on my test, I don't want to hear it. My head hurts.

T-B. [jovially & loudly, from Barney]: "My clothes come in colors; sometimes I'm feeling red..."

Mrs. T-B. [plaintively]: Cariñoooooooooooooo...

T-B. [louder]: "Sometimes I'm feeling yellowish, or purple or pink instead!"

Mrs. T-B. [in despair]: Why are you doing this to me now?

T-B.: Because colors are making me happy, and they can make you happy, too.

Mini-B.: Hap-peeeeeeee! [falls asleep] Zzzzz...

Mrs. T-B.: Ask me another question.

T-B.: "What are two rights in the Declaration of Independence?"

Mrs. T-B.: Freedom. The 1512 Wart -- 1812 Wart.

T-B.: Cariño, I can guarantee that you'll pass this test. You know how?

Mrs. T-B.: How?

T-B.: If you fail, you must actively teach Mini-Bone, in Spanish, my two favorite phrases.*

*These approximately translate to "miss my lass" and "one loves a bleach," si man.

Mrs. T-B.: I will NOT teach him those things!

T-B.: You will if you fail. [Mrs. T-B. is silent.]

[Arrival at USCIS. Parking in lot across street at strip-center populated with lawyers advertising service regarding immigration & deportation, all in Spanish.]

Mrs. T-B.: It's cold. Open the trunk and get the stroller.

T-B.: Remember -- if you wake Mini-B., he'll be mad. [Mrs. T-B. gives T-B. a dirty look.]

[Entry to building, 30 minutes before appointment. Compliance with metal-detectors. Entry to public area. Long line for InfoPass. Large group of seated interviewees waiting. In Deportation area, small group of worried-looking Americanas and Hispanic husbands with heads in hands. Mrs. T-B. drops interview letter into wooden tray.]

Mrs. T-B.: I will sit here, and you and Mini-B. can sit there with the stroller. There are goldfish and raisins for him in the bag.

T-B.: What if he wants Mommy?

Mrs. T-B.: Pretend that I'm not here! Spend time with your son! I need to study.

[T-B. & Mini-B. comply.]

Mini-B. [at top of lungs, brandishing small metal cars]: DAD-DY-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y! CAR!

T-B. [in agreement]: Cars!

Mini-B.: CAR! [Mini-B. rolls cars around floor, then up & down T-B.'s leg.]

T-B.: Cars. [Mini-B. rolls cars until losing interest.]

Mini-B.: DAD-DY-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y! [Grabs T-B.'s hand & begins dragging.]

T-B.: Walk?

Mini-B.: WOK! [Mini-B. drags T-B. around floor, stopping to push buttons on vending machines.]

Mini-B. [upon getting no action from vending-machine buttons]: Uh-oh.

T-B.: Uh-oh.

[84 minutes later, and with similar continuing activity from Mini-B., Mrs. T-B.'s name is called. Mrs. T-B. follows short, 55-year-oldish Hispanic-looking dude behind locked doors with coded buttons. Exits 10 minutes later.]

T-B.: What happened? What questions did he ask?

Mrs. T-B.: Nothing about people or warths... warts. Easy questions, like how many Senators.

T-B.: And you said?

Mrs. T-B.: 100. Another one was how old you have to be for Selective Service.

T-B.: What were the others?

Mrs. T-B.: I don't remember. My head hurts.

T-B.: How many did he ask?

Mrs. T-B.: Six.

T-B.: That's all? Did you pass?

Mrs. T-B.: Si.

T-B.: Cariño! Did he say anything else?

Mrs. T-B.: He talked to me in Spanish, and apologized that the interview had to be in English.

T-B.: When's your oath ceremony?

Mrs. T-B.: January sometime. He said I'll get a letter.

T-B. [hugging]: Cariño!

Mrs. T-B. [hugging]: Cariño! [weakly] I'm tired.

T-B. [doing a little dance, singing altered version of La Cucaracha [the cockroach]:

Ciudada-NA, ciudada-NA! [female citizen, female citizen] Ya no puede caminar; [can no longer walk]

Ciudada-NA, porque le fal-TA [female citizen, because she's lacking]

Las dos patitas de atras! [her two back feet]

[Early celebratory dinner at nearby hotel restaurant. Mini-B. squalls joyously at top of lungs, irritating businessman at bar trying to work on computer.]

T-B.: You know the best part about all of this, Cariño?

Mrs. T-B.: What?

T-B.: The instant after you take your oath, I finally get to write my after-visa complaint to the State Department and the ####### Guayaquil consulate.

Mini-B.: Uh-oh.

T-B.: "Uh-oh" is right. I'll barbecue 'em.

Mrs. T-B. [wearily]: Is that ALL that you and the other husbands think about?

T-B.: Si, man.

[On drive home, everyone was exhausted and fell asleep, including T-B., the driver. Upon arrival, someone had already eaten the Cheetos and ice cream, sigh man.]

Mrs. T-B. [after settling in at home]: Thank you for your support with all this, Cariño.

T-B.: Si, Cariño.

[During hug, wedgies are simultaneously administered.]

T-B.: Somebody ate all the ice cream.

Mrs. T-B.: I know who!

T-B.: Yeah, I saw all those gross spoonfuls missing! You know how I eat neatly around the edges!

Mrs. T-B.: Deportacion? [Deportation?]

T-B.: Si, and then I'm immediately calling the rubias. [imaginary harem of 6 blondes]

Mini-B.: Uh-oh.

Mrs. T-B. [on T-B.'s head]:

P.S. This was a good way to celebrate the 6-month anniversary with the new cat, miu man.

So happy for you guys! Finally!

[TBoneTX 45,273]

Being Ecuadorian myself and a woman, I can really appreciate Mrs T-B's sense of humour. She's being silly

Seriously for a fleeting moment, I was not at all certain that she was going to pass the test, no man.

and after reading this posts, all I see is a loving couple sharing their journey with a much needed entertainment, after being what they've been through! I think both of them are really cool, the jokes are hillarious, and the love between them is inspiring. It's just sad to see that some people like to make an opera about everything! That they take themselves too seriously, and that are ready to judge what they don't know.

Thank you, si man.

I'm really grateful to Mr and Mrs T, 'cause even though I do not have the pleasure of having met them personally, they've been nothing but helpful to a whole bunch of people throughout the entire VJ community.

Thank you, si man. However, a typical conversation is:

Mrs. T-B. [lurching sleepily from bed at 2 a.m.]: What are you doing still UP?

T-B. [typing furiously]: I'm trying to help people on the visa group.

Mrs. T-B. [irritatedly]: Come to BED! It's LATE!

T-B. [frantically trying to finish intense typing]: Si, Carino.

Mrs. T-B.: Now! Now! Vamos! [Let's go!]

T-B. [correcting typos]: Si, Carino.

Mrs. T-B.: You're hopeless. [Returns to bed and rapidly begins snoring like a rinoceronte (rhinoceros)]

[T-B. inspects bedroom, sees Mrs. T-B., Mini-Bone, & the Cat occupying all available space, & returns to computer, si man.]

Edited June 6, 2014 by TBoneTX

[TBoneTX 45,273]

[Television on. Texas Gov. Rick Perry delivers "State of the State" address.]

T-B.: Look, Carino -- do you know who that is?

Mrs. T-B. [not looking up from Facebook]: Who is what?

T-B.: It's our Governor.

Mrs. T-B.: Governor of who?

T-B.: The Governor of Texas! You know, and quite well -- Perry Ellis.

Mrs. T-B.: Who's Perry Ellis?

T-B. [to self]:

[Darnell 8,478]

Bonus Points for wearing branded Perry Ellis UnderBritches to bed.

Double Bonus Points for reporting back on it

[TBoneTX 45,273]

Bonus Points for wearing branded Perry Ellis UnderBritches to bed.

Double Bonus Points for reporting back on it

Triple points for issuing wedgies, si man.

[Dr. Obvious 49]

[Television on. Texas Gov. Rick Perry delivers "State of the State" address.]

T-B.: Look, Carino -- do you know who that is?

Mrs. T-B. [not looking up from Facebook]: Who is what?

T-B.: It's our Governor.

Mrs. T-B.: Governor of who?

T-B.: The Governor of Texas! You know, and quite well -- Perry Ellis.

Mrs. T-B.: Who's Perry Ellis?

T-B. [to self]:

That reminds me of when I went with my sister to see the first LOTR movie a million years ago. More than half way through the movie, my sister leans over and...

Sis: "Hey."

Me: "What?"

Sis: "Um, they keep talking about hobbits. ####### is a hobbit?"

Me:

[TBoneTX 45,273]

"Um, they keep talking about hobbits. ####### is a hobbit?"

That still holds more promise than:

T-B. [from Citizenship study book]: "Name one war fought by the United States in the 1800s."

Mrs. T-B.: The Wart of 1512.

T-B. [to self]:

Edited February 6, 2013 by TBoneTX

[luckytxn 2,264]

I was positive that my babe would fail the test but wanted to come report that she actually passed and is set to do the oath ceremony next week. I am about to go get us some ice cream and may even let her eat some.

[Kathryn41 3,205]

I was positive that my babe would fail the test but wanted to come report that she actually passed and is set to do the oath ceremony next week. I am about to go get us some ice cream and may even let her eat some.

Congratulations to the two of you! Well done - Maybe you can even let her choose what flavour of ice cream !

[luckytxn 2,264]

Congratulations to the two of you! Well done - Maybe you can even let her choose what flavour of ice cream !

Lucky for me she don't seem to care.

[Calypso 464]

I was positive that my babe would fail the test but wanted to come report that she actually passed and is set to do the oath ceremony next week. I am about to go get us some ice cream and may even let her eat some.

Congratulations to you and your babe!

Also, belated congratulations to Mr. and Mrs. TB, si man.