Mrs. T-B. & the Citizenship Test

[hikergirl 277]

Thank you, C-man. Even more awesome is that, shortly after the oath ceremony, I shall begin composing my blistering after-visa complaint to the Bureau of Consular Affairs of the State Department, of course with copies to the ####### Guayaquil consulate. Been waiting almost 5 years for this, grrrr man...

Could be some interesting reading.

Good call to not rock the boat while you are still in it!

I’ve been thinking nasty thoughts of the Charleston Field Office myself…think I’ll keep those thoughts to myself for a few year.

[TBoneTX 45,598]

Could be some interesting reading.

If your computer spontaneously barbecues itself before your eyes as you read it, I'm not responsible, no man.

Good call to not rock the boat while you are still in it!

You read our mind, see[r] man. I see no statute of limitations on petitioning our government for redress of grievances, no man.

Question: If grievances need to be redressed, who stripped them naked in the first place, huh man?

[Mr. Borkström 63]

We got a housekey made for me yesterday at Home Depot. Tomorrow I may go out on my own for the first time. The Holy Quest for More Cheetos awaits!

[luckytxn 2,264]

Thank you, C-man. Even more awesome is that, shortly after the oath ceremony, I shall begin composing my blistering after-visa complaint to the Bureau of Consular Affairs of the State Department, of course with copies to the ####### Guayaquil consulate. Been waiting almost 5 years for this, grrrr man...

Still need to get y'all over for a visit one day.

[Leatherneck 693]

Still need to get y'all over for a visit one day.

He is alive! Wondered when you'd pop back in.

[luckytxn 2,264]

He is alive! Wondered when you'd pop back in.

Going for the Citizenship thing.Needs lots of help. Hope all is well.

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

Question: If grievances need to be redressed, who stripped them naked in the first place, huh man?

Ask the folks in the black helicopters when they arrive to "discuss" your complaint.

[Mr. Borkström 63]

Houston we have Cheetos.

[TBoneTX 45,598]

Joe Biden was shown on TV tonight.

T-B. [to Mrs. T-B.]: Who's that?

Mrs. T-B.: I don't know.

T-B. [helpfully]: It's the Vice-President of the Estados Unidos.

Mrs. T-B.: John... Byner.

T-B. [to self]: You KNEW this. How come I know that the VP of Ecuador is "Lenin Moreno"?

Mrs. T-B.: Are they going to test me again at the [oath] ceremony?

T-B.: The contents of your mind are encrypted on your 10-year green card. They know what you know & don't know.

Mrs. T-B.: They are? They do?

T-B. [to self]: And what kind of name is "Lenin Moreno" anyway?

Mrs. T-B. [going to get cup & spoon]: A normal name. Can I have a little of your ice cream?

T-B. [hastily finishing the last of it]: NO! It's gone. And you still have a whole gallon of your own.

Mrs. T-B.: But I wanted yours! What flavor was it?

T-B.: Not that it matters, but chocolate.

Mrs. T-B.: What flavor is mine?

T-B.: Cookies & Cream! It's been IN there for a month -- I showed it to you. Haven't you been eating it?

Mrs. T-B. [excitedly]: Cookies & Cream? Slurrrrrrrrrrp!

T-B.: And don't touch my new container of chocolate in there.

Mrs. T-B.: Why would I, when I have my Cookies & Cream?

T-B.: You just WANTED mine -- don't you remember?

Mrs. T-B.: Remember what? [Retrieves own ice cream, leaving rapidly melting globs all over kitchen counter & floor]

T-B. [to self]:

[fantonledzepp 159]

Joe Biden was shown on TV tonight.

T-B. [to Mrs. T-B.]: Who's that?

Mrs. T-B.: I don't know.

T-B. [helpfully]: It's the Vice-President of the Estados Unidos.

Mrs. T-B.: John... Byner.

T-B. [to self]: You KNEW this. How come I know that the VP of Ecuador is "Lenin Moreno"?

Mrs. T-B.: Are they going to test me again at the [oath] ceremony?

T-B.: The contents of your mind are encrypted on your 10-year green card. They know what you know & don't know.

Mrs. T-B.: They are? They do?

T-B. [to self]: And what kind of name is "Lenin Moreno" anyway?

Mrs. T-B. [going to get cup & spoon]: A normal name. Can I have a little of your ice cream?

T-B. [hastily finishing the last of it]: NO! It's gone. And you still have a whole gallon of your own.

Mrs. T-B.: But I wanted yours! What flavor was it?

T-B.: Not that it matters, but chocolate.

Mrs. T-B.: What flavor is mine?

T-B.: Cookies & Cream! It's been IN there for a month -- I showed it to you. Haven't you been eating it?

Mrs. T-B. [excitedly]: Cookies & Cream? Slurrrrrrrrrrp!

T-B.: And don't touch my new container of chocolate in there.

Mrs. T-B.: Why would I, when I have my Cookies & Cream?

T-B.: You just WANTED mine -- don't you remember?

Mrs. T-B.: Remember what? [Retrieves own ice cream, leaving rapidly melting globs all over kitchen counter & floor]

T-B. [to self]:

I just asked the wife if she knew who the vice-president of the US... Blank stare hahaha. I'm gonna start early with the questions. And Lenin Moreno is commie name. Just like Rafael Correa is a commie name. But I digress...

Congrats on the approval man. Just a few more days till the oath ceremony!

[TBoneTX 45,598]

Blank stare hahaha. I'm gonna start early with the questions.

Make sure first that she bought you cheap, si man.

Congrats on the approval man. Just a few more days till the oath ceremony!

Gracias, Brother F-Bone. I might make her go by herself, given the shameless, brazen frontal attack on my ice cream last night, sigh man.

[TBoneTX 45,598]

[Night before citizenship-oath ceremony. T-B. hears crashing and banging downstairs. T-B. goes downstairs.]

T-B.: What are you doing?

Mrs. T-B. [wielding high-tech Ecuadorian broom (rag on a stick)]: I'm cleaning up.

T-B.: For the last time. You're almost a gringa. Gringas don't do that.

Mrs. T-B. [giggles]: Tomorrow, I will have a maid. I know wives who get their ciudadania [citizenship] and leave their husbands.

T-B.: If you're thinking about it, decide as soon as you can -- I want to call the rubias [imaginary harem of 6 blondes].

[T-B. ducks as high-tech Ecuadorian broom flies at his head.]

[Darnell 8,478]

Congratulations on the last night of house-cleaning, T-B.

Please to put an ankle tracker on yer son so you can find him this weekend.

Yay !

[TBoneTX 45,598]

[After Oath Ceremony, Mrs. T-B. takes naturalization certificate and turns to T-B.]

T-B.: Well, Carino [sweetheart], you're an Americana now.

Mrs. T-B.: Si. [Face morphs into the menacing countenance of Ex-Mrs.-T-B., and body expands into Ex-Mrs.-T-B.'s beyond-full-figured corpulence] Listen to me, you worthless slacker. I demand a full-time maid by tonight, and dinner out every night at fine restaurants of my choosing, and you will take on a second or third extra job in order to support me in the manner to which I deserve to become accustomed.

T-B.: Say what?!

(Ex-)Mrs. T-B.: You heard me, and you will comply with my orders. Any complaint means that you can't handle a strong woman. All my previous boyfriends knew what was good for them, and you will learn, too, or I'll make your life so miserable, you'll wish you'd never been born. Now take me home and start calling maids for interviews. On the way, stop at the bank and withdraw $2,000 for my shopping. I am replacing my wardrobe, commencing immediately.

T-B.: $2,000... that's a lot.

(Ex)-Mrs. T-B. [snarling]: It's nothing. Only a lousy zero failure would talk back with such language. You're at fault for being such a nothing that I eat and get fat. Get to it, you loser. Go go go go GO!

[T-B. awakens from nightmare in cold sweat.]

Actually, the final Mrs. T-B. seemed pleased with her naturalization certificate and threatened to leave me only once, and that only in passing, si man. It was not even worth my suggesting that I call the rubias, no man. All the way on the long drive home, I was singing the following adaptation to La Cucaracha (The Cockroach) in very bad Spanish, or whistling it, si man:

Ciudada-NA America-NA, si man si man [female American citizen, si man si man],
Ya puede esposo joder [she is able to nag her husband];
Ciudada-NA, ciudada-NA, si man si man [female citizen, female citizen, si man si man],
Americana siempre [a gringa always].

Si, man.

Edited June 6, 2014 by TBoneTX

[fantonledzepp 159]

Congrats brother. This is all behind you guys now. Go call the rubias! Hahaha.

Edited January 24, 2013 by fantonledzepp