Why Do Men Have Such Trouble With Intimacy?

[Penny Lane 8,159]

Not only that, but as a personal rule, I do not trust anyone who doesn't like animals or treat them badly.

A good rule.

[JohnR! 5,495]

A good rule.

That was one of the very first things I remember learning from my parents, when I was little older than a toddler. For some reason it stuck with me, and how so true it turned out to be throughout my life.

[akihon 129]

Definitely not.

how many times have you heard "I want a man who listens to me, who's sensitive, who knows when to say the right thing .. romantic, sweet, kind, compassionate, great with languages etc..."

Sounds like a woman to me.

whatever it is, I have less than zero patience with women who have attribute lists about the man they want to end up with.

Edited August 10, 2012 by mebbe

[X Factor 1,112]

Not only that, but as a personal rule, I do not trust anyone who doesn't like animals or treat them badly.

[JohnR! 5,495]

how many times have you heard "I want a man who listens to me, who's sensitive, who knows when to say the right thing .. romantic, sweet, kind, compassionate, great with languages etc..."

Sounds like a woman to me.

whatever it is, I have less than zero patience with women who have attribute lists about the man they want to end up with.

However, if you do want certain traits in a partner, shouldn't you have an attribute lists and stick to it?

The only reason I mention this is because there is nothing worse than people - men and women alike - who enter in relationships with the certainty they will be able to change and mould their partners to fit their expectations. That is where being discriminating is helpful.

Some people don't fall in love with their partners, so much as they fall in love with the idea of what their partner should become.

[Penny Lane 8,159]

That was one of the very first things I remember learning from my parents, when I was little older than a toddler. For some reason it stuck with me, and how so true it turned out to be throughout my life.

"You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him" is a rule I was taught.

You're right, though. It's very telling how a man will treat someone/something that is weaker/more vulnerable than he is. I also totally judge how men treat people in the service industry.

Nothing's a bigger turnoff than going on a date and having him to be rude/dismissive to the server at the restaurant.

Manners go a long way with me.

[X Factor 1,112]

However, if you do want certain traits in a partner, shouldn't you have an attribute lists and stick to it?

The only reason I mention this is because there is nothing worse than people - men and women alike - who enter in relationships with the certainty they will be able to change and mould their partners to fit their expectations. That is where being discriminating is helpful.

Some people don't fall in love with their partners, so much as they fall in love with the idea of what their partner should become.

Having a realistic attribute list and sticking to it can be very helpful. It can take away some of the emotions in the process of choosing a partner having this list (written or mental).

[JohnR! 5,495]

"You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him" is a rule I was taught.

You're right, though. It's very telling how a man will treat someone/something that is weaker/more vulnerable than he is. I also totally judge how men treat people in the service industry.

Nothing's a bigger turnoff than going on a date and having him to be rude/dismissive to the server at the restaurant.

Manners go a long way with me.

I walked out on several dates for that reason.

My theory is that people who are dismissive and rude to those in position of disadvantage are just cowards; and more often than not, drive really big cars... Overcompensation...

[JohnR! 5,495]

Having a realistic attribute list and sticking to it can be very helpful. It can take away some of the emotions in the process of choosing a partner having this list (written or mental).

True.

In my particular case, 'the list' was fundamental because I tend to approach things in life in a more pragmatic way, especially if you're going to live in three cities, one boat and two countries at the same time. I could not make an overbearing and dependent person happy, so being somewhat self- assured and independent was on my list of prerequisites, as was 'must love animals' and 'must respect service staff', amongst others. In the end, many who did not stick around for one reason or another ended up becoming good friends.

Edited August 10, 2012 by Gegel

[akihon 129]

However, if you do want certain traits in a partner, shouldn't you have an attribute lists and stick to it?

The only reason I mention this is because there is nothing worse than people - men and women alike - who enter in relationships with the certainty they will be able to change and mould their partners to fit their expectations. That is where being discriminating is helpful.

Some people don't fall in love with their partners, so much as they fall in love with the idea of what their partner should become.

I agree. Realistic is the key word here.

However, almost every person I know who has these lists are unrealistic. I'm saying like 1 person out of every 10-20 I know have realistic lists.

like it has been said before, everybody has their own ideas of what a real man is ... so what I find to be a real man may not match up with what (general) you would find to be a real man, but that gives nobody the right to judge.

[Darnell 8,479]

To the OP.

Alas, this is 'just another report' on the issue.

There are others. The conclusions are similar, the data are similar.

I view 'this' as regurgitation, without worrying about prior works, prior studies.

In essence, is 'yet another study' that proves up the 'point'.

In the end, though - it doesn't matter, as men will be men, irrespective of this 'lack of intimacy' bullcrap.

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

To the OP.

Alas, this is 'just another report' on the issue.

There are others. The conclusions are similar, the data are similar.

I view 'this' as regurgitation, without worrying about prior works, prior studies.

In essence, is 'yet another study' that proves up the 'point'.

In the end, though - it doesn't matter, as men will be men, irrespective of this 'lack of intimacy' bullcrap.

Not in the brave new world the feminazis have planned for themselves and their sperm donors.

[Darnell 8,479]

huh? they 'claimed their space' about 18 years ago. I guess other folk, other demographic, are finally waking up to the real-estate-takeover.

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

huh? they 'claimed their space' about 18 years ago. I guess other folk, other demographic, are finally waking up to the real-estate-takeover.

Yes, but that "other demographic" is driving down real estate values, so, I guess we are not welcome anymore, except as sperm donors and to kill the occasional spider.

[Penny Lane 8,159]

At least you're aware of your uses.