Mother vehemently opposed to boyfriend/relationship.

[yakasushii 0]

Hi everyone,

Thank you so very much for your replies! I've read each and every one of them. I apologize for originally posting this in the wrong forum. I realized it after it was too late. I'm just so used to reading the K1 visa forums Your replies have offered me with new insights, with a fresh sense of hope, and with some clarity and peace of mind.

I will be moving out soon. I've been looking for places, and will move out August/early September. I'll be living either in a basement apartment or sharing an apartment with someone. It'll be somewhere nearby, so I will still be able to keep in regular contact with my family. I feel it is the healthier option for me, as this is a rather oppressive environment that I live in. In my new home, I will feel safe talking to my boyfriend on the phone or over Skype. I won't be chastised or frowned upon for talking to him where I will be living.

My boyfriend has come a long way from his days of drug addiction. He has been sober for three years now. I do want to be with him, and very much so. I work as a teacher here, and his state allows teachers in my province reciprocity -- I've applied to be a teacher there, as I'd eventually like live and teach there. Once I pass the certification tests, I will officially be certified to teach there. If that doesn't work out for me, I will go into holistic medicine, and do some tutoring.

My mother has not said anything about any of this since we talked. Since then, she has only shown me respect. However, I'm sure if I were to bring up my boyfriend, she'd go into a rage again. I've decided that I have the courage (and the financial stability) to improve my life, to remove myself from this toxic home, and to go somewhere where I can eat healthier and live healthier, and just be somewhere where I don't need to hear my mother yell at her own mother every day. Somewhere where I can grow, become independent.

Even though my boyfriend knows my mother completely disapproves of him and of our relationship, when he visits here (hopefully he'll be able to pass the border), he still wants to buy flowers for my mom. He wants to show her love, no matter how much she doesn't want to see him. And I will do my best to show love towards her as well.

If I end up with the ultimatum of either being disowned by my mother or being with my boyfriend, I will choose him. Even then, maybe my mother will finally realize that she'd be losing me for real, and will come around at last. And if not, then I will live with it. I need to do what makes me happy, what fulfills me spiritually, and my relationship with my boyfriend does that in every way possible.

I do believe that I am making the right choices, the most optimal ones, and I sincerely appreciate the responses I've received. VJ is excellent, but I admit that I didn't expect to receive so many responses! I am touched by the amount of support, advice, and stories I've gotten with my situation. Thank you so very, very much.

Edited August 11, 2012 by yakasushii

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I do believe that I am making the right choices, the most optimal ones, and I sincerely appreciate the responses I've received. VJ is excellent, but I admit that I didn't expect to receive so many responses! I am touched by the amount of support, advice, and stories I've gotten with my situation. Thank you so very, very much.

That's all encouraging.

I think everyone deserves second, third or even fourth chances to turn their lives around and it's commendable that your BF has been sober for 3 years. However, those personality traits still exist - and unless he's gone and continues to go through some kind of therapy, he will only be one personal crisis away from potentially going back to his addictions. Sometimes, addictive personalities just have to substitute those harmful addictions with healthier alternatives, like physical fitness, but treating the cause is the only way to really face those demons. Anyhow, good luck to you and your relationships - both with your mother and your BF.

[abner137 48]

That's all encouraging.

I think everyone deserves second, third or even fourth chances to turn their lives around and it's commendable that your BF has been sober for 3 years. However, those personality traits still exist - and unless he's gone and continues to go through some kind of therapy, he will only be one personal crisis away from potentially going back to his addictions. Sometimes, addictive personalities just have to substitute those harmful addictions with healthier alternatives, like physical fitness, but treating the cause is the only way to really face those demons. Anyhow, good luck to you and your relationships - both with your mother and your BF.

[Darnell 8,479]

Did he make it past the border on the recent northern trip ?

[yakasushii 0]

Unfortunately, he was denied at the border, and considered inadmissible to Canada.

Since he couldn't come here, I went to visit for a week, but his feelings changed while I was there, and he ended the relationship shortly after my visit. He is no longer willing to have a long-distance relationship. If I could move there to be with him or find some way to be there with him, I would, but I guess it just wasn't meant to be.

[Kathryn41 3,205]

I'm sorry it didn't work out for you. It is better you found out before things became very involved legally than afterwards, but still, I know, it hurts. Take care of yourself.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Unfortunately, he was denied at the border, and considered inadmissible to Canada.

Since he couldn't come here, I went to visit for a week, but his feelings changed while I was there, and he ended the relationship shortly after my visit. He is no longer willing to have a long-distance relationship. If I could move there to be with him or find some way to be there with him, I would, but I guess it just wasn't meant to be.

I'm sorry it didn't work out, but it's better to find out sooner rather than later.

[Darnell 8,479]

yup - sooner is way better than later.

I'm sorry, I had some sense of his inadmissibility into Canada - but I'm jubilant to see that the Canadien Border Patrol handled their business.