Mandatory 21 days before you file??

[LoveNigarmostyle 164]

Wow, I must have missed this somehow! I want to thank those of you who stood up for our Nigerian spouses in this thread!! I have often seen rude things being said on VJ, it's just sad that it is coming from "one of our own!" I am highly offended by comments made from extremely prejudice people! (they are not worth mentioning) I am very Proud of these people however!!

Dwheels76

Iyawo_Omo_Yoruba

Ebunoluwa

Jenkatx

LoveNigerMostyle

Thanks so much for telling them how it is, for real! I agree with you all 100%

Opinions, facts, guidance, criticism and etc. can be done without being so negative or disrespectful. In every nationality, race, culture,and in each country there are the good and the bad and NOT only in Nigeria. One needs to approach this whole love and relationship path with anyone with open eyes, open mind and absorb the facts and advice presented here. All we need to do is be constructive support and not

Blessings to all of my VJ co-members.

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

This is an eye opening thread for me and explains this other thread in better detail. Now I know why folks find it hilarious to make fun of their Spouses on an online forum, how that can be funny still befuddles me. You wouldn't see such a thread in Canadian and European forums.

There were a coupe of good posters on this thread with good observations. I always find it funny how some on here consider themselves experts on Nigerian Men in particular and Nigerian culture in general just because they've been to Lagos and are petitioning for an Ibo villager. It's akin to knowing someone from Chico, Texas who has been as far as Dallas and then consider themselves an expert on America and her culture.

We all have to own our own part of the dance, sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't. It is uncommon here in the US and in Nigeria for a 50 year old baren Woman to marry a decent looking 25 year old Man. I just hope that folks are realistic in their expectations so that when the music stops and they are left with no chair to sit they don't whine. Is there any Woman on here that has petitioned for a Man older than she is?

I am petitioning for someone from the same town I grew up in (basically stones throw away), have same religion, same tribe, etc and sometimes I get concerned that my petition is getting looked at by a CO that is also looking at someones petition that has never met or met only once, huge cultural difference, having the USC older and with many kids already (so yeah the poor Guy becomes an instant Dad to a couple of American kids that will tell him that you ain't my Dad at the first opportunity) and they met on a social networking site where Guys are looking for USC specifically (i've been in those CyberCafes and seen these folks operate).

Ask yourself this question, what makes you special?

PS: Sometimes I wonder why COs do the job, not sure I can really.

[Iyawo_Omo_Yoruba 31]

This is an eye opening thread for me and explains this other thread in better detail. Now I know why folks find it hilarious to make fun of their Spouses on an online forum, how that can be funny still befuddles me. You wouldn't see such a thread in Canadian and European forums.

I can't speak for anyone but myself on the other thread, but for me reading those things and partaking in it is simply endearing, as some of those things are common just to my boo's culture. Yes we may laugh, but I for one, am not laughing AT them. It is simply a part of who they are, and for me it helps clebrate their uniqueness. That there are things that our counterparts will laugh over, you can be sure of it once they experience our cultures. Or they will be left scratching their head in wonderment as to why we do some of the things we do. It is all a part of understanding one another, it doesn't mean we have to like everything the other person does, but at least we know that some of what we deem funny and endearing is simply a cultural characteristic. So yes, I can see how a person could be offended by such things, yet sometimes we all have to just laugh at our ownselves as we learn these things. But you have brought a new understanding as to how my boo may take my laughter when he doesnt understand my American slang or other things I say and do. Even though I always explain to him why I find it funny, most times he laughs along with me . Thanks fot your insight to bettering my understanding!

[Ben&Jodie 3]

I couldn't agree with you more! The time spent together face-to-face is only one element of my marriage. We've been at this for almost 3 years now. If it was a scam, would we go through the immigration process twice and stay in constant contact with all of the stress and heartache? I think not. Unfortunately, time and money do not permit us to spend as much together as we'd like. Would be nice if immigration were more thoughtful to the entire situation.

[Ben&Jodie 3]

Opinions, facts, guidance, criticism and etc. can be done without being so negative or disrespectful. In every nationality, race, culture,and in each country there are the good and the bad and NOT only in Nigeria. One needs to approach this whole love and relationship path with anyone with open eyes, open mind and absorb the facts and advice presented here. All we need to do is be constructive support and not

Blessings to all of my VJ co-members.

[Ben&Jodie 3]

I think it's hard enough going through the immigration process without hatred and harshness coming from our fellows. There are already so many people putting us down and not understanding the love we share with our spouses, especially coming from Nigeria. The things that have been said to me about my husband are unreal to me! It was a constant fight before I married him to have any acceptance from some people.

The love I share with my husband is beyond what I could have sought had I gone looking for it. Be kind to each other. We all love someone who is far away and are struggling and waiting this seemingly endless wait to be together. There is no guarantee on any relationship no matter where you met or how much time you spend together before you married.

I thank God every day for the relationship I share with my husband. I'm PROUD to be married to a Nigerian man... to him. There is no room in my mind or life for people who are hurtful and hateful towards me and people like me.

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

This is an eye opening thread for me and explains this other thread in better detail. Now I know why folks find it hilarious to make fun of their Spouses on an online forum, how that can be funny still befuddles me. You wouldn't see such a thread in Canadian and European forums.

There were a coupe of good posters on this thread with good observations. I always find it funny how some on here consider themselves experts on Nigerian Men in particular and Nigerian culture in general just because they've been to Lagos and are petitioning for an Ibo villager. It's akin to knowing someone from Chico, Texas who has been as far as Dallas and then consider themselves an expert on America and her culture.

We all have to own our own part of the dance, sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't. It is uncommon here in the US and in Nigeria for a 50 year old baren Woman to marry a decent looking 25 year old Man. I just hope that folks are realistic in their expectations so that when the music stops and they are left with no chair to sit they don't whine. Is there any Woman on here that has petitioned for a Man older than she is?

I am petitioning for someone from the same town I grew up in (basically stones throw away), have same religion, same tribe, etc and sometimes I get concerned that my petition is getting looked at by a CO that is also looking at someones petition that has never met or met only once, huge cultural difference, having the USC older and with many kids already (so yeah the poor Guy becomes an instant Dad to a couple of American kids that will tell him that you ain't my Dad at the first opportunity) and they met on a social networking site where Guys are looking for USC specifically (i've been in those CyberCafes and seen these folks operate).

Ask yourself this question, what makes you special?

PS: Sometimes I wonder why COs do the job, not sure I can really.

If I would have to ask myself what makes me special that would be sad.

This is exactly my point....I already know why I am special and for a long time. Thank God ! So does my man.

I ask you too....what makes YOU special ? What makes your fiance special ? How can YOU guarantee your ( I assume young ) Nigerian fiance will not take one look around after she gets here and pursue greener pastures ? Remember, the norm and stereotypical generalization is they do it in Nigeria. They follow the money and other men like puppies.

You see, there are no guarantees in love and life and my being special and my self worth ultimately is not based on the outcome of my relationship.

I am still special even if it doesn't work out just like I am if it does work out.

Disappointment does not just come to "older" women, it also comes to nice guys who are left in the dust after they bring their women here that they knew way back when in the village. This is not just a gender or age issue or even cultural issue.

This stigma of "barren" older woman is the same as that of the " less successful man" to narrow minded people. There is always someone younger, prettier, more handsome with loads of money around the corner.

What is of substance is the character and integrity of the person you join yourself to. That alone is the core of the matter.

And you should know and understand and have tested it for consistency over time, just like a fruit inspector.

Your choice is yours alone and my choice is mine and we have to face the consequences. No one else will face them for me or you.

People, think outside the box of norms and sink deeper from the shallow waters to focus on what really counts. Solid ground.

Don't cite reasons of this or that on why things will work out or not work out for you or others, don't overcompensate by comparing, don't beat your chest in arrogance like an orangutan. Get your laser out to shine a bright beam on the true and tested character of a person you want to spend the rest of your life with. That should keep everyone occupied enough with their own life instead of passing judgement on others who dare to step outside the box of what is considered normal by others who prefer their socially perceived comfort zone and norm.

If someone has made their choice and they obviously already have and are knee deep in this visa journey or they would not be on this forum, what is it about the compulsive negativity and who makes someone else an authority on a relationship ?

Support and let people work out their own relationships unless you are asked for advice. I assume we are all grown adults here capable of making our own choices pertaining to age differences, cross cultural differences and interracial diversity.

As to cultural adjustment jokes, oh yes they are also in the Euro and Canadian forums. It's what makes life so delicious to

laugh at ourselves and be proud of who we are and embrace our differences. I can't tell you how many "German or Americans in other countries" jokes I hear about and I laugh with them. Those are light and loving jokes in terms of endearment,disrespect and prejudice against Nigerian men and/or older "barren" women is not. Let's loose this stigma. Everyone will ultimately find their way and destiny without everyone's nose in it.

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

I can't speak for anyone but myself on the other thread, but for me reading those things and partaking in it is simply endearing, as some of those things are common just to my boo's culture. Yes we may laugh, but I for one, am not laughing AT them. It is simply a part of who they are, and for me it helps clebrate their uniqueness. That there are things that our counterparts will laugh over, you can be sure of it once they experience our cultures. Or they will be left scratching their head in wonderment as to why we do some of the things we do. It is all a part of understanding one another, it doesn't mean we have to like everything the other person does, but at least we know that some of what we deem funny and endearing is simply a cultural characteristic. So yes, I can see how a person could be offended by such things, yet sometimes we all have to just laugh at our ownselves as we learn these things. But you have brought a new understanding as to how my boo may take my laughter when he doesnt understand my American slang or other things I say and do. Even though I always explain to him why I find it funny, most times he laughs along with me . Thanks fot your insight to bettering my understanding!

I'm glad to read this.

I wish you the best of luck on your journey.

PS: Love the username.

[LoveNigarmostyle 164]

This is an eye opening thread for me and explains this other thread in better detail. Now I know why folks find it hilarious to make fun of their Spouses on an online forum, how that can be funny still befuddles me. You wouldn't see such a thread in Canadian and European forums.

There were a coupe of good posters on this thread with good observations. I always find it funny how some on here consider themselves experts on Nigerian Men in particular and Nigerian culture in general just because they've been to Lagos and are petitioning for an Ibo villager. It's akin to knowing someone from Chico, Texas who has been as far as Dallas and then consider themselves an expert on America and her culture.

We all have to own our own part of the dance, sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't. It is uncommon here in the US and in Nigeria for a 50 year old baren Woman to marry a decent looking 25 year old Man. I just hope that folks are realistic in their expectations so that when the music stops and they are left with no chair to sit they don't whine. Is there any Woman on here that has petitioned for a Man older than she is?

I am petitioning for someone from the same town I grew up in (basically stones throw away), have same religion, same tribe, etc and sometimes I get concerned that my petition is getting looked at by a CO that is also looking at someones petition that has never met or met only once, huge cultural difference, having the USC older and with many kids already (so yeah the poor Guy becomes an instant Dad to a couple of American kids that will tell him that you ain't my Dad at the first opportunity) and they met on a social networking site where Guys are looking for USC specifically (i've been in those CyberCafes and seen these folks operate).

Ask yourself this question, what makes you special?

PS: Sometimes I wonder why COs do the job, not sure I can really.

If I had not just gotten off the phone with a friend who is older American woman who is married to a younger Nigerian man and they are sooooooo happily married now and have been for few years, I might actually reply to your pessimistic and rude comments. But will not waste my breath.

Good luck!

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

With all the focus always on women as if they are not intelligent enough for figure things out for themselves sooner or later, I want to point out that young ( and older ) Nigerian men who petition their Nigerian honey pies to come join them here, will have to ask themselves a question also.

Not what makes them special but ask yourself if you were still in your home country without a job living in poor conditions would she have married you ? The saying there is no money no love is it not ? It is the lamentation of young men in 9ja like a chorus. Women there won't give them a second look if they are poor. There are of course exceptions of fine outstanding Nigerian ladies just as there are fine outstanding exceptions of Nigerian men with integrity. But let's be fair here and stop the gender/age discrimination. If society doesn't get with the 20th century, how will CO's ?

Story, numerous times duplicated : She was groomed to marry into a successful family from birth on, proudly named Prosperity, Wealth and Precious.

High expectations rest on her shoulders because that is the cultural norm isn't it ? She has been told time and time again don't marry a poor guy. You don't even try to support him in hard times and work as one unit and reach a comfortable life style with hard work TOGETHER, no heck you just sit on your butt like a queen and expect it all to happen with someone who has money, after all you were named with a name to project your destiny and entitlement.

So, when a Nigerian man makes it to the USA through another visa, I hope not a K1 or CR1 who later dumped his USC, what is the sudden motivation of this woman to marry him,who knew him all her life in Nigeria, grew up with him, went to church with him, knows his family ?

Is is sudden love or another agenda ? Why did she not marry him back then ? I also would hope that the man would not lose his job and stumble on hard times here because he just may lose his fine groomed lady to her expected destiny of ...well, wealth and prosperity. I hope he will not whine but ask himself beforehand :why does she want me now ? Could she perhaps just like the money and the life in the USA ?

I hope his expectations and her expectations will not clash. I hope he tested her all these years on her character over in 9ja and I hope it will still hold true.

Of course we all here know the players who sit in cafe's wooing owls. You are preaching to the choir. We are past that stage and have gone beyond. It is now our choice and life. We are not stupid.

The moral of the story is....nothing is guaranteed in life except death and taxes. If you call into the woods one scenario, you will hear the echo of your own. Don't stereotype, preach age discrimination or judge relationships (unless asked)or Nationalities.

As soon as you do and you think you got it all going on and everyone else doesn't the sky will fall on your own head and you look silly.

Age ? Pffffffttttttt. Look deeper.

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

You all act like I consider you friends. Mistake. As long as there are threads like the missing husband thread then I have been loud enough or angry enough or annoying enough. My husband considers what I do a help to Nigerias image because all the the stupidity done in the marriage visas that give Nigerians such a bad name. Ss far as what is posted on the "other thread" he knows what is posted and laughs also. We also laugh at my attempts at doing things traditionally. As to the ###### that is worried about our children. In about 7 years after the cornation we will hire 2 suragotes at the same time and have at least 2 children if it is any of the board business.

[Iyawo_Omo_Yoruba 31]

NorB, I won't give in to any more drama, yet must call you on what you term, helping Nigeria's image. What you are doing is NOT helping the image, you are simply generalizing and making deragatory comments about ALL the people, mostly men. We must call it as it is, women who get taken MUST and SHOULD own up to their part! There is more than enough media coverage regarding such things going on within the internet world. COME ON!! You seem to want to pin it all on the men and refer to women as being unintelligent. And if you wish to post on threads regarding husbands going missing, then lay it out there, within that topic. Or start your own topic, instead of going off topic on threads. Those who wish to listen to you will, while those of us who dont wont have be subjected to such hateful and ignorant things you speak of. Fine, its a free country, you are gonna do what you want, but I for one, will no longer partake nor reply to any negative thing you say after this posting. In fact, you should know that I am praying for you, because I can read between the lines. Friends or not, you are still a sister in Christ. May you find the happiness you are seeking. I am done, do not address me further, and do not be surprised if I do not respond back if you choose to do so anyway.

[LoveNigarmostyle 164]

With all the focus always on women as if they are not intelligent enough for figure things out for themselves sooner or later, I want to point out that young ( and older ) Nigerian men who petition their Nigerian honey pies to come join them here, will have to ask themselves a question also.

Not what makes them special but ask yourself if you were still in your home country without a job living in poor conditions would she have married you ? The saying there is no money no love is it not ? It is the lamentation of young men in 9ja like a chorus. Women there won't give them a second look if they are poor. There are of course exceptions of fine outstanding Nigerian ladies just as there are fine outstanding exceptions of Nigerian men with integrity. But let's be fair here and stop the gender/age discrimination. If society doesn't get with the 20th century, how will CO's ?

Story, numerous times duplicated : She was groomed to marry into a successful family from birth on, proudly named Prosperity, Wealth and Precious.

High expectations rest on her shoulders because that is the cultural norm isn't it ? She has been told time and time again don't marry a poor guy. You don't even try to support him in hard times and work as one unit and reach a comfortable life style with hard work TOGETHER, no heck you just sit on your butt like a queen and expect it all to happen with someone who has money, after all you were named with a name to project your destiny and entitlement.

So, when a Nigerian man makes it to the USA through another visa, I hope not a K1 or CR1 who later dumped his USC, what is the sudden motivation of this woman to marry him,who knew him all her life in Nigeria, grew up with him, went to church with him, knows his family ?

Is is sudden love or another agenda ? Why did she not marry him back then ? I also would hope that the man would not lose his job and stumble on hard times here because he just may lose his fine groomed lady to her expected destiny of ...well, wealth and prosperity. I hope he will not whine but ask himself beforehand :why does she want me now ? Could she perhaps just like the money and the life in the USA ?

I hope his expectations and her expectations will not clash. I hope he tested her all these years on her character over in 9ja and I hope it will still hold true.

Of course we all here know the players who sit in cafe's wooing owls. You are preaching to the choir. We are past that stage and have gone beyond. It is now our choice and life. We are not stupid.

The moral of the story is....nothing is guaranteed in life except death and taxes. If you call into the woods one scenario, you will hear the echo of your own. Don't stereotype, preach age discrimination or judge relationships (unless asked)or Nationalities.

As soon as you do and you think you got it all going on and everyone else doesn't the sky will fall on your own head and you look silly.

Age ? Pffffffttttttt. Look deeper.

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

NorB, I won't give in to any more drama, yet must call you on what you term, helping Nigeria's image. What you are doing is NOT helping the image, you are simply generalizing and making deragatory comments about ALL the people, mostly men. We must call it as it is, women who get taken MUST and SHOULD own up to their part! There is more than enough media coverage regarding such things going on within the internet world. COME ON!! You seem to want to pin it all on the men and refer to women as being unintelligent. And if you wish to post on threads regarding husbands going missing, then lay it out there, within that topic. Or start your own topic, instead of going off topic on threads. Those who wish to listen to you will, while those of us who dont wont have be subjected to such hateful and ignorant things you speak of. Fine, its a free country, you are gonna do what you want, but I for one, will no longer partake nor reply to any negative thing you say after this posting. In fact, you should know that I am praying for you, because I can read between the lines. Friends or not, you are still a sister in Christ. May you find the happiness you are seeking. I am done, do not address me further, and do not be surprised if I do not respond back if you choose to do so anyway.

Your posts oozes a high level of intelligence and education, I find that refreshing especially around this part

Gowon uses the ignore user feature voraciously and recommends it highly, it makes for a nice surfing experience once one sifts the wheat from the chaff.

[Iyawo_Omo_Yoruba 31]

Your posts oozes a high level of intelligence and education, I find that refreshing especially around this part

Gowon uses the ignore user feature voraciously and recommends it highly, it makes for a nice surfing experience once one sifts the wheat from the chaff.

Thanks for the heads up! I still don't access the many features within this site, but if there is an ignore user feature, I am going to actively search it out and use it ASAP!! . Have a blessed day Gowon!!