Mandatory 21 days before you file??

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

Okay here is my take on the whole over/under age immigrant saga. What I have seen and witnessed my own self even before I even meet or knew my husband and that is many of the USC are fake themselves. I have stated this myself in post. Lets look at the facts.

Many of the USC (we are talking women here trying to get their men here. No matter the age or race) are women with kids and divorced or had prior multiple relations and kids out of wedlock. Already out of the norm for a Nigerian culture. When we were dating, talking, emailing. It was as if it was just you and him. We talked, walked slept (if we really did sleep) phones and internets. Heck we slept with computers on, phones in our hands. We forsaked everything and everybody. Lost friendships, family members, jobs, houses, cars valuables all to make HIM happy. We borrowed, hocked to get that flight, that toy for him. That hotel when we got there. We paid for it all.

I don't care if you never sent him a dime or you sent him your whole paycheck every payday. This relationship drained us of everything. Be honest what have you sacrificed to be with this man?

Than it happens he gets the Visa, there you go again buying a plane ticket to be there and you buy him a ticket to fly back another oh what $3000 or $5000 grand. I dare you to go back to the birth of the relationship and count up the cost. You will passout. Now he is home, but WHATTTTTT, it's not what HE thought. Hold up when he was in Nigeria he was the center of your world you made him think all your time belonged to him. I mean how can a mom with kids and job and whatever else she has going be on phone 1/2 the day, running all over the world at a drop of a hat, pay bills, and still maintain!

He sees that kids and responsibilities is your real life. As it should be. Sure you talked about the kids. Hecked you skyped with them, webcamed with your future kiddo's. Truth be told he may rank about 3rd to 5th behind all your obligations and responsibilities. You weren't honest with him. You made him think he had all your attention and he is not. And us with our American ways and yes attitude want to know why he can't get in that kitchen and do it himself, heck you tired.

Most of our men went from 0-Single to .............................................Married with children in a year or so.

You are thinking "Why can't he get up and get a job", your uncle Frank did. Let me enlighten you and I have seen this too much. The economy is down. There degrees over there mean nothing here. They are competing with the Indians and other foreigners. And some of you have failed to realize that this is America, Racist America. Let me make it plain you are married not just to a Nigerian, but a black man. Do you even have a clue what that means here. You seen the looks the stares than you say "But my husbands Nigerian." You might as well had said he's a leper. Why do some act like he is just any man. He is not a Swed, or Brit okay. He won't be walking off plane with much fanfare and people swooning at his cool accent. Look at this post, just the word Nigerian brings up deceit, scam, trickery. It's just very disheartening.

I say all this to say, that marriages fail. I am sure across the board if you were to look at immigration marriages its more divorced than the average.

To say my or anyone's relationship WILL fail will break up because OMG why would anyone want your black old butt (thats my butt I am speaking of) is a disservice to me and anyone else. Sure there are scammers, sure their is a profile of what a scammer looks for (although for the life of me if getting an older woman is such a red flag why wouldnt't thy aim lower age.........oh wait they are and have).

I am a realist. I am not an older woman who just thinks "she has it going on" and "I am just to sexy". I nor my husband have ever been married. This has been a challenge for us both. But we do have the advantage that neither of us grew up in the country of our birth. he was raised in Bonn, Germany and went to British Embassy school. I was raised in Tokoyo Japan and went to all Japanese girl schools. Me and my husband both spent the first 10 years of our lives in a foreign country speaking their language where we are both fluent (well he is in German, my japanese not so good anymore).

I get your warnings NigeriaorBust and TakiaNaija. I feel ya and as the saying goes "The truth should be told and not feared". I guess its just this broad stroke that is painted across the board. I am sure with every approval you may shake your heads and think "Another one bites the dust". But yet it very well can be a success story.

This journey is scary enough. We are all entering some uncharterd territory. We all need to as we always hear in presidental election "fulling Vet" our husbands/fiances. Ask every question, challenge them.

1. Visit as much as you can when you can.
2. He should always be available to call or answer your call your IM, your Email, BBM, Whats App. Ya feel me.
3. He should be able to drop everything he is doing to cater to you. I am so for real.
4. No one else he is around should matter to him more than you. Another words no chatter. You are talking to your love not the boys in the hood.
5. If it seems you and your needs take second or third check him than check yourself.
6. You should not be going without to please him taking care of his needs (whether that happened in Nigeria or when he got here).

Some think just because he is here now with you its okay if he sucks your resources dry. Heck naw it ain't.

Sorry just free flowing some may say what the heck but this is a discussion. And I would rather discuss how we can overcome obstacles instead of always saying the bridge is out and it will never happen. He will never want you, love you, need you. You are a meal ticket to a GC.

I will say this my time on earth isn't too much longer. I am alot older than many of you. But I can happliy and proudly say if I closed my eyes tonight and never awake again I will have died a very loved and happy 9ja wife. That I know to be true and nobody I mean nobody can ever take that feeling or that thought away from me.

:thumbs:

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

With all due respect NigeriaorBust you are married to a younger man, do you consider your marriage a success or a failure? I have many friends who are married to a younger Nigerians who wooed them for few years while in Nigeria, and now they are here and still married and happy. It is not a rule of thumb that MOST of the relationship with a younger Nigerian man is a doomed relationship. It takes two to tango and over all I have encountered more success stories then failures.

I have to disagree on the fact that you make it seem most, if not all marriages which consists of a older woman and a younger man are for immigration purposes and that a younger man has no reason to want an older wife other than to obtain a green card. I would say most older women have a vast of experience, wisdom and know how to treat a man in most cases better than a younger woman.

Yes I married younger, and we have a solid relationship with quite a schedule ahead of US. Next year he is up to apply for USC and then we tackle the coronation. I was party to his community here in the USA for a decade before we met. If you truely understood the Nigerian culture of marriage you would understand almost all marriages are for gain. If you don't gain you just have babies together and take the position of a secondary wife or lover. My father in law rejected a woman as wife number 4 because she was osu even though she was highly educated and respected. I see within the people here marriages for immigration. They marry they stay together and then part after the new comer has their USC. They will live together co mingle and do everything to comply with the letter of the law but like clock work the marriage "falls apart" right after the naturlaization certificate. You encounter sucess stories because they are the ones that come back here, that stay here. Contact the top 10 ngierian posters and see what you get. Check the profiles of those that got their initial visas and see if they logged back in when it is time to ROC or apply for citizenship. Those that haven't , contact them and find out the truth. The advanage a Nigerian would see in a older woman would be in the bank not the bed, they marry for gain not for pleasure. If they can't gain a young beautiful wive that will deliver boys what is to be gained by marrying a older woman ?

[Zee Bee 61]

There's relationship advice and then there's immigration advice.

Marriages will succeed/fail regardless of immigration.

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

Yes I married younger, and we have a solid relationship with quite a schedule ahead of US. Next year he is up to apply for USC and then we tackle the coronation. I was party to his community here in the USA for a decade before we met. If you truely understood the Nigerian culture of marriage you would understand almost all marriages are for gain. If you don't gain you just have babies together and take the position of a secondary wife or lover. My father in law rejected a woman as wife number 4 because she was osu even though she was highly educated and respected. I see within the people here marriages for immigration. They marry they stay together and then part after the new comer has their USC. They will live together co mingle and do everything to comply with the letter of the law but like clock work the marriage "falls apart" right after the naturlaization certificate. You encounter sucess stories because they are the ones that come back here, that stay here. Contact the top 10 ngierian posters and see what you get. Check the profiles of those that got their initial visas and see if they logged back in when it is time to ROC or apply for citizenship. Those that haven't , contact them and find out the truth. The advanage a Nigerian would see in a older woman would be in the bank not the bed, they marry for gain not for pleasure. If they can't gain a young beautiful wive that will deliver boys what is to be gained by marrying a older woman ?

Is that a question you ask yourself often since you are older and he is younger ? Or what makes you feel you have the recipe for success and others don't ? Are you so insecure about your own age to mention age so often here ? Is your marriage a happy one or do you feel scammed as well because you are older.

Nigeria is the culture of this and that but within the culture are individual people with individual thinking that deviate from rigid cultural norm. I am not following my German culture as well, as I am a free thinker and I extend that same intelligence to Nigerian men to decide what part of his culture he wants to follow and what he wants to change.

I am curious why every topic has to turn around to end up with comments of scamming and older women.

[Iyawo_Omo_Yoruba 31]

Anyone who posts about statistics yet thinks they are above them is beyond me No more drama for me, as I understand that misery loves company. (You got lucky this time, God reminded me what it is to be a Christian, bless your heart!)

[dwheels76 5,468]

You encounter sucess stories because they are the ones that come back here, that stay here.

You do realize that many of us know real people outside of cyberspace. VJ is just a place of sometimes make believe of people and stories. At times you have to take what some say with a grain of salt.

Contact the top 10 ngierian posters and see what you get.

That s me me me. I am #5. Don't contact I know nothing. I am a older woman marruied to a younger man and haven't been through the journey. Still at NVC. What do I know.

Check the profiles of those that got their initial visas and see if they logged back in when it is time to ROC or apply for citizenship.

Ummm people do have lives goodness. So not logging on means you failed. Not everybody wants to put their business out there. Heck I have been warned and onboxed by nigerian mena and women here and on Facebook that I am too vocal and tell to much about me and my husband and I need to tone it down. So my your account if I disaapear or stop posting my marriage is doomed for failure. So VJ kkeeps my marriage going.

Those that haven't , contact them and find out the truth.

Its funny how if you are married to a foreigner and your marriage fails its fraud and a scam. But if your local American marriage fails its called cheating, lying, deceit. You never here someone here say "I was scammed when he slept with my friend". Good grief get off the gas man.

The advanage a Nigerian would see in a older woman would be in the bank not the bed, they marry for gain not for pleasure.

What bank? I've been unemployed for most of my relatonship and marriage. Heck in Nigeria his family had to collecting the money for me to get to Lagos to embassy to take care of my expired Visa. Really so Nigerians are that shallow of people. Not rich in culture and intelligence. You mean the books lied. WOW.

If they can't gain a young beautiful wive that will deliver boys what is to be gained by marrying a older woman ?

Whats funny in my husbands family is 2 aunts on his mums side and 1 on dads side are all married to younger mean and I mean they are over 20 years younger. So its something common in his family sure not the culture but like he has said every household is different with their own rules and customs. You paint with too big of a broad brush.

Who knows but God whether we make it or not. If we make it or succeed, I know marriage regardless takes time and work. Most of us have spent more time apart than together and its hard. We have fussed, fight, disagreed, but yet we remain strong. And maybe we are the better because of it. I would like to be more optimistic and be hopeful that we dared to expand our borders (didn't Jabez request that of God) we stepped out on faith and casted out our nets. There are never any guarantees in anyones life. All we can do is be faithful, hopeful, respectful and gosh darn Live, laugh and please Love.

[dwheels76 5,468]

Sorry had typos:

You encounter sucess stories because they are the ones that come back here, that stay here.

You do realize that many of us know real people outside of cyberspace. VJ is just a place of sometimes make believe of people and stories. At times you have to take what some say with a grain of salt.

Contact the top 10 ngierian posters and see what you get.

That’s me me me. I am #5. Don't contact I know nothing. I am an older woman married to a younger man and haven't been through the journey. Still at NVC. What do I know!!

Check the profiles of those that got their initial visas and see if they logged back in when it is time to ROC or apply for citizenship.

Ummm people do have lives goodness. So not logging on means you failed. Not everybody wants to put their business out there. Heck I have been warned and inboxed by Nigerian men and women here and on Facebook that I am too vocal and tell too much about me and my husband and I need to tone it down. So by your account if I disappear or stop posting (sorry I like to talk too much) my marriage is doomed for failure. So VJ keeps my marriage going.

Those that haven't , contact them and find out the truth.

Its funny how if you are married to a foreigner and your marriage fails its fraud and a scam. But if you’re local American marriage fails it’s called cheating, lying, deceit. You never hear someone here say "I was scammed when he slept with my friend". Good grief get off the gas man.

The advanage a Nigerian would see in a older woman would be in the bank not the bed, they marry for gain not for pleasure.

What bank? I've been unemployed for most of my relationship and marriage. Heck in Nigeria his family had to collect the money for me to get to Lagos to embassy to take care of my expired passport. So Nigerians are that shallow of people. Not rich in culture and intelligence. You mean the books lied. WOW.

If they can't gain a young beautiful wive that will deliver boys what is to be gained by marrying a older woman ?

What’s funny in my husband’s family he has 2 aunts on his mums side and 1 on dads side are all married to younger mean and I mean they are over 20 years younger. So it’s something common in his family sure not the culture but like he has said every household is different with their own rules and customs. You paint with too big of a broad brush.

Who knows but God whether we make it or not. If we make it or succeed, I know marriage regardless takes time and work. Most of us have spent more time apart than together and its hard. We have fussed, fight, disagreed, but yet we remain strong. And maybe we are the better because of it. I would like to be more optimistic and be hopeful that we dared to expand our borders (didn't Jabez request that of God) we stepped out on faith and casted out our nets. There are never any guarantees in anyone’s life. All we can do is be faithful, hopeful, and respectful and gosh darn Live, laugh and please Love

[LoveNigarmostyle 164]

Yes I married younger, and we have a solid relationship with quite a schedule ahead of US. Next year he is up to apply for USC and then we tackle the coronation. I was party to his community here in the USA for a decade before we met. If you truely understood the Nigerian culture of marriage you would understand almost all marriages are for gain. If you don't gain you just have babies together and take the position of a secondary wife or lover. My father in law rejected a woman as wife number 4 because she was osu even though she was highly educated and respected. I see within the people here marriages for immigration. They marry they stay together and then part after the new comer has their USC. They will live together co mingle and do everything to comply with the letter of the law but like clock work the marriage "falls apart" right after the naturlaization certificate. You encounter sucess stories because they are the ones that come back here, that stay here. Contact the top 10 ngierian posters and see what you get. Check the profiles of those that got their initial visas and see if they logged back in when it is time to ROC or apply for citizenship. Those that haven't , contact them and find out the truth. The advanage a Nigerian would see in a older woman would be in the bank not the bed, they marry for gain not for pleasure. If they can't gain a young beautiful wive that will deliver boys what is to be gained by marrying a older woman ?

You married a younger "Nigerian" and you are older in the category of "non-child bearing" age, white, a high paying professional, and your husband who has yet to receive his citizenship is excluded from the rest of the population?

You knew Nigerians and about the Nigerian culture for many years prior to you meeting your now husband? When did you determine that your theory did not apply to you personally, but it was a fact for the remaining couples which are with a Nigerian?

You say: "the advantage a Nigerian would see in an older woman would be in the bank not the bed, they marry for gain not for pleasure. If they can't gain a young beautiful wive that will DELIVER boys what is to be gained by marrying an older woman?" did you ask your husband what he thought of this statement prior to posting it? or are you basing this on your own trials and errors? Are you willing to let your husband have 3 or 4 wives to bare his boys, since you can't?

It seems this subject has hit a nerve and home for you NigeriaorBust.

I have friends who are of different race, culture, age, not so rich or educated, can't have children, different religions and are still with their men/women after the beneficiary has arrived and gained their citizenship and permanent residency. Each relationship is different and the outcome of each situation is different regardless if one is married to a Nigerian, Canadian, Chinese, Arab or Martian. One can't base their opinion and claim it to be facts on their immediate situation at home or lives.

You have disrespected the Nigerians with saying they would marry a cow if they can gain an entry to USA. You, yourself are married to a Nigerian and what you have said in your post is prejudice.

I guess we can safely assume you are not one of the happy few who are content with their decision to marry a Nigerian.

Edited August 10, 2012 by LoveNigarmostyle

[LoveNigarmostyle 164]

A 21 or 30 day of "together time rule" is not an official regulation /law/ requirement and therefore will just remain a rumor.

Time spend together can be measured on a "day stick" for some CO's unspoken rationale and under the umbrella of " discretionary freedom " is a very determining guideline.

Here is to another rumor : A little bird told me that countless young women ( especially the fellow female citizen of our men ) will chase money and drop their men for a more financially successful one like they drop it when it's hot.

I recently read world statistics of what gender/Nationality cheats the most. No, not Nigerian men, but Nigerian women.

Nigerian men were much lower on that study and before other Nationalities.

Some of us may be 'older' but we have a wealth of things to offer that younger women are still struggling with. Life experience, a settled life style, focused decision making, wisdom gathered, lessons learned and an overall strong confidence with a head -held -high- strut in heels. Now that is sexy to any man, young or old ! I am not talking about the 'older and desperate to have a man crowd who let themselves go and stuff their face with pizza on a daily basis. There are differences in the term older.

One more thing, if things don't work out then they don't work out. Previous relationships with USC have not worked out and if it happens again it will not kill me. I will dust myself off and get back up. I am not made of sugar, will not melt and can deal with what life brings me by God's grace.

It would not be the end of life and people need to stop making it sound like death itself.

If someone no longer wants to be with me then I say don't let the door hit you in the butt on your way out, have a nice life

and I move on. I won't turn into a bitter person who feels the compulsion to spends her life issuing warnings like a cop issues tickets to others.

Don't ever spend money for this immigration journey you don't freely want to give and spend and then cry later when things don't work out. Be accountable for your own actions today. Think before you act. Then be committed to the decisions.

I get so tired of whining people who think they may have been scammed and are finger pointing constantly without being accountable for their own choices and actions of enabling and allowing nonsense.

It takes two to tango.

Suck it up and move on and continue to be strong and confidant.

# Vent over about the older woman thing !

I agree 100% and you are so right on as usual.

"I won't turn into a bitter person who feels the compulsion to spends her life issuing warnings like a cop issues tickets to others." PLEASE DON'T for we have enough elders on VJ doing this ticket issuing as is

There's relationship advice and then there's immigration advice.

Marriages will succeed/fail regardless of immigration.

Well balanced and thought out statement.

[LoveNigarmostyle 164]

We as women or men who are married, in a relationship with a Nigerian need to approach the whole VJ with an open mind, and based on the facts which surrounds being with a Nigerian or otherwise. A relationship is like a job, it needs work and continued effort whether it works or not it is based on many levels of complex issues which comes with "relationship" itself. Not so much on what the color of a person is, where he or she was born, what economic state they are in, how educated they are. It is based on finding what compliments one another and if the pros outweigh the cons.

In this day and age of technology, we are faced with an open forum to an endless opportunities to explore our options when it come to finding a mate. For years older men married much younger women and they were praised by other men and envied for it!

Now that women are marrying a younger men, most are jumping up and down screaming SCAM SCAM SCAM for many believe a younger man CAN'T find an older woman intellectually stimulating, mature, attractive,and worth loving. Or worth marrying for reasons other than for green card.

To each its own. We are humans. We are all unique and different,yet we are all on a quest to find happiness and a better life for ourselves. Whether we succeed or fail we would of learned a lesson. No one is perfect.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Best of luck to all of you VJers.

[winnie george 67]

You married a younger "Nigerian" and you are older in the category of "non-child bearing" age, white, a high paying professional, and your husband who has yet to receive his citizenship is excluded from the rest of the population?

You knew Nigerians and about the Nigerian culture for many years prior to you meeting your now husband? When did you determine that your theory did not apply to you personally, but it was a fact for the remaining couples which are with a Nigerian?

You say: "the advantage a Nigerian would see in an older woman would be in the bank not the bed, they marry for gain not for pleasure. If they can't gain a young beautiful wive that will DELIVER boys what is to be gained by marrying an older woman?" did you ask your husband what he thought of this statement prior to posting it? or are you basing this on your own trials and errors? Are you willing to let your husband have 3 or 4 wives to bare his boys, since you can't?

It seems this subject has hit a nerve and home for you NigeriaorBust.

I have friends who are of different race, culture, age, not so rich or educated, can't have children, different religions and are still with their men/women after the beneficiary has arrived and gained their citizenship and permanent residency. Each relationship is different and the outcome of each situation is different regardless if one is married to a Nigerian, Canadian, Chinese, Arab or Martian. One can't base their opinion and claim it to be facts on their immediate situation at home or lives.

You have disrespected the Nigerians with saying they would marry a cow if they can gain an entry to USA. You, yourself are married to a Nigerian and what you have said in your post is prejudice.

I guess we can safely assume you are not one of the happy few who are content with their decision to marry a Nigerian.

[LoveNigarmostyle 164]

Is that a question you ask yourself often since you are older and he is younger ? Or what makes you feel you have the recipe for success and others don't ? Are you so insecure about your own age to mention age so often here ? Is your marriage a happy one or do you feel scammed as well because you are older.

Nigeria is the culture of this and that but within the culture are individual people with individual thinking that deviate from rigid cultural norm. I am not following my German culture as well, as I am a free thinker and I extend that same intelligence to Nigerian men to decide what part of his culture he wants to follow and what he wants to change.

I am curious why every topic has to turn around to end up with comments of scamming and older women.

PS all but one!

[Kayode&Ginie 11]

Wow, I must have missed this somehow! I want to thank those of you who stood up for our Nigerian spouses in this thread!! I have often seen rude things being said on VJ, it's just sad that it is coming from "one of our own!" I am highly offended by comments made from extremely prejudice people! (they are not worth mentioning) I am very Proud of these people however!!

Dwheels76

Iyawo_Omo_Yoruba

Ebunoluwa

Jenkatx

LoveNigerMostyle

Thanks so much for telling them how it is, for real! I agree with you all 100%

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

We as women or men who are married, in a relationship with a Nigerian need to approach the whole VJ with an open mind, and based on the facts which surrounds being with a Nigerian or otherwise. A relationship is like a job, it needs work and continued effort whether it works or not it is based on many levels of complex issues which comes with "relationship" itself. Not so much on what the color of a person is, where he or she was born, what economic state they are in, how educated they are. It is based on finding what compliments one another and if the pros outweigh the cons.

In this day and age of technology, we are faced with an open forum to an endless opportunities to explore our options when it come to finding a mate. For years older men married much younger women and they were praised by other men and envied for it!

Now that women are marrying a younger men, most are jumping up and down screaming SCAM SCAM SCAM for many believe a younger man CAN'T find an older woman intellectually stimulating, mature, attractive,and worth loving. Or worth marrying for reasons other than for green card.

To each its own. We are humans. We are all unique and different,yet we are all on a quest to find happiness and a better life for ourselves. Whether we succeed or fail we would of learned a lesson. No one is perfect.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Best of luck to all of you VJers.

You said something very profound and substantial. You are so right ! When men marry younger women their friends slap them on the shoulder and say adda boy !

When women marry younger men, some women flock around and have a defeating negative attitude and try to rescue her.

This is a dangerous mentality of low self esteem and unresolved issues of the protester who projects their own unhappiness

on others. When people can't control their own marriage they try to control other peoples relationships.

So men get praised and women get chastised from their peers for it.

What does that say ? We are not "good enough", sexy enough, desirable enough ? We don't measure up ?

No....that is a self defeating attitude.

I am woman. I am older woman and proud of it. I am enough. I am awesome. If you don't believe it then how will your man ?

I am not saying that mumu women in moo moo clothing 24/7 with unkempt hair are all that but I believe you get my drift.

I also believe we are all informed here and have done our research about culture forwards and backwards. Yes, women do get scammed...we get that. Just keep the comments balanced and it is no longer balanced in this forum. It is a depressing continuous disrespecting of Nigerian men.

How wonderful that dwheels7 experienced in person for a prolonged time the opposite of what is being warned against constantly.....how great to hear reality that older women in her extended family are married to younger Nigerian men there

happily.

In the end it is rigidity to adhere in concept only to studied cultural norm and forgetting about the flesh and blood human being with a diversity and complexity that supersedes all stereotypical and generalized "norm". Just because it was like this

100 years ago does not mean this generation can not change the culture and make adjustments. That is precisely the problem

with CO's, a mind boggling rigid personal belief because they read a field manual of a culture and can't grasp a human beings

individual personality and stereotype them like they are dumb sheep incapable of free choice? This sounds so colonial and condescending. Allow the culture to step out of the box you stuffed them in.

Being negative-centered on searching out who failed and who didn't here on VJ is a bit overboard and if one has such thoughts then why be in this thing ? I rather spend the time with my honey laughing than stalking failure and successes.

Are we supposed to shake in our boots and brake our relationships off because half of them don't make it ? Newsflash : Half of America doesn't make it in their marriages. Half of America wouldn't "Log in" if there were such a thing. So what ?

[LoveNigarmostyle 164]

You said something very profound and substantial. You are so right ! When men marry younger women their friends slap them on the shoulder and say adda boy !

When women marry younger men, some women flock around and have a defeating negative attitude and try to rescue her.

This is a dangerous mentality of low self esteem and unresolved issues of the protester who projects their own unhappiness

on others. When people can't control their own marriage they try to control other peoples relationships.

So men get praised and women get chastised from their peers for it.

What does that say ? We are not "good enough", sexy enough, desirable enough ? We don't measure up ?

No....that is a self defeating attitude.

I am woman. I am older woman and proud of it. I am enough. I am awesome. If you don't believe it then how will your man ?

I am not saying that mumu women in moo moo clothing 24/7 with unkempt hair are all that but I believe you get my drift.

I also believe we are all informed here and have done our research about culture forwards and backwards. Yes, women do get scammed...we get that. Just keep the comments balanced and it is no longer balanced in this forum. It is a depressing continuous disrespecting of Nigerian men.

How wonderful that dwheels7 experienced in person for a prolonged time the opposite of what is being warned against constantly.....how great to hear reality that older women in her extended family are married to younger Nigerian men there

happily.

In the end it is rigidity to adhere in concept only to studied cultural norm and forgetting about the flesh and blood human being with a diversity and complexity that supersedes all stereotypical and generalized "norm". Just because it was like this

100 years ago does not mean this generation can not change the culture and make adjustments. That is precisely the problem

with CO's, a mind boggling rigid personal belief because they read a field manual of a culture and can't grasp a human beings

individual personality and stereotype them like they are dumb sheep incapable of free choice? This sounds so colonial and condescending. Allow the culture to step out of the box you stuffed them in.

Being negative-centered on searching out who failed and who didn't here on VJ is a bit overboard and if one has such thoughts then why be in this thing ? I rather spend the time with my honey laughing than stalking failure and successes.

Are we supposed to shake in our boots and brake our relationships off because half of them don't make it ? Newsflash : Half of America doesn't make it in their marriages. Half of America wouldn't "Log in" if there were such a thing. So what ?

Fully agreed!