Mandatory 21 days before you file??

[tokinaija 2]

The basic immigration process is that the USC submits a petition that is examined to see if it meets the requirements of filing. They don't spend a lot of time going deeply into the petition and on the US side all places are more of less equal. It then gets forwarded to the country involved. Here is where all things are not equal. Each potential recipient has a risk rating. The higher your risk rating the more they are going to check out the relationship.

Being that all petitions met the basic rules for filing the consulate is restricted to denying based on some "new" information. The generic reason is that the relationship isn't for love , it was created to gain an immigration benefit. This isn't a measure on how real the USC think the relationship is, it is a measure of the underlying movtives of the recipient. Some denials are for reasons that the USC especially doesn't want to come back here and tell ( such as they found out "hubby" has a wife and kids there) There are cases where interview is failed on purpose so that the USC will continue to send money. There are othter denials for bad marriages, being married and filing K1, incomplete divorces, insuffient affidavits of support . If everyone came back and listed the codified reason for denial , most will list relationship for immigration purposes even if the words are not directly written in engish on the denial.

Excellent input. In reality, most Nigerian marriages are primarily for immigration, no matter what hue how it’s dressed in. It goes to the heart of understanding the cultural underpinnings of Nigerians – Yoruba, Ibos and Hausa, and all the lesser sub groupings. No one culture in Nigeria favorably looks at a man marrying a woman much older than he is, it's mostly frowned upon and considered an anomaly. So if a USC is marrying one, and somehow is fooled into thinking there is some true love going on, then I say it’s only a matter of time.

The true test of love would be in there is no benefits being conferred, say one meets a Nigerian here in the States, and fall in love with. The scales then are truly balanced, there is no underlying benefits being derived by one party. I am not ruling out the outliers, the one in a million that may be truly genuine, but that’s what it is…..an outlier, not of any true significance statistically. What’s the incentive for a Nigerian to marry some culturally different middle aged American woman who lives oceans away, when there are more beautiful, age-suitable brides all around him? An American that can’t cook his food, doesn’t understand his trappings, have no clue about his struggles? Some love?

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

Excellent input. In reality, most Nigerian marriages are primarily for immigration, no matter what hue how it’s dressed in. It goes to the heart of understanding the cultural underpinnings of Nigerians – Yoruba, Ibos and Hausa, and all the lesser sub groupings. No one culture in Nigeria favorably looks at a man marrying a woman much older than he is, it's mostly frowned upon and considered an anomaly. So if a USC is marrying one, and somehow is fooled into thinking there is some true love going on, then I say it’s only a matter of time.

The true test of love would be in there is no benefits being conferred, say one meets a Nigerian here in the States, and fall in love with. The scales then are truly balanced, there is no underlying benefits being derived by one party. I am not ruling out the outliers, the one in a million that may be truly genuine, but that’s what it is…..an outlier, not of any true significance statistically. What’s the incentive for a Nigerian to marry some culturally different middle aged American woman who lives oceans away, when there are more beautiful, age-suitable brides all around him? An American that can’t cook his food, doesn’t understand his trappings, have no clue about his struggles? Some love?

The reason they marry is they think the streets of the US are lined with gold that falls into your pockets every day. Compared to the average llving conditions of a Nigerian , the conditions here seem wonderful. They hope to get here , hit it big and create a path for others to follow them and help back home. Most Nigerians will send more of their paycheck home than they spend on themselves here. Most also have the idea that they will fix up their piece of home and go back eventually ( I have never heard true Nigerians call the USA home)

One thing most USC's don't understand is how different the idea of marriage is between the two cultures. It is not the huggy kissy relationship that is the norm here. It is one of mutual work for mutual gain. It is quite normal there for the huband to work and live in the city and the wife to be back in the village. It is also the norm that men go out with men after work and woman are not included. The whole thing is just terribly different.

[LoveNigarmostyle 164]

dwheels76, NigeriaorBust and LoveNigarmostyle, very informative discussions and clearly defined outlines of how much harder we need to work on our cases and the many factors we need to consider. We may not ever have a clearly defined answer to this question, but we can always email the embassy and ask.

You could email the embassy, receiving an answer which will be sufficient or remotely reasonable is another thing. We have all learned a valuable lessons going through this journey. Each unique in its way, and similar in some.

Each case is unique and different, but ultimately one has to remember it takes diligent and continued dedication to be able to survive this VJ all in all. The support of friends and knowledgeable elders on this site has been a God's sent assistance. For that I think we all need to thank specially NigeriaorBust for her continued, vast precise knowledge and the support of each one of us who knows the pains, the effort, the heartache of this so called VJ.

One only hopes when all is said and done, there is a success story at the end of the novel. Best of luck to all.

[tokinaija 2]

The reason they marry is they think the streets of the US are lined with gold that falls into your pockets every day. Compared to the average llving conditions of a Nigerian , the conditions here seem wonderful. They hope to get here , hit it big and create a path for others to follow them and help back home. Most Nigerians will send more of their paycheck home than they spend on themselves here. Most also have the idea that they will fix up their piece of home and go back eventually ( I have never heard true Nigerians call the USA home)

One thing most USC's don't understand is how different the idea of marriage is between the two cultures. It is not the huggy kissy relationship that is the norm here. It is one of mutual work for mutual gain. It is quite normal there for the huband to work and live in the city and the wife to be back in the village. It is also the norm that men go out with men after work and woman are not included. The whole thing is just terribly different.

Well, the economic realities of today’s America will shock most of them, if only they know better!!!!! There used to be a time when there is enough to go around, not anymore. That party sadly ended long time ago. And how do you remove the daily economics from a marriage in the US save somebody is kidding the other!!!! True love itself can only go so far, true love that is, not the bait and switch I seem to see all around here!! The USC that scrapes the together the fares for flight ticket and spent the resources to get him here isn't going to be doing the heavy lifting forever....???? Depending on his age, his choices here aren't much either…...especially if he thinks there is still some party going on. But what’s life without them risk takers? The world won’t be fun without some of us hanging out our neck for that improbable, no matter how improbable it is. I guess it's just the draw of the cards, to quote Tracy Chapman when it comes to the matters of the heart!

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

Well, the economic realities of today’s America will shock most of them, if only they know better!!!!! There used to be a time when there is enough to go around, not anymore. That party sadly ended long time ago. And how do you remove the daily economics from a marriage in the US save somebody is kidding the other!!!! True love itself can only go so far, true love that is, not the bait and switch I seem to see all around here!! The USC that scrapes the together the fares for flight ticket and spent the resources to get him here isn't going to be doing the heavy lifting forever....???? Depending on his age, his choices here aren't much either…...especially if he thinks there is still some party going on. But what’s life without them risk takers? The world won’t be fun without some of us hanging out our neck for that improbable, no matter how improbable it is. I guess it's just the draw of the cards, to quote Tracy Chapman when it comes to the matters of the heart!

They won't be the heavy lifter forever, because I would dare say most relationships are on borrowed time even before POE is cleared. From the USC side it is truely a high risk venture, laying out a big chunk of money many don't have for a short term partnership. How many Nigerian men do you know that married USC's and how many stayed with the person ?

[Iyawo_Omo_Yoruba 31]

Ladies, you bring up EXCELLENT points, yet one thing we are NOT talking about here is the USC's part in these marriages. We cannot lay all the blame on these men when a marriage fails, nor can we lump them all in the same category.

It takes two people to build a marriage up and two people to tear one down. Now I am not saying that all marriages were entered into because of love alone, I think we all understand the logic behind some of these marriages. But this is why we have to take the time to fully get to know one another, discuss all things that may come our way.

American women are so far from what a Nigerian woman is, and while it is easy for our husbands to tolerate some of this "bad" behavior from us while we are apart, it may become too much for them to handle in the day to day living. We can be outspoken, we can call them on things we don't like, etc. This weighs heavy on ANY man, not just Nigerian men, but as they have never experienced that from a woman before, how do you think they would continue handling it once they are with us?

So, before we point fingers and say that many of these marriages fail because they were entered into for immigration purposes, we need to fully understand that each and every marriage is unique and each person has their own part to play in the success or downfall.

Have a fabulous day!

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

Ladies, you bring up EXCELLENT points, yet one thing we are NOT talking about here is the USC's part in these marriages. We cannot lay all the blame on these men when a marriage fails, nor can we lump them all in the same category.

It takes two people to build a marriage up and two people to tear one down. Now I am not saying that all marriages were entered into because of love alone, I think we all understand the logic behind some of these marriages. But this is why we have to take the time to fully get to know one another, discuss all things that may come our way.

American women are so far from what a Nigerian woman is, and while it is easy for our husbands to tolerate some of this "bad" behavior from us while we are apart, it may become too much for them to handle in the day to day living. We can be outspoken, we can call them on things we don't like, etc. This weighs heavy on ANY man, not just Nigerian men, but as they have never experienced that from a woman before, how do you think they would continue handling it once they are with us?

So, before we point fingers and say that many of these marriages fail because they were entered into for immigration purposes, we need to fully understand that each and every marriage is unique and each person has their own part to play in the success or downfall.

Have a fabulous day!

You are missing the point that the marriage is to get to the US. If a cow would get them a green card they would marry a cow. MOST marriages are for the green card not for love. Love is faked long enoughto get the USC help them reach end game. As tokinaija stated they have no reason to want an older foreign wife other than to ontain a green card. You are mistaken to assume it is a relationship of love in these cases. The "love" displayed is as honest as the operator on the porn chat line. Try it you will here the same scripts of love and it is cheaper than a visa.

[Iyawo_Omo_Yoruba 31]

You are missing the point that the marriage is to get to the US. If a cow would get them a green card they would marry a cow. MOST marriages are for the green card not for love. Love is faked long enoughto get the USC help them reach end game. As tokinaija stated they have no reason to want an older foreign wife other than to ontain a green card. You are mistaken to assume it is a relationship of love in these cases. The "love" displayed is as honest as the operator on the porn chat line. Try it you will here the same scripts of love and it is cheaper than a visa.

Trust me I did not miss your point. I just added my own opinion into this. Only time will tell in the long run, but many times, it is human nature when something goes sour to point the finger at the other person, when in reality there are always 2 sides to every story and relationship.

And how easy it is indeed to point a finger at another who is already been stacked against based on where they come from. I do not believe in labeling people, so for those who come back here to complain about how their marriage went bad and put it all on the absentee partner, of course many are going to think and say, "It's because he/she used you to get here". Those who post negative feedback will receive the same back in replies. They want sympathy, they are hurting, and angry. That is the plain and simple truth. People need to get honest with what really happened. I am NOT saying it doesn't happen, I am simply saying look at ourselves first and the role we played. No one gets off so easily.

[dwheels76 5,468]

Okay here is my take on the whole over/under age immigrant saga. What I have seen and witnessed my own self even before I even meet or knew my husband and that is many of the USC are fake themselves. I have stated this myself in post. Lets look at the facts.

Many of the USC (we are talking women here trying to get their men here. No matter the age or race) are women with kids and divorced or had prior multiple relations and kids out of wedlock. Already out of the norm for a Nigerian culture. When we were dating, talking, emailing. It was as if it was just you and him. We talked, walked slept (if we really did sleep) phones and internets. Heck we slept with computers on, phones in our hands. We forsaked everything and everybody. Lost friendships, family members, jobs, houses, cars valuables all to make HIM happy. We borrowed, hocked to get that flight, that toy for him. That hotel when we got there. We paid for it all.

I don't care if you never sent him a dime or you sent him your whole paycheck every payday. This relationship drained us of everything. Be honest what have you sacrificed to be with this man?

Than it happens he gets the Visa, there you go again buying a plane ticket to be there and you buy him a ticket to fly back another oh what $3000 or $5000 grand. I dare you to go back to the birth of the relationship and count up the cost. You will passout. Now he is home, but WHATTTTTT, it's not what HE thought. Hold up when he was in Nigeria he was the center of your world you made him think all your time belonged to him. I mean how can a mom with kids and job and whatever else she has going be on phone 1/2 the day, running all over the world at a drop of a hat, pay bills, and still maintain!

He sees that kids and responsibilities is your real life. As it should be. Sure you talked about the kids. Hecked you skyped with them, webcamed with your future kiddo's. Truth be told he may rank about 3rd to 5th behind all your obligations and responsibilities. You weren't honest with him. You made him think he had all your attention and he is not. And us with our American ways and yes attitude want to know why he can't get in that kitchen and do it himself, heck you tired.

Most of our men went from 0-Single to .............................................Married with children in a year or so.

You are thinking "Why can't he get up and get a job", your uncle Frank did. Let me enlighten you and I have seen this too much. The economy is down. There degrees over there mean nothing here. They are competing with the Indians and other foreigners. And some of you have failed to realize that this is America, Racist America. Let me make it plain you are married not just to a Nigerian, but a black man. Do you even have a clue what that means here. You seen the looks the stares than you say "But my husbands Nigerian." You might as well had said he's a leper. Why do some act like he is just any man. He is not a Swed, or Brit okay. He won't be walking off plane with much fanfare and people swooning at his cool accent. Look at this post, just the word Nigerian brings up deceit, scam, trickery. It's just very disheartening.

I say all this to say, that marriages fail. I am sure across the board if you were to look at immigration marriages its more divorced than the average.

To say my or anyone's relationship WILL fail will break up because OMG why would anyone want your black old butt (thats my butt I am speaking of) is a disservice to me and anyone else. Sure there are scammers, sure their is a profile of what a scammer looks for (although for the life of me if getting an older woman is such a red flag why wouldnt't thy aim lower age.........oh wait they are and have).

I am a realist. I am not an older woman who just thinks "she has it going on" and "I am just to sexy". I nor my husband have ever been married. This has been a challenge for us both. But we do have the advantage that neither of us grew up in the country of our birth. he was raised in Bonn, Germany and went to British Embassy school. I was raised in Tokoyo Japan and went to all Japanese girl schools. Me and my husband both spent the first 10 years of our lives in a foreign country speaking their language where we are both fluent (well he is in German, my japanese not so good anymore).

I get your warnings NigeriaorBust and TakiaNaija. I feel ya and as the saying goes "The truth should be told and not feared". I guess its just this broad stroke that is painted across the board. I am sure with every approval you may shake your heads and think "Another one bites the dust". But yet it very well can be a success story.

This journey is scary enough. We are all entering some uncharterd territory. We all need to as we always hear in presidental election "fulling Vet" our husbands/fiances. Ask every question, challenge them.

1. Visit as much as you can when you can.
2. He should always be available to call or answer your call your IM, your Email, BBM, Whats App. Ya feel me.
3. He should be able to drop everything he is doing to cater to you. I am so for real.
4. No one else he is around should matter to him more than you. Another words no chatter. You are talking to your love not the boys in the hood.
5. If it seems you and your needs take second or third check him than check yourself.
6. You should not be going without to please him taking care of his needs (whether that happened in Nigeria or when he got here).

Some think just because he is here now with you its okay if he sucks your resources dry. Heck naw it ain't.

Sorry just free flowing some may say what the heck but this is a discussion. And I would rather discuss how we can overcome obstacles instead of always saying the bridge is out and it will never happen. He will never want you, love you, need you. You are a meal ticket to a GC.

I will say this my time on earth isn't too much longer. I am alot older than many of you. But I can happliy and proudly say if I closed my eyes tonight and never awake again I will have died a very loved and happy 9ja wife. That I know to be true and nobody I mean nobody can ever take that feeling or that thought away from me.

[Iyawo_Omo_Yoruba 31]

Yay Dwheels!!!! Amen, doing the happy dance, yep, its that realistic point of view!!! Am on mobile so my response will be brief, but where 2 people are determined in love and faith in God, noone will prosper in coming between!!! My husband and I have done realistic talks, he knows these things and more, yes, he wont get it until he gets here, but he isnt walking in totally blind! Can my husband overcome the hardships?? I have EVERY confidence in him while I stand beside him being as God intended me to be, his help mate!!!

Love it Dwheels!!! Absolutely LOVE IT!!!

[Dana and Divine 61]

Yay Dwheels!!!! Amen, doing the happy dance, yep, its that realistic point of view!!! Am on mobile so my response will be brief, but where 2 people are determined in love and faith in God, noone will prosper in coming between!!! My husband and I have done realistic talks, he knows these things and more, yes, he wont get it until he gets here, but he isnt walking in totally blind! Can my husband overcome the hardships?? I have EVERY confidence in him while I stand beside him being as God intended me to be, his help mate!!!

Love it Dwheels!!! Absolutely LOVE IT!!!

As Madea says..."Amen'd and Amen'd" :rofl: :rofl:

Okay here is my take on the whole over/under age immigrant saga. What I have seen and witnessed my own self even before I even meet or knew my husband and that is many of the USC are fake themselves. I have stated this myself in post. Lets look at the facts.

Many of the USC (we are talking women here trying to get their men here. No matter the age or race) are women with kids and divorced or had prior multiple relations and kids out of wedlock. Already out of the norm for a Nigerian culture. When we were dating, talking, emailing. It was as if it was just you and him. We talked, walked slept (if we really did sleep) phones and internets. Heck we slept with computers on, phones in our hands. We forsaked everything and everybody. Lost friendships, family members, jobs, houses, cars valuables all to make HIM happy. We borrowed, hocked to get that flight, that toy for him. That hotel when we got there. We paid for it all.

I don't care if you never sent him a dime or you sent him your whole paycheck every payday. This relationship drained us of everything. Be honest what have you sacrificed to be with this man?

Than it happens he gets the Visa, there you go again buying a plane ticket to be there and you buy him a ticket to fly back another oh what $3000 or $5000 grand. I dare you to go back to the birth of the relationship and count up the cost. You will passout. Now he is home, but WHATTTTTT, it's not what HE thought. Hold up when he was in Nigeria he was the center of your world you made him think all your time belonged to him. I mean how can a mom with kids and job and whatever else she has going be on phone 1/2 the day, running all over the world at a drop of a hat, pay bills, and still maintain!

He sees that kids and responsibilities is your real life. As it should be. Sure you talked about the kids. Hecked you skyped with them, webcamed with your future kiddo's. Truth be told he may rank about 3rd to 5th behind all your obligations and responsibilities. You weren't honest with him. You made him think he had all your attention and he is not. And us with our American ways and yes attitude want to know why he can't get in that kitchen and do it himself, heck you tired.

Most of our men went from 0-Single to .............................................Married with children in a year or so.

You are thinking "Why can't he get up and get a job", your uncle Frank did. Let me enlighten you and I have seen this too much. The economy is down. There degrees over there mean nothing here. They are competing with the Indians and other foreigners. And some of you have failed to realize that this is America, Racist America. Let me make it plain you are married not just to a Nigerian, but a black man. Do you even have a clue what that means here. You seen the looks the stares than you say "But my husbands Nigerian." You might as well had said he's a leper. Why do some act like he is just any man. He is not a Swed, or Brit okay. He won't be walking off plane with much fanfare and people swooning at his cool accent. Look at this post, just the word Nigerian brings up deceit, scam, trickery. It's just very disheartening.

I say all this to say, that marriages fail. I am sure across the board if you were to look at immigration marriages its more divorced than the average.

To say my or anyone's relationship WILL fail will break up because OMG why would anyone want your black old butt (thats my butt I am speaking of) is a disservice to me and anyone else. Sure there are scammers, sure their is a profile of what a scammer looks for (although for the life of me if getting an older woman is such a red flag why wouldnt't thy aim lower age.........oh wait they are and have).

I am a realist. I am not an older woman who just thinks "she has it going on" and "I am just to sexy". I nor my husband have ever been married. This has been a challenge for us both. But we do have the advantage that neither of us grew up in the country of our birth. he was raised in Bonn, Germany and went to British Embassy school. I was raised in Tokoyo Japan and went to all Japanese girl schools. Me and my husband both spent the first 10 years of our lives in a foreign country speaking their language where we are both fluent (well he is in German, my japanese not so good anymore).

I get your warnings NigeriaorBust and TakiaNaija. I feel ya and as the saying goes "The truth should be told and not feared". I guess its just this broad stroke that is painted across the board. I am sure with every approval you may shake your heads and think "Another one bites the dust". But yet it very well can be a success story.

This journey is scary enough. We are all entering some uncharterd territory. We all need to as we always hear in presidental election "fulling Vet" our husbands/fiances. Ask every question, challenge them.

1. Visit as much as you can when you can.
2. He should always be available to call or answer your call your IM, your Email, BBM, Whats App. Ya feel me.
3. He should be able to drop everything he is doing to cater to you. I am so for real.
4. No one else he is around should matter to him more than you. Another words no chatter. You are talking to your love not the boys in the hood.
5. If it seems you and your needs take second or third check him than check yourself.
6. You should not be going without to please him taking care of his needs (whether that happened in Nigeria or when he got here).

Some think just because he is here now with you its okay if he sucks your resources dry. Heck naw it ain't.

Sorry just free flowing some may say what the heck but this is a discussion. And I would rather discuss how we can overcome obstacles instead of always saying the bridge is out and it will never happen. He will never want you, love you, need you. You are a meal ticket to a GC.

I will say this my time on earth isn't too much longer. I am alot older than many of you. But I can happliy and proudly say if I closed my eyes tonight and never awake again I will have died a very loved and happy 9ja wife. That I know to be true and nobody I mean nobody can ever take that feeling or that thought away from me.

Getting my praise dance on girl...Glory!"

[jenkatx 52]

I am happy to say that I personally know more that have made it then that have failed. I know of several couples who have been married for 30, 20, and 10 years. I know MANY that are together well past the ROC. We all know some that have not made it, some that HAVE been scammed, but of the people I know personally the odds are in their favor.

[LoveNigarmostyle 164]

You are missing the point that the marriage is to get to the US. If a cow would get them a green card they would marry a cow. MOST marriages are for the green card not for love. Love is faked long enoughto get the USC help them reach end game. As tokinaija stated they have no reason to want an older foreign wife other than to ontain a green card. You are mistaken to assume it is a relationship of love in these cases. The "love" displayed is as honest as the operator on the porn chat line. Try it you will here the same scripts of love and it is cheaper than a visa.

With all due respect NigeriaorBust you are married to a younger man, do you consider your marriage a success or a failure? I have many friends who are married to a younger Nigerians who wooed them for few years while in Nigeria, and now they are here and still married and happy. It is not a rule of thumb that MOST of the relationship with a younger Nigerian man is a doomed relationship. It takes two to tango and over all I have encountered more success stories then failures.

I have to disagree on the fact that you make it seem most, if not all marriages which consists of a older woman and a younger man are for immigration purposes and that a younger man has no reason to want an older wife other than to obtain a green card. I would say most older women have a vast of experience, wisdom and know how to treat a man in most cases better than a younger woman.

Edited August 10, 2012 by LoveNigarmostyle

[LoveNigarmostyle 164]

dwheels76..........."I will say this my time on earth isn't too much longer. I am alot older than many of you. But I can happliy and proudly say if I closed my eyes tonight and never awake again I will have died a very loved and happy 9ja wife. That I know to be true and nobody I mean nobody can ever take that feeling or that thought away from me."

WE HAVE A WINNING STATEMENT EVERYONE....This says it all

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

A 21 or 30 day of "together time rule" is not an official regulation /law/ requirement and therefore will just remain a rumor.

Time spend together can be measured on a "day stick" for some CO's unspoken rationale and under the umbrella of " discretionary freedom " is a very determining guideline.

Here is to another rumor : A little bird told me that countless young women ( especially the fellow female citizen of our men ) will chase money and drop their men for a more financially successful one like they drop it when it's hot.

I recently read world statistics of what gender/Nationality cheats the most. No, not Nigerian men, but Nigerian women.

Nigerian men were much lower on that study and before other Nationalities.

Some of us may be 'older' but we have a wealth of things to offer that younger women are still struggling with. Life experience, a settled life style, focused decision making, wisdom gathered, lessons learned and an overall strong confidence with a head -held -high- strut in heels. Now that is sexy to any man, young or old ! I am not talking about the 'older and desperate to have a man crowd who let themselves go and stuff their face with pizza on a daily basis. There are differences in the term older.

One more thing, if things don't work out then they don't work out. Previous relationships with USC have not worked out and if it happens again it will not kill me. I will dust myself off and get back up. I am not made of sugar, will not melt and can deal with what life brings me by God's grace.

It would not be the end of life and people need to stop making it sound like death itself.

If someone no longer wants to be with me then I say don't let the door hit you in the butt on your way out, have a nice life

and I move on. I won't turn into a bitter person who feels the compulsion to spends her life issuing warnings like a cop issues tickets to others.

Don't ever spend money for this immigration journey you don't freely want to give and spend and then cry later when things don't work out. Be accountable for your own actions today. Think before you act. Then be committed to the decisions.

I get so tired of whining people who think they may have been scammed and are finger pointing constantly without being accountable for their own choices and actions of enabling and allowing nonsense.

It takes two to tango.

Suck it up and move on and continue to be strong and confidant.

# Vent over about the older woman thing !