I don't know what to do

[indiana_sweetie 120]

My hubby lived through a bitter war and harbors bitter feelings toward certain people. Have any of you had to deal with these emotions? Were you afraid there could be issues if the person came in contact with anyone from the country involved? My hubby has always been kind and thoughtful and never seems like the violent type toward me and always has good things to say about Americans. But sometimes when he mentions certain things I hear some pretty harsh words. I worry, is he just talking "smack" or is this going to be a real problem? I am hoping that getting him out of the "former war zone" and over here would help him relax and enjoy life. I try to help him understand that we all need to get along here in America, even if some don't like each other, we still need to respect each other. You know, I'm not stupid enough to think that woo---he's just going to change into a perfect angel and drop all these feelings. But I don't want to bring trouble. Advice please

Edited July 26, 2012 by indiana_sweetie

[rade2rising 205]

well adjusting from different country and culture is hard enough. coming from war zone must be even more difficult. alot of patience is required on your part. A more long term solution would be to get him some therapy. He just can't wake up and forget everything it will take time and I think you should get a professional involved. In time he should get better. I don't see any quick solutions though ....

[dwheels76 5,469]

What I would look into now are support broups for people from his countries. Maybe you have your city. That will be vital. Even without war they are immigrationg here and now he may be faced with seeing who he deems the enemy now sitting side by side on a bus, restaurant. Googke and search so you can also be prepared what you can do as a spouse.

[Dana-Mića 51]

I've actually lived in Kosovo when the war started and could say its the same for the other side towards the Albanians depending on who you ask. I've lived in two war zones in my life when I was in Croatia from which I became a refugee and than Kosovo from which I became a 2nd time refugee. I have grudges and sometimes not the nicest things to say about lets say Croatians and Albanians/Siptari but not to the point that I hate them or cannot associate with them. I live in an area where there is a lot of Yugos and I just choose not to put the politics into my life and it makes it much easier. In fact I can say that sometimes we all even help each other out even with the past history of living in the war zone or being there against each other. Your husband is going to have to learn that especially if you live in states such as Indiana, Illinois, and Wisconsin where there is a big Serbian population (I assume those are the people heholds grudges against unless he is a Serb from Kosovo) and where it would be inevitable for him to bump into one or two in his lifetime here. (I don't live in those states.)

[indiana_sweetie 120]

I've actually lived in Kosovo when the war started and could say its the same for the other side towards the Albanians depending on who you ask. I've lived in two war zones in my life when I was in Croatia from which I became a refugee and than Kosovo from which I became a 2nd time refugee. I have grudges and sometimes not the nicest things to say about lets say Croatians and Albanians/Siptari but not to the point that I hate them or cannot associate with them. I live in an area where there is a lot of Yugos and I just choose not to put the politics into my life and it makes it much easier. In fact I can say that sometimes we all even help each other out even with the past history of living in the war zone or being there against each other. Your husband is going to have to learn that especially if you live in states such as Indiana, Illinois, and Wisconsin where there is a big Serbian population (I assume those are the people heholds grudges against unless he is a Serb from Kosovo) and where it would be inevitable for him to bump into one or two in his lifetime here. (I don't live in those states.)

Thank you and God bless you for understanding. Yes, you guessed right, he is Albanian and I am in Indiana. I have tears in my eyes right now...

[Dana-Mića 51]

Thank you and God bless you for understanding. Yes, you guessed right, he is Albanian and I am in Indiana. I have tears in my eyes right now...

There is no reason for you to cry your husband I am pretty sure wont express that hatred publicly to a Serbian just like a Serbian wont to an Albanian except if they are drunk or really hold a bad grudge. My father lost a lot of people during the war in Croatia, he lost his homes and everything he worked hard to build and have, he fought in the war himself yet today one of his best friends is a Croatian. My husbands boss is a Muslim from Kosovo (not an albanian but still the difference is there) and they work great together. It isn't easy growing up in a war zone my whole childhood was dedicated to it and it created a lot of hate, confusion and who knows what else but you get to a point where you realize that no matter what you have to live and move on.

[indiana_sweetie 120]

There is no reason for you to cry your husband I am pretty sure wont express that hatred publicly to a Serbian just like a Serbian wont to an Albanian except if they are drunk or really hold a bad grudge. My father lost a lot of people during the war in Croatia, he lost his homes and everything he worked hard to build and have, he fought in the war himself yet today one of his best friends is a Croatian. My husbands boss is a Muslim from Kosovo (not an albanian but still the difference is there) and they work great together. It isn't easy growing up in a war zone my whole childhood was dedicated to it and it created a lot of hate, confusion and who knows what else but you get to a point where you realize that no matter what you have to live and move on.

Thanks and sorry for your loss

[Ryan H 3,834]

Moved from IR-1/CR-1 Process & Procedures to Moving Here & Your New Life In America forum; topic is not a spousal visa process topic.