so hard to be far away

[missing_tulips 4]

hello people this is my first time to shared my problem about my hubby. we been 4yrs in relations but this last may 18 2012 get just got married. in that 4 yrs he changed alot that i cant even understand cuz he never accept what is my explanation to him all he wants is follow his own. but mostly makes me sad cuz he fighting me without a clue. his a ex US army. so now we have a misunderstanding he make a story that i never say or i did.

how i can help him if he never changed his way of attitude? he told me his mother side they have schizophrenic (mental illness). and the most thing i been scared to him is he always blaming to killed me when i am on his side. he just passed my papers July 23.

so please help me what should i do right now?

Edited July 25, 2012 by missing_tulips

[Mogambi 96]

So your husband is ex-military, with a history of mental illness, and he's threatening to KILL you?

You must stay as far away from him as possible, get an annulment or a divorce.

There is NEVER an excuse to threaten you with violence.

He sounds jealous and dangerous. And if he won't listen to you, always thinks you are lying, then he is paranoid too.

The man sounds horrible.

[DavenRoxy 1,073]

Well, it's hard to judge him, based on what you have said so far. What sort of things do you argue about? How does he " never accept what is my explanation to him all he wants is follow his own"? How serious does he seem to be about "killing you"? Many times, the term "... I will kill you..." is used in general, but is not meant as an actual threat. Hard for us to judge that, only you can, in person.

It's hard to say he's changed, actually. If you are just now starting your physical life together, there will be lots of adjustments. Arguments, fights, bouts of silence... those just happen, sometimes. Not defending him, just saying that to have an online relationship is COMPLETELY different from actually living with someone day after day.

Give us more info, that we may help you better. Was he ever deployed to Afghanistan or Iraq?

[missing_tulips 4]

yes he deployed in afghan last year. but the other problem with is he can even moved forward he always opening the fast past. and yes when he stay with me about 4months if he drunk he he always trying to make a trouble or his talking about what he do to the woman while his in army. i am so ashamed to my family and friends cuz he never admit what he do what he say. yes i still love him but his abusing.

[missing_tulips 4]

and i cant even think that he said on front on my family that my daughter is not his blood so i told him i will get a DNA test but he never response me he changing the topic

[kcir-is-love 4]

People never really change.. you just get to know them better. The decision is up to you... Take care!!

[LSnBigBear 61]

Something to consider. Due to your distance and time away from each other (dating for 4 years now with no marriage or visa correct?) then maybe he is searching for excuses to walk away from you and is using his jealiusy as his excuse. why is it after 4 years you are not together. My son is in Army and married with a daugter. You must be aware if he is threatening you. This is not good. You have a child involved so yo need ti make your own decisions on being with him or leaving him. Goodluck

[InHisTime 110]

Sorry to hear about your situation. Your stories about him...sounds so bad. It's awful, if he threatened to kill you. If he is really abusive, then, you need to make a decision -- to be with him or leave him. His character won't change that easily. The only way he would change if he would allow God to take in control of him. Thank God that you have known his character before you both stay in same roof together. Consider it as a blessing ! God loves you, Sis.I know it would be hard, but, you need to face realities. You need to love yourself and know your self-worth. You deserve better ones. Be strong and never settle for less. Remember, regret always comes in the end. God bless and take care of yourself !

[Rob&Ema 12]

There is never a justification for verbal or physical abuse. If you intend on trying to work things out, seek professional counselling or maybe a military counsellor for advice. Combat or stressfull situations have diferrent effects on people. Maybe he will consent to a diagnosis if there is an underline cause for aggression.

Edited July 25, 2012 by Rob&Ema

[Thomas&Cleofe 358]

You are just now Brand-new newlyweds....I am not judging you in any way....but can I ask you why you married this man if you already know his threats and abuse?

[missing_tulips 4]

You are just now Brand-new newlyweds....I am not judging you in any way....but can I ask you why you married this man if you already know his threats and abuse?

first of all thank you for the reply. i married this man cuz we have 2 daughter and he promise me his going to changed but after wedding he never kept his promises to me. it deeper stress and upset with i really want this to work out but he never help his side. so now im gaonne talked my family about this topic and maybe i will make my own way..

[me007 0]

Hi Newbie.It is not a matter of you making a decision.You know that he is not any good for you and there is so many things wrong with him.True that God can only change him.But what my wife tells that just in her area alone three woman came home in a pine box.You understand.So because of the disappointment that will happen with you and your family When u divorce him Thats what is holding you back.So let me say this.Would you want to live a happy life with your child and even try again to find a good man.Or do you want to live in fear Knowing he may Beat you to were you can't walk.Or worse yet Kill you and your child is motherless.You ask yourself this..Hope this helps..god Bless

[missing_tulips 4]

There is never a justification for verbal or physical abuse. If you intend on trying to work things out, seek professional counselling or maybe a military counsellor for advice. Combat or stressfull situations have diferrent effects on people. Maybe he will consent to a diagnosis if there is an underline cause for aggression.

thanks for the reply.. i told him also to go to military counselor but he ignore it. i try to convince him to go in rehab also but again ignore. so maybe i will make my own way as long as our daughter is on my side...

[missing_tulips 4]

Hi Newbie.It is not a matter of you making a decision.You know that he is not any good for you and there is so many things wrong with him.True that God can only change him.But what my wife tells that just in her area alone three woman came home in a pine box.You understand.So because of the disappointment that will happen with you and your family When u divorce him Thats what is holding you back.So let me say this.Would you want to live a happy life with your child and even try again to find a good man.Or do you want to live in fear Knowing he may Beat you to were you can't walk.Or worse yet Kill you and your child is motherless.You ask yourself this..Hope this helps..god Bless

thanks for the reply. yes i think this many times and i asked all people who can know my situations. specially my mother shes a religious and she knows what kind of attitude with my husband. my mom she try to talked him but he yelled my mom. so now i make my own decisions now and i dont want to involved any people about this problems. i know god he only give me a trials and face the real problems.

So your husband is ex-military, with a history of mental illness, and he's threatening to KILL you?

You must stay as far away from him as possible, get an annulment or a divorce.

There is NEVER an excuse to threaten you with violence.

He sounds jealous and dangerous. And if he won't listen to you, always thinks you are lying, then he is paranoid too.

The man sounds horrible.

he is he never respect any member of my family

Well, it's hard to judge him, based on what you have said so far. What sort of things do you argue about? How does he " never accept what is my explanation to him all he wants is follow his own"? How serious does he seem to be about "killing you"? Many times, the term "... I will kill you..." is used in general, but is not meant as an actual threat. Hard for us to judge that, only you can, in person.

It's hard to say he's changed, actually. If you are just now starting your physical life together, there will be lots of adjustments. Arguments, fights, bouts of silence... those just happen, sometimes. Not defending him, just saying that to have an online relationship is COMPLETELY different from actually living with someone day after day.

Give us more info, that we may help you better. Was he ever deployed to Afghanistan or Iraq?

yes he deployed in afghan last year. but the other problem with is he can even moved forward he always opening the fast past. and yes when he stay with me about 4months if he drunk he he always trying to make a trouble or his talking about what he do to the woman while his in army. i am so ashamed to my family and friends cuz he never admit what he do what he say. yes i still love him but his abusing.

[Mogambi 96]

Please be careful there, he really sounds dangerous. And people do not change. And he is treating you very badly.