American Men Not Loyal?

[Bad_Daddy 2,209]

Yeah, and tell him he can schtup his MIL, but calling one of those live porn cam girls is a definite no-no.

I think a lot that depends on how hot and sexy the MIL is. Some MIL's got it, and some don't.

I think American men generally don't respect women enough to stop watching porn and stop other negative habits that they have, hence why I married a foreigner... I'm sure there's some good ones out there but my experience with them was that I always had to shut up and settle and take their #######.

BUT, there's a HUGE difference between normal porn and calling a webcam girl. The former will piss me off (I'd only leave him for it if it was a constant issue), the latter, I might leave him. That's really just cheating.

A RUB members perspective on foreign marriage from the American woman's point of view. Nice.

Edited July 23, 2012 by Bad_Daddy

[M -and- A 3]

There might be some American/Indonesian cultural differences at play here..

In your first post you said, "I only belong to him." This may have just been an imprecise translation, but it doesn't represent a widely accepted American cultural mindset. People do not belong to each other here (it sounds like property ownership). In the more liberal and open-minded Western cultural mindset, a marriage is a commitment between two people to be together, to learn about each other, to compromise, to find the right balance of give and take, and to build a future together. It is not about owning a piece of property.

You also commented about your husband "talking to other women behind my back." You then refined your statement to "talking to a webcam girl." I'd just be careful that you be very honest with yourself about what is, and what is not, acceptable behavior in your mind. Because in the Western cultural tradition, it is absolutely acceptable for men to talk to other women, without their wife's presence or knowledge. In fact, I think most mentally healthy Western would not tolerate a wife who forbade contact with other women.

Regarding the issue of trust, which you may be dealing with and which is the same across all cultures, how did you find out about your husband talking to his ex wife, and talking to the webcam girl? Did you ask him, and he told you the truth? That honesty will build trust, and trust is a foundation upon which you can build a house of compromise. If instead you had to look elsewhere for evidence, and your husband changed his answer to your questions after you provided evidence, and you feel like you can't trust him because he isn't honest with you, then it is possible that any house you build with him will be shaky because it doesn't have a good foundation.

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

There might be some American/Indonesian cultural differences at play here..

In your first post you said, "I only belong to him." This may have just been an imprecise translation, but it (1) doesn't represent a widely accepted American cultural mindset. People do not belong to each other here (it sounds like property ownership). In the more liberal and open-minded Western cultural mindset, a marriage is a commitment between two people to be together, to learn about each other, to compromise, to find the right balance of give and take, and to build a future together. It is not about owning a piece of property.

You also commented about your husband "talking to other women behind my back." You then refined your statement to "talking to a webcam girl." I'd just be careful that you be very honest with yourself about what is, and what is not, acceptable behavior in your mind. Because in the Western cultural tradition, it is absolutely acceptable for men to talk to other women, without their wife's presence or knowledge. In fact, I think (2) most mentally healthy Western would not tolerate a wife who forbade contact with other women.

Regarding the issue of trust, which you may be dealing with and which is the same across all cultures, how did you find out about your husband talking to his ex wife, and talking to the webcam girl? Did you ask him, and he told you the truth? That honesty will build trust, and trust is a foundation upon which you can build a house of compromise. If instead you had to look elsewhere for evidence, and your husband changed his answer to your questions after you provided evidence, and you feel like you can't trust him because he isn't honest with you, then it is possible that any house you build with him will be shaky because it doesn't have a good foundation.

(1) Hence the high rate of divorce. Not saying I agree with owning property.

(2) It's actually legally a form of abuse, emotional abuse. Go figure.

[Utha 10]

There might be some American/Indonesian cultural differences at play here..

In your first post you said, "I only belong to him." This may have just been an imprecise translation, but it doesn't represent a widely accepted American cultural mindset. People do not belong to each other here (it sounds like property ownership). In the more liberal and open-minded Western cultural mindset, a marriage is a commitment between two people to be together, to learn about each other, to compromise, to find the right balance of give and take, and to build a future together. It is not about owning a piece of property.

You also commented about your husband "talking to other women behind my back." You then refined your statement to "talking to a webcam girl." I'd just be careful that you be very honest with yourself about what is, and what is not, acceptable behavior in your mind. Because in the Western cultural tradition, it is absolutely acceptable for men to talk to other women, without their wife's presence or knowledge. In fact, I think most mentally healthy Western would not tolerate a wife who forbade contact with other women.

Regarding the issue of trust, which you may be dealing with and which is the same across all cultures, how did you find out about your husband talking to his ex wife, and talking to the webcam girl? Did you ask him, and he told you the truth? That honesty will build trust, and trust is a foundation upon which you can build a house of compromise. If instead you had to look elsewhere for evidence, and your husband changed his answer to your questions after you provided evidence, and you feel like you can't trust him because he isn't honest with you, then it is possible that any house you build with him will be shaky because it doesn't have a good foundation.

1. He uses calling card to call me to Indonesia. We have online account so we could track the record of the calling that he makes. He might think that because i was pregnant and busy with going to hospital so i wouldnt have time to check on him sometimes. One day i log on to the web of our account and i found strange number. I recognized one of the number is his ex number and to another strange number, i called it directly and a woman's voice answered. Then i asked him directly about it. After i insisted, he told me the truth what he did. I felt so betrayed.

2. Regarding the "belong" thing. I know a marriage is not a property stuff. What i mean i belong to him is that my heart, body, and soul i already surrender to him, that kind of belong, not refer to property thing. Like on a song lyric said "we belong together", you know what i mean?

[Sandra G. 5,043]

You said he was calling one of the porn player? wow you have a big problem to solve. For some people watching porno movies together can spice it up their relationship, but when escalate to phone calls...well no way,no how I would put up with this #######. Establish your priorities and go for it.

[X Factor 1,111]

You guys can try karezza - it solves lots of bedroom issues

http://www.reuniting.info/blogs/karezza-korner/husband-orgasmic-marriage-discovers-karezza

[Moomin 292]

It doesn't matter what other guys do or what's acceptable in other relationship. If your husband threw laundry on the floor in your household, it doesn't mean that I'd just go ahead and accept my husband doing the same. Meaning; if you can't accept him talking to a girl on a webcam, don't do a poll on how normal it is, please. When your husband's actions hurt you(or you hurt his feelings by your actions) then tell him outright to quit, especially if he knew your point of view prior to discovering his habits.

I admit I don't really care if it normal to talk to exes in the US. If one person in the relationship can't accept it, why on earth should they settle for the answer "but everybody else does it". That's simply not a valid excuse to me.

[akihon 129]

I found my husband was calling his ex wife and watching porn streaming video online while am back home. For me, i never call any man since i married him coz when i decided to marry him it means that i close the door for all of the man in the world. I only belong to him wether in front or behind him.

Is it true that most of American men not loyal?

that's VERY unfair of you to generalize all American men as unfaithful just because you found your husband calling his ex wife. There's nothing wrong with him calling his ex wife unless he did so behind you back as if hiding something or if you don't like it anyway and have expressed so. there's also nothing wrong with watching porn, unless you've explicitly told him that you don't like him to do so.

Edited August 4, 2012 by mebbe

[Utha 10]

You said he was calling one of the porn player? wow you have a big problem to solve. For some people watching porno movies together can spice it up their relationship, but when escalate to phone calls...well no way,no how I would put up with this #######. Establish your priorities and go for it.

Yeah, i think i have big problem. I am thinking now what should i do.

[Utha 10]

that's VERY unfair of you to generalize all American men as unfaithful just because you found your husband calling his ex wife. There's nothing wrong with him calling his ex wife unless he did so behind you back as if hiding something or if you don't like it anyway and have expressed so. there's also nothing wrong with watching porn, unless you've explicitly told him that you don't like him to do so.

Sorry if it sound unfair. I think calling his ex wife is wrong because he was bullied by her physically before on their marriage. So, i questioned myself, what he doing now? Why must calling her again? And about watch porn thing, i dont mind as long as he doesnt deal with real action like calling them. The problem is, that what he did. Not sleep but called them.

It doesn't matter what other guys do or what's acceptable in other relationship. If your husband threw laundry on the floor in your household, it doesn't mean that I'd just go ahead and accept my husband doing the same. Meaning; if you can't accept him talking to a girl on a webcam, don't do a poll on how normal it is, please. When your husband's actions hurt you(or you hurt his feelings by your actions) then tell him outright to quit, especially if he knew your point of view prior to discovering his habits.

I admit I don't really care if it normal to talk to exes in the US. If one person in the relationship can't accept it, why on earth should they settle for the answer "but everybody else does it". That's simply not a valid excuse to me.

I agree with you. I dont think it is right that he kept doing it when he knew it is hurting me

[akihon 129]

Sorry if it sound unfair. I think calling his ex wife is wrong because he was bullied by her physically before on their marriage. So, i questioned myself, what he doing now? Why must calling her again? And about watch porn thing, i dont mind as long as he doesnt deal with real action like calling them. The problem is, that what he did. Not sleep but called them.

Yes, I understand that you think it's wrong for him to call his ex-wife and the porn person ... but do NOT generalize and think that ALL American men do this. You are justified in what you're feeling, but you need to sort it out and figure out your issues with it and communicate it to him.

[actob99 156]

I think American men generally don't respect women

Wow, big statement. And this is why you went abroad to find your respectful man? I have been all over the world and it's all the same, man is man and woman is woman GENERALLY.

Lastly, I don't miss those types of comments from my EX american wife.....

[akihon 129]

stop generalizing. I don't think AmyWrites would appreciate if people generalized that all Amys are whiny bitches right? Well, I could argue that in my experience, all the Amys I know are whiners ... so your name is Amy, you must be a whiner.

Unfair, isn't it? Yeah, so stop it.

[Xanax 349]

Sorry you're having trouble in your marriage. I wish you the best of luck.

The only advice I can give is to talk to your husband again, make sure he understands how you feel, tell him it is hurting you and your marriage. See what he says and does once you have spoken and go from there.

Good luck

[Utha 10]

stop generalizing. I don't think AmyWrites would appreciate if people generalized that all Amys are whiny bitches right? Well, I could argue that in my experience, all the Amys I know are whiners ... so your name is Amy, you must be a whiner.

Unfair, isn't it? Yeah, so stop it.

The tittle of my post is followed by question mark. Dont get mad like that. Btw i am going to nack home n divorce coz i found him tecently still talking to many girls online with promising marriage and telling them something bad abt me. He is fully #######.