"Mail-order brides in an Internet age"

[njboy70 0]

http://www.scrippsnews.com/node/14969

Mail-order brides in an Internet age

Commentary

By BONNIE ERBE

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Let's not just make it tougher for American men to hook up with "mail order brides" over the Internet and import them, let's ban the practice altogether.

In one of the more laudable acts of his tenure in the White House, President Bush earlier this year signed into law the "International Marriage Broker Regulation Act of 2005" or IMBRA. The law imposes some tough restrictions on men seeking to import wives. Some of the men complain the law presumes all such American men are abusers.

But I say the mere act (to wit, the bizarre act) of deciding to marry someone from a foreign country who is just about guaranteed to be less well educated and a lot less well off financially, creates such an incurably unhealthy imbalance of power in the union, even horrifically burdensome regulation won't suffice.

The law requires before any foreign woman's contact information is sold (by an Internet marriage broker) to an American man, he must disclose his criminal and marital background. It also requires the agency brokering such relationships to obtain the man's record from the National Sex Offenders Public Registry database, translate it into the woman's native language and give her a copy.

An Internet search for the words, "mail order brides abuses" brings up articles entitled, "A license to Abuse" and "Mail Order Misery" among many others. Tales of brutalized and murdered women are legion. The situation is not new, although the Internet is clearly increasing opportunities for men to find developing nation wives (very few so-called mail order marriages if any are between American men and women from other developed nations.)

The New York Times reports, "In 1998, fewer than 2,500 foreign women applied to become permanent residents under the Violence Against Women Act (of which IMBRA is a part) which allows abused wives to apply for residence without the support of their husbands. In the fiscal year that ended in September, 9,500 applied." That's a 400 percent increase in six years. The paper quotes the INS saying some 37,500 women entered the country last year on fiancee visas or temporary visas for spouses of American citizens _ up 50 percent from three years before.

A 1993 Yale Law Journal article described several cases of unimaginable abuse including the tale of one Maria who came to the United States from the Dominican Republican to marry a man who began brutalizing her shortly after they married.

"I had eight stitches in my head and a gash on the other side of my head, and he broke my ribs .... He would bash my head against the wall while we had sex. He kept threatening to kill me if I told the doctor what happened."

Who pays these women's health care bills when their husbands beat and abandon them? Most likely, the American taxpayer.

I don't assume all such marriages end badly. Perhaps many last long and end blissfully "until death doth them part." That aside, it still seems a bizarre and unappealing choice for an American man to set out to marry a woman on the basis of a preconceived notion that she emanates from a submissive culture. And submissiveness is key, as the men portrayed in the Times article make clear.

"'It all started with women's lib', said Sam Smith, a former salesman of insurance and mutual funds, who founded I Love Latins in Houston six years ago. 'Guys are sick and tired of the North American me, me, me attitude.'"

Two thoughts in closing. We are already a nation divided on mass immigration with polls showing more and more Americans want limits to the number of foreigners granted citizenship. Do we really want another 40,000 plus people entering the United States per year to satisfy men who cannot seem to find suitable mates among America's already copious supply? And, if the mail order marriage industry is so great for women, then why aren't American women flocking to the Internet to find foreign husbands?

This is one growing phenomenon that our government ought not to endorse.

[robhankins 0]

http://www.scrippsnews.com/node/14969

Mail-order brides in an Internet age

Commentary

By BONNIE ERBE

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Let's not just make it tougher for American men to hook up with "mail order brides" over the Internet and import them, let's ban the practice altogether.

In one of the more laudable acts of his tenure in the White House, President Bush earlier this year signed into law the "International Marriage Broker Regulation Act of 2005" or IMBRA. The law imposes some tough restrictions on men seeking to import wives. Some of the men complain the law presumes all such American men are abusers.

But I say the mere act (to wit, the bizarre act) of deciding to marry someone from a foreign country who is just about guaranteed to be less well educated and a lot less well off financially, creates such an incurably unhealthy imbalance of power in the union, even horrifically burdensome regulation won't suffice.

The law requires before any foreign woman's contact information is sold (by an Internet marriage broker) to an American man, he must disclose his criminal and marital background. It also requires the agency brokering such relationships to obtain the man's record from the National Sex Offenders Public Registry database, translate it into the woman's native language and give her a copy.

An Internet search for the words, "mail order brides abuses" brings up articles entitled, "A license to Abuse" and "Mail Order Misery" among many others. Tales of brutalized and murdered women are legion. The situation is not new, although the Internet is clearly increasing opportunities for men to find developing nation wives (very few so-called mail order marriages if any are between American men and women from other developed nations.)

The New York Times reports, "In 1998, fewer than 2,500 foreign women applied to become permanent residents under the Violence Against Women Act (of which IMBRA is a part) which allows abused wives to apply for residence without the support of their husbands. In the fiscal year that ended in September, 9,500 applied." That's a 400 percent increase in six years. The paper quotes the INS saying some 37,500 women entered the country last year on fiancee visas or temporary visas for spouses of American citizens _ up 50 percent from three years before.

A 1993 Yale Law Journal article described several cases of unimaginable abuse including the tale of one Maria who came to the United States from the Dominican Republican to marry a man who began brutalizing her shortly after they married.

"I had eight stitches in my head and a gash on the other side of my head, and he broke my ribs .... He would bash my head against the wall while we had sex. He kept threatening to kill me if I told the doctor what happened."

Who pays these women's health care bills when their husbands beat and abandon them? Most likely, the American taxpayer.

I don't assume all such marriages end badly. Perhaps many last long and end blissfully "until death doth them part." That aside, it still seems a bizarre and unappealing choice for an American man to set out to marry a woman on the basis of a preconceived notion that she emanates from a submissive culture. And submissiveness is key, as the men portrayed in the Times article make clear.

"'It all started with women's lib', said Sam Smith, a former salesman of insurance and mutual funds, who founded I Love Latins in Houston six years ago. 'Guys are sick and tired of the North American me, me, me attitude.'"

Two thoughts in closing. We are already a nation divided on mass immigration with polls showing more and more Americans want limits to the number of foreigners granted citizenship. Do we really want another 40,000 plus people entering the United States per year to satisfy men who cannot seem to find suitable mates among America's already copious supply? And, if the mail order marriage industry is so great for women, then why aren't American women flocking to the Internet to find foreign husbands?

This is one growing phenomenon that our government ought not to endorse.

Maybe Ms. Erbe's girlfriend ran off with a younger, prettier, softer, sexier foreign woman?

Edited October 20, 2006 by robhankins

[garya505 2]

She's just another ignorant, prejudiced, and misguided male-basher using distorted facts and invalid assumptions to sell newspapers.

[choji 0]

http://www.scrippsnews.com/node/14969

Mail-order brides in an Internet age

Commentary

By BONNIE ERBE

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Let's not just make it tougher for American men to hook up with "mail order brides" over the Internet and import them, let's ban the practice altogether.

In one of the more laudable acts of his tenure in the White House, President Bush earlier this year signed into law the "International Marriage Broker Regulation Act of 2005" or IMBRA. The law imposes some tough restrictions on men seeking to import wives. Some of the men complain the law presumes all such American men are abusers.

But I say the mere act (to wit, the bizarre act) of deciding to marry someone from a foreign country who is just about guaranteed to be less well educated and a lot less well off financially, creates such an incurably unhealthy imbalance of power in the union, even horrifically burdensome regulation won't suffice.

The law requires before any foreign woman's contact information is sold (by an Internet marriage broker) to an American man, he must disclose his criminal and marital background. It also requires the agency brokering such relationships to obtain the man's record from the National Sex Offenders Public Registry database, translate it into the woman's native language and give her a copy.

An Internet search for the words, "mail order brides abuses" brings up articles entitled, "A license to Abuse" and "Mail Order Misery" among many others. Tales of brutalized and murdered women are legion. The situation is not new, although the Internet is clearly increasing opportunities for men to find developing nation wives (very few so-called mail order marriages if any are between American men and women from other developed nations.)

The New York Times reports, "In 1998, fewer than 2,500 foreign women applied to become permanent residents under the Violence Against Women Act (of which IMBRA is a part) which allows abused wives to apply for residence without the support of their husbands. In the fiscal year that ended in September, 9,500 applied." That's a 400 percent increase in six years. The paper quotes the INS saying some 37,500 women entered the country last year on fiancee visas or temporary visas for spouses of American citizens _ up 50 percent from three years before.

A 1993 Yale Law Journal article described several cases of unimaginable abuse including the tale of one Maria who came to the United States from the Dominican Republican to marry a man who began brutalizing her shortly after they married.

"I had eight stitches in my head and a gash on the other side of my head, and he broke my ribs .... He would bash my head against the wall while we had sex. He kept threatening to kill me if I told the doctor what happened."

Who pays these women's health care bills when their husbands beat and abandon them? Most likely, the American taxpayer.

I don't assume all such marriages end badly. Perhaps many last long and end blissfully "until death doth them part." That aside, it still seems a bizarre and unappealing choice for an American man to set out to marry a woman on the basis of a preconceived notion that she emanates from a submissive culture. And submissiveness is key, as the men portrayed in the Times article make clear.

"'It all started with women's lib', said Sam Smith, a former salesman of insurance and mutual funds, who founded I Love Latins in Houston six years ago. 'Guys are sick and tired of the North American me, me, me attitude.'"

Two thoughts in closing. We are already a nation divided on mass immigration with polls showing more and more Americans want limits to the number of foreigners granted citizenship. Do we really want another 40,000 plus people entering the United States per year to satisfy men who cannot seem to find suitable mates among America's already copious supply? And, if the mail order marriage industry is so great for women, then why aren't American women flocking to the Internet to find foreign husbands?

This is one growing phenomenon that our government ought not to endorse.

#######????????????????????

[dougyceci 0]

I would suggest a Ms. Bonnie here was left high and dry by someone. Good God, are people so blind as to not see what has happened to "culture" in the US. I left it long ago, mentally that is. I would think one might to want to think why so many men look elsewhere. But once again the typical attitude of people here are to look for a way to force one to submit as oppose to look inward and maybe realize why we act like we do. Good luck Bonnie, you will need it.

[robhankins 0]

Bonnie Erbe is a TV host and writes this column for Scripps Howard News Service. E-mail bonnieerbe@CompuServe.com . Just in case anyone was wondering. Or wanted to say "hi".

[zethris 0]

I think we all should say "hi" to this jackass.

[rebeccajo 14]

It's just more immigration spin during an election year.

And I don't think you guys should get so defensive about it. Just feeds the frenzy.

[BJZags 17]

She asks why don't American women flock to the internet in search of a mate? Maybe its for the same reason that they do NOT, that so many Amerian men do?

[sercontigo 1]

That was one of the most ignorant columns that I have ever read. I feel stupider now that I have actually taken such bunk into my mind. It's as if no American Men abuse American Women...hello??? Battered women are all over America, I know because I worked for the Dept of Human Services for 4 years.

For the record, not one of my clients was here on a Fiance Visa. True, the problem of abuse exists, but don't try to make it like its an immigration issue. Please! I live in an apartment and I have heard my upstairs neighbor, who is a very American man argue with and wrestle with is very American girlfriend. Like someone said it just feeds the frenzy of supposed immigration issues in this country. I have to force myself to turn away from this ####### and try not to react. I try to focus on my situation & get my fiance here...I have said enough.

[Anna C. 4]

Wow what a BS! I agree that she's bitter because her ex left her probably for a foreign woman.

It is very interesting that she has no journalistic work ethic. I worked as a journalist and I am pretty sure that quality standards are the same in Germany and the States. It is okay to express your opinion in an op/ed, but it is not okay to twist facts. She was referring to an increase of 400% in battered women. She forgot to mention that there was an increase in 400% of foreign spouses, so technically there was no increase in women who were abused.

And what's the deal about attitude? If these men like girls from other countries better then let them. It's a free country.

I find it also very interesting that apparently all foreign spouses come from poor countries. And it seems there is no country in the world that is comparable to the standard of living?! She clearly implies all foreign spouses come to exploit their American counterparts. That is so horrible!

And I guess my husband made himself a bad deal according to her, getting someone from Europe with the same attitude as the American girls. Damn if he knew better before! But wait, I guess we not American women are just all submissive?!

Anna

Edited October 20, 2006 by Anna C.

[Jasman0717 9]

I committed a bizarre act? I I'd do it again at the drop of a hat! Claudeth is the best woman I have even met as far as being compatable with me. I wish I could have found her 30 years ago Of course she wasn't around then I consider myself one lucky human being to have found such a wonderful companion so if by marrying her was bizarre then just add me to the list of wackos!

[Dean iWait 0]

Little more information here on this hack and a pic of her. http://www.pbs.org/ttc/host.html No wonder why she is afraid of a little competition. YIKES!

[garya505 2]

The journalistic equivalent of pond scum?

Edited October 20, 2006 by garya505

[AKW65 0]

I figured since I was one of the "men portrayed" in the article she is quoting, I'd send her a thank you email. It's WAY too long to print here but here's an excerpt:

The last time I checked, this is a free country. I should be able to date and meet any woman I choose, from anywhere in the world. There is a system of background checks to exclude terrorists and wildly inappropriate relationships from going forward. I love Yesenia with all my heart and intend to do my very best for her. I don’t think you have any reason to challenge my right to do so. Can you honestly tell me that if you met an intelligent, handsome man from say Italy, or even Colombia and fell in love, you’d be ok if our government said you didn’t have the right to do so, or is it just men you feel should be punished and regulated? Also, in your choice to quote the statistics about abuse, did you do your own research or is the New York Times the authority on that? Trust me; they couldn’t even quote a simple guy like me correctly. Did you happen to notice that the rise in reported cases matched the rise in visas being issued so they are actually the same ratio? I’ll admit the ratio is high and I don’t like it. I don’t think women should ever be abused. I can’t speak for those men. I can only speak for myself. That being said, I don’t need you or the New York Times to do it for me.

Hope you are all doing well!

AW