Juarez Consulate

[Lucy N Fer 0]

Janet,

Granted Juarez has known crime issues as do many Mexican cities now, but El Paso is one of the safest cities to live in. I was born and raised there. Even though El Paso is a sister city to Juarez, it is no way similar to Juarez. I lived there most of my life and that was the hardest thing for me to get used to leaving. Here in Phoenix the crime rate is so high that I thought about returning to El Paso out of fear. It's funny but El Pasoans joke about how there is a cop at every corner. Janet, you will love El Paso (the people, the food, the culture). I know several people who work in El Paso and live in Juarez. Many of them because they choose the more affordable housing. The only drawback are the long waits at the international bridge. My ex-husband worked in Juarez for 18 years in a maquiladora and traveled back and forth all those years, and LOVED IT! Like KitKat says it is very doable and it will give Janet the freedom to return to US as many times as necessary for shopping, dining, or simply for the feeling of being back in the US.

Janet don't despair. Again like KitKat said once the reality of things set in, you will be able to plan on the next steps. If you want to be with Edgar, YOU CAN DO IT! Hang in there. You two will overcome this "bump in the road of life."

[GabachaYucateca 0]

Mentioning living in a place other than Juarez or other border city was only a suggestion!

And it's not beause that region doesn't fascinate me...eventually I hope to get my sh%t together and go for my Master's in Border studies at the U of Arizona. I know that if I ever move back to Mexico (hopefully that decision isn't made for me, but by me when ready), I personally wouldn't consider moving to the Mexico side of the border, but that's just me...and not for fear of crime or anything like that, but because I love the part of the country Edgar is from, and know that there are opportunities there for me to earn a living without needing to continue working in the States. Plus there are still lots of places in Mexico that I've yet to explore.

That's all! Just my perspective.

But then again, I don't have any particularly compelling reasons to have easy access to the States.

Edited June 8, 2007 by GabachaYucateca

[trueimage 0]

It's sad that any of us would even have to make decisions like this. It's sad that it has come to this, but that's the world we live in today. The sad thing is that any one of us could easily find a man in our country that wouldn't be worth the dirt on the bottom of our shoes. They're everywhere. I know because I was married to one that still haunts me. But instead, by chance, we all found wonderful men in another country who treat us right and think the world of us.......and yet......we remain separarted by the river and jerks that think they know everything and have control over our lives within the visa process. Seeing what happened to Monica and Janet has been very emotional for me. What I once thought would be an easy process for us will most likely not be so easy anymore. I lost my job with the company that I've worked for almost 18 years and now I don't know if I will be able to fund the rest of the process or prove that he will not be a public charge. I know that we may very well be put on the denial list. I will not be able to attend the interview because of financial reasons now and I'm scared. I'm sorry, I just needed to vent a little. I do not mean to sound so selfish when I know that Janet and Edgar are hurting so much. My heart truly goes out to them right now.

[GabachaYucateca 0]

So sorry about your job loss vismaster...that must have been a blow. But don't give in now...you still have quite some time to work things out, and you may very well be back on track soon!

And if you need more time, you can extend it a little bit by not racing to the interview (it has 4 months before expiring) and then he can hold off on coming to the states for up to six months if you still need more time to get things together.

I know it's not optimal to not have him in the States ASAP, but if you need more time to become financially stable, then there are ways of prolonging the process.

[Traviesa 0]

Just to put in another (probably much less popular) perspective here. Living separate isn't fun, but it's also not impossible (I know, we've been doing it for years). You actually get to the point where you get used to it and in a way, you get the best of both worlds-stability of the marriage relationship as well as freedom to live your life how you want, come and go as you please for just a little while longer. For us now, our separate situation is the norm and we do quite well-it's actually much more stressful on the rare occasions when we do come together for that week here and there. I know it's not ideal, but it does work, and in some cases, it works quite well. Just give it some thought before you uproot your entire life and move to a country that's not yours-just some food for thought, not a decision to be taken lightly.

[TwoInLove 0]

We can go back 12/09. That is a lifetime away for me. 30 more months to go. What if we go through all that and they deny him AGAIN? I will kill myself? I won't be able to survive it, I'm barely surviving this.

I still feel like doing something to make them re-review the file as if he never said anything about the December thing, I know I am grasping at straws, I am just in deep deep despair, I've been killing myself for a year for this interview date and I am beating myself up about not briefing him right before the medical about the drug policy, we covered it with him months ago and I thought that would be one thing he wouldn't forget. If he only hadn't of said about December he would be here RIGHT NOW. I've been preparing for him for months and months and months and all those tears of being apart and not being able to be together I knew were coming to an end. Instead, he is kicking around down in Juarez devastated and I am here in the full throws of a complete nervous breakdown. It's such a stretch and such a sacrifice for me to give up everything to go to Juarez. I have sacrificed so much already, so so so so much. I am afraid, very afraid. I've never been so broken-hearted about anything in my life. I am absolutely inconsolable and I don't know when it's every going to get better.

I really appreciate you all trying to help me out, I really do - I really don't know if I am going to survive this. My family is telling me it's an "act of God" and all that stuff, that we aren't meant to be together etc etc....

I hope I can survive this, he has to wait so long to have opportunites in the USA, wait a damn waste. I cannot accept that there is absolutely nothing I can do to turn the decision around.

[Traviesa 0]

PS-Just speaking on behalf of Juarez, I have had the pleasure of visiting the fine city twice and I find it very similar to the DC suburb where I was born, grew up, and have now settled in. I also never had an experience where I felt unsafe there. It's pretty much as close to being in the US as you can be while still being in Mexico (and not just geographically).

[kitkat1 5]

I lost my job with the company that I've worked for almost 18 years and now I don't know if I will be able to fund the rest of the process or prove that he will not be a public charge. I know that we may very well be put on the denial list.

I would not be overly concerned about this. To prove he will not become a public charge, you need to show things like the past three years of tax returns, bank account information, paystubs, 401K/IRA accounts, and anything else that will help. The minimum is around $17K. If you cannot swing it, you can get a cosponsor - so at least there are options! I have the impression that CDJ is not very strict about the financial information.

For Janet, there are truly so many options. If you need to connection to the US, a border town is a reasonable, doable idea. Or you could relocate together to another city where both could work. Teaching English is not the best paying job and you need to be qualified, but it's a possibility and there are plenty of call centers looking for English speakers (along with the ideas Gabacha mentioned). If you rent your house, you will still have income or at least have the mortgage covered. Again, once you are over the shock, I think some part of you will be able to embrace this as an adventure of sorts. And knowing that several of us have done it, we can truly say based on our experiences that you WILL survive. I loved living in Guadalajara and now that I spend most of my time in Mexico City, I love it here too. Granted it's easier knowing that our waiver approval is in the near future, but I really treasure the time that I get to spend here and I wouldn't be surprised if you find yourself feeling the same way, down the road.

[Traviesa 0]

We can go back 12/09. That is a lifetime away for me. 30 more months to go. What if we go through all that and they deny him AGAIN? I will kill myself? I won't be able to survive it, I'm barely surviving this.

I still feel like doing something to make them re-review the file as if he never said anything about the December thing, I know I am grasping at straws, I am just in deep deep despair, I've been killing myself for a year for this interview date and I am beating myself up about not briefing him right before the medical about the drug policy, we covered it with him months ago and I thought that would be one thing he wouldn't forget. If he only hadn't of said about December he would be here RIGHT NOW. I've been preparing for him for months and months and months and all those tears of being apart and not being able to be together I knew were coming to an end. Instead, he is kicking around down in Juarez devastated and I am here in the full throws of a complete nervous breakdown. It's such a stretch and such a sacrifice for me to give up everything to go to Juarez. I have sacrificed so much already, so so so so much. I am afraid, very afraid. I've never been so broken-hearted about anything in my life. I am absolutely inconsolable and I don't know when it's every going to get better.

I really appreciate you all trying to help me out, I really do - I really don't know if I am going to survive this. My family is telling me it's an "act of God" and all that stuff, that we aren't meant to be together etc etc....

I hope I can survive this, he has to wait so long to have opportunites in the USA, wait a damn waste. I cannot accept that there is absolutely nothing I can do to turn the decision around.

Janet, as someone who tried to do everything possible to turn the decision around I can tell you it will be a waste of what will prove to be valuable energy. Focus on your future now-that's all you can do.

[Traviesa 0]

I got something else to say too (and I'm sorry for hijacking your guys' thread like this). If you search back far enough you can probably find the threads where I made my announcement and posted some things very similar to what we're reading from Janet now. The key difference was that I did NOT have that support of family and friends-in fact, the majority of my family and friends to this day do not know what all went down and actually don't even know Javier was ever illegal. Janet, what you have is valuable-a home base of support, use that to your advantage! I remember feeling so lost and alone at my tender age of 22 and not having anyone to turn to but the kind (and not so kind) people of VJ. Try and get some other input as well. I also tell you this to tell you something else-I was just like you but now I'm fine. And you will be too-it's like I told you...it takes a while to heal but healing occurs. It's a process just like anything else.

[tijuanahilton 0]

I know that this is going to sound truly heinous to all of you, but Marco and I had already decided that if we didn't get a visa, we would just have to call it quits. It's just been too stressful. Even now I wonder if it will be the right choice. I think now that he's coming i've got the famous prewedding jitters....mostly because I now don't have anything else to worry about.

[TwoInLove 0]

Trust me, you are so lucky. I only wish I had Marco and Edgar hook up before the medical, maybe Marco would have thought to mention something to Edgar about the medical, I can't believe I didn't re-brief him on that - For one stupid answer we are being punished and it may very well tear us apart.

[trueimage 0]

I lost my job with the company that I've worked for almost 18 years and now I don't know if I will be able to fund the rest of the process or prove that he will not be a public charge. I know that we may very well be put on the denial list.

I would not be overly concerned about this. To prove he will not become a public charge, you need to show things like the past three years of tax returns, bank account information, paystubs, 401K/IRA accounts, and anything else that will help. The minimum is around $17K. If you cannot swing it, you can get a cosponsor - so at least there are options! I have the impression that CDJ is not very strict about the financial information.

For Janet, there are truly so many options. If you need to connection to the US, a border town is a reasonable, doable idea. Or you could relocate together to another city where both could work. Teaching English is not the best paying job and you need to be qualified, but it's a possibility and there are plenty of call centers looking for English speakers (along with the ideas Gabacha mentioned). If you rent your house, you will still have income or at least have the mortgage covered. Again, once you are over the shock, I think some part of you will be able to embrace this as an adventure of sorts. And knowing that several of us have done it, we can truly say based on our experiences that you WILL survive. I loved living in Guadalajara and now that I spend most of my time in Mexico City, I love it here too. Granted it's easier knowing that our waiver approval is in the near future, but I really treasure the time that I get to spend here and I wouldn't be surprised if you find yourself feeling the same way, down the road.

My kids have decided that they want to go back to our hometown and will be leaving in a few weeks to go with their father. So based on 125% of poverty guidelines for two people, I have already exceeded that. I'm hoping for approval any day now and if we receive it and he can get to Juarez quick enough (hopefully we'll only wait a month to receive the packet) then I think we'll be ok. I already have an employment letter and everything (I was being proactive). I'm even being optimistic and hoping we can file AOS before the new fees go into effect. My biggest worry is the AOS interview and the financial proof I will have to show them. That's a few months down the road and I'm worried I won't make enough money. My dad does live with me and I'm sure I could use him as co-sponsor. But he is elderly and I don't know how they would look at an old man using his fixed income to sponsor someone even though he lives with me in my house. There are more job opportunities in my hometown but I have already bought a house and Adolfo's family is just across the border. I think that would make the transition easier on him and his mother is elderly also. I know I will be ok once he can work, but it's just getting to that point that I'm worried about. Thanks all of you for being so understanding. This whole thing is making me crazy. I was doing good until all of the other things in my started going south. When it rains, it pours, huh? You guys are the best!

[kitkat1 5]

Janet, once you get passed the emotional shock of this and are able to think more logically, you'll come to realize there is nothing you can do to change this (as Laurel said). But that doesn't mean that your life is over or that you two shouldn't be together. It means you will have to make some changes in the name of love. I've been doing it for the past year and a half, spending the majority of my time in Mexico. Away from my friends and family, but with the love of my life. And I wouldn't have it any other way. Sure it was a lot of work for me to arrange things so I could be here in Mexico for really extended periods of time, but I did it. And you will too.

[MonicaMexico 0]

As usual, I'm a little late to chime in, but let me just give my two cents here. Janet, I'm truely sorry about your situation. My finacee and I not only lived apart for two years while continuing our relationship, but we spent those two years without any type of in-person visits. Finally, I decided enough was enough and moved to Mexico to be with him for good. In fact, most of the people on this board have gone years living apart from their finacee, waiting for a visa or a waiver. We all know what its like. And it stinks, yes.

But you can make it work. I wholeheartedly agree with Gabacha - moving to Acapulco could be a great idea. You can easily get a job working in the tourism industry - giving guided tours, reception/concierge in a hotel, car rental places, even real estate. You can take massage classes and work in a Hotel Spa or even open your own Spa! You could tutor or teach English classes. The possibilities are endless, but the bottom line is that you will be with Edgar.

I've been living in Playa del Carmen for about 9 months now. I work at a luxury hotel at the Concierge desk. I get paid great money , I've met a handful of celebrities, watched a photo shoot for a European clothing company, you name it. I live 5 blocks from the Caribbean Sea. The weather is beautiful. I've made friends and greatly improved my Spanish. I almost have no accent now.

And the best part is, I live with my Edgar. We've had our difficult times, but every day I wake up next to him, and that is a great feeling. (Except when he snores. )