China's 'unwanted' single women feel the pressure

[Bad_Daddy 2,209]

http://news.yahoo.com/chinas-unwanted-single-women-feel-pressure-061239813.html?_esi=1

By Virginie Mangin | AFP – Thu, Jul 19, 2012

Xu, a pretty woman in her 30s, warily walked into a Beijing singles club in a bid to shed her status as one of China's "Unwanted".

Xu had not been to the "Garden of Joy" for more than a year but, with time and societal judgement weighing heavily on her, she returned with cautious hopes.

"I hope to find a husband," she said, as she sat in front of a Mahjong table and awaited her date for the evening, who had been hand-picked for her by the club based on their profiles.

"I just want someone with whom I share things in common, but who is also in a better financial situation than me."

Xu, who did not want to be identified, is one of China's so-called "Sheng Nu".

The term, which translates to the "Unwanted", is derived from a phenomenon in Chinese society which affects hundreds of thousands of women, particularly the urban, educated and financially independent.

The term, which is unique to China and which only applies to women, appears in China's official dictionary and refers to "all single woman above the age of 27".

Twenty-six-year-old Summer was at the Garden of Joy for the first time, desperate to meet a man before she hit the dreaded cut-off age.

"Nothing in the world will allow me to become a Sheng Nu," she said, lamenting that for many men in China youthful looks count for a lot.

"Men don't want a woman over 30. It's important for them that she's still pretty."

A widely publicised survey in 2010 by the government-backed All China Women's Federation proved the new social phenomenon beyond doubt.

The survey showed that there were 180 million single men and women in China -- out of a population of 1.3 billion people -- and that 92 percent of men questioned believed that a woman should be married before the age of 27.

Since then, books and films on the subject have flourished and women's magazines have sought to decipher why so many are single.

"On one hand young people today work very hard and have few places to meet outside of their work, which wasn't the case earlier," Wu Di, a sociologist who has just published a book on the subject, told AFP.

"On the other hand, traditionally the Chinese say one should 'make do' when marrying. Marriage has never been synonymous with happiness.

"The new generation of women don't want to 'make do'. Many live quite well alone and don't see the point in lowering their standard or life in order to marry."

Still, the pressure on women is huge.

Part of this is due to China's one-child population control policy, which adds to the desperation of parents for their only offspring to marry and produce a grandson or granddaughter.

"The real reason for coming to this club is that I don't want to disappoint my parents. I want to make them happy," admitted Xu.

The Garden of Joy's own slogan plays on this emotion in order to attract members. "Are you single? Think about the feelings of your father/mother. Don't cause them more worry," read a sign on the entrance.

And business is booming.

The club, which opened in 2003, has two premises in Beijing and more than 12,000 members.

But, after using fear to lure the women in, the Garden of Joy offers a friendly atmosphere in the basement of a high-end business centre where women can meet prospective husbands with more than 80 different activities.

These include table tennis, billiards, board games, movies and speed dating, or outdoor ventures such as organised hiking trips.

There are also small booths where couples can sit down in a more private setting to get to know each other.

Shelly, 34, a highly educated public relations consultant who had just returned from living in the United States, was among the new members.

Since her return to China, she had avoided her relatives and even some of her close friends because of their insistence in trying to arrange dates for her.

"I'm under pressure from all sides. I feel my mother is disappointed and sad when she sees the grandchildren of her friends," she said.

But with no potential partner on the horizon, Shelly is preparing to return to the United States to do a second Masters degree -- a decision partly motivated by her desire to escape her colleagues, parents and friends.

"I think I will return to China when I am 40. I want right now to be so old, so broken that they will leave me in peace," she said.

Edited July 20, 2012 by Bad_Daddy

[Joshuaching 11]

That's nothing. In Philippine society, you're an old woman and "half-presentable" past the age of 25. It's slowly changing since there are a lot of career women who marry late, but it is still there!!!..Men on the other hand is considered "undesirable" past the age of 30.

[Bad_Daddy 2,209]

That's nothing. In Philippine society, you're an old woman and "half-presentable" past the age of 25. It's slowly changing since there are a lot of career women who marry late, but it is still there!!!..Men on the other hand is considered "undesirable" past the age of 30.

Don't tell that to the Kanos in the Philippine regional forums.

[X Factor 1,112]

These women should consider marrying a national from another country - where 50 is considered the new 30

[Bad_Daddy 2,209]

These women should consider marrying a national from another country - where 50 is considered the new 30

I thought I read somewhere that there was a shortage of women in China due to the one child policy.

[X Factor 1,112]

Exactly - It was reported that women were in such short supply that they were being brought in from surrounding countries and all but coerced into marriage.

[Calypso 464]

That's nothing. In Philippine society, you're an old woman and "half-presentable" past the age of 25. It's slowly changing since there are a lot of career women who marry late, but it is still there!!!..Men on the other hand is considered "undesirable" past the age of 30.

Another unfounded general statement trying to point out this and that in the Philippines.

I have never dated men my age or younger. I once had an English boyfriend who was 21 years older than me. I was 19 while he was 40 then. His dad's second wife is a Pinay and they live in the Philippines so my ex would occasionally visit the country. The men I dated were 6 to 21 years my senior, Filipino or not. I've always liked a good conversation and I thought that most young men were too shallow to carry on one with me. My husband is actually 15 years my senior.

I also have many 20-something-year-old friends with Filipino boyfriends who were at least 34 when they met. I don't know where you got your numbers.

[X Factor 1,112]

So it seems that a woman can be a cougar at 27 in China

[Calypso 464]

"Nothing in the world will allow me to become a Sheng Nu," she said, lamenting that for many men in China youthful looks count for a lot.

"Men don't want a woman over 30. It's important for them that she's still pretty."

A woman stops being pretty when she's over 30? I've seen a lot of Chinese and Korean women who look like they're only under 30 when they're in fact 40-ish.

"The real reason for coming to this club is that I don't want to disappoint my parents. I want to make them happy," admitted Xu.

The Garden of Joy's own slogan plays on this emotion in order to attract members. "Are you single? Think about the feelings of your father/mother. Don't cause them more worry," read a sign on the entrance.

Well, at least these women can choose their own husband instead of being pushed into an arranged marriage.

And business is booming.

VJ will boom, too, once former Sheng Nus find an American husband or fiancee.

But, after using fear to lure the women in, the Garden of Joy offers a friendly atmosphere in the basement of a high-end business centre where women can meet prospective husbands with more than 80 different activities.

Basement and different activities in the same sentence? It's good that people have many ideas about how to use a basement.

But with no potential partner on the horizon, Shelly is preparing to return to the United States to do a second Masters degree -- a decision partly motivated by her desire to escape her colleagues, parents and friends.

"I think I will return to China when I am 40. I want right now to be so old, so broken that they will leave me in peace," she said.

I don't think a woman with that sense of humor will stay a Sheng Nu for long.

[justashooter 430]

Exactly - It was reported that women were in such short supply that they were being brought in from surrounding countries and all but coerced into marriage.

in the southern provinces ultrasonic gender detection results in a lot of selective abortion. so much so that the current and recent trends indicate 1.36 males per female child average between 2008 and 2010. this trend started 20 years ago, but has accelerated since 2000 or so. a determinative ultrasound can be done in a street corner medical shop for about $40 (USD) before the 12th week, so...the future looks bleak.

the current trend in importation of cambodian and vietnamese women is driven by the migration of young women to urban centers looking for higher paying work, leaving rural shortages that are filled by the PLA (People's Liberation Army), the world's largest trafficker in women. some women volunteer to be taken from impoverished villages in vietnam, but most of the imported women are sold to PLA by kidnapping rings operating in VN and Cambodia. this is well documented since 2000.

as for "sheng nu", many are young women that are better educated and better paid than their potential mates. education/employment trends in china see more than 25% of male college graduates unemployed, so unmarriagable. some sheng nu are prostitutes that are "overtime", or "discount product", and need to go legit. they usually move to a different city and try to hook up to anybody with a pulse. some sheng nu are mistresses that have tired of being "wild rose" and want to "come into the garden". some are "second milk", and even have children in the mistress relationship.

educated chinese women demand a husband that is taller, good looking, better educated, better employed, and better connected. there just aren't enuf employed guys to go around. i heard this complaint from many chinese girls in the 5 years i lived in luoyang, and it ain't getting better.

[justashooter 430]

Basement and different activities in the same sentence? It's good that people have many ideas about how to use a basement.

basements of urban buildings are often improved into shopping centers offering department store or grocery goods, some are art and antique venues, and some are public entertainment places. all well finished and presentable, just underground.

many cities have converted the mass bomb shelters created during the 1960's into public venues of different sorts, including some very chic discos...

[Calypso 464]

basements of urban buildings are often improved into shopping centers offering department store or grocery goods, some are art and antique venues, and some are public entertainment places. all well finished and presentable, just underground.

many cities have converted the mass bomb shelters created during the 1960's into public venues of different sorts, including some very chic discos...

Yes, I got that. My previous post was just a ploy. Some urban buildings in the Philippines also utilize their basements to house massage shops, beauty salons and art exhibits of rising painters and photographers. Other transformed basements actually have an area called "activity center" where schools and various agencies/organizations occasionally hold bigger programs like battle of the bands, pageants, cultural shows, singing contests, interschool competitions and other events.

[Calypso 464]

in the southern provinces ultrasonic gender detection results in a lot of selective abortion... the future looks bleak.

educated chinese women demand a husband that is taller, good looking, better educated, better employed, and better connected. there just aren't enuf employed guys to go around. i heard this complaint from many chinese girls in the 5 years i lived in luoyang, and it ain't getting better.

In short, their future will continue to look bleak as long as very strong cultural indoctrinations prevail.

[X Factor 1,112]

Hey all you single over 30 year old Chinese women, there are millions of overweight lonely computer nerds in America who can't get girls over here, maybe you should target them

[Joshuaching 11]

Another unfounded general statement trying to point out this and that in the Philippines.

I have never dated men my age or younger. I once had an English boyfriend who was 21 years older than me. I was 19 while he was 40 then. His dad's second wife is a Pinay and they live in the Philippines so my ex would occasionally visit the country. The men I dated were 6 to 21 years my senior, Filipino or not. I've always liked a good conversation and I thought that most young men were too shallow to carry on one with me. My husband is actually 15 years my senior.

I also have many 20-something-year-old friends with Filipino boyfriends who were at least 34 when they met. I don't know where you got your numbers.

As you have stated, this is a "general statement" and does not necessarily mean that it applies to the entire population. This is a common belief, and not a law of ages in the Philippines. But like a bell curve, this applies to majority of the population with, of course, some exceptions like you as you say.

Let's look at China as this is what this topic is all about. Does this mean that women beyond 27 can no longer marry or date? Of course not! China and the Philippines are continously modernizing and old beliefs would continue to be replaced with new ones.