International Custody

[HBug 0]

Help.

I moved to the US 6 months ago (California) and my USC husband and I have 3 children together - born abroad. Unfortunately, we have not been able to make our marriage work and I am now considering a divorce. I would like to return to my home country as I have no real desire to stay in the US since I came here for my husband, but I am worried about a possible custody battle. What I would like to know is:

• Am I likely to be allowed to leave with our USC children during divorce and custody proceedings?
  
• As I do not want to do anything illegal, am I eligible for anything like moving into a shelter while we work on the divorce and custody issues? I have been a stay at home mom since the kids were born.
  

I plan to see an attorney as soon as I can find someone who understands international divorce and custody arrangements, but just seek to have my questions answered while I continue to search.

Thank you in advance.

[Anh map 2,098]

It is likely that the children will need authorization from the other parent to leave the US.

As far as a shelter you will have to contact a facility to learn the eligibility.

[Boiler 45,940]

If the Father is OK with the children leaving that should be OK.

[HBug 0]

Thanks for the quick responses and advice.

To answer Boiler - ideally he would like the children to stay, but I don't want to live here without any sort of support structure. He also recognises that they are better off with me as his job involves a lot of travel and he doesn't have a lot of family who would help with the kids while he is away.

Hopefully he will not change his mind.

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

i just want to make sure I get this right before I weigh in.

The Kids are USC, have an opportunity to grow up in US but you would rather see them back in BF?

Do the kids have close family more in US or BF?

You are prepared to remove the kids from the Dad due to issues with you or with them?

[HBug 0]

Correct, the kids are USC's. My husband is not close to his extended family at all. I interact with them more than he does, which is very different to how I was raised - always surrounded by family and I remain close to my family.

Ideally, I would like to raise my kids here just because they'd have access to more (and better) opportunities, but realistically, I have no one here and would just be more comfortable in a place I know well, with help for the kids.

My husband's job involves a lot of international travel so I know it would be easy for him to see the kids often, and at some point, when they're older - we can revisit the decision and they could live here with their Dad. With his current job, he is seeing the kids every 4 - 6 weeks anyway so my going away won't change that. In fact, my going home will move us a little closer to where he works (a 9hr flight versus his current 17hr flight)

I am not in anyway using the kids to fight my battles. I am just looking at this from a practical standpoint. We have only been in the US 5 months so in reality, the kids are more 'African' than they are 'American' and my decision making would be entirely different if I felt like I would be taking the kids away from their Dad.

[rade2rising 205]

well I think you should make some sacrifice and stay here for your children sake. Going back home is not bad idea but i think for children there are endless opportunities available here in USA.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

well I think you should make some sacrifice and stay here for your children sake. Going back home is not bad idea but i think for children there are endless opportunities available here in USA.

Have you been to her home country? Have you seen her personal family situation there? Do you have any idea what the kids life would be like in her home country? Living in the US doesn't mean the kids will necessarily have a better or worse life. She is doing right by her kids by taking them closer to family, and by her own admission, closer to their dad where he wil be only 9 hours away instead of 17 seeing he works overseas.

The US isn't the be all and end all for everything. I think she's making a very brave decision.

What I would like to know is:

• Am I likely to be allowed to leave with our USC children during divorce and custody proceedings?
  
• As I do not want to do anything illegal, am I eligible for anything like moving into a shelter while we work on the divorce and custody issues? I have been a stay at home mom since the kids were born.
  

I plan to see an attorney as soon as I can find someone who understands international divorce and custody arrangements, but just seek to have my questions answered while I continue to search.

1. If the dad agrees then it is unlikely to be an issue.

2. Shelter maybe, but if you and your husband agree on the divorce and custody issues you don't need to remain in the US while it's being processed. An amicable divorce can be quite quick.

Edited July 22, 2012 by Vanessa&Tony

[ceadsearc 516]

Agree 100% with Vanessa. To the posters suggesting she sacrifice and stay: keep in mind her kids have been growing up abroad and have only lived here a few months and are USCs meaning they can return for college or whenever they want. It isn't an issue where they will be losing their green cards or anything.

Though, OP, that is one thing to consider - you will be losing your GC and you may have trouble getting a tourist visa. So if you think you may want to come back, particularly in the future, you may want to go home temporarily and consider your options first and decide if you want to try to stick it out 4.5 more years to become a citizen (the length you'd need to wait if no longer married).

Edited July 23, 2012 by ceadsearc

[Karee 4,191]

well I think you should make some sacrifice and stay here for your children sake. Going back home is not bad idea but i think for children there are endless opportunities available here in USA.

More BS advice from you.

[BethandBilly 86]

Hi,

I'm really sorry about your situation, divorce is never easy, with children involved its hard, but harder still with international custody agreements.

Unless your husband agrees with you about taking the children then you may face an uphill custody battle. Most Judges in the US are reluctant to allow US Citizen children to go overseas to live unless it is 100% agreed upon by both parents and a decent visitation schedule is set up. Be aware although you husband may be closer at times to the children, you may be liable to help with the cost of travel for visitations etc, I'm not saying you definately will, but there is that possibility.

Is it your husband you are having a problem with or the whole integration in to America society, if it is the latter then may be you could give it a little longer here in the US. Does your husband feel the same way as you about the marriage or does he want to try to make it work? Is your marriage even salvageable? Could you marriage survive if you and your husband returned to your home country?

Ok, enough of my questions, sorry. I hope it all works out for you and the kids Daddy, divorce and child custody is never easy, but through a new country in to the mix and it can be a real headache, good luck and I wish you the best

Help.

I moved to the US 6 months ago (California) and my USC husband and I have 3 children together - born abroad. Unfortunately, we have not been able to make our marriage work and I am now considering a divorce. I would like to return to my home country as I have no real desire to stay in the US since I came here for my husband, but I am worried about a possible custody battle. What I would like to know is:

• Am I likely to be allowed to leave with our USC children during divorce and custody proceedings?
• As I do not want to do anything illegal, am I eligible for anything like moving into a shelter while we work on the divorce and custody issues? I have been a stay at home mom since the kids were born.

I plan to see an attorney as soon as I can find someone who understands international divorce and custody arrangements, but just seek to have my questions answered while I continue to search.

Thank you in advance.

[HBug 0]

Thank you all for your input, especially Vanessa & Tony, and for your concern.

Beth & Billy - we have had problems for a while, mostly because he is gone so much, and in retrospect - we probably should have held back on the decision to relocate when we did. I think I have settled well, under the circumstances and am only struggling with the long distance marriage. He works in a war zone which makes it hard to move over there, and this isn't really the economy in which you can just quit your job.

Since our divorce is not acrimonious, the divorce mediator (I didn't even know that title existed!!!!) I met with this morning has suggested that we give therapy a shot before we completely give up. So we're going to try that. I also didn't know that you can have a therapy session via Skype (duh) so I have committed to that and am going to try. I owe it to my kids. If this doesn't work, then back to the drawing board.....

[BethandBilly 86]

HBug, I totally understand your situation, been there done that with husband working away in a war zone, its tough.

Do you have any family to support you, are his family around and being of support? Are you getting any kind of support with regards the kids? You must be finding it hard, a new country, husband away and three children on your own all the time, its not easy.

I am guessing you still love your husband and he loves you? If so try to make it work, for your sake and the kids.

I send you big hugs and a whole bunch of understanding, take care

Thank you all for your input, especially Vanessa & Tony, and for your concern.

Beth & Billy - we have had problems for a while, mostly because he is gone so much, and in retrospect - we probably should have held back on the decision to relocate when we did. I think I have settled well, under the circumstances and am only struggling with the long distance marriage. He works in a war zone which makes it hard to move over there, and this isn't really the economy in which you can just quit your job.

Since our divorce is not acrimonious, the divorce mediator (I didn't even know that title existed!!!!) I met with this morning has suggested that we give therapy a shot before we completely give up. So we're going to try that. I also didn't know that you can have a therapy session via Skype (duh) so I have committed to that and am going to try. I owe it to my kids. If this doesn't work, then back to the drawing board.....

[HBug 0]

His closest family member lives a 9hr drive away (his mom) and she still works so it's hard to ask too much help from her. All other family members are much further away and caught up in their own lives to really be able to drop everything and just come here and help me. They call and check in on me and the kids often which is nice, but obviously not enough. But I am tough and always focus on the positive so that I don't spiral into depression nor allow my kids to think something is wrong.

I generally like being here, aside from the loneliness and feeling so far away from my own family, and yes - I made the move because I still love my husband. We don't have a terrible marriage - it's just really hard to function as a family when he's only home every few weeks and busy even when he is home. It's hard not feel resentful because I feel like I have given up so much to make our situation work and when we first moved here, I felt like he'd literally 'dumped' me here and left so I had to figure out most stuff on my own which was very hard.

Our kids are in school and the youngest starts daycare this fall so that will give me a bit more freedom in the mornings.

Hopefully the counselling will work for us. I had temporarily put plans to study on hold since I wasn't sure I'd be here long enough to see it through, but I went ahead and finalised all that yesterday, including making payments so hopefully that will keep me busy and lead to new friendships. Sitting alone at home with the kids just made me dwell on stuff too much and made it too easy to feel sorry for myself.

So for now, I am holding on and hoping for the best.