Question for those who were scammed...

[Karee 4,190]

When i moved to Bangkok I met this 19 year old girl in the bar. I thought I could change her. I had no idea what I was up against. 10,000s of $ and a trip to the Thai police station with a knife wound finally changed my mind. All the foreigners there told me to drop her. I didn't listen. I guess I had to learn that lesson on my own. I think most people know when they are being scammed, but refuse to admit it to themselves. Of course I'm not judging because I've been there.

After that mess I met a nice girl there. We've been married for almost 6 years now and I just filed for her citizenship.

[Karee 4,190]

I think I fall into all the disorders Okay that was a joke

IMO it is more of a learned behavior. For example (as I have lived in the RP and visited 14 others countries) people learn these scamming behaviors due to their own circumstances. If someone met their fiancee or wife via internet then I am sure many of their conversations started with "are you real or just playing me" Reason for this is and sorry men but I am picking on us, we as men tend to get the woman's hopes up and make promises. Then kick them to the curb for the next best internet woman. Cyber love is more popular then in meeting person love nowadays. We tend to be cowards and hide behind this idiot box we call a computer.

I believe if a woman has been lied to many times and promised a visit from a man from the internet, to all of a sudden poof the man disapearing then what is she to do?? She then learns the behavior to ask for money for internet, then food, then medical etc etc until she "learns" hey this is not a bad gig so she then continues on without getting emotionally attached. I saw this first hand while living in the Phils. Quite the little money makers for some that venture this way. Then they finally get a visit from a genuine man that is falling in love with them only to find they are confused as to the pay cut they will receive being with just one man in person and not many via the web. If they take this chance and go with him they still have all the past waiting for them in hiding on their internet. As to this I am replying to it can be then physiological. Yes I have been scammed even living in the same city as my ex. Lot's of unfortunate games out there. BUT there are games and baggage dating here in the USA. I always joke that if it were not for the cuddling, kissing and intimacy that I would marry my best friend.... He watches sports with me, let's me drink beer and never asks me how my feelings are

although after 18 months of dating, my fiancee is quickly becoming my best friend. Shhh I actually leave my local sports bar to make it home for our chats on-time.. Okay sometimes I am late

Between my first girlfriend and my wife I would help girls send emails in English to guys all over the world from Bangkok. Finland, England, Australia etc. My dad is in the hospital, my motorbike is broke, my brother broke his leg, my buffalo is sick etc. etc. Once I got hip to the scam, I just went with it. Send money!!

An hour at the internet shop, and a free hour for me at the short time hotel.

Edited July 21, 2012 by Karee

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

"what would I do to get out of here if I lived here "

They don't want to take you around the home town. They want to meet in a different city and put you up in a hotel.

They require a lot of cash outlay ( they were living just fine before you met, why are they so needy now )

An opposite sex not immediate relative living with the family that seems to eye you too much ( possibly the original wife/hubby)

All their documents are new ( and maybe their identity )

A relationship that is too different ( cougar is one thing, marrying your grandchild is another )

A relationship where to person is either way too touchy for the culture or not touchy at all.

Someone who is overly interested in identifying your assets.

Someone that won't talk about a pre nup.

Well said. I read folks saying stuff like he's from Enugu but staying in Lagos temporarily with his friend. YEs that's because his Wife and kids are in Enugu and he is in Lagos on the scam.

Thanks for reading and once again sorry it is so long...

Thanks for sharing. We need to hear these stories.

Well I felt bad you know. He seemed like a decent guy, and I didn't want him to get scammed and to get played by a bad woman. Hell he was just a simple soybean farmer from Nebraska.

That's what is alarming with this process. Unprepared USC thrown into international dating/culture.

If someone met their fiancee or wife via internet then I am sure many of their conversations started with "are you real or just playing me"

I think internet dating internationally and K1 is a bad mix.

When i moved to Bangkok I met this 19 year old girl in the bar. I thought I could change her. I had no idea what I was up against. 10,000s of $ and a trip to the Thai police station with a knife wound finally changed my mind. All the foreigners there told me to drop her. I didn't listen. I guess I had to learn that lesson on my own. I think most people know when they are being scammed, but refuse to admit it to themselves. Of course I'm not judging because I've been there.

After that mess I met a nice girl there. We've been married for almost 6 years now and I just filed for her citizenship.

Sometimes those are the best lessons.

Between my first girlfriend and my wife I would help girls send emails in English to guys all over the world from Bangkok. Finland, England, Australia etc. My dad is in the hospital, my motorbike is broke, my brother broke his leg, my buffalo is sick etc. etc. Once I got hip to the scam, I just went with it. Send money!!

An hour at the internet shop, and a free hour for me at the short time hotel.

Of course that time was spent discussing global peace and planning an end to hunger - wink

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

There have been the ones that have claimed travel is too unsafe to avoid meeting the parents ( and wife and kids) I also know of one case that passed through here where the "cousin" was actually the wife. She would just sit about and watch hubby get all huggy kissy on the USC because she had been promised that she would soon be in the US. She even fed hubby and the USC on a little tray.

[rlogan 2,036]

Between my first girlfriend and my wife I would help girls send emails in English to guys all over the world from Bangkok. Finland, England, Australia etc. My dad is in the hospital, my motorbike is broke, my brother broke his leg, my buffalo is sick etc. etc. Once I got hip to the scam, I just went with it. Send money!!

An hour at the internet shop, and a free hour for me at the short time hotel.

I understand the temptation, but I couldn't do it. I knew a guy that did, though - and he was a major malicious #######. He thought it was funny to both defraud guys out of their money and to be there in the bed with the girl while she was talking on the cell phone to their "fiance" back in the states. He seemed to think I would laugh about it too, this big victory over the stupid dupe, boffing his fiance, hahahah what a moron. But I didn't. I was appalled. I have avoided him ever since because a guy that can do that to someone else is more than happy to do horrible things to me. I did things I regret in life, and maybe you will come to see it that way too.

There are girls in our Barangay doing scams but you are starting a war if you go out of your way to intercede. If only the guy would come to their HOME instead of meeting them in Cebu they'd see what was going on. One of them got a sari-sari store, motorbike, computer, a house full of nice furniture, etc. - and she was married the whole time with children. The weird thing is that the whole city is filled with beautiful girls who would die to have a decent husband - beautiful young mothers-to-be. But the scammers in the Barangay are one step above pigs in terms of looks by comparison to the decent girls.

[Rich and Bey 1]

I want to share my story with everyone. I met my wife in Brazil five years ago. We do not have any kids together. I gave her everything she ever wanted. I loved her so much. I always suspected her of cheating but could never get anybody on her side to help me. It was like everything would always go her way. We were married two and a half years ago in the United States after she came here on the fiance visa. She was angry all the time and I couldn't understand why because she was given more than anyone was ever given in her life. i took her places and bought her everything. Showed her love and just adored her. She was staying on the computer to all hours of the night and i didn't want to be a jealous husband or one of those husbands that told her what to do but I would question it and she would say she just didn't wnat to go to sleep. THat she was just listening to music or lookiing at things on the internet. There is a twenty year age difference between us and she was 28 and I am obviously 48. I loved her more than life itself. I would have done anything for her. So I am an acocuntant and one day in January of 2012 she comes to me and tells me she wants to go back to Brazil and I ask why and she just says she isn't in love with me that she loves me but not in love with me. I was devastated. I didn't understand why she was saying this. So i was so upset and got mad like a normal reaction and just kept saying I knew you would do this to me because in our relationship when we were dating she did it to me 4 years earlier and broke it off with me. then when she had the fiance visa we were married and she wanted to go back then to Brazil. So i sent her back and we waited for the marriage visa for another year because she wanted to come back again. So she was here a year and did it to me again. all this time was on computer to late. when she first came she was very good in January of 2011 the second time. then started all of this in december of 2011 again to me. SO we stayed together for a month and everything was great it is now february of 2012. all of this time she was going to school she was graduating in July 2012 (this month). Well February comes and we go places but I was so busy with tax season that we can only go out a few times a month but i took her out every saturday night. I would work late and be very tired and promise her to take her to mall and things but just couldn't do it so she was mad. February 28th 2012 she lies with e in bed and tells me she loves me so much. I didn't understand why she was saying this to me. Asking me what we will do for St. Patrick's Day and thing slike that. I didn't think anything about it. the next day February 29th I take her to school and drop her off and I drop my son off to school. he is 19. I went to work and the funniest thing is it was a little slow at work that day so I decided to go to my daughters basketball game and go home and take my wife to the mall. I had been promising her so I went to the game and bought a pizza and went home. I went into my bedroom to tell her I was home and we will go to the mall and I couldn't find her. She was gone. All of her things and everything was gone. I fell to my knees. She didn't leave me a note or a text or call me. she went to airport because she took a shuttle and I saw the number on her phone. I called them and they told me. She never graduated school and never was able to get the two year visa either. She is gone. To this day she will not talk to me. I have not heard from her since february. In march I went to brazil and stayed with her mother and her mother couldn't find her either. Her mother tells me she hasn't heard from her either until this day which I do not believe. last I heard she was staying with her mother now but I do not know for sure. She has spoken to my daughter a little but wont say anything on where she is and who she is with. I talked to her friends after she left and found out she was cheating on me before she came here in January 2011 while we were aiting on visa. What made her come here while she was seeing this guy and I heard she went down to be with him in February but I heard she was being smothered by him and left him. She would always talk to me and now will not even talk to me. i ask myself all the time how can a woman that is married not even talk to her husband. Hasn't mentioned a divorce or anything. I am just assuming she just thinks I will get a divorce. i do not know. I hope I made this clear. There is a lot more things that happened also to this story but this is the jist of the story. If anyone wants to know anything else. I will explain more. I was devastated and once again when I tried to find anything out from family and friends they all protected her and once again everything goes her way. she said all these bad things about me and said she was a prisoner here and couldn't do anything. ALso I left one thing out that she drinks beer all the time. She is an alcoholic. I think she just wanted the party life of brazil.

[indiana_sweetie 120]

i ask myself all the time how can a woman that is married not even talk to her husband. Hasn't mentioned a divorce or anything. I am just assuming she just thinks I will get a divorce. i do not know. I hope I made this clear. There is a lot more things that happened also to this story but this is the jist of the story. If anyone wants to know anything else. I will explain more. I was devastated and once again when I tried to find anything out from family and friends they all protected her and once again everything goes her way. she said all these bad things about me and said she was a prisoner here and couldn't do anything. ALso I left one thing out that she drinks beer all the time. She is an alcoholic. I think she just wanted the party life of brazil.

ummm...wow...bummer story the whole way through.... I'm sorry but this is a sad story, not to tread on your feelings, but didn't you sort of have a feeling of what you were getting into? I mean with suspecting the cheating and her being mad, and all the other stuff?

[Rich and Bey 1]

ummm...wow...bummer story the whole way through.... I'm sorry but this is a sad story, not to tread on your feelings, but didn't you sort of have a feeling of what you were getting into? I mean with suspecting the cheating and her being mad, and all the other stuff?

I was blinded by love. I know that is a stupid statement and now I look back and I say why did I put up with everything but I thought she would change. I thought she loved me. I wanted to believe it so bad that I never focused on the bad stuff. I always thoguht that we would be together. We were for five years and remember I could never prove the cheating. So I had nothing but what she said and I wanted to believe her so badly.

[Rich and Bey 1]

I was blinded by love. I know that is a stupid statement and now I look back and I say why did I put up with everything but I thought she would change. I thought she loved me. I wanted to believe it so bad that I never focused on the bad stuff. I always thoguht that we would be together. We were for five years and remember I could never prove the cheating. So I had nothing but what she said and I wanted to believe her so badly.

Remember one more thing she came back a second time after she left and I chalked it up to just missing her country so I truly believed she loved me. She was with me all the time. We talked on phone all the time when she was in Brazil. She called me and she would write me and everything. Now she wont contact me at all. She knows I love her still.

[indiana_sweetie 120]

She knows I love her still.

I'm really sorry.

[Cyberfx1024 7,980]

I understand the temptation, but I couldn't do it. I knew a guy that did, though - and he was a major malicious #######. He thought it was funny to both defraud guys out of their money and to be there in the bed with the girl while she was talking on the cell phone to their "fiance" back in the states. He seemed to think I would laugh about it too, this big victory over the stupid dupe, boffing his fiance, hahahah what a moron. But I didn't. I was appalled. I have avoided him ever since because a guy that can do that to someone else is more than happy to do horrible things to me. I did things I regret in life, and maybe you will come to see it that way too.

There are girls in our Barangay doing scams but you are starting a war if you go out of your way to intercede. If only the guy would come to their HOME instead of meeting them in Cebu they'd see what was going on. One of them got a sari-sari store, motorbike, computer, a house full of nice furniture, etc. - and she was married the whole time with children. The weird thing is that the whole city is filled with beautiful girls who would die to have a decent husband - beautiful young mothers-to-be. But the scammers in the Barangay are one step above pigs in terms of looks by comparison to the decent girls.

That's what I don't get either. There are some VERY BEAUTIFUL good women in the Philippines. You just have to go and look for them and get out out MM or Cebu City. Espeically not saying anything bad but the majority of Pinoy men are not good to the women at all. The only thing me and my fiance hate is that people she knows and some family members will ask to borrow some money because they think she is rich. She cannot stand that.

[TBoneTX 45,284]

I put up with everything but I thought she would change.

This is a painful yet excellent learning experience IF we never repeat it. It often takes conscious effort and a steel will.

[Karee 4,190]

I understand the temptation, but I couldn't do it. I knew a guy that did, though - and he was a major malicious #######. He thought it was funny to both defraud guys out of their money and to be there in the bed with the girl while she was talking on the cell phone to their "fiance" back in the states. He seemed to think I would laugh about it too, this big victory over the stupid dupe, boffing his fiance, hahahah what a moron. But I didn't. I was appalled. I have avoided him ever since because a guy that can do that to someone else is more than happy to do horrible things to me. I did things I regret in life, and maybe you will come to see it that way too.

There are girls in our Barangay doing scams but you are starting a war if you go out of your way to intercede. If only the guy would come to their HOME instead of meeting them in Cebu they'd see what was going on. One of them got a sari-sari store, motorbike, computer, a house full of nice furniture, etc. - and she was married the whole time with children. The weird thing is that the whole city is filled with beautiful girls who would die to have a decent husband - beautiful young mothers-to-be. But the scammers in the Barangay are one step above pigs in terms of looks by comparison to the decent girls.

I

Edited July 22, 2012 by Karee

[LSnBigBear 61]

When i moved to Bangkok I met this 19 year old girl in the bar. I thought I could change her. I had no idea what I was up against. 10,000s of $ and a trip to the Thai police station with a knife wound finally changed my mind. All the foreigners there told me to drop her. I didn't listen. I guess I had to learn that lesson on my own. I think most people know when they are being scammed, but refuse to admit it to themselves. Of course I'm not judging because I've been there.

After that mess I met a nice girl there. We've been married for almost 6 years now and I just filed for her citizenship.

Karee: Congratulations on your 6 years

I will say that for every bad sammer there are still 10 good both male and females. Some still have their morals.

[Linguere 0]

I am not entirely sure that I was used for a green card, but I am sure that I was used for a free/easy ride. I think the immigration process just doesn't allow us enough time to really know a person. I spent time with my ex-husband's family, friends....but without living together, I think you really can't know (unless there is a big age difference or you have children from a previous relationship in the case that it is not normal in the SO's culture) for certain. My ex-husband has now been with his girlfriend (and they were together before me) for a few years this time around. Now she is the one being used. Unfortunately, a child is caught in the middle of it all. I know now that my ex-husband never loved me. He would have stayed forever if he would have been afforded enough clothes and electronics and never had to work. That's all he was ever really interested in. I think he would go to any country that benefitted him. And I thought I was immune because I spoke his language and met him in the country. And I had spent a lot of time there prior to knowing him. He had travelled more than I. He wasn't some poor guy without education. And there will be more victims laying in the road behind him. That's for sure. The signs that I wish I would have noticed was his excessive use of the internet. I am very secure, so I had no reason to look to see what he was doing. He has his own website, so I didn't think about it. But he was emailing women constantly and having conversations with many women. He preferred his phone and the computer to every thing else. These addictions are a sign no matter where we are in the world.

I'm very much curious about knowing something. For those of you who have been in the very sad situation of being scammed by your foreign spouses, did you feel like the relationship was totally genuine (until your spouse made it clear that he/she wanted nothing more to do with you after arriving here)? Looking back, were there signs that you picked up on, that ever made you doubt your partner's intentions? Did your spouses ever say or do anything to make you question him/her (i.e. were there red flags)? I'm not talking about spouses who genuinely came here out of love and things didn't work out. Many times people truly do care for one another, but the cultural divide ends up being too much, and I can understand that they feel they need out of the relationship as they weren't prepared for the realities of life here. That's not the type of relationship I am asking about. I'm talking about the kind of scams where the foreign spouses leaves after a few weeks of arriving here, or who secretly has a spouses/girlfriend/boyfriend back home that they plan on getting here to the US after ending the sham marriage with you (for example). I'm talking about the kinds of foreign spouses whose intention it was from the beginning to take advantage of the USC. I'm just wondering if those relationships developed slowly like normal relationships and felt totally real, or if they were whirlwind romances where the foreign spouses might have said or did something to hint at their true intent to scam.

I know I'm asking people to share some very personal and hurtful experiences, but I just wonder if people have any thoughts looking back on their experiences. I wonder what aspects of the interaction with their spouse they'd pay more attention to, if they were ever (theoretically) in the same situation once again that they didn't focus on before.