VAWA - and I am even scared to send the form

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

As to clarify the situation a little:

I have been divorced 6 years ago, (1) I have sole custody and their biodad does not have any interest nor gives me any financial support. So it is not a problem for me to travel or move abroad legally.

Switzerland is a nice country and my idea to travel was to show the US, as to see if they would like to transfer over here in a few years. It has better opportunities for my children educationwise for certain reasons and I have far better career opportunities.

I came here on a tourist visa and went back for several days which renews it, as I had to finish some exams. Then we went to Canada. Then I was supposed to go out to Mexico, but that was not necessary, since we then wanted to get married.

I had met him while hiking and we stayed together 24/7 over 7 months and then got married. It was supposed to be a fast marriage, so we can do the big party in November, so my family can come.

Currently I am living of the money of my family, as well as depend on them to pay for the filing fees. This is how I pay for it at the moment, until I can work.

Yes, I could go back, but my children have learned the language within these months, we have integrated into the community. This is home now. I would have wanted to stay with him, but it is crazy. I cannot go away from this place as I cannot drive. Some people from the church help me though. And I do think he will stay away, because of the protective order. I don't think the shelter will help me.

People will think the same as you here. That, because I am from Switzerland, I can just go back and start my life over there again. For some reason (2) we are all millionaires over there and have houses and everything for free. Well, I can tell you one thing: We have to work too. And as a woman with three kids and no support from the father you work your butt off, because it is so expensive. And people will still not even give you a chance, nor the kids, because you are the stupid woman who has no father to the children. Yes, I thought it would be better here. I thought people would give us a chance. Maybe not. Thats okay.

And btw, if you want to go to Switzerland, then go, please do so. I will happily give you my passport.

I don't understand why, coming from this country makes me into a more privileged person. I am a woman with three kids who thought I finally get a chance. We get to go to the United States even before my studies are entirely finished and I live with the man I love and my kids. This doesn't feel any better for me or any person with any other homecountry. I risked and I lost. And I am sure now I should not send any papers. Not really worth the money.

I do not hate my husband and I do not want to hate him. I want to divorce him and get on with my life and have only small scares instead of a lot of hate in my heart. This is what I believe in, but that probably is not good enough. It is not dramatic, it is just sad and that is all I can offer as a VAWA story. So I guess thats it.

Thank you for your replies.

1) That does not give you free reins to make unsound decisions, if you made any, I don't know. The fact that the other parent is not there to give a balanced opinion means that you need to ensure that your actions that involve/impact the children are sound. What is in the best interest of the kids?

2) Yes but relatively speaking it's easier to return to Switzerland than to say Rwanda or South Sudan. The children have the language, education and family support.

If I may add one more thing. You may not realize it but you are in a crisis. The bioDad may not be bothered for a myriad of reasons before and may even be of the opinion that you are handling it. I am not a betting Man but I will still wager that if you called him today and explained the circumstances, in full detail, that the children are in that he will respond positively.

I continue to wish you the best.

[BethandBilly 86]

I'm not saying you aren't in a rough situation, because it really sounds like you are, but still you puzzle me, I'm sorry.

You have children that need to be educated yet you took them out of school and travelled with them for long periods of time, when did they have time to have a proper education? Honestly I think your children are in need of protection at this time, it seems they are being pushed from post to pillar. I understand your family is helping you financially, but you still never said if you have filed for your AOS yet, have you? If you haven't filed AOS yet, how do you plan on getting the financial support (I-864) needed to file AOS? Have you asked your children if they are happy to stay in the US without family, surely it would be better to return to Switzerland where they will have support. If your children have seen violence you may need to get them counselling and as the man you married is not their biodad you should have no problems from him.

You stated that things cost money in Switzerland, well guess what, they cost money in the US too, like everywhere else there is a recession going on, why do you honestly think it will be better in the US than Switzerland?

Ok so in Switzerland a mother automatically gets sole custody of the children, at least it's that way for now, is that why your husband has no interest? Did your ex husband have to give you permission to travel with the kids, did he know you were planning on taking them away for good? I am asking these questions as I honestly don't know the rules on Child Custody in Switzerland.

Please don't think I am trying to be mean and I certainly don't know your full situation, I'm really just trying to understand it all, as a Immigration Officer will.

Edited July 19, 2012 by BethandBilly

[outofhere 1]

I will explain to the ones interested. No, Biodad has lost interest when he started living under a bridge with a bottle of rum. And full custody might be a good thing if biodad explains that he wants to jump from the same bridge once he gets hold of the kids.

And who thinks I am just running around with these kids? What is wrong with first travelling for a few months to show them a country and let them decide if they want to move over here? Just for the record: They are going to school here, they are straight A students after having learned english in this short time. They are not being shuffled around.

We have lived in Switzerland and then moved over here.

I can pay over my parents for the forms and file everything at once. And I do not have to have I864.

Kids want to stay here, dont want the husband to be here after he tried to kill me with the truck, and I take decisions based on their interest and on what is the best in that situation. I do not just hop around and I am not some irresponsible person.

I thought in a forum like this people might understand what I am going through. And @Bethandbilly I have already written what were the original reasons for me to see if my children might like it here. Is there anything wrong with moving from a good country to a country that we think is better and build up here? Then maybe it is wrong for any Westerneuropean people to be here, it seems.

And btw, yes things cost money here too. Well, can I find a job in my field here? Yes, very easily. Can I find the same in Switzerland? No.

Contrary to obviously other people, I do not have family in my homecountry. Why do I justify myself for coming here? Did anyone of you have to justify and feel bad for it? Did anyone have to justify wanting to leave an abuser? Did anyone have to justify wanting to stay here?

Just wondering....

Edited July 19, 2012 by realswissmiss

[SingleDad2usc 71]

if u truly think nothing needs justification and can be done at whim, then go for it. Go for changes at every life's turn, if u think your children are philosophical enough to follow and rejoice. We already heard of 12y.o. writing Affidavits; how old are the others?

[outofhere 1]

...

[BethandBilly 86]

You didn't just come to the States, you went to Canada and were planning on Mexico too, you wrote it yourself, so its not just one country. While you were hiking in Canada they were not in school, unless of course you were home schooling them. There is absolutely nothing wrong with moving from one good country to the other, I did the same thing, as did others on here, just the way you did it might be deemed at wrong, you did it under the VWP.

I understand your husband is abusive and my goodness you are doing the right thing getting out, but was your ex husband abusive too? I realize you said he went to live under a bridge and be a drunk, was this due to the break up? When men lose their children it is just as tragic for them as it is if a mother loses her children and it can make a person do funny things.

Yes people usually have to justify their coming to the US at least to USCIS, you may have to talk about bringing 3 children to the US on the VWP and then getting married, some may see it as a set up, may be you should start thinking about that.

Where are your family, are they in the US also, can you go to them and get help?

I know it's a lot of questions, but no more than will go through an IO's head when they look over your VAWA application, I guess in my own way I am trying to prepare you for the millions of things they may ask and consider when looking at your VAWA.

I do not intend any offense when I write here and I am sorry if any is taken.

Edited July 19, 2012 by BethandBilly

[newlyweds2010 208]

What exactly are you looking for on VJ? You obviously know your personal situation better than anyone else, and it seems that you have all your answers already and you know what to do. File under VAWA. Good luck.

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

if u truly think nothing needs justification and can be done at whim, then go for it. Go for changes at every life's turn, if u think your children are philosophical enough to follow and rejoice. We already heard of 12y.o. writing Affidavits; how old are the others?

That saddended me deeply when I read it.

You didn't just come to the States, you went to Canada and were planning on Mexico too, you wrote it yourself, so its not just one country. While you were hiking in Canada they were not in school, unless of course you were home schooling them. There is absolutely nothing wrong with moving from one good country to the other, I did the same thing, as did others on here, just the way you did it might be deemed at wrong, you did it under the VWP.

I understand your husband is abusive and my goodness you are doing the right thing getting out, but was your ex husband abusive too? I realize you said he went to live under a bridge and be a drunk, was this due to the break up? When men lose their children it is just as tragic for them as it is if a mother loses her children and it can make a person do funny things.

Yes people usually have to justify their coming to the US at least to USCIS, you may have to talk about bringing 3 children to the US on the VWP and then getting married, some may see it as a set up, may be you should start thinking about that.

Where are your family, are they in the US also, can you go to them and get help?

I know it's a lot of questions, but no more than will go through an IO's head when they look over your VAWA application, I guess in my own way I am trying to prepare you for the millions of things they may ask and consider when looking at your VAWA.

I do not intend any offense when I write here and I am sorry if any is taken.

Thank you a thousand times, may you be blessed infinitely.

[villaspurs 65]

OP, there is never any reason to stay in a home where you are being abused. VAWA is there to protect people like you. I'm sorry other posters are trying to make you feel guilty for not wanting to stay with someone who created an environment of fear and terror in your home, but leaving is an excellent option. File for VAWA, and take care of your family and yourself. Good luck.

[BethandBilly 86]

No one is saying she should stay in the violent home, she should definately move out, violence is never the answer no matter what the situation.

OP, there is never any reason to stay in a home where you are being abused. VAWA is there to protect people like you. I'm sorry other posters are trying to make you feel guilty for not wanting to stay with someone who created an environment of fear and terror in your home, but leaving is an excellent option. File for VAWA, and take care of your family and yourself. Good luck.

[Tanya and Barry 59]

You can file a VAWA claim based on marriage from a tourist visa? Man is our country screwed up. OP, are you from Switzerland originally?

Good luck to the kids...

[Sandra G. 5,064]

Tania and Barry even those who entered the Country without inspection can file Vawa if they were battered.