Does not look good

[lak&ajm 0]

I just have one question here. Why do people (and it seem to be more men than women) put this stipulation about their house? If something happens to you, do you not want your spouse to move on with their life? She has made this house her HOME. Why should she have to move because she has found a new love?

I agree.

Except for the part where you say it's just men that often put in this provision. I've seen women do the same. I think it goes to mindset more than gender.

I have to admit, I did not like adding that part - probably should have left it out. Yes I have seen both men AND women do it and it makes no sense to me either way. I have just heard of and seen more men do it than women. That is all I meant by that line. I didn't mean it to come off as any kind of sexist remark. If anyone took it in that manner I do apologize.

Lori

[rebeccajo 14]

Actually, it's my opinion that there are times it's better to bequeath to your children before you die. In the case of second marriages amongst well-off individuals I especially think this is wise. If one is all that concerned about providing for children and one can afford to do it before death, why not go ahead and do so?

Yes, I believe they are called Living Trusts. http://www.oag.state.ny.us/seniors/living_trust.html

It's not a bad idea to have a living trust if one has significant assets and can trust the trustee. It'll save on probate!

I wasn't being all that fancy about it.

Just give them the damn money now......lol

I didn't mean it to come off as any kind of sexist remark. If anyone took it in that manner I do apologize.

Lori

LOL...you didn't offend me. I'm fairly bulletproof.

Unless you tell me to kiss your bumper.....

[diadromous mermaid 36]

Actually, it's my opinion that there are times it's better to bequeath to your children before you die. In the case of second marriages amongst well-off individuals I especially think this is wise. If one is all that concerned about providing for children and one can afford to do it before death, why not go ahead and do so?

Yes, I believe they are called Living Trusts. http://www.oag.state.ny.us/seniors/living_trust.html

It's not a bad idea to have a living trust if one has significant assets and can trust the trustee. It'll save on probate!

I think these are a good idea, if the parties can get over the initial stigma that goes along with dealing with something like this. Besides, it gives the benefactor a great deal of satisfaction, seeing and knowing that loved ones are taken care of and that nothing will go awry. After all, at that stage in life, when such matters are usually contemplated, it's my experience that this is really the principle focus that the aged are looking to do ~ make sure they children and grand children will be OK. And it's nice to be able to demonstrate ones appreciation to the person that has thought of you, in person!

[dxt7339 1]

I have just been through the Pre-nup thing.......

I had the Pre-nup translated into her native Russian language byt a Professional firm. My TRUST has provisions in it on how my assets are to be divided in the event of my death. SHE will get lifetime use of my house as long as she does not get married or co-habitate. If the marriage lasted 10 years or more, she will own 1/3 with my two children owning the rest. She also may buy out my children.

Devereux

I just have one question here. Why do people (and it seem to be more men than women) put this stipulation about their house? If something happens to you, do you not want your spouse to move on with their life? She has made this house her HOME. Why should she have to move because she has found a new love?

For example, my step-father died two years ago and he and my mom were married 14 days shy of 25 years. His will stated his daughter will take over ownership, but my mother retains physical possesion of his house as long as she lives or as long as she wants to continue living there regardless if she remarries, or co-habitates.

That is exactly the same thing I am going to do with my fiance. Yes, he may want to move to a different house if he finds love with another, but I am not going to MAKE him.

Sorry if this has been discussed before and I really do not want to cause any heated arguments, but it just does not make sense to me.

Lori

Here is my reasoning for this stipulation concerning the house. I have two children from my first marriage. I built this house myself and my children grew up in this house, so there is a strong emtional tie for them to this house, more my daughter than my son. One of the first things out of my daughter's mouth when I told her I was getting married, was are you giving the house to "her" if I were to die. The house is an asset, just like my retirement, and cash. It has value. And just like all other assets, it would not be fair to my children to give all to my 2nd wife. I have already given half of everything, including my house to my ex- wife, so in theory, my children will receive half of the house through their mother's assets. I have set up so that my current wife will receive about 40% of all other assets and my children will 30% each, in the event I die. My current wife would receive this even if I die the day after we marry. The house is, in my estimation a special asset that my children have emotional ties to. I am also not interested it providing for a new boyfriend or spouse with this special asset. She does have lifetime use otherwise and if our marriage lasted 10 years, she will receive 1/3 of the house with right to buy out my children. My house was paid for at the time of my divorce and I had to mortage it again to pay my ex 50%. It is a thirty year mortage, so if the new marriage lasts 10 years, I figure that my new wife will have "earned" 1/3 of the house.

Of course, if I were to die, I would want my wife to move on with her life and have a new love, but not at the complete expense (emotional and financial) of my children. Think about how my children would feel if I passed everything along to my new wife. That would not be fair.

Devereux

[SirLancelot 1]

It would probably be useful to at least discuss the pre-nup and how it may or may not relate to the Aff of Support? Because this is an immigration forum and both documents could potentially "run into" each other.

--Z

The Affidavit of Support is a contract between the sponsor and the government, not between the sponsor and his/her spouse. How would a prenup "run into" it?

Start with these links:

http://www.povertylaw.org/poverty-law-libr...ase/54000/54046

http://www.ilw.com/articles/2006,0110-wheeler.shtm

http://www.ilw.com/articles/2006,0608-mehta.shtm

Z, a little help please. The first URL doesn't work. Can you post it again?

Thanks!

[PurrSuede 0]

Start with these links:

http://www.povertylaw.org/poverty-law-libr...ase/54000/54046

http://www.ilw.com/articles/2006,0110-wheeler.shtm

http://www.ilw.com/articles/2006,0608-mehta.shtm

Z, a little help please. The first URL doesn't work. Can you post it again?

Thanks!

How's this???

http://www.povertylaw.org/poverty-law-libr...ase/54000/54046

The problem was he copied the TEXT of the link from another posting (truncated with the ... ) and not the link itself

or cut and paste this URL into your browser:

www.povertylaw.org/poverty-law-library/case/54000/54046

-- Dan

Edited November 2, 2006 by PurrSuede

[SirLancelot 1]

Start with these links:

http://www.povertylaw.org/poverty-law-libr...ase/54000/54046

http://www.ilw.com/articles/2006,0110-wheeler.shtm

http://www.ilw.com/articles/2006,0608-mehta.shtm

Z, a little help please. The first URL doesn't work. Can you post it again?

Thanks!

How's this???

http://www.povertylaw.org/poverty-law-libr...ase/54000/54046

The problem was he copied the TEXT of the link from another posting (truncated with the ... ) and not the link itself

or cut and paste this URL into your browser:

www.povertylaw.org/poverty-law-library/case/54000/54046

-- Dan

Thanks Dan, that helps. And I believe Z is a she.

[diadromous mermaid 36]

Start with these links:

http://www.povertylaw.org/poverty-law-libr...ase/54000/54046

http://www.ilw.com/articles/2006,0110-wheeler.shtm

http://www.ilw.com/articles/2006,0608-mehta.shtm

Z, a little help please. The first URL doesn't work. Can you post it again?

Thanks!

How's this???

http://www.povertylaw.org/poverty-law-libr...ase/54000/54046

The problem was he copied the TEXT of the link from another posting (truncated with the ... ) and not the link itself

or cut and paste this URL into your browser:

www.povertylaw.org/poverty-law-library/case/54000/54046

-- Dan

Thanks Dan, that helps. And I believe Z is a she.

Yes, zauberblume or Magic flower as an ID, doesn't have a very manly ring

[PurrSuede 0]

Thanks Dan, that helps. And I believe Z is a she.

Yes, zauberblume or Magic flower as an ID, doesn't have a very manly ring

Entschuldigen Sie mich, ich sprechen nicht die deutsche Sprache

-- Herr Dan

[Creel 0]

Ok, I just had a prenup written and here is my situation ( I live in California). My attorney wrote the prenup saying my fiance refused council. He also wrote that it had to be translated into my fiance's native language. Since he is an attorney I would say that it is legal, at least here in California.

I too surprised my fiance as I wanted to tell him in person and not on the phone. His first reponse was "you don't believe I love you". Only two days later, after the surprise, he said he would happily sign it as he loved me, not my assets. If your fiancee still has reservations after a while I would too question the relationship. I don't care who has more money. A marriage is, in reality, a legal union, a contract if you will. It should be customary that a document is written up in case some day the original contract is voided (i.e. divorce).

Hope this helps a little and don't feel bad that you want to feel secure financially in the wedding situation.

We all love our fiance's now, nobody enters marriage thinking it will end, but we all know the cold hard statistics.

[garya505 2]

Ok, I just had a prenup written and here is my situation ( I live in California). My attorney wrote the prenup saying my fiance refused council. He also wrote that it had to be translated into my fiance's native language. Since he is an attorney I would say that it is legal, at least here in California.

I too surprised my fiance as I wanted to tell him in person and not on the phone. His first reponse was "you don't believe I love you". Only two days later, after the surprise, he said he would happily sign it as he loved me, not my assets. If your fiancee still has reservations after a while I would too question the relationship. I don't care who has more money. A marriage is, in reality, a legal union, a contract if you will. It should be customary that a document is written up in case some day the original contract is voided (i.e. divorce).

Hope this helps a little and don't feel bad that you want to feel secure financially in the wedding situation.

We all love our fiance's now, nobody enters marriage thinking it will end, but we all know the cold hard statistics.

My fiancee would take a prenup as a sign that I think I could leave her some day, and would hurt her a great deal, so it's not viable in our case. YMMV

[William33 110]

Prenups are for the paranoid.

Yes, admittedly, relationships fail in big numbers in the United States, 50% by most stats.

I love my wife enough to give her everything I have, including my life, if necessary. She has shown the same instincts over the last 5 years. That is compelling evidence for me.

One must clearly know their SO inside and out, before committing to marriage. Only a brief meeting or two, well, the stats will get ya for sure.

If you are in doubt enough to "protect your assets", don't marry. Simple as that.

[dxt7339 1]

Prenups are for the paranoid.

Yes, admittedly, relationships fail in big numbers in the United States, 50% by most stats.

I love my wife enough to give her everything I have, including my life, if necessary. She has shown the same instincts over the last 5 years. That is compelling evidence for me.

One must clearly know their SO inside and out, before committing to marriage. Only a brief meeting or two, well, the stats will get ya for sure.

If you are in doubt enough to "protect your assets", don't marry. Simple as that.

Nothing is "as simple as that". I mean no disrespect but I believe you have a nieave point of view. My first marriage, I entered with the thinking that love will last for ever and I knew this woman. BUT I was very nieave. People WILL change! It is part of living. If you are not growing you are dieing. In my case, I was growing and wanted to grow and I learned that my former wife had not interest in growing and learning new and different things as I did. This by itself is not so bad, but she wi\ould get angry when I wanted to lear and try new things when she did not. She also felt that she could make major financial decision that seriously affected US without my imput. I just had to suck it up and pay which in affect, lengthend my time to retirement and allowed her to retire early. Not what was being planned for. This created a big conflict. I made every effort to make things better (12 years of individual and marriatal therapy) but she just would not bend at all. So it had to end for me to live my life. NOW I wish I had a prenup from thebegining because you really do not know someone until their life is truned upside down and see how they react. As well as the laws and lawyers of the state you lve in. In SC, there is no personal accountability for women. Men are expected to take care of the woman no matter what divorce or not, for their entire life. It does not matter if the woman is capable of taking care of themselves. This is where people need to agree up front haow accountable they will be. I think a prenup strengthes a marriage. It really is not completely about money. It is also about how fair and equal each feel in the relationship.

With my new wife, I love her completely and expect to be with her forever. But the law and lawyers in SC do not alow me to just sit with out some agreement. I have two children from my first marriage that must be thought about and how to be fair to them.

So, Nothing is as "as simple as that" There are many factors and each situation is different. So I would never second guess someong wanting a prenup.

Devereux

[irene 0]

yeah I agree with wat other post said here , the same way i will react if my husband will asked me pre nup , ist reason is that why u have to ask ur wife to sign does it mean ur telling ur marriage wont work in the first place ? so meaning u dont love each other that strong , coz i asked my american husband about that pre nup if he wants , he said the " why what's the use ?why do u have plan to divorce me ? " 2nd is that u dont trust each other if u have that. I dont know if my reason is logical , but for me I guess im just lucky to find a husband like i have.

[Mags 112]

This thread is nearly a year old and the OP has not been back. I'm going to lock it as leaving it open at this point in time seems pretty pointless.