Divorce Rate

[Akwaaba*Edward 9]

Eventhough it's outside the scope of your original question I will risk an opinion.

Many trips are wonderful and equally required (IMHO) but is it possible for you to visit for a lenghty period, if you haven't, rent a flat and live not as a tourist but as a couple. No family/friend prop, etc

If I oversteped, please forgive, it comes from a good place and no harm intentioned.

Oh my dear, no harm done. I do understand and yes, some of of my stays have been longer than others. We spend quality time togther and look forward to the "just me & you" days and nights. I must say I have dinner with my future in-laws at least once everytime I'm in Ghana, it's a must. We both enjoy spending time with family.

[Akwaaba*Edward 9]

I would imagine the divorce rate to be at least slightly higher then the average for a normal American marriage. At least for K1-cases, since a lot of people end up getting married perhaps a bit too soon since it is the only way they can be together. In fact it wouldn't surprise me if the divorce rate is a bit higher even for CR1/IR1 couples even though they have gotten married and lived together abroad before moving to the states. Cross cultural relationships are hard (but definitely worth it).

I agree! My Ghana man has issues sometimes with his American woman but the love keeps us together. :-)

[Akwaaba*Edward 9]

This is such a good question, I was wondering the same thing many times, how many marriages with Immigrants fail. I think it has a lot to do with where the immigrant is coming from, and how bad do they want to leave there country. There may be a lot of USC thinking if they can get someone from a purer country the Immigrant will be forever grateful for having them brought to the US. I think if the USC thinks this, they are sadly mistaken, many immigrants learn the American way fast and move on very soon.

Thank You!!! I'm sooo happy I'm not the ONLY person who has thought about this and it does NOT question validity of my relationship. Thanks again!!

[Akwaaba*Edward 9]

I think the answer to this question would highly depend on which countries you are speaking of also. There would be a big difference between a success rate between Americans and say...Germans or Italians verses Americans and other countries. I personally have seen both sides of the spectrum....being in a successful relationship with a non US citizen and an unsuccessful one. I think any relationship whether its American and American or American and non-American has a low success rate if you spend 1 week with a person and then move in with each other. It's a much different situation to sit on a computer or phone and communicate vs face to face interaction. It's great that you have been to Ghana so many times ( I have too, in fact Im still here. lol ) You really get to know someone by being with them day in and day out. It's easy to deceive someone that you spend a week or two with..but it's next to impossible to do that when you live as a couple for months under the same roof...or at least in the same country!

Amen!!! That is why I stayed for so long and I keep going back. My daughter was with me when I visited last month and we had a great time. I'm a mother first and I had to bring her along so we could spend time as a family. After all, we'll all live under the same roof as one.

[Akwaaba*Edward 9]

I would agree about living together or at least spending time together in a non-vacation situation but thats not always possible for everyone. I've been really fortunate as I spent a year in America studying when I was first with my fiance. We didn't live together but I had my own life and purpose there other than the relationship so we were able to date and allow it to blossom naturally. This has definitely given me some reassurance that I could happily live where he lives after the initial romance of arriving in the US has faded and reality of employment, bills, change of weather and culture kicks in. But even still it has taken years of friendship to get to the point where we were both ready to marry. So many times we talked about marriage but we came back to the same obstacles - he was hesitant to be in a long distance relationship as he didn't want me to keep visiting him and have to leave and to be honest he didn't want to wait for a year for the visa process to take its course. I was happy to visit regularly and was prepared to wait but I didn't want to have to get married to be able to be together. Over many years we stayed friends and just kept coming back together until we got to a place where we were ready for the commitment and sacrifice and waiting. You can prepare youself as best you can but at some point you just have to take a leap of faith I guess!

Whats kind of interesting in my family is that inter-country relationships seem to be a trend that works. My mum is from Sweden and my Dad from England and they have been together for about 35 years. And my brother is married to a Brazilian girl and they are happily married here in England for a few years now. And having visited her family and seen Brazil I can't imagine you would want to leave that beautiful Country for rainy England but I guess for love you do what it takes.

Wow!!! 35 years, looking forward to it.....

[Akwaaba*Edward 9]

I've read the responses to this post and I'm surprised that noone has actually offered any concrete data. So, I did a quick internet search and came up with the following sites that respond directly to the questions posed by the OP. Truth be told, I have no affiliation or advocacy of sites mentioned below, so if people jump in and claim what is presented is bogus, so be it. I just thought it was worth bringing in some outside sourced information.

From Center For Immigration Studies <here>

Article: Hello, I love you, Won't you tell me your name?: Inside the Green Card Marriage Phenomenon

Key Points:

•Marriage to an American citizen remains the most common path to U.S. residency and/or citizenship for foreign nationals, with more than 2.3 million foreign nationals gaining lawful permanent resident (LPR) status in this manner between 1998 and 2007.

•More than 25 percent of all green cards issued in 2007 were to the spouses of American citizens. In 2006 and 2007 there were nearly twice as many green cards issued to the spouses of American citizens than were issued for all employment-based immigration categories combined. The number of foreign nationals obtaining green cards based on marriage to an American has more than doubled since 1985, and has quintupled since 1970.

•Despite these statistics, marriage fraud for the purpose of immigration gets very little notice or debate in the public arena and the State Department and Department of Homeland Security have nowhere near the resources needed to combat the problem. Attention to fraud is not just for the integrity of the legal immigration system, but also for security reasons. If small-time con artists and Third-World gold-diggers can obtain green cards with so little resistance, then surely terrorists can do (and have done) the same.

•An overwhelming percentage of all petitions to bring foreign spouses or fiancés to the United States illegally (or to help them adjust visa status if they are already in the United States on non-immigrant visas) are approved — even in cases where the couple may only have met over the Internet, and may not even share a common language.

•Marriage to an American is the clearest pathway to citizenship for an illegal alien. A substantial number of illegal aliens ordered removed (many of whom have criminal records) later resurface as marriage-based green card applicants. Waivers granted to those marrying U.S. citizens can eliminate ineligibilities for green cards, including the 3/10-year bar on entry for those with long periods of illegal presence.

•The decision-making authority for green card applications lies with USCIS officials who rely almost exclusively on documents, records, and photographs, with little opportunity for interviews or investigations. Consular officers reviewing cases overseas do live interviews and can initiate local investigations, but may only approve petitions, not deny them.

From: Goodwife.com <here>

Marriage Survey <here>

Relevant Results:

Survey results indicate cross-cultural marriages fail at a rate of 40.76%

Comparatively, the divorce rate of U.S. domestic marriages is 48%

As a group, cross-cultural marriages can be expected to fail at a significantly lower rate than U.S. domestic marriages

Cross-cultural marriages have less than 10 years differences in the ages between men and women

Average age of men who marry a cross-cultural spouse is 40

Average age of women who marry a cross-cultural spouse is 32

Marital Longevity at Divorce <chart here>

Standard Bell Curve with majority from 1-6 years and peak at 2-3 years.

Primary Factors In Divorce: <chart here>

Top Seven Responses:

Male Responses (Ranked): Commitment, Family Goals, Communication, Sex, Infidelity, Financial, Stress

Female Responses (Ranked): Abuse, Family Goals, Communication, Stress, Sex, Financial, Commitment

My Hero!!! Just looking for information. I sincerely appreciate the effort, thank you.

[Rob & Monika 87]

I don't think statistics are as black and white as they make them out to be. Marriage is what you make of it, and identifying what the problem areas will be before marriage will help if you work them out before marriage.

I think your biggest obstacle will be your role as a woman in the marriage. He is coming from a masculine culture, where the US is more 'equal' gender wise. There is a chapter in "Before you say 'I do'" that talks about roles. It lists 4 basic views of the wife, Property, Compliment, Jr Partner, and Equal Partner. Women here tend to think the role of a woman in marriage should be 'Equal Partner', where Africa tends to be on the opposite scale as 'Property'. If you are on opposite ends of this, it will cause major problems and will likely fail. Another gauge is to talk about how each others parents were as you were growing up. It is likely he will see your role in the marriage to be similar to his mother's. I don't just mean what she did at home, whether she worked, but how they interacted, who made decisions, handled finances, etc.

You have plenty of time to talk about these types of things, and hash this stuff out before you get married.

[livindadream 156]

I don't think statistics are as black and white as they make them out to be. Marriage is what you make of it, and identifying what the problem areas will be before marriage will help if you work them out before marriage.

I think your biggest obstacle will be your role as a woman in the marriage. He is coming from a masculine culture, where the US is more 'equal' gender wise. There is a chapter in "Before you say 'I do'" that talks about roles. It lists 4 basic views of the wife, Property, Compliment, Jr Partner, and Equal Partner. Women here tend to think the role of a woman in marriage should be 'Equal Partner', where Africa tends to be on the opposite scale as 'Property'. If you are on opposite ends of this, it will cause major problems and will likely fail. Another gauge is to talk about how each others parents were as you were growing up. It is likely he will see your role in the marriage to be similar to his mother's. I don't just mean what she did at home, whether she worked, but how they interacted, who made decisions, handled finances, etc.

You have plenty of time to talk about these types of things, and hash this stuff out before you get married.

This is so true. African men (most, not all) want a woman who is not going to question their judgement, their decisions, etc. African women are submissive, passive. An African man wants to provide for his family, but the woman is the real work horse in the family. A successful relationship won't be based on statistics..it is going to be the willingness of both of you to understand each others expectations and then the ability to compromise. I know I have to bite my tongue in certain situations and also not to think that I know more than my husband just cuz Im from America (even when his solution to every ailment is hot water or Andrews Liver Salts lol )..and at the same time, he knows Im never going to walk home from the market carrying the load on my head or take out the garbage..we are a match made in heaven!!

[suganspyce42 5]

That's interesting because he and I spoke about this same issue before I posted this question. We talked about how this journey has enhanced our level of commitment. I do believe some people have other intentions but I don't believe fraud is the reason for every divorce. My fiance' and I do have misunderstandings and he "get on my nerves" sometimes "fa" real but it's normal. He will happily say the same about me. Everytime we disagree or fight and "make up" we learn more about each other and that's a GOOD thing. :-D

Well said and I can totally relate. I love my husband and after we were married, I was approached by a coworker who proceeded to tell me about a fraudulent experience he had with a gentleman from Nigeria (of course he knew my husband is Nigerian)and I had to let him talk to the hand honey and further let him know that there are good and bad people all over the world. I have been slicked a time or two by someone who was as American as myself. Anyway, I understood you from the beginning and I have wondered the same thing myself and my husband and I have talked about this on different occasions. Just because we have different "upbringings" and cultures, love is love and yes we bug the heck out of each other too and he will tell me quick "honey you getting on ma nerves" and same here but I love him and no doubt he loves me.

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

http://gorigirl.com/interracial-divorce-in-the-u-s-statistics-and-how-much-they-matter

http://www.swarayassociates.com/node/9

http://www.eale.nl/Conference2010/Programme/PaperscontributedsessionsC/add128923_0HG9yjI9fP.pdf

[islandgal 74]

Life is a gamble. It doesnt matter whether you marry someone from here or there, you dont know the outcome. All you can do is pray for the best and have faith i your partner.

Agreed

[JoBri 548]

I would say marriage between people such as here, or those who are both American to begin with is whatever the two make of it. My wife and I are both Christians which affects our views on marriage and divorce. We also love each other. We also have a child between us. When I met my wife I tried to learn and understand her beliefs and what was in her heart. And I examined my own heart and made sure of what I wanted in a life partner as well. There were certain areas in life that I determined I would not be willing to compromise on too.

We have been married since January 15, 2008... going on 5 years now. We have a son who will be turning 2 years old on July 16. We have had ups and downs, and happy and sad times with our share of struggles. But as we go to sleep tonight I will sleep with confidence she will be there for me until my life is over, and my son will have two parents who will be together with him making a happy home for him until he is grown, and loving him all the days of our lives together too.

Thanks so much! I appreciate that and I do believe "unhappiness" could happen anywhere in the world. I can see this is a subject that is not often discussed here but the reality is, it happens.

[Gosia & Tito 199]

I would agree about living together or at least spending time together in a non-vacation situation but thats not always possible for everyone. I've been really fortunate as I spent a year in America studying when I was first with my fiance. We didn't live together but I had my own life and purpose there other than the relationship so we were able to date and allow it to blossom naturally. This has definitely given me some reassurance that I could happily live where he lives after the initial romance of arriving in the US has faded and reality of employment, bills, change of weather and culture kicks in. But even still it has taken years of friendship to get to the point where we were both ready to marry. So many times we talked about marriage but we came back to the same obstacles - he was hesitant to be in a long distance relationship as he didn't want me to keep visiting him and have to leave and to be honest he didn't want to wait for a year for the visa process to take its course. I was happy to visit regularly and was prepared to wait but I didn't want to have to get married to be able to be together. Over many years we stayed friends and just kept coming back together until we got to a place where we were ready for the commitment and sacrifice and waiting. You can prepare youself as best you can but at some point you just have to take a leap of faith I guess!

Whats kind of interesting in my family is that inter-country relationships seem to be a trend that works. My mum is from Sweden and my Dad from England and they have been together for about 35 years. And my brother is married to a Brazilian girl and they are happily married here in England for a few years now. And having visited her family and seen Brazil I can't imagine you would want to leave that beautiful Country for rainy England but I guess for love you do what it takes.

Agree there. I'd think that the specific background does count. In our case, my immediate family (siblings) are all in multi-country relationships/marriages. We are four and you can count 6 countries/nationalities and at any family reunion there are at least 4-5 languages going on; in all but one case, we are living in a country that is nor his neither hers. For us is just 'natural' and normal. This scenario would be strange and even crazy for some I suppose.

[Akwaaba*Edward 9]

As soon as you start to question stuff like this anything that happens in your relationship you will think that's all he's marrying you for so its best think about the love you have with him and move forward

Honestly, I am not questioning his love, loyalty or intentions. We are happy and I'm looking forward to our journey in life together.

[LSnBigBear 61]

I believe 65% of American "First" Marriages end in Divorce. Meaning that the couples wed each other the first time with no previous. 2nd marriages are pretty strong in terms of % of divorce. I heard it drops to like 25% of second marriages fail.. I have not data to prove this next statement but once heard that foreign relationships have a higher than 65% divorce rate. Now I have not witnessed this in the many I know from living abroad for 5 years. But was told this happens. I can say I was married two times previously. So I told my fiancee I have us covered for divorces so we are good to go statistically lol. I just say use the 90 days when he is here. If it does not smell right then don't marry. I understand your intentions are great. There is a lot of fraud out there from what I read and hear.

Nice topic though to make people think. Good luck