Divorce

[pittman1971 0]

Hi Everyone

Here is an update of the situation.

It has been a very interesting week and weekend. This past Wednesday, Feb.8th my wife came home from work. I asked how her day was, she smiled and said good. Later that evening her mood went from good to bad, she started complaining about everything for about 20 minutes then she was in a good mood again. Well the next morning we got up, getting ready to go to work. She said she was staying home with our son because he was sick and that she would take our daughter to school. Well dummy me I said Okay see you this afternoon. I went to the office and her company called me at 8am. They said is your wife ok, at this time they did not know she was not at work. Well I said what do you mean? They said she was crying at work yesterday, I said shew seemed fine. I told them she would not be coming in that day due to our son being sick. She neglected to call them. They in turn called her at home then called me back to tell me everything was ok. I left it at that, went to a couple of meetings and then to lunch. When I returned from lunch I tried calling my wife at home, cell and no answers. I tried at least 6 times within 1.5 hours. I then called my daughters school, she never went to school. Well I then went to my home and found a note, you know (Toby Keith's) Big Blue Note she and the kids were gone to Memphis, sorry claus. I let my family know and Friday I gave an attorney 1500 to start an emergency custody filing for my son. I gave him the address she was at and Monday was supposed to be the day the papers would be given to her by the police.

By Friday evening my wife called me, she said she was confused, did not know why she left. She wanted to know if I would take her back, if I can trust her again. I told her to make sure she really wanted to come back and to let me know Saturday morning. I called her Saturday and she said please come get us, so I did.

We talked about her actions and her depression. Yesterday I took her to a doctor, he spoke with her for almost 2 hours, I was with her the whole time. There was really no negatives about me coming from her. She explained many things to him that she had not spoken to me about. Things that she did in Mexico like hitting her daughter and not knowing why she did it. The doctor said she is suffering partly from poatpardun psychosis along with being stressed about moving here having no hispanics close to her. He prescibed Prozac and Xanex to try and help her.

I think she has some serious mental issues right now.

Would a sain person do this?

None of her family helped her get to Memphis, she just showed up. They were mad and told her she should be with her husband.

She went to Memphis with a couple that she met in Walmart last week. That is very stupid, she risked her life and the lives of our children by riding 400 miles in a vehicle with someone she met in Walmart.

I guess thats all I have for now, will being trying the medication, if that does not work then we will probably be done. This has put a severe strain on all of my and her family.

[joej 0]

This is starting to sound too wierd to be true.

[Fandango 1,439]

I honestly don't know what to say, Pittman...and only you have the answers to this whole mess. But I have to ask you: how would you feel had you not been able to locate her and the children? You got off very lucky this time. And if you are seriously questioning her sanity, how can you in good conscience keep her close to your son?

[pittman1971 0]

I honestly don't know what to say, Pittman...and only you have the answers to this whole mess. But I have to ask you: how would you feel had you not been able to locate her and the children? You got off very lucky this time. And if you are seriously questioning her sanity, how can you in good conscience keep her close to your son?

I will take everything 1 day at a time.

As for knowing where she may go, I have the address and phone numbers of all her relatives and friends in the states and in Mexico. This information has been put on file at my attorney's office.

With the depression problems she will not be alone with any of the children until I or the doctor feels she is better. I take them everywhere with me, to school, family. I have had a meeting with my wife's company and my daughter's school. If my wife goes to the school to check my daughter out or pick her up then I or another family member will receive a phone call. Her employer is very concerned about my wife's depression and said they will let me know anytime something is strange. I let my wife know all of this, I'm not doing this behind her back. I told her that we needed this until she gets better, she somewhat agreed.

It is going to take awhile for me to trust her alone with the kid's.

I know there is always a possibility that she can run again but I'm well prepared this time.

[dawnnhatem 0]

Pittman,

I just see this differently. In addition to the things that you have pointed out that make her miserable, she is still a city girl stuck in the woods against her will. If she doesn't hide her misery, she is crazy. If she leaves, you will hunt her down and take her kid(s) away. thats horrible. Obviously she's miserable and surprise, it shows.

He prescibed Prozac and Xanex to try and help her.

she just doesn't want to live there. There aint enough prozac for that.

She went to Memphis with a couple that she met in Walmart last week. That is very stupid, she risked her life and the lives of our children by riding 400 miles in a vehicle with someone she met in Walmart.

I wouldn't believe this for one minute. nope. She's got someone in town that she can trust and may need again, so as an alternative to telling you who this is...

You say you want this to work out, but I'm not seeing you do any of the compromising and it takes two.

As long as you already know that our veiws on this are different, I'm going to add that I think a shrink that talks to her for 2 hours and never asks you to leave is irresponsible in drawing conclusions or prescribing anything.

Yesterday I took her to a doctor, he spoke with her for almost 2 hours, I was with her the whole time. There was really no negatives about me coming from her.

really? I never post things like this, but I find this situation disturbing

[dmartmar 1]

I don't see how this situation can be mended, nor worked on any longer, since she's already taken you to the extreme by making you go as far as to hire an atty. to begin custody proceedings.

And you still have "hope" this'll work out?

You already gave your atty. $1,500 to start working on things. You think that if all of a sudden you, or her, have a change of heart and/or mind again, your atty.'s just going to refund you your money?

She now realizes how serious you were when you 1st threatened her about hiring an atty. if she abandoned you with your daughter, which is why she's yet again had another change of mind/heart in trying to "work things out."

I know there is always a possibility that she can run again but I'm well prepared this time.

I wouldn't even put myself in the position of the "possibility."

But, you yourself wrote it: " well, dummy me..."

I feel for you man, I really do. I know you must be caught in-between a rock and a hard place (wife AND daughter).

Edited February 14, 2006 by dmartmar

[dmartmar 1]

I will say, I can certainly emphathize with you to a certain extent. You are dealing with a "special" kind of logic, rationality, and reasoning ability with this one. It's called "Latina Logic", and there is no rhyme or reason to it.

Could you please elaborate on your "Latina Logic" philosophy? I'd like to find out more about it, since I was born and raised in a Latino country myself (Puerto Rico)!

But in the OP's case, I don't see how ANY logic could justify his wife's actions.

[girl 37 7]

Not to sound like amateur psychiatry hour but you might want to read up on the possibility of her having bipolar disorder. It sounds like she has some of the symptoms (spending issues, taking off with strangers, depression, etc.).

[Traviesa 0]

Not to sound like amateur psychiatry hour but you might want to read up on the possibility of her having bipolar disorder. It sounds like she has some of the symptoms (spending issues, taking off with strangers, depression, etc.).

I agree. I lived with someone who had bipolar disorder. When she was in her mania, she would spend crazy amounts of money and invite total strangers over to the house. I attend support meetings for my depression with a group called DRADA. There are several bipolar members and all of them have been hospitalized at some point in their life. As out there as that may sound, it's the thing some people need to put the brakes on an out of control situation and get going on the right track. Until then, she more than likely is a danger to herself, you, and most importantly, the children. To those people who just assume she doesn't love/care about them...let me tell you, a mental disorder can cause you to do many things uncharacteristic of a loving/caring person, but that does not reflect your true feelings or intentions. I don't think he's crazy to want to stay with her and work things out-actually you may be the best thing to ever happen to her. By the way, something such as a move is a traumatic life experience that can certainly trigger what I call "episodes"...when the mental illness manifests itself.

[pittman1971 0]

Not to sound like amateur psychiatry hour but you might want to read up on the possibility of her having bipolar disorder. It sounds like she has some of the symptoms (spending issues, taking off with strangers, depression, etc.).

I agree. I lived with someone who had bipolar disorder. When she was in her mania, she would spend crazy amounts of money and invite total strangers over to the house. I attend support meetings for my depression with a group called DRADA. There are several bipolar members and all of them have been hospitalized at some point in their life. As out there as that may sound, it's the thing some people need to put the brakes on an out of control situation and get going on the right track. Until then, she more than likely is a danger to herself, you, and most importantly, the children. To those people who just assume she doesn't love/care about them...let me tell you, a mental disorder can cause you to do many things uncharacteristic of a loving/caring person, but that does not reflect your true feelings or intentions. I don't think he's crazy to want to stay with her and work things out-actually you may be the best thing to ever happen to her. By the way, something such as a move is a traumatic life experience that can certainly trigger what I call "episodes"...when the mental illness manifests itself.

Thanks for your reply MissLiss

I have been reading about many types of depression. My thoughts are bi-polar, I read about the smptoms, my I wrote down several that fit my wife.

On this site I've explained many things that I think or see happening. Its great to have feeback from everyone, it really helps me to desiminate the problems.

I spoke to someone today that has been through the post-pardum. She told me it was very difficult for her and her family. I explained some of what my wife does and she said it could be post-pardum or bi-polar. She also advised against my wife taking Prozac.

Yesterday evening my wife was doing really well. I was talking to her and she said she is trying very hard to make everything work but that sometimes she cannot control what she is doing. As far as where we live, that has been discussed. We both agree we want to be closer to the city but it will take at least 1 year before we can make that move. We also talked about renting a home in town but she would prefer to buy, that makes it a little more difficult being that we just purchased our home in September 2005. I told her I had no problem moving back to Memphis or staying here. The only problem is I have 2 government contracts that will not expire for another year. Also in Memphis I will lose about 40k a year and it does cost quite a bit more to live there. If we can save enough for the next 1-2 years, possibly pay cash for a small home then I would not worry about it so much. I feel like I'm looking out for the best interests of my family by planning ahead. I never have been one to jump right into something without thinking about it 1st. I was 32 years old when I met and married my wife, this is my 1st time being married.

[Traviesa 0]

Pittman, I'm glad you're trying to be proactive in helping your wife. That is definitely what she needs. Believe it or not, moving to a bigger city is not going to cure her issues. The issues will follow and she'll find something else that upsets her. That's the nature of the beast. The most important thing for both of you is going to be a change of thinking. If it's a mental illness that she has, she does not have the power to make herself better or "be better," anymore than someone with diabetes can cure themself. It's an illness and requires treatment to get better. It took me a long time to get my fiance to understand this. He used to say "why don't you just stop being lazy" or "why don't you TRY to feel better"? The thing is, I was trying, but the ability was not in my grasp. He would be convinced that a good day meant I was getting better, only to be followed by another bad day. The bad days can get bad. I know you wouldn't want for her to end up hurting herself or anyone else. I urge you to not wait, and to seek treatment for her right away. Remember, moving is not the answer and you may come to find she can be happy in her surroundings once she's happy with herself. I have also recently learned that mental illnesses may progress if left untreated. A friend who was diagnosed with major depression was upgraded to Bipolar II recently. Please don't wait!

[know 0]

Maybe not, but geez. I can't hardly think of a bigger red flag to indicate possible fraud.

Regardless, I hope the OP can get it sorted out.

Well, if I may, she seems a quite instable lady, having a thing with money "giving" to her family, while she has accountants in the family; consequently she needs to go to counselling. Best for her kids, her place in the family, and find stability in her life. All this, before thinking of a family life. So, i agree, you must first think at the well being of the young child.

[know 0]

Maybe not, but geez. I can't hardly think of a bigger red flag to indicate possible fraud.

Regardless, I hope the OP can get it sorted out.

Well, if I may, she seems a quite instable lady, having a thing with money "giving" to her family, while she has accountants in the family; consequently she needs to go to counselling. Best for her kids, her place in the family, and find stability in her life. All this, before thinking of a family life. So, i agree, you must first think at the well being of the young child.

Ooops, sorry, newbie here and my last post was related to the 30th of jan. Then, after i read the rest, and about the statements of possible bi-polar, postpartum, the dr.'s diagnonsis of some psychosis...all that seems she had issues that progressed with her change of environment and the making of kids; she runned away geographically...something more profound as counselling might be useful, and an individual therapy, but with somebody quite experienced, particularly of what psychosis is, of which not many shrinks are, if only by prescribing meds. I still believe she needs a stable environment and you are the most stable and very mature figure in her life. For that she can get some benefit with you there, in a calm environment to go to individual therapy, regularly, to have her own place to work on herself. and to talk in a strict confidential space. From the moment she changed fast (when she called you to go get her back) that sounds more like border-line issues, which need interventions of putting limits, even if they do not like it on the moment. Paying her car expenses is a good idea also ( I would not tell her pay it, then change it and tell her you'll do it). She also has to work on herself and with you, the 1st ground of your relationship: her offering you money. In my opinion, this has to be clarified, verbalized. If it's a lie, it's not a good ground for the relationship. And so on, all the insecurities and your trust in her has to be rebuilt, but, only by working on herself first, then communication with you.

You are doing a wonderful job, it's really striking. But think that you are human and have your limits, and make them clear.

Good luck!

Good luck!

[babybunny 2]

Pittman,

I just see this differently. In addition to the things that you have pointed out that make her miserable, she is still a city girl stuck in the woods against her will. If she doesn't hide her misery, she is crazy. If she leaves, you will hunt her down and take her kid(s) away. thats horrible. Obviously she's miserable and surprise, it shows.

He prescibed Prozac and Xanex to try and help her.

she just doesn't want to live there. There aint enough prozac for that.

She went to Memphis with a couple that she met in Walmart last week. That is very stupid, she risked her life and the lives of our children by riding 400 miles in a vehicle with someone she met in Walmart.

I wouldn't believe this for one minute. nope. She's got someone in town that she can trust and may need again, so as an alternative to telling you who this is...

You say you want this to work out, but I'm not seeing you do any of the compromising and it takes two.

As long as you already know that our veiws on this are different, I'm going to add that I think a shrink that talks to her for 2 hours and never asks you to leave is irresponsible in drawing conclusions or prescribing anything.

Yesterday I took her to a doctor, he spoke with her for almost 2 hours, I was with her the whole time. There was really no negatives about me coming from her.

really? I never post things like this, but I find this situation disturbing

I agree with you fully!!

[JayJay 4]

Kudos to you, Pittman - and your posts were great, Missliss

You know what? Sometimes life realy IS this hard....sometimes family members do insane things, run away, and times are difficult.

The easy way out would indeed be to give up. Is that right? Not if you know that you have the love, willpower and energy to give this issue a good sorting out! People rarely run out of love, or patience - good for you, that you know this, and are prepared to do what is right, and true, and honorable, and difficult, to try to help the woman you love, no matter how hard that might be.

There aren't many people around who'd be willing to put themselves TRULY on the line for an ill relative, in the way you are. Many would run away scared. It's good to know that you're aware that YOU could be a major factor in helping her out...my thoughts are with you because I think you know you're doing what you deem is right (F)