Divorce

[Yodrak 7]

dmartmar,

Then why did you post it?

Yodrak

"I don't follow your thought."

That's great! 'Cause my post wasn't meant to be followed by you, nor anyone else on these forums for that matter.

[Fandango 1,439]

lol - guys, you two are lovely and wise people - don't you worry about jumping to conclusions, because you know what? You only had a certain amount of info to go by and did so in a respectful and kind manner (F) (I am thinking of certain people here who can be REALLY abrupt and unkind, and you two aint them )

Thanks for the kind words JayJay, but sometimes I need a good slap upside the head & remind me that I don't know the full story!

I can be pretty opinionated at times But trying to judge a whole marriage based on just a full posts is kinda ignorant of me...no matter what it sounds like in my head...so I'ma defer to the OP & hope he knows what he's doing & hope it all works out for the best

Edited February 2, 2006 by LisaD

[pittman1971 0]

lol - guys, you two are lovely and wise people - don't you worry about jumping to conclusions, because you know what? You only had a certain amount of info to go by and did so in a respectful and kind manner (F) (I am thinking of certain people here who can be REALLY abrupt and unkind, and you two aint them )

Thanks for the kind words JayJay, but sometimes I need a good slap upside the head & remind me that I don't know the full story!

I can be pretty opinionated at times But trying to judge a whole marriage based on just a full posts is kinda ignorant of me...no matter what it sounds like in my head...so I'ma defer to the OP & hope he knows what he's doing & hope it all works out for the best

Hi again everyone

This weekend will be the real test. Since this past Tuesday everything has been going great except for a couple of disagreements. Today her brother and cousin are coming in from Memphis. I just hope that she is not being good to me just to make me blind as to what she may do. Will she go or stay?, we shall see. My family will be over tommorow while they are here. I will be grilling outside while they try to read whats going on. I'm sorry but I really don't trust my wife at this point. That was part of our disagreements this week. This week she has shown me the love and attention like when we 1st married, I'm happy with that. The problem is I'm a little parenoid at this point, I do not fear her or her family but worry for my son.

Thanks again for all of your posts.

[dmartmar 1]

Does your family speak or understand Spanish? How 'bout you? And your wife and her family presently here in the states; do they speak or understand English? How did you two get along and understand each other during your dating days? Did you have many problems and disagreements back then? If so; are they still the same now or different than before? Did she pressure you into marriage? Were you truly ready for it? Once married; did she pressure you into doing the USCIS' paperwork for her asap?

According to your original post pittman, you recognize the very 1st red flag in your relationship and eventual marriage perhaps being sketchy from the very beginning, by acknowledging that as soon as your now wife asked you about "US citizenship" and "marriage" while you were still dating, her offering you $2,000 to marry her right afterwards did not only bothered you greatly, it also made you feel uneasy and apparently hurt you so much to the point of you breaking up with her for a month with no contact whatsover, in order to get your point accross. From what I gathered reading your post, marrying someone out of convenience and/or for money instead of for true love goes against your morals, values, beliefs and convictions. Even though you strongly opposed her proposal and didn't agree with it, you still went ahead and married her 8 mos. later anyway.

We as humans tend to block and neither want to see, nor in the grand scheme of things acknowledge and accept obvious things, when blindly in-love.

I highly doubt your parents will be able to either read your wife or her family. Of all the people in the world, I would consider your parents the last and least ones they would talk about, much less raise a possible red flag with in regards to any hidden agendas they "may" have. Making a good impression to try winning them over is what I think they'd try to accomplish instead. I'm pretty sure they by now know you've mentioned your wife's and her family's suspicions to your parents. If they do accomplish winning them over whether ulterior motives exist or not, they will get away with whatever it is they "may" have in mind.

I think that you getting everything off your chest by posting here, then re-reading and analyzing your posts over and over again has made you see things from a different perspective.

If that's the case, then you need to not only continue looking over your posts, but more than anything at her words and actions, instead of leaving it all up for your parents to figure out. Although they might see and/or perceive things differently than you (b/c in reality, parents always know and want what's best for you, since you will always be their baby son), at the end of each day, it is still you living and going to bed with your wife, not them. Before you got married; did they warn or advice you to possibly "be careful" of her motives all along, or did they just let you "do your own thing" w/o getting involved much? What kind of marriage was it? Court or church, with both families present?

On your last post before the above one, you seemed pretty confident and sure things were going to finally work out between the two of you in erasing whatever bad intention(s) you think she has with you. It looked as if things had finally been settled, when you two reached the agreement of positively working on your marriage, going as far as attending marriage counseling sessions in order to succeed. The fact it was coming from her was more convincing, since all along it had been you instead wanting to salvage your marriage.

But, here you are, wary of and doubting your wife's intention(s) all over again, over a couple of disagreements and conversations you've both had in the last three days.

Apparently she's said and/or done things since then that have made you suspicious and not trust her again whatsoever. What have those disagreements been, just out of curiosity? What has she said and done lately that has you feeling like this all over again? Remember, actions always speak louder than words, although heeding and paying attention to them is never a bad thing.

If you can't seem to trust your wife any longer, believe you me, it will be very hard for you to overcome your suspicions and/or fears at this point and you will continue to be and stay on your guard. Seems to me like you're now trying to buy time in order to figure her out and really get to know her, when this should've been done for a while and way before marrying. On the other hand, she might also be doing the same thing, trying to buy time either to get to know you better, or get what she wants (i.e. the green card).

Now let's play devil's advocate for a moment instead. Maybe what she needs in order to feel good and assimilate to life here in the states, is have her family from Memphis visit her in LA every now and then and vice-versa. If this is the case, now that she's working she should be able to at least pay for her and/or her family's travel expenses as well back and forth, if necessary.

You will never find out the truth, but again, it is up to you to decide at this point if you want to continue living in doubt or not. If you want to see if the marriage is "bona fide" or not.

At least from you, I know it is.

I feel for you, since I've been in your shoes before (trust and real intention(s) issues). In my case, my Argentinian ex-wife DID marry me fraudulently. Thank God she's gone and didn't get a green card through me though.

Edited February 4, 2006 by dmartmar

[john_and_marlene 162]

Hidden tape recorder!!!!

[pittman1971 0]

Does your family speak or understand Spanish? How 'bout you? And your wife and her family presently here in the states; do they speak or understand English? How did you two get along and understand each other during your dating days? Did you have many problems and disagreements back then? If so; are they still the same now or different than before? Did she pressure you into marriage? Were you truly ready for it? Once married; did she pressure you into doing the USCIS' paperwork for her asap?

According to your original post pittman, you recognize the very 1st red flag in your relationship and eventual marriage perhaps being sketchy from the very beginning, by acknowledging that as soon as your now wife asked you about "US citizenship" and "marriage" while you were still dating, her offering you $2,000 to marry her right afterwards did not only bothered you greatly, it also made you feel uneasy and apparently hurt you so much to the point of you breaking up with her for a month with no contact whatsover, in order to get your point accross. From what I gathered reading your post, marrying someone out of convenience and/or for money instead of for true love goes against your morals, values, beliefs and convictions. Even though you strongly opposed her proposal and didn't agree with it, you still went ahead and married her 8 mos. later anyway.

We as humans tend to block and neither want to see, nor in the grand scheme of things acknowledge and accept obvious things, when blindly in-love.

I highly doubt your parents will be able to either read your wife or her family. Of all the people in the world, I would consider your parents the last and least ones they would talk about, much less raise a possible red flag with in regards to any hidden agendas they "may" have. Making a good impression to try winning them over is what I think they'd try to accomplish instead. I'm pretty sure they by now know you've mentioned your wife's and her family's suspicions to your parents. If they do accomplish winning them over whether ulterior motives exist or not, they will get away with whatever it is they "may" have in mind.

I think that you getting everything off your chest by posting here, then re-reading and analyzing your posts over and over again has made you see things from a different perspective.

If that's the case, then you need to not only continue looking over your posts, but more than anything at her words and actions, instead of leaving it all up for your parents to figure out. Although they might see and/or perceive things differently than you (b/c in reality, parents always know and want what's best for you, since you will always be their baby son), at the end of each day, it is still you living and going to bed with your wife, not them. Before you got married; did they warn or advice you to possibly "be careful" of her motives all along, or did they just let you "do your own thing" w/o getting involved much? What kind of marriage was it? Court or church, with both families present?

On your last post before the above one, you seemed pretty confident and sure things were going to finally work out between the two of you in erasing whatever bad intention(s) you think she has with you. It looked as if things had finally been settled, when you two reached the agreement of positively working on your marriage, going as far as attending marriage counseling sessions in order to succeed. The fact it was coming from her was more convincing, since all along it had been you instead wanting to salvage your marriage.

But, here you are, wary of and doubting your wife's intention(s) all over again, over a couple of disagreements and conversations you've both had in the last three days.

Apparently she's said and/or done things since then that have made you suspicious and not trust her again whatsoever. What have those disagreements been, just out of curiosity? What has she said and done lately that has you feeling like this all over again? Remember, actions always speak louder than words, although heeding and paying attention to them is never a bad thing.

If you can't seem to trust your wife any longer, believe you me, it will be very hard for you to overcome your suspicions and/or fears at this point and you will continue to be and stay on your guard. Seems to me like you're now trying to buy time in order to figure her out and really get to know her, when this should've been done for a while and way before marrying. On the other hand, she might also be doing the same thing, trying to buy time either to get to know you better, or get what she wants (i.e. the green card).

Now let's play devil's advocate for a moment instead. Maybe what she needs in order to feel good and assimilate to life here in the states, is have her family from Memphis visit her in LA every now and then and vice-versa. If this is the case, now that she's working she should be able to at least pay for her and/or her family's travel expenses as well back and forth, if necessary.

You will never find out the truth, but again, it is up to you to decide at this point if you want to continue living in doubt or not. If you want to see if the marriage is "bona fide" or not.

At least from you, I know it is.

I feel for you, since I've been in your shoes before (trust and real intention(s) issues). In my case, my Argentinian ex-wife DID marry me fraudulently. Thank God she's gone and didn't get a green card through me though.

Thanks for your post, I read all posts over and over.

This past weekend everything went well sort of. My parents were not the family that came over. My cousins, her husband and brothers came. We had a great time, my wife's brothers had a great time with us also but my wife did'nt hardly speak to my family or me. That was on Saturday. My suspisions are very on high alert, I do not trust her right now. Now what I'm about to tell you is really ignorance on her part. I did not say dumb or stupid but ignorant. Saturday morning 7:30 a.m my cousin Sheila calls to see how we were doing, I said good. I told her my brother-in-laws did not come in last night but to come on over for the cook-out. Well as soon as I hung up the phone I told my wife to call her brothers to make sure they are OK because we were expecting them 10pm Friday night. Her response was your lying to me. I'm like what do you mean. She said you told your cousin my brothers were here and your telling me they are not. Okay #1 why is she listening to my phone conversation. She did'nt hear the entire conversation, by the way my wife and her brothers do speak and understand english well. I told her I didn't understand what she was talking about. I said what does it matter if I did tell Sheila whether my brother-in-laws are here or not. Well a few minutes later I went to the living room and there they were, they came in at 11pm when we were in bed My wife would not speak to me. I got her into the kitchen and tried to make since of what was going through her head. She said you lied to me just like last Monday when you said you would take legal action against me and my family if I leave with your son. Well that conversation has been through my mind a million times already.

Anyway Saturday turned out to be a great day, I asked her brothers if they would consider moving here to be close to Claudia. One brother said yes because he lives in Vicksburg MS and no family with him. My wife seemed pretty happy about that. I really hope if he does move here it will help her. I know she needs her family to.

Saturday night about 930pm my wife made me a little mad. I was helping her clean the kitchen floor, I told her how much I appreciated her helping with cleaning up during the party. She would not look at me or answer me, 3 times I said this. Her brother then said something to her and she answered him, thats when I got mad. I did not say anything to her, I did not want an argument. I left her alone the rest of the night. At this point I really feel she is staying is because I told her what legal action I would take to keep my son, I hope I'm wrong.

Here is another disagreement we had Friday. We were on our way to a restaurant, I told her I got my check and paid all the bills. I asked her to pay the 45 dollars she charged to my mom's Chevron card when the bill comes in next month. She got mad and said what else to you want me to pay. Well I did not get mad but thought wow how selfish of her. She does not want to put our money in the same account and does not want to help pay bills. I don't have any problem paying the bills but it would be nice to have a wife that is concerned about how the bills get paid. As of now the bills that I pay are $2370 per month before fuel, entertainment or medical costs. Now I told her all I wanted her to pay was her van note $236.5, van insurance $50 and her fuel. Thats not asking much is it? I thought when people get married then you are like one person, not in my marriage. I should have seen this coming. Oh by the way I gave in and told her I would pay the Chevron charge she made. I really want our marriage to work but its not looking good.

Actualy yesterday I was kind of hopeing she would leave with her brothers but she stayed.

[nigel 7]

Im sorry to say this, but there again im not...but some pinko libs here cant see this for what it is...

shes a Fake,

shes selfish,

and most inpotant she never ever loved this kind loving man from the very start...and you deserve better than that...

I wish i could make things sound a lot easy for you dude i really do...but come on man WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE!

You can do anything for this "thing" ya with move, bring her hole Family to even live with ya.blah blah ...but ya know what....it will never be good for her...she will never be Happy..

You know what they say about the horse and the water huh....Well thats this right here...

I can really respect you dude for trying everyway possible to make this work for you and your wife but more inportant ya son....you have tryed to work with her in everyway and respect to you....

My Advise to you is...get rid of her but contact a Lawyer first for Legal action....You may still be able to keep ya son with ya until this mess is sorted...

Don't put yaself through this any longer than need be man cas all ya doing is beating yaself up....The sooner you get Legal Action the sooner you can move Forward with your Life..

One day soon you can look yourself in the mirror and walk down the street head held high and doing that is priceless......NOW CAN SHE DO THAT? I DON'T THINK SO! But there again by that time would you care what she does and says? NOPE!

I wish you well whatever you decide.....your a true and real man with real feelings..

[joej 0]

Does your family speak or understand Spanish? How 'bout you? And your wife and her family presently here in the states; do they speak or understand English? How did you two get along and understand each other during your dating days? Did you have many problems and disagreements back then? If so; are they still the same now or different than before? Did she pressure you into marriage? Were you truly ready for it? Once married; did she pressure you into doing the USCIS' paperwork for her asap?

According to your original post pittman, you recognize the very 1st red flag in your relationship and eventual marriage perhaps being sketchy from the very beginning, by acknowledging that as soon as your now wife asked you about "US citizenship" and "marriage" while you were still dating, her offering you $2,000 to marry her right afterwards did not only bothered you greatly, it also made you feel uneasy and apparently hurt you so much to the point of you breaking up with her for a month with no contact whatsover, in order to get your point accross. From what I gathered reading your post, marrying someone out of convenience and/or for money instead of for true love goes against your morals, values, beliefs and convictions. Even though you strongly opposed her proposal and didn't agree with it, you still went ahead and married her 8 mos. later anyway.

We as humans tend to block and neither want to see, nor in the grand scheme of things acknowledge and accept obvious things, when blindly in-love.

I highly doubt your parents will be able to either read your wife or her family. Of all the people in the world, I would consider your parents the last and least ones they would talk about, much less raise a possible red flag with in regards to any hidden agendas they "may" have. Making a good impression to try winning them over is what I think they'd try to accomplish instead. I'm pretty sure they by now know you've mentioned your wife's and her family's suspicions to your parents. If they do accomplish winning them over whether ulterior motives exist or not, they will get away with whatever it is they "may" have in mind.

I think that you getting everything off your chest by posting here, then re-reading and analyzing your posts over and over again has made you see things from a different perspective.

If that's the case, then you need to not only continue looking over your posts, but more than anything at her words and actions, instead of leaving it all up for your parents to figure out. Although they might see and/or perceive things differently than you (b/c in reality, parents always know and want what's best for you, since you will always be their baby son), at the end of each day, it is still you living and going to bed with your wife, not them. Before you got married; did they warn or advice you to possibly "be careful" of her motives all along, or did they just let you "do your own thing" w/o getting involved much? What kind of marriage was it? Court or church, with both families present?

On your last post before the above one, you seemed pretty confident and sure things were going to finally work out between the two of you in erasing whatever bad intention(s) you think she has with you. It looked as if things had finally been settled, when you two reached the agreement of positively working on your marriage, going as far as attending marriage counseling sessions in order to succeed. The fact it was coming from her was more convincing, since all along it had been you instead wanting to salvage your marriage.

But, here you are, wary of and doubting your wife's intention(s) all over again, over a couple of disagreements and conversations you've both had in the last three days.

Apparently she's said and/or done things since then that have made you suspicious and not trust her again whatsoever. What have those disagreements been, just out of curiosity? What has she said and done lately that has you feeling like this all over again? Remember, actions always speak louder than words, although heeding and paying attention to them is never a bad thing.

If you can't seem to trust your wife any longer, believe you me, it will be very hard for you to overcome your suspicions and/or fears at this point and you will continue to be and stay on your guard. Seems to me like you're now trying to buy time in order to figure her out and really get to know her, when this should've been done for a while and way before marrying. On the other hand, she might also be doing the same thing, trying to buy time either to get to know you better, or get what she wants (i.e. the green card).

Now let's play devil's advocate for a moment instead. Maybe what she needs in order to feel good and assimilate to life here in the states, is have her family from Memphis visit her in LA every now and then and vice-versa. If this is the case, now that she's working she should be able to at least pay for her and/or her family's travel expenses as well back and forth, if necessary.

You will never find out the truth, but again, it is up to you to decide at this point if you want to continue living in doubt or not. If you want to see if the marriage is "bona fide" or not.

At least from you, I know it is.

I feel for you, since I've been in your shoes before (trust and real intention(s) issues). In my case, my Argentinian ex-wife DID marry me fraudulently. Thank God she's gone and didn't get a green card through me though.

Thanks for your post, I read all posts over and over.

This past weekend everything went well sort of. My parents were not the family that came over. My cousins, her husband and brothers came. We had a great time, my wife's brothers had a great time with us also but my wife did'nt hardly speak to my family or me. That was on Saturday. My suspisions are very on high alert, I do not trust her right now. Now what I'm about to tell you is really ignorance on her part. I did not say dumb or stupid but ignorant. Saturday morning 7:30 a.m my cousin Sheila calls to see how we were doing, I said good. I told her my brother-in-laws did not come in last night but to come on over for the cook-out. Well as soon as I hung up the phone I told my wife to call her brothers to make sure they are OK because we were expecting them 10pm Friday night. Her response was your lying to me. I'm like what do you mean. She said you told your cousin my brothers were here and your telling me they are not. Okay #1 why is she listening to my phone conversation. She did'nt hear the entire conversation, by the way my wife and her brothers do speak and understand english well. I told her I didn't understand what she was talking about. I said what does it matter if I did tell Sheila whether my brother-in-laws are here or not. Well a few minutes later I went to the living room and there they were, they came in at 11pm when we were in bed My wife would not speak to me. I got her into the kitchen and tried to make since of what was going through her head. She said you lied to me just like last Monday when you said you would take legal action against me and my family if I leave with your son. Well that conversation has been through my mind a million times already.

Anyway Saturday turned out to be a great day, I asked her brothers if they would consider moving here to be close to Claudia. One brother said yes because he lives in Vicksburg MS and no family with him. My wife seemed pretty happy about that. I really hope if he does move here it will help her. I know she needs her family to.

Saturday night about 930pm my wife made me a little mad. I was helping her clean the kitchen floor, I told her how much I appreciated her helping with cleaning up during the party. She would not look at me or answer me, 3 times I said this. Her brother then said something to her and she answered him, thats when I got mad. I did not say anything to her, I did not want an argument. I left her alone the rest of the night. At this point I really feel she is staying is because I told her what legal action I would take to keep my son, I hope I'm wrong.

Here is another disagreement we had Friday. We were on our way to a restaurant, I told her I got my check and paid all the bills. I asked her to pay the 45 dollars she charged to my mom's Chevron card when the bill comes in next month. She got mad and said what else to you want me to pay. Well I did not get mad but thought wow how selfish of her. She does not want to put our money in the same account and does not want to help pay bills. I don't have any problem paying the bills but it would be nice to have a wife that is concerned about how the bills get paid. As of now the bills that I pay are $2370 per month before fuel, entertainment or medical costs. Now I told her all I wanted her to pay was her van note $236.5, van insurance $50 and her fuel. Thats not asking much is it? I thought when people get married then you are like one person, not in my marriage. I should have seen this coming. Oh by the way I gave in and told her I would pay the Chevron charge she made. I really want our marriage to work but its not looking good.

Actualy yesterday I was kind of hopeing she would leave with her brothers but she stayed.

It may be a good idea to seek counseling for yourself, even if she refuses to go. This will help prepare you for when she leaves. Also, please don't take this the wrong way, but it seems like you have some dependency issues. Just a hint though...many women like men that are not too eager to be agreeable. She sounds like a bit of a hot head, so I can imagine that she gets her way most the time. Try not giving in on a certain issue (as hard as it may be), and see if it helps.

[dmartmar 1]

She does not want to put our money in the same account and does not want to help pay bills.

Then your Mexican wife and my Argentinian ex-wife must be sisters or related somehow, 'cause right after we married she refused doing the same above things and then right after we submitted her green card paperwoek, she abandoned me.

You seem to have very low self-esteem and apparently your wife is a hot Mexican diva and great lover in bed.

Man, WAKE UP AND SMELL THE CAFE!!!

Edited February 6, 2006 by dmartmar

[diadromous mermaid 36]

She does not want to put our money in the same account and does not want to help pay bills.

Then your Mexican wife and my Argentinian ex-wife must be sisters or related somehow, 'cause right after we married she refused doing the same above things and then right after we submitted her green card paperwoek, she abandoned me.

You seem to have very low self-esteem and apparently your wife is a hot Mexican diva and great lover in bed.

Man, WAKE UP AND SMELL THE CAFE!!!

Ah, dmartmar, "We meet again"! I don't know why I get drawn to your posts, perhaps it is because I enjoy the absurd. Pittman is going througha difficult time with his wife. He's already suggested that he is a little paranoid with things as they are. If she is taking advantage of him for immigration benefit, it can impact one's sense of self. Why wouldn't it? Everything one knew as normal suddenly takes on a diffferent aura and it causes a person to question everything. This is quite normal and certainly not indicative that he is at fault. Rather that someone has taken advantage of him. However, for you to state categorically and openly that he has very low self esteem, as if it is a character flaw of his, and that his commitment to his wife is that of a superficial level is vary callous, in my opinion.

[dmartmar 1]

Ah, dmartmar, "We meet again"! I don't know why I get drawn to your posts, perhaps it is because I enjoy the absurd.

I feel the same way towards yours. But, to each his/her own.

Opinions are like a**holes. Everyone has one!

Everyone is entitled to his/her own personal opinion(s), regardless of how absurd they may seem.

Edited February 7, 2006 by dmartmar

[meddykomp 0]

Marriage is a partnership. It doesn't seem to me that your wife wants to be a partner. Each partner should take an equal responsibility towards finances. I am not saying necessarily equal amounts because you probably do not make the same income.

As far as what you should do about all this, that is complicated and I wont pretend I know enough about your situation to give you the answer. Were it just the two of you I would imagine that the answer is obvious, but since there are children involved, it isnt so simple. The fact is she left her daughter behind. In your position that would definitely concern me as to what she might do in the future regarding the kids. How does she interact with the children now? Even if you cannot make the marriage work, it is important that the two of you figure out an arrangement that is best for the children. The kids do not deserve to be pawns in the middle of your disputes. Good luck in whatever you decide to do.

~Angel~

[magnus0201 0]

Somehow I happened upon this topic, and after skimming through some of the posts, all I can say is "What a mess!"

The only thing I can say, hypothetically speaking, is that if a woman had offered me money to marry her with the sole intent of getting into this country, there is no possible way I could have ever forgotten that fact, thus there is no possible way I would have ever been careless enough to get her pregnant. That's just me though. I make no judgements on how your "situation" occurred.

I will say, I can certainly emphathize with you to a certain extent. You are dealing with a "special" kind of logic, rationality, and reasoning ability with this one. It's called "Latina Logic", and there is no rhyme or reason to it.

I hope somehow you find a solution that works out for you, her, and your child.

[dawnnhatem 0]

Latina logic?? you're joking, right?

[Fandango 1,439]

I'm sorry Pittman, I really hope I am wrong, but something is drastically wrong here, and I think your wife is using you. Obviously, the fact that she brought up what you said about legal action says that it's on her mind...now is it on her mind because she's insulted you could think such a thing, or is it on her mind because she's scared you might do it?

That's the question you need to ask yourself.

Good luck...like I said, I hope I am dead wrong.