Male VAWA, children VAWA, 10y overstay, extreme hardship

[SingleDad2usc 71]

Bumbo1’s balanced post yesterday represented serious objective membership of VJ. We care about immigration difficulties, educated action before engaging an attorney, group discussion and support. I could consult in private (it’s certainly safer), but decided to risk this topic - as honest thought-provoking humanistic brain-storm could help countless victims, whose circumstances may be much more dire than mine. Here is what Bumbo1 posted:

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I think these are great questions but your case doesnt fit the VAWA app in a traditional sense, so while discussions have helped you narrow your questions, I think these specific questions require an expert response. As for the VAWA app requirements, of the several criteria there are, 2 being extreme hardship and good moral character, are part of the requirements but will not in and of themselves grant you legal stay, you still need to meet the other requirements -there is no "good guy with a difficult life" visa. I would also note, that while you have been a person of good moral character in your community, you have also made the choice to disregard the federal immigration rules which isnt good(not trying to be mean)- although I believe if an VAWA case is approved this is all forgiven.

My concern is the scenario in which you would file a VAWA, it seems to me that the abuse you (and/or your children) suffered was as an illegal immigrant at the hands of an illegal immigrant (who became legal, but not LPR in 2002). Which technically is not covered by the VAWA, it seems as though you are hoping that because she may have later gained LPR/USC status that now (rather than previously) gives you the right to file. Which I must admit gives me reason to pause. Under this scenario wouldnt alot of people who were married to non-LPR/USC abusers whose current/ex-spouse later gained LPR/USC status in their own right would then, after years apart (married or not) claim the right to stay now legally based on these past events, just because now 'fortunately' the abuser gained LPR/USC?? - This doesnt strike me as the purpose of the VAWA. Please correct me if I am wrong in my facts of your situation.

Please understand that while you do not approve of peoples judgement of you, it is hard for those who have gone via the legal channels and felt the painful seperation from their loved ones,to put this aside when a person who is illegal but is trying now to do the right thing (get legal) for seemingly the wrong reasons (DL). The immigration process is an emotional rollercoaster, so I believe it is worth you being understanding of this and take some negative comments with a grain of salt. Yes, ideally we would put all this aside and stick to the facts, but even you have responded to your attackers (as you have a right to do) beyond the issues at hand - we are all human.

P.s. As for hoping for a new amnesty bill, its HIGHLY unlikely and not (as a scientist) something I believe you would be hoping on. Since there is no solid evidence to support the real liklihood of this happening. When ever it is brought up it is often during an election season to sway voters and never a real claim.

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Now, VAWA’s purpose got important mention: I've always felt uneasy about fitting in. Men, sub-consciously, do not rally a defense like VAWA. For a man, this process is a demeaning recognition of his failure (in own marriage, where he should be…the man).

Some detail below is graphic – but we’re all age of majority here, and should understand.

So this was 2002, third year of our generally happy married life together. There were a few trying moments: wife’s PPD after 2001 birth put her on prescription Prozac. Under its influence or otherwise, she couldn’t handle our colicky daughter. The baby wouldn’t let put herself down, or let me sit down – I had to take perpetual walks around the city with her in lap. On 9/11 that saved my life: I was late for the meeting, and my partner escorted a client up to “Windows on the World” for breakfast. When I finally managed to leave house and emerge from subway, both towers were already on fire…

9/11 effected people’s minds in many ways…Eventually, despite my wife’s semi-flake on first baby, we’ve both decided to try for a son. There are a dozen easy routines for a couple prior to conception, which scientifically speed sperm’s travel time at ovulation and raise odds of the Y-chromo hit (can be Googled). So we did hit success. What worried me: my wife wouldn’t come off Prozac. Her depression was due to seeming eternity following her Political Asylum interview: the officer in 2001 just said to wait for mail…In 2002, she appealed to officer that she’s in the middle of her second pregnancy – and that without a YES or a NO, she feels totally helpless. What do you now: her Asylum Granted (decision dated a month earlier!) envelope arrives right on Xmas, just as our son is born. And there the troubles begin:

1. Within days: she stops breast feeding. There are Birth defects: coronary, pulmonary, developmental, sensory – everything LATER sourced to pregnancy Prozac use. Within weeks, the newborn is re-admitted into NeoNatal ICU with failure to thrive. Pediatric head reports Maternal Neglect to ACS. After 60-day investigation, report is found "indicated"

2. With baby out of the house - she is now trying to get the husband out, so she can have unlimited freedom (“to play”, she implies). She makes 911 calls, which she can't substantiate when police come. In course of their next arrival, police want to arrest her for making false calls. Cornered by them, she claims Domestic Violence. While taking me to precinct, police confide that they don't believe her - but taking me in anyway, to show me that these calls can't continue: that I should be getting her psychiatric help or "write off this marriage"; after all, "you appear a reasonable man"

3. An Order of Protection against me is issued, but now she goes to Precinct asking to cancel it - as "husband has done nothing wrong, I just flipped out; and now I can't take care of our daughter with husband barred from the house". Police call ACS who send homemaking "para" in - but mother doesn't let homemaker into the house.

4. ACS removes children, has mother sign-off temporary custody, while she enters clinic to try and improve "her condition".

5. I come back to the house, as there is no more Order of Protection - but she insists on discharge from clinic with a cane (not 100% steady after medication). She walks into the house - and immediately says that she'd made a date, and I should go back to where I sheltered previous nights, and come back tomorrow. I said no, NO MORE of this. So she calls the precinct again and makes sure that the previous cops are not on duty tonite - before calling 911. Response to this 911 takes ages; it irritates her and she insists I must leave immediately as “her clock is ticking”. She throws all my awards from the walls, shelves to the floor, about to start breaking glass. I cover the glass with my body - and she starts hitting me hard with a cane. The majority of bruises land on my arms and legs, as I protect all vital parts. Police finally arrive, and affirm her guess that they didn't really want to answer yet another of her 911’s - as she’d admitted faking for the Order of Protection, playing around and just trying to get rid of everyone in the house. "We see the real victim here, with substantial physical evidence". She’s charged with "Assault 2".

6. I agree to testify; but I ask prosecutor if there is a way to move her case from criminal to mental hygiene. After all: jail will not help - but she does need Court's medical help, if she is ever allowed near children. They move case to MD1. She begs to give her a chance “for children’s sake” and comes back to the house, despite the Order of Protection against her – she woes to be loyal to the entire family, says she’s learned over her grave mistakes, and will not repeat. She seems to overcome her PPD, and children are returned to the house. ACS, however, relies on me now to ensure that everything is safe, if I’m absent. I summon my mom (olderly) to move in temporary and assist during my absent times.

7. I often find bruises, as she admits to snap when children soil clothes or house. Still, I can't be in the house 100% of the time. During my biz out of town, she tells my mom she's going out on a date. Grandma could handle a baby by herself, but not two. Wife calls 911 and is taken to precinct with children. There, she regrets her call (her date-time expired??) - but now ACS places children in foster care, blaming me for going "out of town" and just “leaving the two women behind” that day.

8. So children are removed by ACS, and she calls the police to remove my mother as well. Police say they don’t want any trouble, and as Grandma’s address is not here – she must leave for the night. Next morning, Grandma is granted limited Order of Protection from my wife by Family Court. Sadly, this was one of last times I saw my mom...

9. Wife pleads guilty to assault2 in MD1 in exchange for 12-month outpatient treatment, and that case will be sealed if complied. She gets discharge 13 months later, mid-2004. By that time, children are discharged into my care. She never inquires... However,

10. OCSE serves her. On 2006 date/time of her scheduled appearance, as I take witness seat for Social Services - she's on the speaker, faking US 10y ban. No one is holding proof-in-hand that she's not at the foreign location she specifies, and Child Support case gets dismissed!!

11. I file for Order of Protection and TCS in my County Court, swearing to what I know about her stunt. But she proves illusive to Service; she changed not only her address, but likely Name and SSN as well

12. Over the years following, calls came in from blocked numbers with threats by her voice and by male voices: if I ever disclose her 2006 fraud upon the Support Court, it will result in dire occurrence for either me or the children, and "I will not specify which". My calculation is that she was eligible (and became) LPR 2006-2007.

13. I come across her total-body photos on the internet (I kept print-outs) - which show the danger of the violent circles she's involved with, in graphic detail.

14. In 2010-2011, I receive letters from city-wide pro-bono Lawyer Network that they can't take me on as a client, due to adversarial conflict. I can hazard only one guess: that she'd been their client on Citizenship process.

So VAWA issues:

1. Perpetrator’s last physical actions took place in 2003, when she only had “Asylum Granted” status. She was found guilty of Assault in Second Degree on Petitioner spouse, who’d entered the US legally (upon passport inspection, and not requiring a visitor visa), but subsequently OVERSTAYED due to Family’s complicated circumstances, wife’s psychiatric treatment, care for children born in US, ACS supervision, Court dates, etc. Petitioner did help prosecution resulting in conviction.

2. Perpetrator was also found “indicated” on at least two ACS investigations of abuse/neglect of two US born children, during same time of Perpetrator’s “Asylum Granted” legal status.

3. Orders of Protection against Perpetrator were granted on separate petitions in 2003-2004 to Petitioner, his mother and his children.

4. When Perpetrator was already LPR, she committed only verbal acts of mental spousal/child abuse. Given preceding legal record and more current graphic internet pictures, those verbal threats to Petitioner and Children in current years appeared credible and serious. It could be feared, that were Petitioner NOT SUCCUMB to threats to halt any Child Support proceedings, that Petitioner and/or Children would indeed be physically attacked. New Order of Protection against Perpetrator could not be obtained, as her whereabouts (for service) were unknown since 2006.

5. Perpetrator committed Fraud in 2006 Support Court. That act placed Petitioner and Petitioner’s children into double-jeopardy that continues today: 1) Child Support has never been paid; 2) Petitioner was told by Perpetrator, that she “would walk over corpses to avoid going to jail on the buried 2006 secret”

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

Wait a minute, I thought "thread closed for tos violations: personal attacks. op has enough advice/info from well respected members to go forward with his case.

do not restart this thread."

[Ban Hammer 13,334]

thread closed.

previous thread at http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/376569-canadian-single-dad-of-2-young-us-citizens/

previous version closed with the caveat:

thread closed for tos violations: personal attacks. op has enough advice/info from well respected members to go forward with his case.

do not restart this thread.

admin action has been taken.