My K1 status wife will leave; questions on CR1 or K3 return

[LIFE'SJOURNEY 970]

You needs to understand if/when your wife goes back home, she will never come back. Your wife is not happy in her current situation, maybe you needs to think about moving to Chile if you want this marriage to survive. Maybe you should think about making the adjustment to their environment. Good luck,

I have read all past and present posts before I commented.

Edited July 7, 2012 by LIFE'SJOURNEY

[Sayha or bust. 71]

Get her GC then she could go back to Peru for at least 1 year to resolve her issues with her daughter or file the i-131 along with the AOS and she could stay 24 months if she needs more time. Just a thought. Re apply for the daughter if she decides to come back before she turns 18 if that's an option.

[USAmale 1]

You needs to understand if/when your wife goes back home, she will never come back. Your wife is not happy in her current situation, maybe you needs to think about moving to Chile if you want this marriage to survive. Maybe you should think about making the adjustment to their environment. Good luck,

I have read all past and present posts before I commented.

You are right in that she is far from completely happy. She now sees the US as very competitive in the job market, and she is insecure with her language skills, which are really not at all bad. My family can understand her English with no problem.

The US is also not a Catholic country so she is very bothered by things such as gay marriage, etc.

It's not 100% that she will leave immediately, but if she cannot adjust to life here in the US, I am exploring options such as asking about the CR-1.

And yes, she has absolutely asked (or even pressured) me into moving to her country, over time.

Thanks,,

[LIFE'SJOURNEY 970]

The CR1 is the same as the K1, with the exception, that a GC is given upon entry into the US. The GC could be for 2 or 10 years based on the length of time married.

Now, getting a GC will not resolve those things she are not happy with. Chile seems to be a well economic country, maybe you should try looking into re-locating there if you are truly intrest in making your marriage work. You seems to have a hard time here in the US ecomomically (working 2 jobs).

[USAmale 1]

Journey:

I will respond to you privately, thanks.

[LIFE'SJOURNEY 970]

Then with all being said,let her go home if she wants to return then she will iniate it. Speak to a lawyer together before she leave so she can be aware of what otucomes and options will be avavilable or what could happen if she should choose to leave the marriage

Going home is leaving the marriage. We are all adults, so lets not kid our self about going home to fix things.

Love is never about holding someone in a situation where they are unhappy in.

Edited July 7, 2012 by LIFE'SJOURNEY

[USAmale 1]

Essentially I agree wth you completely, which is why I am exploring the options. I am not trying to force or pressure my wife to stay here in any way.

Thanks,,

[bigdog 376]

Sorry to here about your troubles, good luck what ever you do, try and do an adjustment get your AP and let her visit home. The worst than can happen is that she does not return and you do legal stuff. I wish you the best.

[Sayha or bust. 71]

All these feelings she is experiencing is normal for a person new to America. I really don't think she is giving herself a chance to adjust. i hear you say you might want to live in Peru. Could you maintain the same style of life you have here in the states over there? Seriously talk to her and try harder to acclimate herself to your lifestyle without giving up her customs of her own country. Let her go to the Catholic church if she misses her religion,is there any Peruvian or Hispanic communities around your area? I think her going back home isn't the answer or you going back. She will always have issues with her daughter and if you follow her to Peru , you will have the same stress as you do at home. please work it out over here before you send her home. It will be over if she goes home, I had a friend just recently marry a Ukraine lady who did the same thing, she changed her phone number over there and will not answer to his emails.

[kennym 275]

The "adjustment" factor is the most dificult part of this entire process.. Soooo many families underestimate it...

Just know first, she isnt the first person or only person to strugle with all the diferences of the USA.. I beleive so many couples have visions of riding into the sunset and living happily ever after.. Yet, it rarely seems to happen.. You are dealing with the same issues we dealt with and still deal with.. It's normal..

Just try to support her and let her know that she isnt going thru this alone..

Kenny

[EminTX 131]

My heart is hurting for you to see this situation.

I would recommend that you ask her to see if she can hold out at least until the AOS is complete so that there is some leeway in the options for the future for the both of you.

You've both come this far in the process that it is an absolute shame to toss it all. A teenager, especially one at that age, is very possibly not going to be needing her mother's involvement in her life to that degree so quickly-what if SHE gets married and heads off to a foreign country, too!?!?! Anything could happen, right?

As a devout Catholic, I would expect she has talked to her church guidance team about this. If not, YOU should seek someone out.

[kennym 275]

I want to add, in my personal esperience.. the things my wife showed me and did while she struggled to find ways to manage shocked me.. it progressively became worse.. One time I saw her just walking down the street and saw her crying.. I was completely caught off guard by the emotional things she struggled with and how she handled it all.. At times, we both felt like you guys.. One thing that helped us to to let her know, there wasnt a reason once she had her AP and GC that she couldn't go back to her home country and spend time there.. That sense that she wasn't "Stuck" here help a lot.. But honestly it wasnt easy.. I remember thinking, :this wasnt the women I married... There were times when we used the "D" word and considered just giving up.. Honestly, I could have been more sensitive to what she was going through, bur too often, I reacted badly at first, then caught myself being an inconsiderate "Dumb A$$" and realized I can't judge her on the same level as I would have; if I had Spouse from down the street.. Really, no two people react the same way emotionally to similiar circumstances..

You can't dismiss her current emotional state as anything else, until you and her have time to get through this adjustment period..

Our experience was not unique.. I learned from others who I met in person (through VJ) who dealt with many of the same deep emotions (in some cases worst) than us.. You know latinas and latin countries (ok, basically anyplace outside the US) have some very diferent social activiites than Americans.. Our lives are typically low keyed (for the most part), our families aren't as close, and many Americans dont understand these factors.. Your family and friends (unless they've been outside the US for any significant time) also will not understand it.. So; dont rely on thier guidance or couseling.. repeat; dont rely on thier guidance or couseling.. .. Again dont rely on thier guidance or couseling.. .. Please; this is huge.. Marriage couseling also rarely is as effective as "Understanding"... In the end, she will love you more for that, then any other single thing and naturely your relationship will strengthen with time..

My suggestion is try really hard to put yourself in her shoes... and try really hard to understand how the diferences may be affecting her..

Listen, on a seperate note, get her AOS sumitted.. That way if she at least has her AP doc, and; if she must leave on an urgent basis, she can with no major concequences..

Plan a couple of trips, either together or her alone.. Buy the tickets and put them on the dresser.. so at least she knows, there is a option to make trips back every once-in-a-while...

UNDERSTANDING her is key at this stage..

Edited July 7, 2012 by kennym

[Brad and Vika 129]

i hear you say you might want to live in Peru. Could you maintain the same style of life you have here in the states over there?

I think this is a great point. I read lots of posts on VJ by people that are considering leaving the US to help their spouse/fiance', or because their SO couldn't live here comfortably. We talked about it, but I just couldn't see us living near the same lifestyle in Ukraine that we do here. She agrees, and was willing to give it a try here - fortunately. I don't think me moving to Ukraine would have been a problem for her either, although she is very happy here.

[pushbrk 12,881]

Thanks, she entered on December 28th, and we were married on March 4th. I spoke with USCIS yesteryday about the situation, and they didn't mention anything about a possible ban, just that she needed to do a 485 and 765 to adjust her status and be eligible ot work.

At this point, I don't know if she can even fly here in the US without a problem...any ideas on that?

thanks,,

USCIS gave you the correct information for adjusting status from within the USA. If your wife leaves without adjusting status, she will have overstayed her K1 visa. That overstay is forgiven when adjusting status. Any ban would be triggered by leaving. She can fly using her passport as ID. Airline employees are not ICE agents.

[sms78 18]

OP:

Sorry to hear what's going on with you right now. If you really want this marriage to work out, I think it's a good idea to take some time off and you and your wife move to her country together. Then file CR-1 when both of you are ready. By the time your daughter's teenage problems might just be resolved naturally as well.

Adjusting to new life is very difficult. I was in US for 6 years as a student in the past, but the move has been extremely difficult. I cry often and feel like my emotional health is completely out of whack.

Best of luck to you and your family.