Please help me

[Need_Help_Plz 0]

Hello forum members,

I am writing this post under a new user name because I have screwed up and need advice or suggestions. The reason I screwed up was because I came to US on CR1 visa and my wife is a US citizen. We got into an argument and she kept arguing with me and I somehow slapped her tummy (not punched or hit her). She is not pregnant and neither she was hurt but just the fact that I raised my hand on her proves that I did a wrong thing. Actually I am not physically abusive but this just happened. I am blaming myself for it and I have asked her for her forgiveness. Good thing is that we have made up and she gave me a second chance without filing a complaint or anything. I am not sure if this is classified as assault or physical violence. Either way I am ashamed of what I did and asked her for her forgiveness. My wife is a good woman because she didn't complain to anyone like cops or anything. Once again I don't come from an abusive background and I don't know why I did it. Perhaps its been 6 months of unemployment which is getting me or whatever. I know I can't look for any excuses for this lousy behavior.

Anyways, life went on for further 2 weeks until things got bad again. This time instead of physical violence, I complained to her elder brothers about my wife's behavior thinking they would help. Unfortunately, when I did that she told them that 2 weeks ago I had slapped her tummy. After listening to this all hell broke loose and one of her elder brother said we should proceed for divorce. The other one who by the way happens to be the sponsor of my CR1 visa agreed with him and wanted me to get the hell out of her sister's life for good.

Now I know that I didn't slap my wife hard enough. It was a gentle tap but apparently in this country such kind of things are still classified as assault or something. Can anyone please classify what a slap on tummy is classified as? Once again my wife stood up behind my back and said she wants to give me a second chance. Since my wife wants to give me a chance I promised her that this is one time thing and it won't happen again.

Here is the bad part though. WHen I moved from my country I took all my savings after selling my property, land etc and jewelry, gift etc that me and my wife own together and put it in a safe in US. After the incident the brothers have forcefully taken the keys to my bank safety deposit box and they have also kept my wife's passport (not mine) with them. My wife is in her early twenties and they think she can be manipulated easily. I personally think this is just wrong. I don't want to fight with my brother in laws but somehow I feel my marriage is doomed. I can't run away with my wife because she is staying with one of her brothers because she has last semester in school. This happened so quick that I am stuck in the middle. All our life savings are in the deposit box. If I proceed with legal actions my GC sponsor will screw me up. Also my wife will think that I really have bad intentions like her family says and I am planning on leaving her after GC (which is not my true intention). On the other hand these people want to blackmail me with this stuff.

What can I do? I don't want to loose my marriage? My wife means a lot to me? She and I can make it happen but looks like her family is set on getting us a divorce. Apparently their dad was abusive and the kids have reminiscence of him when they see my behavior. Can anyone tell me what my options are? Should I wait till my wife graduates? Should I go to a lawyer? Can I change my sponsor for my CR1? My wife doesn't want to mess up relationship with either of her brothers or I. She wants to stay in middle. I told her she is walking on fire and it won't work out in the future. Every couple fights and argues. If the family keeps interfering we can't do anything. Regarding our savings in the bank deposit my wife thinks that they are safe with her brothers and they are here to support her just in case I decide to flee away with all the money and jewelry and leave my wife all by herself. They want this as safety net that I will not leave my wife after green card. I am still on conditional green card and I have 2 yrs to remove conditions.

I see that I didn't start off on good note. I don't know how long this will last but feels like they will keep blackmailing me and mess up my mind and ego. Should I take this any more or just pack up and leave? Do I have any law which safeguards me or should I always be harassed by her brothers for rest of my life. I am an educated professional and I recently got a job in another state. I feel the next six months while my wife is here with her brothers will make it even more tough while I am gone.

What should I do? I don't want to go to the bank and change the keys because my wife will believe that I have some evil plans of taking away all the jewelry and running away from her. Apparently her dad did that with her mom 25 years ago. I don't know how to get the trust back. I have lost all the credibility with the brothers. They are in no position to talk to me. We tried talking but it doesn't work. How can I change the cosigner on my green card? I don't know if I can save my marriage. Every other hour my wife reminds me of this second chance she gave me over small things. It is really annoying me and I know its just a matter of time that I loose my mind. I spent so much money, time and effort on my marriage and now it comes down to this.

Please help me and tell me what my options are?

[TBoneTX 46,111]

Talk to an officer at your bank so that you can get another key to the box.

[Need_Help_Plz 0]

Talk to an officer at your bank so that you can get another key to the box.

Well perhaps I didn't mention it before but I gave the keys to my wife who is also joint operator of our safety box but she handed both of our keys to her brothers because they wanted some sort of proof that I will not run away leaving her with nothing. The problem is not getting another key. I can do that but I give the key to my wife she will give it to someone else or easily transfer the things in the box to her siblings safety box. If I don't give her the keys she is saying that whatever her siblings are saying is true, you will in fact leave me with nothing in couple of years. I would rather divorce you now. I feel all this greed and extortion is used as an excuse.....

Is this worth fighting for? or should I just pack up and leave.... Even if I leave I want to make sure their sinister plan doesn't succeed. We see lot of cases where the guy is a fraud but in my case my wife's siblings are trying to play this evil game with me. My wife is a college student and I know they might have their eye set on our stuff. Unfortunately, my wife is too young to understand all this. She loves her siblings and thinks her mom and brothers are the only people who have supported her ever since their dad left them..

Edited July 5, 2012 by Need_Help_Plz

[TBoneTX 46,111]

I feel all this greed and extortion is used as an excuse.....

Is this worth fighting for? or should I just pack up and leave.... Even if I leave I want to make sure their sinister plan doesn't succeed. We see lot of cases where the guy is a fraud but in my case my wife's siblings are trying to play this evil game with me. My wife is a college student and I know they might have their eye set on our stuff. Unfortunately, my wife is too young to understand all this.

You have two choices: either change the situation or get out of it. The boldfaced sections in your message indicate that you're dug in to your evaluation of the situation. This should indicate your direction.

[aaron2020 11,651]

Talk to an officer at your bank so that you can get another key to the box.

Banks do not have another key to give him. The safe deposit box will need to be drilled and rekeyed. That is the only way to open the box without the owner's key. It would be a very safe box if there was another key floating around. This is why there are two different locks for each box; one bank key and the other key in the sole possession of the owner. The bank does not keep a copy of the owner's key.

Furthermore, to rekey a joint account box would require the consent of both owners. One owner cannot rekey the box with the other owner's consent. Otherwise, the bank would be liable for rekeying and allowing one owner to rob the other.

The only way to open the box is for one owner to have a key or for the bank to rekey the box.

Unfortunately, the OP is in a bad position. His wife has the keys. She can open the box without his consent because she is an owner and she has a key. To safeguard himself, the OP can report that he no longer possess his key. He'll need to discuss his situation with the bank to make sure his wife doesn't open the box without his consent,

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

Depending on the laws in your state, slapping her tummy might be classified as assault and/or battery. Assault is often classified as an attempt to use force or violence. Battery is often classified as an actual use of force or violence. Neither crime requires that an actual injury be inflicted. Since your wife is involved it would be classified as a crime of domestic violence. If your wife files a complaint for this then it could cause serious complications for you. If you're convicted then you might become inadmissible under immigration law. This doesn't mean you would be deported, but you could be denied entry if you leave the US and attempt to return, even if you've still got a valid green card.

You're totally hosed on the safe deposit box. Your wife has a key, and you've stated the lease is in both of your names. She can legally access the contents of the box. Even if she weren't listed on the lease, if the bank somehow skipped their normal security measures and didn't compare signature cards or stamp the access card, and the bank allowed your brother in-law to access the box, you would still have no recourse against the bank. They have an ironclad lease agreement. They're not responsible for the contents of the box, and provide no insurance of it's contents. However, one of the keys to that box is your property. Your brother in-law can't hold that key as a threat over you. You could threaten to charge him with theft of your property, but that would probably prompt your wife to go to the bank and remove the contents of the box before your brother in-law returns the key.

An affidavit of support becomes legally binding when the immigration benefit has been granted. Your immigration benefit was granted when you got your green card. You cannot replace your brother in-law now with a new sponsor. It wouldn't be necessary anyway as he cannot withdraw his affidavit of support. He has no control whatever over your immigration status.

What you intend to do about your relationship going forward is up to you. The only comment I can make is that when you marry someone you also marry their family. If you're having issues with her family now then you'll probably continue to have issues with them in the future. You have to decide if this is something you can live with.

If you decide to divorce and further decide you want to remain in the United States then you can file the I-751 to remove conditions on your green card and request a waiver of the joint filing requirement. That waiver would be based on the fact that your marriage was terminated by divorce. You'll need evidence that demonstrates you entered the marriage in good faith, as well as a copy of the divorce decree.

[Need_Help_Plz 0]

Well, the bank safety box does require finger scan and password before entering. Like you all mentioned I am totally hosed on that issue. I do trust my wife. She won't cheat me like that. However, if she is influenced by her brothers and mom she would do anything. I do understand that relationship with wife means relationship with her family but I did live in peace with my wife for 6 months before I got my GC. My parents tried interfering in my life and I moved out to a new place. I believe if I can keep my wife away from her siblings we both will be happy but in this age of fb, internet and texting I know her mom is on her phone 24/7 influencing her throughout the day.

To be honest divorce is out of question. Even though I am caught up in a messy situation with the inlaws, I won't let this ruin my personal life. I love my wife and she loves me. I will do whatever I can to make it through. However, I do understand that holding on to this relationship with a weak thread like this is going to be tough. One more screw up and I am done.

I have decided to remove my name from the safety box at the bank, provided only my wife has the keys and no one else. My wife has agreed to this. Does anyone know how to document this fact legally that it doesn't come back and bite my ####. Basically if I am forced into a divorce I want to use this as a proof to show that a) I love my wife and I don't care about money b) I am willing to work it out by falling in to her family's unrealistic demands of reliability and credibility.

Also, we just bought our car. We both are title owners of it. Our bank account has both our names. She and I do have bank accounts under individual names. What else can I do to prove that I entered this marriage in good faith? Worst case scenario I want to be prepared that these guys don't cheat me in 2 yrs or earlier. They can use any excuse but I want documented effort of good faith so please any suggestion is appreciated.

Finally this might sound crazy but can I legally enter into some sort of prenuptial agreement with my wife after marriage? This will prove that my love is genuine and perhaps give me a safety net that her siblings are not going to screw me over and effect her decision to be married...

[Canadian in GA 34]

The person with the key needs to show ID, the brothers just can not walk in there and take all the money

[Need_Help_Plz 0]

The person with the key needs to show ID, the brothers just can not walk in there and take all the money

well... I explained the situation above. The problem is not the brothers walking in on the safety deposit. The problem is that my wife has fallen in this trap of believing her family and they are setting her up against me. She handed her locker keys to her siblings which was wrong. Even if the siblings might not walk inside the bank locker, she can and will hand over OUR belongings to her siblings...

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

Depending on the laws in your state, slapping her tummy might be classified as assault and/or battery. Assault is often classified as an attempt to use force or violence. Battery is often classified as an actual use of force or violence. Neither crime requires that an actual injury be inflicted. Since your wife is involved it would be classified as a crime of domestic violence. If your wife files a complaint for this then it could cause serious complications for you. If you're convicted then you might become inadmissible under immigration law. This doesn't mean you would be deported, but you could be denied entry if you leave the US and attempt to return, even if you've still got a valid green card.

You're totally hosed on the safe deposit box. Your wife has a key, and you've stated the lease is in both of your names. She can legally access the contents of the box. Even if she weren't listed on the lease, if the bank somehow skipped their normal security measures and didn't compare signature cards or stamp the access card, and the bank allowed your brother in-law to access the box, you would still have no recourse against the bank. They have an ironclad lease agreement. They're not responsible for the contents of the box, and provide no insurance of it's contents. However, one of the keys to that box is your property. Your brother in-law can't hold that key as a threat over you. You could threaten to charge him with theft of your property, but that would probably prompt your wife to go to the bank and remove the contents of the box before your brother in-law returns the key.

An affidavit of support becomes legally binding when the immigration benefit has been granted. Your immigration benefit was granted when you got your green card. You cannot replace your brother in-law now with a new sponsor. It wouldn't be necessary anyway as he cannot withdraw his affidavit of support. He has no control whatever over your immigration status.

What you intend to do about your relationship going forward is up to you. The only comment I can make is that when you marry someone you also marry their family. If you're having issues with her family now then you'll probably continue to have issues with them in the future. You have to decide if this is something you can live with.

If you decide to divorce and further decide you want to remain in the United States then you can file the I-751 to remove conditions on your green card and request a waiver of the joint filing requirement. That waiver would be based on the fact that your marriage was terminated by divorce. You'll need evidence that demonstrates you entered the marriage in good faith, as well as a copy of the divorce decree.

I didn't think this day would coem and I hoep there are not many of this in the future but I could not disagree with you more on this.

Otherwise excellent points as usual.

[Darnell 8,479]

Jim has outlined what's what.

Here's my opinion, though.

Go to the job. Leave 'that family'.

Send a postcard to your wife at her university address, ask her to move to your city after her graduation.

Have no further contact with anyone, then if she shows up at your door in that new city, restart your life together.

Good Luck !

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Finally this might sound crazy but can I legally enter into some sort of prenuptial agreement with my wife after marriage? This will prove that my love is genuine and perhaps give me a safety net that her siblings are not going to screw me over and effect her decision to be married...

Yes you can. Its called a post-nuptial agreement.

[Need_Help_Plz 0]

Yes you can. Its called a post-nuptial agreement.

Thank you.

Can anybody recommend a good divorce/immigration lawyer. Someone who can understand that women can't always play victim of abuse. Someone who has good track record.

Please guys I need your help.

I am very frustrated and I can barely sleep at night. This is not what I had thought. I was better off at home. I can't believe coming to US would give me this kind of life.

[Xanax 349]

Firstly, you need to find out what your wife wants, if she doesn't want to be married you cannot force her and if she wanted to be married and you didn't she couldn't force you.

Does your wife want to continue with the marriage?

If yes, talk to her, discuss your options, together.

If no, decide whether you want to stay and adjust status on your own or go home (edit: to your home country).

Edited July 10, 2012 by Xanax

[Need_Help_Plz 0]

Firstly, you need to find out what your wife wants, if she doesn't want to be married you cannot force her and if she wanted to be married and you didn't she couldn't force you.

Does your wife want to continue with the marriage?

If yes, talk to her, discuss your options, together.

If no, decide whether you want to stay and adjust status on your own or go home (edit: to your home country).

My wife wants to keep her feet on two boats. I told her it won't happen and it doesn't work that way. Her dad was abusive and thats why her brothers raised her. She is attached to them. The brothers are trying to bring an agenda on the table which is completely theirs but since it has all these conditions where their sister is beneficiary it makes it sound that they are after my money even if it costs a divorce for their sister. My wife loves me and we don't want divorce. However she is easily influenced by her brothers who are all set on getting me divorced. They are saying that in order to move forward I have to give my wife pocket money, be transparent about my personal account ( the account I have with my dad) and not what I have with my wife and sign the car to my wife's name just to name a few. They have already confiscated the keys to our safety deposit box (my wife was stupid enough to hand them over the keys). WE have everythig joint under our name.

Now what should I do in this situation. My wife doesn't want to move out of state with me. She wants to stay here and finish her school while living at her brothers house. The same brother who is treating me like #### and wants to impose all these rules on us.

I am trying my best to win my wife's trust but she wants to be in the middle and be nice to both the parties. Unfortunately it won't work that way.

Can anyone please help me (besides God off course)

Please advice.