K1 VISA WIFE LEFT BEFORE AOS

[ALABANGGIRL 0]

Hello,

I am writing broken hearted as my wife of 4 months left for her home country 2 days ago without warning and claiming abuse. I am devastated and deeply hurt. I am not a newbie as I created this profile to avoid any more hurt and embarrassment.

Here is my story.

My wife was disappointed with my house, it's condition and the town I live in when she arrived. It is in town, but a rural retirement community. Narrow streets, no sidewalks, poorly lit at night. No stores near by. She wanted to walk alone but I told her it was not safe to do so. Rarely do you see people walking or riding bicycles and you NEVER see women alone. She refused to go with my sister-in-law anywhere who volunteered her days off to help her. My children (3) did not have a lot to say to her and she took it personally. They are teens and don't even talk to me!

To make the story short, problems I did not solve with my ex-wife bothered her, we have 3 children we were taking care of and she resented any contact. The children got tired of her DEMANDING they speak to her and started not coming over. This bothered me as their biological mother did nothing but encourage it. My wife did not even want her to pick them up at my mothers' house. She did not want to go to my mothers' house any more.

She began to complain about the smallest things that eventually led to arguments and verbal fights. She told me that she did not like my children and would not look after them. She said they were lazy and my daughter was a pig. This was coming from someone who got up an hour after they did. She would not even open the door when they were dropped off or even get up. She would then complain to her friends and daughter. They began encouraging her to come home. She was extremely jealous of my ex-wife and even thought there as something going on between us. When there are children involved, (one entering university) you HAVE to communicate.

To make this story short, she left 2 days ago claiming I abused her. She called a womans shelter and they took her to the airport and she went back to her country. I don't know where she got the ticket from either. She said she was afraid of me and that I was starving her with and did not have food in the house. She said I ran around the house with a gun and was afraid of me. She said I called her bad names and that I pounded my fists on the table. The only thing that as true was I called her a lazy fat A$$ and she did not like hearing the truth. I told her I was sorry over and over but like everything else, it was not good enough for her. This woman actually GAINED weight while she was here so I don't know where the starvation and lack of food came from. She complained there was no toilet because the water was turned off due to a leaking pipe in the yard. It took 3 days to fix and was an inconvenience, but it was not a permanent problem.

The bottom line was, she got here and America for her was not what she expected. She did not adjust at all and never felt like she fit in. Also, I am not wealthy. I work 6 sometimes 7 days a week for small money and money is tight. She expected all new furnishings and could not wait. I even paid for her house and utilities while she was here. She had no concept of earning and spending money. She wanted a rich man and only got me.

I could go on and on, but I have said enough. I did my best for her and it ws never enough. Nothing warranted involving a womans shelter involvement and all the false accusations. She took the marriage license to divorce me claiming one of the children took it. I am wondering if she is doing this to get some kind of benefit from me... At least I ill not pay for her house and utilities any more.

I am just venting my hurt and frustration, but would appreciate any kind words and advice.

Thanks

I already read the side of your wife, philhome, the one who posted "unhappy while am here" go to search because I dont know how to insert a link but i am 99% that you are husband and wife...and i believed her more than this post, but u are believable too, just an opinion MOVE ON!

[bsd058 296]

If you don't have charges filed against you, it will be pretty difficult to prove abuse.

Talk to a lawyer, though. This is not a case where you file for divorce and move on without a thought as to the repercussions of the divorce. The earlier the lawyer gets involved, the better your chances of defending yourelf. It sounds like your spouse may try to hurt you in more ways than just leaving you. Your lawyer may be able to protect you from any lawsuits that might occur. Lawsuits can occur from other countries and they can be reciprocated in the US by law depending on the country. In other words, you could have a claim filed against you that could be upheld by a court in the US. She can also file a claim against you form a foreign country. People think that if a person is in another country, they can't do anything. That's just wrong. A claim against you can get to you, even in the US.

Of course, I don't know the whole situation.

Edited July 5, 2012 by bsd058

[sadtoday 0]

I was very clear about my lifestyle, finances and before she got here, she was ok with what I presented. I did not factor in the wide personality clashes with the children. I did not handle her needs as I should have either. I tried, but it was not good enough.

I think I did a pretty good job handling my wife's needs. But you can't cure homesickness. At times I've fell for the baiting, I know its the worst thing you can do, but I'm human to. Its hard not to at times when you're feeling hurt yourself. No one is perfect, and I'm certainly not. I'm truly hoping we'll still work out in the end and the homesickness will eventually go away. Its not that long and my child will be an adult and no longer coming over for weekends. Who really knows, I took a chance at love and I might loose, I might still win. It just doesn't feel like winning when she's in lock down mode and will only reply with negatives if she replies at all.

[aaydrian 479]

She felt isolated and trapped not being able to go out and do what she wanted when she wanted. She even referred to home as jail because she stayed there all the time.

Well considering all that you've said be happy she's out of your life and your kids life. Your soon to be ex wife is selfish and is a quitter. Go have a relationship with your kids and avoid that lady as much as possible.

[J&N* 68]

Not really sure what you're asking for here? Just get divorced. You were mentally abusive too it seems, calling her harsh words like that... just divorce and move on.

[6060842s 1]

Not really sure what you're asking for here? Just get divorced. You were mentally abusive too it seems, calling her harsh words like that... just divorce and move on.

I did call her a lazy fat a$$ and was quite sorry for such an immature outburst. I reacted rather than responded to a disagreement. It was not an ongoing thing but she made it a major issue. At this point, I am not sure what I'm asking... Just comments, a place to vent and support.

Thanks for the reply.

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

I already read the side of your wife, philhome, the one who posted "unhappy while am here" go to search because I dont know how to insert a link but i am 99% that you are husband and wife...and i believed her more than this post, but u are believable too, just an opinion MOVE ON!

This one?

[6060842s 1]

I already read the side of your wife, philhome, the one who posted "unhappy while am here" go to search because I dont know how to insert a link but i am 99% that you are husband and wife...and i believed her more than this post, but u are believable too, just an opinion MOVE ON!

I'm not philhome.

[ALABANGGIRL 0]

I'm not philhome.

user name of your wife is philhome and not you... go and search her post, am sure she's your wife and both of you were believable, dont know who is talking the truth

[Caryh 5,206]

I already read the side of your wife, philhome, the one who posted "unhappy while am here" go to search because I dont know how to insert a link but i am 99% that you are husband and wife...and i believed her more than this post, but u are believable too, just an opinion MOVE ON!

Doesn't appear to be the same people to me. Philhome came on the CR-1, no AOS after marriage needed and she brought a daughter. It would just be a disservice to the OP to start guessing what the other side of the story is, or who else might have posted here who is the other side of the story. How each person see's it is going to vary on who is telling the story. No one can really be in another one's head, so accept their views will differ and each is valid to the person telling their story.

[Tuti & Baher 10]

the story sounded familiar to me as i read sometime last week about this wife who couldnt accept the USC's kids and wanted the husband to give the custody to the ex-wife or she will just go back home as she was also thinking that husband and ex-wife isnt through yet... either this is the same with the thread i got to read or not this is really a sad story. A lot of people think that US is the land of milk and honey and when they get there they sure think things will be convenient for them thus living a comfortable life, i wonder if you have talked to her about your financial situation and the kind of life you will be able to give her when she gets there or that she will be living with your kids and all these stuff because if the two of you did i think she would of had a clear view of what kind of life she is going to have ones she's there but if you didnt talk about it then there is a reason why she was disappointed with the kind of life she had when she got there because there are expectations set ahead that the life in the US will be full of comfort.

My other half and I always talk about this, we are very open when it comes to this so by the time we will be living together we would adjust together with the situation especially with the current economic state of the US. Since we plan to get married all cards should be laid and be open to each other.

I am sorry of how your marriage turn out, hopefully you will find the woman who will value you for you and will love you for you and not for what you can do for them or what you can provide them with. If she really loves you she would love the people you love esp your kids and accept what you can provide her with. Move on and be happy again. God has a better plan for you and your kids

[6060842s 1]

user name of your wife is philhome and not you... go and search her post, am sure she's your wife and both of you were believable, dont know who is talking the truth

No. philhome is not my wife or ex wife. She arrived much layer than September and we have no 18 year age difference.

[amyandjorge 76]

I think her expectations were very high. Her friend was always talking about going to the gym and beach and riding her bicycle to the store when she wanted. She wanted such a life and I could not provide it due to limited funds and location. She could not drive and get out to meet people and wanted to pick her own friends.

Yes, going to the gym, beach, and the store are all very high expectations for a wife to have. All this, AND she wanted to pick her own friends while gaining weight?? good lord this woman really wanted it all, didn't she?

Too bad she left, she could have had such a good life taking care of your kids, your house, dealing with your ex wife, and being poor out in the middle of nowhere...

Sorry, you can't expect someone to just make your old life their new life.

Just out curiosity, how did you find out about all of those abuse accusations she made against you if she already left the country?

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

Yes, going to the gym, beach, and the store are all very high expectations for a wife to have. All this, AND she wanted to pick her own friends while gaining weight?? good lord this woman really wanted it all, didn't she?

Too bad she left, she could have had such a good life taking care of your kids, your house, dealing with your ex wife, and being poor out in the middle of nowhere...

Sorry, you can't expect someone to just make your old life their new life.

Just out curiosity, how did you find out about all of those abuse accusations she made against you if she already left the country?

I think your post was a bit harsh.

OP is under austerity measures, he can't afford a gym for her, maybe they don't live near a beach, maybe he can't afford a bicycle for her?

[6060842s 1]

She was not happy and missed home. I don't fault her for that and my family issues. They would have gotten better as they were improving. I found out about the allegations from the woman she was talking to from her husband.